Lacking Inspiration

As I sat at home this lunchtime with an hour to spare I felt I really wanted to start preparing a post, but I was struggling. I wanted to write, but I couldn’t think if a subject, nevermind any words. I didn’t really have time to switch on the laptop (it’s a very cluttered slow old beastie), on there is a list of topics I want to write about, I could remember some those titles, but couldn’t find any inspiration to write about any of them, I was a little lost, so I closed my eyes, held my phone upon which I would draft the post tightly in my hand, then I prayed, I prayed for some inspiration, I was just about to give it up as a bad job when this post started to write itself in my head, so I grabbed my phone and started the process of drafting a post.

So here it is really, the subject is simply about writing my posts, the process is not always the same, the content can vary, but the heart it is draw from is constant.

The Process

This post follows the process I usually use when I’m out and about, when I’m out and I want to post about where I am, I start drafting the post on my phone, then when I get home, I finalize it on the laptop, proof read it and then add the music video to it, before uploading it, I’ve only used this process a few times, but it works for me.

Some posts have been written for some time, I have about three already drafted on my laptop, but I’m not really happy with them, they await further inspiration before completion, when I feel I want to post them, I’ll revisit them, embellish and post them, these are all on the list of subjects I have prepared, many of that list are still to be drafted, but at times I’ll just sit down and write a few at a time.

Other times I look at the list, start typing on a subject off the list or on a subject that has been inspired by the days events, I just type it, check it, add the video and post it, job done.

The Content

The main content is my journey from lost alcoholic to sober Christian, my thoughts on my drinking and my journey with God, other posts just focus on the days events and some on my past, so you the readers can build up general image of who I am.

Karate has been a major part of my life, 32 years I have been training now, I started at six years old and I am still at it. I also love writing about the humorous moments that have shone through the darkness in my life.

The Heart

I write, I hope, straight from the heart, I don’t want to hide anything. My journey has been painful, but also special, it’s contained some fantastic moments, moments I feel compelled to share. My hopes are that if others can see where I was at the beginning of 2012 and where I am now, they can take some inspiration from my story, take some of the positives and rebuild their own lives.

Some posts are bleak, I know, the subject matter is painful, my memories are painful, but I always try to end the post on a positive, I want you readers to see how I’ve turned it all around, to celebrate with me, not to pity or feel sorry for me, I am dealing with all of this and I am turning the corner, I am winning this fight.

Music is a very big part of my recovery process, my music is all from Christian artists and inspirational music, I always try to find a piece of music that fits either the subject matter or the solution, either way I try to find a lyric video where possible. I have a few posts drafted where I can’t find the youtube video I want, so I am waiting until I get the time to find out how to make one myself, so those posts will have to wait a while, but I promise I will get round to it.

I have never really written anything before, I wrote essays at school, but I would struggle to fill two A4 pages, no matter how big I tried to write. I used to draft the odd letter at work, mainly they followed standard templates, but again a couple of A4 pages, with lots of waffle and repetitive lines.

I started writing a journal a few days before my sobriety, I have an A4 book where I write at least one page each night, recapping my thoughts, feelings and actions from the day, most days it is just one page, my record was six pages on the day of my Baptism. I read these pages at random some days and can’t help feeling a little impressed with what I’ve written, not so much the content, but the way I’ve written it, I never speak that way.

It’s the same with these blog posts, I have been blown away by not just the comments on my story, but the comments on my writing style, both from fellow bloggers and friends who read it, I didn’t know I could write this way, I’m not sure where the words and sentences flow from sometimes, as I’ve said I don’t usually talk that way, I’m sure some of you would never understand if wrote the way I talk, if I started using our colloquial Nottinghamshire lingo, you know things like “tar duck” (thank you my friend) etc, you would be lost, here in Nottinghamshire we don’t actually speak like Kevin Costner in Robin Hood!

I thank you all for all of your words of inspiration, your fantastic comments and just being here with me on my journey out of the darkness.

We are the bold, united souls
We live to win another victory
Our sacred scars show who we are
And tell the story of our memories
(We Are One by 12 Stones)

I hope and pray that those of you either walking the same journey through sobriety or those that may be trying to find the strength to start that journey or those on a different journey out of whatever darkness clouds their lives, will continue to travel with me, let’s see this through to the end, together we can all make it.

16 thoughts on “Lacking Inspiration

  1. optimisticgladness

    Wow. I’m so glad you did not take your life that day. What an opportunity you have now to help others who may be struggling with similar problems.

        1. waynemali Post author

          Writing helps me work through it all, to identify where things aren’t right and make those small daily changes to move forward with. Blogging helps me make sense of it all, to take those feelings and make sense of this mess of a life. In short yes writing is a freedom that helps to remove the pain.

          As I’ve said, I couldn’t end it, all that was left was to change it, finding faith was the way forward for me.

            1. waynemali Post author

              Definitely, I chose to explore a route through God and Christ, I’ve had my moments of doubt, but to be honest I haven’t looked back since, the first time I prayed, it just seemed to work, it felt right.

              I was sort of a none believer before, happy for others to have faith, but I didn’t want it myself, now I would recommend it to anyone, if it can change my life in the way it has, then it can change anybodies.

              1. optimisticgladness

                I have a question for you…..In January, I will be featuring 31 different people on my blog. Would you like to tell your story and how Christ worked in your life?

                  1. optimisticgladness

                    I will need it by mid December. 2,000 words or less. If you go over, its no big deal. I would like to post a picture of you by your story. Sound ok?

  2. eelamni

    You could say “Ta Duck” to me and I’d understand you. Made me realise that I haven’t been called “Ducky” for a long time.
    Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

    1. waynemali Post author

      Ah, so your not a native Aussie then, I said tar duck to an old woman on a bus in Sydney back in 2006, I got a real funny look, like I was mad, but it made the rest of my England karate team laugh, they all lived in London and thought I talked funny anyway!
      Thanks for your comment Ducky!

      1. eelamni

        I’m a long time Aussie. My family came here in the early 1830s and were travelling shearers so I probably have some ‘native’ Aussie in me as well 🙂
        My husband’s a Londoner (don’t hold it against me 🙂 ) but we have friends from Birmingham, Sheffield and Liverpool so sort of around your area. One of our friends Mum used to call all the girls Ducky. I spent a few months in my 20s travelling around your beautiful country so I got a good dose of your colourful language.
        I hope you enjoyed your time in Australia as much as I enjoyed my time in the UK.

        1. waynemali Post author

          Ah OK, true Aussie then. I really enjoyed Sydney, but as I was there to compete in World Championships and we were only there 8 days, we didn’t get as much time to see the sites as I would have liked, but it was beautiful place, with great people, although slightly laid back compared to people here in the UK.

          I hope to come back one day and see more, but we’ll see.

          I will have to dig out some pictures and post about it at some point.


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