180 Degrees – The Ultimate Turnaround
“Tell us about a time you did a 180 — changed your views on something, reversed a decision, or acted in a way you ordinarily don’t.”
Have I ever made a complete 180 degree turnaround in my life, have I ever, I made the biggest one a person could ever make.
One year ago I hit the lowest point in my life, my relationship of 15 years was over, following a two year bender of alcohol and isolation. I had failed to deal with anything that arose in my life, instead of facing these trials with my partner, I withdrew from reality and dived into the Bottom of a Bottle, I went from casual drinker to a being who drank to remove himself from the reality of his day to day life, the alcohol was my pain killer and it worked, it worked too well.
When the frail strands that kept our relationship together were finally severed that evening in March last year, I slid further, I ate about three or four meals over six days, but I drank and couldn’t stop drinking, it’s all I wanted to do, over the weekend that followed I was drinking five pints of strong cider followed by two bottles of wine a night. On the Sunday I held a penknife at my wrist, determined to commit suicide, to end this sorry excuse for a life, but I was too much of a coward to actually do it, I was so mad at myself, I felt I was that weak I didn’t have the courage to live or the courage to die, such confused thinking!
After that moment I knew I couldn’t continue, if I couldn’t actually end it, I had to mend it, if I couldn’t actually end my own life, then I needed to sort it out!
Despite my partner being a practicing Christian for a number of years, I never entertained the idea, I was a complete none believer, the ultimate sceptic, I needed proof and as nobody could provide it, I was happy to continue down my road to self destruction. We talked about it, especially as I slid further down that bottle and I stood fast to my none belief, that “I’m alright Jack attitude”, which to be quite honest drove further distance between the two of us.
But now I was coming close to the end, I didn’t know where I could get the help I needed, so the next morning I made a call to Gareth, my partner’s Pastor, not really knowing what I wanted from it, but knowing that I needed help and at this point I was willing to try anything!
We met that night, he knew there was something serious in my situation, he had been briefed by my partner to expect a call from me, but I’m not sure he expected to find what he walked into that night!
At this point in my life, when I was in desperate need of help, I was open to anything, even though I met with Gareth, I wasn’t really expecting to bury my feelings and open myself up to a new belief, I just wanted help and a nudge in the right direction!
I got a nudge alright, a big one, I was nudged right into the arms of God, I made the biggest 180 degree turnaround anyone can make, to just dump those years of none belief, then begin a life with Jesus and God, it was a scary step, I wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing, I wasn’t sure what I was actually looking for, I was certain it wasn’t for me, but once I started praying I found the strength to stop drinking, to ditch a habit that had consumed me for years, my last drink was on the 29th March 2012, fifty weeks ago today, I then walked into Church on the 1st April and I’m so proud to say, that even though I have had some rough times since then, this journey with God has been amazing.
I have turned my life around, by simply turning my beliefs around 180 degrees and accepting that alone I am not enough, but with God I can overcome anything!
What will people think when they hear that I’m a Jesus freak?
What will people do when they find that it’s true?
I don’t really care if they label me a Jesus freak – there ain’t no disguising the truth
No I ain’t into hiding the Truth
(Jesus Freak by Newsboys)