Sometimes on our journeys, we get used to the smooth flat road, with wonderful views and perfect skies, we travel along with our heads in the clouds, it’s an easy walk, it’s a perfect path.
Some of us may have travelled the rough and dark path through a seemingly endless tunnel, unable to see any light, unable to see any way forward, we can’t go back, we don’t know and can’t see where back is, we have forgotten a little of who we were, but going forward is hard and hope becomes lost, strength evaporates and faith dies.
The easy journey is just that, easy to get lost in, to become so comfortable with your daily life, but the dark tunnel can be never ending, If we do get out, we wish never to return, we search and long for the easy path and when we find it, we try everything to keep our footsteps pressing down on that route.
But what happens when the easy path is blocked, there is just something in the way, it may be small and we may have to readjust our route, bypass it and return to the path as soon as we can, never losing sight of that path, holding to it and again when we return, we never want to leave it.
But sometimes our path is seemingly well and truly blocked, there seems like there is no way around, except to turnaround and head back to where we came from, which if you have travelled through the dark tunnel is a daunting thought, one in which we find no joy, only anguish and resentment.
But the Bible says:
“I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you” (Matthew 17:20).
So if faith the size of a mustard seed can move a mountain, then why do we find these small obstacles in our way so seemingly unmovable?
Why do we doubt, especially when we have already lived within the miracle, my recovery from myself, in my eyes is nothing short of a miracle, I was stuck in that dark tunnel under that mountain, getting deeper and deeper, but when all else seemed lost, I asked for help, I prayed for strength, that mountain was moved, it was lifted from me so I could see the daylight again, I experienced the miracle and I am so thankful for it.
So why do I doubt, why when situations which are beyond my control or more likely I feel are beyond my control, do I lose that faith, why do I struggle to believe that our God, after all he has done for me, now seems no longer to be with me?
Then I see my friends, who are further along in their journey than I, struggling with the same inner turmoil, those same doubts that force them to question their faith. I seem to be able to show encouragement to them at their time of disbelief, at the exact moment when I am going through my own moments of self doubt. But the thing is, at these times it forces me to look at myself, how can I allow myself to have this do as I say and not as I do attitude?
I have prayed for many people I have met on my blog over the last four months, I have read their stories and prayed for them many times and I know that many pray for me, even just this evening I received a great comment from Gooseyanne, telling my how she’s shared my story with her Church home group and they are praying for me, I was so taken aback, that it made me realise that sometimes we have to take a little faith from our friends, when our faith is low or disappearing fast, when we feel God has left us, then our true friends will stand for us, will pray for us, will reinforce our faith and help lead us back to that perfect path with God.
This last week I let a few things that were bothering me stand in front of me on my path, I made them much bigger than they were and I let myself shrink in front of them, my friends rallied around me, helped me to take that problem, no matter how heavy it seemed and lift it up before God for him to take. I have seen other friends on here encounter similar mountains in their path and I pray they find that small mustard seed of faith to move that mountain and see God again on the other side.
Yesterday I reached the 45 week sober mark, another SoberWeek to count and the first year of my sobriety and my walk with God approaches next month, the time flies and it’s hard to believe where I was this time last year to where I am now, that these issues I face now are so small compared to what I was staring at before, I wasn’t just seeing mountains in my path, I was buried beneath them, our God moved those mountains for me when I asked and prayed, then I must trust that he can do that for me again, I just have to stay true and show that faith.
The main thing I have found is not to bottle it anymore, all that stuff that I was struggling with I kept inside, like poison it burned at my insides, the more I kept it in and the more I ingested the closer I got to the end, now I am trying not to hold things in, some things I can talk or write about easily, others I have to force out and the odd thing still lingers, but God knows, I pray about them all the time and I now trust in his path for me, that all we become clear when the time is right, in the meantime I just keep the faith, keep praying and keep walking.
What do I know of You
who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
but the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire?
Are You fury?
Are You sacred?
Are you beautiful?
What do I know?
What do I know of Holy?
(What do I know of Holy? By Addison Road)