180 Degrees – The Ultimate Turnaround

180 Degrees – The Ultimate Turnaround

“Tell us about a time you did a 180 — changed your views on something, reversed a decision, or acted in a way you ordinarily don’t.”

Have I ever made a complete 180 degree turnaround in my life, have I ever, I made the biggest one a person could ever make.

One year ago I hit the lowest point in my life, my relationship of 15 years was over, following a two year bender of alcohol and isolation.  I had failed to deal with anything that arose in my life, instead of facing these trials with my partner, I withdrew from reality and dived into the Bottom of a Bottle, I went from casual drinker to a being who drank to remove himself from the reality of his day to day life, the alcohol was my pain killer and it worked, it worked too well.

When the frail strands that kept our relationship together were finally severed that evening in March last year, I slid further, I ate about three or four meals over six days, but I drank and couldn’t stop drinking, it’s all I wanted to do, over the weekend that followed I was drinking five pints of strong cider followed by two bottles of wine a night.  On the Sunday I held a penknife at my wrist, determined to commit suicide, to end this sorry excuse for a life, but I was too much of a coward to actually do it, I was so mad at myself, I felt I was that weak I didn’t have the courage to live or the courage to die, such confused thinking!

After that moment I knew I couldn’t continue, if I couldn’t actually end it, I had to mend it, if I couldn’t actually end my own life, then I needed to sort it out!

Despite my partner being a practicing Christian for a number of years, I never entertained the idea, I was a complete none believer, the ultimate sceptic, I needed proof and as nobody could provide it, I was happy to continue down my road to self destruction.  We talked about it, especially as I slid further down that bottle and I stood fast to my none belief, that “I’m alright Jack attitude”, which to be quite honest drove further distance between the two of us.

But now I was coming close to the end, I didn’t know where I could get the help I needed, so the next morning I made a call to Gareth, my partner’s Pastor, not really knowing what I wanted from it, but knowing that I needed help and at this point I was willing to try anything!

We met that night, he knew there was something serious in my situation, he had been briefed by my partner to expect a call from me, but I’m not sure he expected to find what he walked into that night!

At this point in my life, when I was in desperate need of help, I was open to anything, even though I met with Gareth, I wasn’t really expecting to bury my feelings and open myself up to a new belief, I just wanted help and a nudge in the right direction!

I got a nudge alright, a big one, I was nudged right into the arms of God, I made the biggest 180 degree turnaround anyone can make, to just dump those years of none belief, then begin a life with Jesus and God, it was a scary step, I wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing, I wasn’t sure what I was actually looking for, I was certain it wasn’t for me, but once I started praying I found the strength to stop drinking, to ditch a habit that had consumed me for years, my last drink was on the 29th March 2012, fifty weeks ago today, I then walked into Church on the 1st April and I’m so proud to say, that even though I have had some rough times since then, this journey with God has been amazing.

I have turned my life around, by simply turning my beliefs around 180 degrees and accepting that alone I am not enough, but with God I can overcome anything!

What will people think when they hear that I’m a Jesus freak?
What will people do when they find that it’s true?
I don’t really care if they label me a Jesus freak – there ain’t no disguising the truth
No I ain’t into hiding the Truth
(Jesus Freak by Newsboys)

8 thoughts on “180 Degrees – The Ultimate Turnaround

  1. Pingback: It May Have Saved My Life | So I Went Undercover

  2. Freedomborn

    Thank you Wayne for sharing from your heart, Men tend to find this hard to do, so it is encouraging to hear you do so and for also encouraging us to, I hope you don’t mind me giving detail but my story needs it.

    Unlike you Wayne I knew of God when I thought of jumping in front of a Truck 17 years ago but I didn’t know Him like I do now, I had not come to heart repentance even though I had been in Church for many years and was also involved in Ministries, sadly I was never taught how, although perhaps I learnt what doesn’t work.

    Just before jumping in front of a Truck, I came to my senses as I realised the Truck driver might hit someone else if he tried not to hit me and I didn’t want anyone else to be hurt. I found a Gideon’s Bible and read what I needed to do, even though I felt God couldn’t Love me, I had sunk too low but He not only showed me He did by Miraculously healing me of two life threaten illnesses after I came to real repentance but He continued to show me He Loved me greatly in many ways right up to this minute because as I share with you I’m reminded again just how much He does and not just me but you too and the whole world . I feel overwhelmed when I realise this and so regardless of the circumstances in my life that are negative, I feel His deep inner Joy in my Heart and often as I create Power points and e-mails or Posts, I feel His presence very close and the beauty and wonder of His creation overwhelms me as does the words He gives me when I’m focusing on something that speaks of His Awesome Love.

    Before I was delivered from the Addiction of gambling I didn’t have long term healing with G.A only 3 years and then the gambling was even worse because I felt I had failed. The original A.A Programme which all the rest of the Groups use too, was changed and the 12 steps are no longer the same as they were when Christians wrote them. A man named Bill took the Name of Jesus Christ out of them to make A.A more people friendly and replaced Him with a god of our own understanding or a power greater than ourselves, you no doubt have heard Wayne, who and what some people’s gods are, it’s so sad that many do not know Jesus who is the only One who can help them live in real eternal Victory over Addiction, it’s so wonderful Wayne that you believe in Him, He will never let you down.

    Thanks again for sharing and encouraging others to do the same.

    Christian Love from both of us – Anne.

    Reply
    1. waynemali Post author

      Hi Anne
      Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I understand how difficult reliving these low points in our life can be, but also the power of the therapy they have in releasing the pain. I guess my faith hasn’t failed me over the last few weeks, rather I have failed it, but things are changing, I’ve been carried through by our Lord and Saviour, I understand people worshiping other Gods, in a way thats what any addict does, but it’s so different when we realise what it is to have Jesus in our lives, when Gareth told me that night that a life with Jesus can be fantastic, I wasn’t really sure what to think, then when I let go of everything and made that choice, I found the power it can have.
      Thank you so much for all your comments and support over the last few weeks, I so appreciate it.
      Wayne

      Reply
  3. Patty B

    Wayne you are an encourager, and although my battle is different, you have given me hope that I do not struggle alone – our God is with us. You have also reminded me of my dad’s love for us – Blessings!

    Reply
    1. waynemali Post author

      Hi Patty
      I times I don’t feel like an encourager, especially over the last few weeks, but I do try my best to write in a positive sense, despite the darkness that some of my posts cover, I do try to find a way of finishing them with light, just like this journey.
      Thanks for your comments and support over the last few weeks, so appreciated.
      Wayne

      Reply
  4. Pingback: Daily Prompt: 180 Degrees | Joe's Musings

  5. snosler

    Ummm wow. I’ve been on that two-year binge before … I’ve fallen down a number of rabbit holes too … anyway, what you have done takes more courage than most will summon in their life – I wish you all the best in your continued journey! Anyhoo, I’m a little late in this topic but wanted to throw my two bits all the same – hope you can stop by my place soon. cheers!

    Reply
    1. waynemali Post author

      Hi Shauna
      Thank you for visiting my blog and thank you for your kind comment, any comments are appreiciated no matter how late, it’s getting there that counts.
      I’ll keep popping by your blog, please feel free to keep popping in here.
      Wayne

      Reply

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