I very often feel that I can be talking in an unknown language, a language that only I can comprehend and communicate in, but which is completely useless as communication is futile if no one can understand the message.
I’ve spent many a year with my transmitter set to FM, Friendly Mode, yet never truly believing I was understood, as I was expecting a response in FM, only to receive replies in AM, Asshole Mode!
But since my great awakening and the time I’ve had to reflect on my lost years, I now realise I got it wrong, it was me who was transmitting in Asshole Mode only to receive in the wrong frequency.
I often think back to my school years, in all honesty I was a bright kid, not the brightest, but I had the potential to do well, but as the years passed I wasted much of that potential. I did well in some subjects but not so good in others. I’ve tried to work out why on many occasions and the simple answer is due to two things, firstly my interest in the subject and secondly the teachers ability to put across their message in a way I wanted to receive.
Naturally if you have interest in the subject matter you are more likely to absorb the information being transmitted, your receiver will be set to receive on various frequencies. If I wasn’t interested then it would take a teacher with the ability to find out what frequency I was receiving and transmit directly to me, for me to embrace and retain any of their teachings.
I had a few teachers that took the time to get to know me, find out my interests and work out how best to appeal to me, but there were others that had no interest in any of their pupils, they just stood at the front, told us to copy the information down off the board, then sit back and disengaged from their class. These teacher’s messages never reached me, they were never deciphered, they went from my eyes to pen then to paper, never reaching my memory as there was nothing there memorable, just monotony.
One classic teacher was our Maths teacher for my last two years at school, Mr Bell or Gringo as we called him, he couldn’t pronounce the number three, always thwee, bit of a problem for a Maths teacher. His method of teaching was through intimidation and humiliation, many students brighter than me chose to move to lower set classes, rather than put up with his methods, I clashed with him on my first week in his class, good start, I had never clashed with a teacher before and never clashed with another after this day, but he definitely wasn’t transmitting on my or to be honest anybody else’s wavelength.
I’ve come to the conclusion that you can only teach someone a lesson if they actually understand the message, transmission in Asshole Mode really achieves nothing.
So what mode have I been transmitting in, well for the best part of the last few years I’ve only given out in Asshole Mode, my head was definitely set to Asshole, but any message received in Friendly Mode was so badly translated into A.M. that I never fully understood the message. Just like the comments about my drinking, I wasn’t tuned in to receive these, my receiver was screwed, I was screwed, there was no way I could comprehend these comments and as I didn’t actually want to receive in Asshole Mode, when I did I reject them, the Asshole was in full mode.
I have no right to expect Friendly Mode when all I give out is Asshole Mode and neither does anyone else.
Respect is a two-way door, to truly command respect we have to give out respect. Through my upbringing and my Martial Arts training I have been taught to respect my elders and my seniors.
It’s just a shame that some of those that are senior or older than me, fail to command respect, they simply demand it. They demand we show them the correct etiquette and respect whilst treating those below them with incredible disdain, simply they transmit in Asshole Mode and demand a response in Friendly Mode, a respond they have not earned. If they show the same respect to those around them they will command respect be their actions, transmission in FM and response in FM, the perfect combination.
“In everything, treat others as you would want them to treat you, for this fulfills the law and the prophets.”
So the Bible tells the very same, essentially treat others how we ourselves expect to be treated, if we go about our daily lives transmitting in Asshole Mode, then we should expect to receive in Asshole Mode, we then shouldn’t complain about our treatment, because we reap only what we sow.
“Come on, if you’re tired take a step outside
You might find that you can forget about yourself tonight
Oh, come on if you’re tired of failed attempts to try
Freedom’s waiting when you look outside”
(House of Mirrors by Tenth Avenue North)
So now what, I have been awakened, I have been reborn, have I changed my ways, I hope so, do I always transmit in Friendly Mode, I think not, not yet anyway, there are times when I find myself back in my old ways, when I recognise the moments when the Asshole rises, I write about it in my journal, I make a mental note. I am sure there are times when I don’t recognise it, then I fully deserve what ever it is I receive in return.
I am doing my best to be an F.M. only transmitter and receiver, it’s not always easy but I am doing my best.