I am sure many of you fellow bloggers regularly check the stats for your site, I do and very often check how people reach my site from search engines, most seem quite normal, many reach it by searching on various sober phrases, which is a given as this Blog is primarily about my sobriety.
But then you get the strange ones, I’ve tried some of them and I can’t find myself, which makes them even odder in my opinion.
I have had 28 hits from various search phrases related to Otto the Autopilot and Airplane! The Movie, thanks to my post Say Goodbye to Otto. I get this one, if you have found your way here by that reference, I hope you have enjoyed what you have found, even if you were looking for a superb article on a classic comedy film, but instead get the drawn out ramblings of a recovering drunk, sorry for the confusion and please don’t call me Shirley!
I have had a couple of refers from searches for Fun Bobby from Friends, this time due to my post Meet “Fun Bobby”, again I can understand that, because when I was looking for suitable pictures there wasn’t that much on the web, which was surprising given the popularity of Friends. Once again I am sorry if you have just searched on Fun Bobby and got this page.
Then there are the real odd ones, if you are searching for one of these, I am sorry but I can not help you, you are definitely barking up the wrong tree (or at the moon)!
“Why do wine bottles have dimples on bottom?”
I haven’t really got a clue and to be honest I don’t given a monkeys, obviously someone did they searched on it twice and got my Blog!
“Simple sober front room”
Not really sure what a “Simple Sober Front Room” is, never mind why anyone would be searching for one!
“John Carpenter is only 5 feet, 2 inches tall”
What has this got to do with my Blog, the only John Carpenter that I’m aware anyone would search on is the film director, my inquisitiveness lead me to look this up (it all adds to my pub quiz knowledge, you never know when you are going to get a question like “How tall is John Carpenter”), but my searches lead to the fact he is 6ft 1inch tall, so I haven’t got a clue who this John Carpenter is or why he is shorter than I am (that does take some doing, to be honest) or indeed why anyone is searching for this information, other than a master pub quizzer like myself.
“Stupid & guinea fowl” & “Guinea fowl aggression”
These were two separate searches on different days and obviously relate to my post A Left Eye & The Guinea Fowl. I hope these people found the information they needed, basically yes, Guinea Fowl are aggressive, yes they are stupid, yes it is stupid to let one stand on a gate next to you because they are aggressive and will try to take your eye out, if you do stand next to one on a gate wear eye protection. I hope if you search again you have the answers you are looking for, otherwise you are in the wrong place mate!
“What happens if you turn the wind up torch the other way?”
What is this one on, does it matter, is there a way to hold a wind up torch? Which ever way you point it the light will shine, why waste time asking, just go and buy one and find out!
“Dads giving first breastmilk bottle”
Okay, now I am getting a little freaked out, err I know there is obviously a strong reference to Bottle here, the site is called “The Bottom of a Bottle”, but breastmilk, I’m not sure I’ve talked about breastmilk on here. I can honestly say (apart from maybe when I was like one year old) that I categorically do not have an addiction to breastmilk, therefore I have nothing to discuss on the topic, thank you!
And finally…….
“Constant feeling of having something press on my bladder and I am a man”
Err, I don’t even know where to start with this one, if you have just found this page by searching on this, I am so sorry for your infliction, but I am not sure your are in the right place, a Doctors maybe the first place to start. I must say I haven’t tried this one in the search engine, hang on I’ll have a go………..
………..Err okay, I just tried that in Google, I’ve been through the first ten pages and this blog does not appear on there, so how that got in there I don’t know, but this one did come on page seven, if it is of any help: Bed Wetting Adults
If you have used any of the above searches and your are an avid follower of my blog, I am so sorry for any offence through my light hearted look at the weird and wonderful, please do not unfollow, I am truly sorry, honest.
If you have stumbled on this page by accident from any of these searches then please try this site: Help Is At Hand
Or just seek some therapy!
“Cause this is my therapy
Cause you’re the only one that’s listening to me
This is my therapy
Let’s call it what it is not what we were
With a death-grip on this life that’s in transition
This is my therapy
Cause you won’t hear me out and that makes
God the only one who’s left here listening”
(Therapy? By Relient K)
P.S. Oh heck, I’ve just realised I’ve made my blog a haven for bed wetting adults, oh well, everyone is welcome!
The Bottom of a Bottle 
Holy moly! Those are too much!
My favorite search term that got someone to my blog was “Orphan the Toe”. 🙂
Now I think I could handle the toe orphan thing, but breast milk and bladder control, come on, please.
I hope it made you laugh anyway, I keep re-reading it and it makes me laugh each time.
Thank you for your comment.
Wayne