Aches And Pains

After yesterday today is not a day of recovery, it’s a day of aches and pains, the exertions of the days events are now in earnest beginning to be felt and the worst thing is, they always seems to be more painful the day after the day after.

I woke not feeling that bad, I got ready and stepped out of the house just after 5.30am, set up the Podcast from yesterdays Church service and started walking.  A little snow had fallen over night, but the paths and roads were clear, it had struggled to settle after yesterdays rain and was only really visible on the grass verges and gardens.

The podcast sounded great, there was so much in there that I may have to listen to it a few more times to grasp the content, but that’s good.

But as the day has gone on my legs, in particular my thighs and my knees are really aching.  I was in good shape up to Christmas, all the hard work I put in following my withdrawals was lost over the Christmas and New Year period, that lazy period which caught me by surprise has taken it’s toll and today I know I have to get back to where I was, six months of hard work has been undone in just six weeks, the problem is I am just so tired, I’m not sure if I have the energy to do it all again.

I may be over reacting here, at one point last year I got down to 10 stone in weight, but I averaged around 10 stone 4 pounds at the end of the year, but since New Year I am averaging around 10 stone 9 pounds, okay it’s not like I’ve gone back to the 13 stone I was this time last year, but I am a little disappointed with myself to be honest.

Despite the feeling of disappointment, I know I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, I have to look at the last twelve months, if look at where I was and what I have done to get where I am now, the change is as I have said recently, is nothing short of a miracle, I couldn’t have foreseen this last February, I was stuck in my own prison, I was ruled by a glass bottle and lost, truly lost.  I have had to overcome so much, I know I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, I am tired, but I mustn’t give up the fight, I mustn’t take my eyes of where I am going, I mustn’t be distracted and allow my self to slip back too far.

I have relaxed a little in some of the routines I put in place to sort my weight and fitness levels and since Christmas I have struggled to pick those routines back up and carry on with them, so it’s time for a little re focus, as my first year of sobriety slowly approaches, I want to be back at the average weight I had before Christmas, so I just need to focus and work a little harder, as well a be a little more disciplined with my little urges to snack.

On a plus note, last night I completed my first cycle through the Bible, I always told Victoria I would one day read the Bible to form an opinion on it, as I believed one could not criticize it if they actually hadn’t read it, oh how people change.

When I started this journey with God I downloaded a bible app and started reading the Old Testament from the beginning, when I started going to Church and accepted that I wanted to receive Jesus into my life, I was given the New Testament, so I switched my reading to the New Testament, when I had completed that I return to where I had left the Old Testament and continued with that, so last night just after midnight I finished the Old Testament to complete my reading of the Bible.  But it won’t stop there, I am going to continue into the New Testament again, reading it again, but this time I intend to study it as well as just read it, that’s the plan, time allowing obviously.

The only problem is the next month will not slow down, I have work to do at home, some Architectural work I’ve got to fit in around everything else, a grading for my karate students in the middle of March, so lots of karate and paperwork to sort and obviously I would like to celebrate my first SoberYear in some way, shape or form, but at least I am busy now and not just sat at home, hidden behind the curtains, hating life and doing absolutely nothing of any use to anyone!

Before the truth will come to fill our eyes
The wool comes down in the form of fire
And when the answers and the truth have cut their ties
Will you still find me
Will you still see me through smoke
(Through Smoke by NeedToBreathe)

12 thoughts on “Aches And Pains

  1. writerwannabe763

    You’ve done very well making it through all of the Bible. I must admit while I’ve read a lot I have not managed to read from cover to cover…I think that is where I am lacking in the cognitive area because of the M.S. My concentration and retention is very poor…Good for you..Diane

    Reply
    1. waynemali Post author

      Thanks Diane
      Some of the Old Testament isn’t easy to read, so sometimes I wouldn’t read for weeks, then rreturn and read a fair amount, I wanted to complete it before my first year of faith and sobriety ended, so I am glad I did.
      Thank you again
      Wayne

      Reply
  2. optimisticgladness

    Keep up the good work Wayne. When I have a bad day, sometimes I wanna be alone and sometimes I want to be around positive, encouraging people….people who will lift me up and inspire me. My father-in-law says, it’s always easier to keep the weight off than take it off. I would imagine the same is for sobriety. Tell me if I’m wrong.

    Reply
    1. waynemali Post author

      Hi Lisa
      Thanks, I know what you mean, sometimes I need time and space, other times I need inspiration of friends, the funny thing is, that blogging gives me both of them in one hit.
      Your father-in-law is right, but sometimes we get complacent and things creep up on us, sobriety is just the same, it was a hard move to stop drinking to break a habit, but once you make that decision and resolve to stick with it, it does get easier, but it is a fight to retain it sometimes.
      Thanks again
      Wayne

      Reply
    1. waynemali Post author

      Hi Al
      I try not to be, but also I don’t want to start letting things slip too much. Recovery is a real battle and one I really only want to do once.
      Wayne

      Reply
  3. granonine

    You’re a 100% kind of guy, aren’t you? All or nothing. That’s a pretty tough way to live, and I agree that you’re being too hard on yourself. Credit yourself and God for how far you’ve come (which I know you do!). I’m glad you’re reading God’s Word. As you start through the New Testament again, maybe my present blogging on the book of Matthew will be helpful to you, if you’re not already reading it.

    You’ve touched on my heart, that’s for sure. I don’t know if it’s the counselor in me, or the mom–maybe both 🙂

    Reply
    1. waynemali Post author

      Hi Linda
      Thank you so much, I will try not to be too hard on myself, I come so far, I really don’t want to slip back, but I’ll push on.
      I haven’t had much chance to read other blogs, just like I haven’t had chance to respond to comments, I spend time writing when the urge hits me and make time for the Bible, but I really need to spend time reading other blogs, I will make time for your blog, I am re-reading Matthew now, so I will definitely take a look
      Thanks again
      Wayne

      Reply
  4. thoughtsfromanamericanwoman

    I understand what you are going through and the difficult days can sure hold you down. It is important to find a time of rest in your busyness – I know it is easier said than done. Just remember that Jesus also took time to be by himself, this is a lesson I too had to learn. My prayers are you.

    Reply
    1. waynemali Post author

      Thanks Patty
      Rest seems sometimes to be at a premium in my life these days, I prefer to be busy, I know I work better when I’m busy, but I am aware you can push too hard, but after years of having too much time and doing nothing with it, I would much rather have this problem with time.
      Thanks again
      Wayne

      Reply

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