After yesterday today is not a day of recovery, it’s a day of aches and pains, the exertions of the days events are now in earnest beginning to be felt and the worst thing is, they always seems to be more painful the day after the day after.
I woke not feeling that bad, I got ready and stepped out of the house just after 5.30am, set up the Podcast from yesterdays Church service and started walking. A little snow had fallen over night, but the paths and roads were clear, it had struggled to settle after yesterdays rain and was only really visible on the grass verges and gardens.
The podcast sounded great, there was so much in there that I may have to listen to it a few more times to grasp the content, but that’s good.
But as the day has gone on my legs, in particular my thighs and my knees are really aching. I was in good shape up to Christmas, all the hard work I put in following my withdrawals was lost over the Christmas and New Year period, that lazy period which caught me by surprise has taken it’s toll and today I know I have to get back to where I was, six months of hard work has been undone in just six weeks, the problem is I am just so tired, I’m not sure if I have the energy to do it all again.
I may be over reacting here, at one point last year I got down to 10 stone in weight, but I averaged around 10 stone 4 pounds at the end of the year, but since New Year I am averaging around 10 stone 9 pounds, okay it’s not like I’ve gone back to the 13 stone I was this time last year, but I am a little disappointed with myself to be honest.
Despite the feeling of disappointment, I know I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, I have to look at the last twelve months, if look at where I was and what I have done to get where I am now, the change is as I have said recently, is nothing short of a miracle, I couldn’t have foreseen this last February, I was stuck in my own prison, I was ruled by a glass bottle and lost, truly lost. I have had to overcome so much, I know I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, I am tired, but I mustn’t give up the fight, I mustn’t take my eyes of where I am going, I mustn’t be distracted and allow my self to slip back too far.
I have relaxed a little in some of the routines I put in place to sort my weight and fitness levels and since Christmas I have struggled to pick those routines back up and carry on with them, so it’s time for a little re focus, as my first year of sobriety slowly approaches, I want to be back at the average weight I had before Christmas, so I just need to focus and work a little harder, as well a be a little more disciplined with my little urges to snack.
On a plus note, last night I completed my first cycle through the Bible, I always told Victoria I would one day read the Bible to form an opinion on it, as I believed one could not criticize it if they actually hadn’t read it, oh how people change.
When I started this journey with God I downloaded a bible app and started reading the Old Testament from the beginning, when I started going to Church and accepted that I wanted to receive Jesus into my life, I was given the New Testament, so I switched my reading to the New Testament, when I had completed that I return to where I had left the Old Testament and continued with that, so last night just after midnight I finished the Old Testament to complete my reading of the Bible. But it won’t stop there, I am going to continue into the New Testament again, reading it again, but this time I intend to study it as well as just read it, that’s the plan, time allowing obviously.
The only problem is the next month will not slow down, I have work to do at home, some Architectural work I’ve got to fit in around everything else, a grading for my karate students in the middle of March, so lots of karate and paperwork to sort and obviously I would like to celebrate my first SoberYear in some way, shape or form, but at least I am busy now and not just sat at home, hidden behind the curtains, hating life and doing absolutely nothing of any use to anyone!
Before the truth will come to fill our eyes
The wool comes down in the form of fire
And when the answers and the truth have cut their ties
Will you still find me
Will you still see me through smoke
(Through Smoke by NeedToBreathe)