When I look at a calendar it always seems like a month is a long time, just one month comprising of 30 days seems so, so long. If you’ve got to wait 30 days for something it always seems a long way away, until all of a sudden it’s there and takes you by surprise, so 200 days?
Well, this day took me by surprise, only on Saturday did I realize that today 15th October 2012 would mark 200 days without a drink, 200 days of FREEDOM, 200 days DRY, 200 days SOBER, 200 days of the craziest rollercoaster ride you could ever image.
201 days ago, there seemed like there was no chance of making it through 200 hours without a drink, in reality 200 minutes without a drink was a struggle at times, so 200 days, well I am going to celebrate, I have had an extra bowl of Coco Pops and now for a glass of lime cordial, as you can see I am really pushing the boat out here.
As well as it being 200 days since my last drink, it is also exactly 30 weeks since the night I sat on this settee, the very sette that I am writing from now, a broken man pouring his heart out to his Pastor, not knowing at that point what I wanted to achieve or what I was planning to do about it, only knowing that it all had to change. I class that day as the first day of my life, that day my whole outlook changed, it may have took me two days to find the courage to pray and ten days to find the strength to quit drinking for good, but that day was where it all started, that was the day after I was honestly ready to end it all, so that Monday it all started again, a new journey, a new life.
Quite simply, I feel like I’m born again.
I was lost when you found me here
I was broken beyond repair
Then You came along
And You sang your song over me
(Born Again by Third Day ft. Lacey Sturm of Flyleaf)
Has it been easy, well no, I can honestly say it hasn’t, the early days were hard, the withdrawals were brutal, but it does get easier and I can tell you now all the pain worth it.
When I stopped drinking, I weighed in at a portly 13 stone (182lbs), now I weigh in at a trim 10 stone (140lbs), I still want to lose a little bit more, not much more, but my target is 9st 10lbs, so I’m nearly there. I feel better and if I don’t say so myself, I look better.
I can’t say that everything in my life is fantastic, it isn’t. I still have issues in my life that I have to deal with, but I choose not to let them drag me down, these are challenges that at this point in my recovery I have no influence on, situations that are currently beyond my control, so if I can’t do anything to change them, then I simply choose to rise above them, I let all these things get to me before and look where that got me.
Let face it, if my God would not permit me to take my own life, I am sure he won’t let anybody else take it from me either, there is nothing that anyone or anything can do to me that is more dangerous or deadly than I was doing to myself.