Facebook For Alcoholics & The Lost
My blog is full of stories of how my life disappeared down into a massive hole beginning in October/November 2009 and coming to an absolute breakdown in March 2012, when the reality and the severity of my drinking problem left me on the brink of suicide and lost for direction, my relationship of fifteen years had come to end and I wanted to die! Then from that lowest point of my life recovery and sobriety through faith!
But where does social media fit into this mess, what part did Facebook take in this sorry episode of shattered life?
Well a quick recap for those reading this that aren’t as familiar to my story. as some of my regular followers are, back in 2009 I was a self employed CAD Technician sub contracting to a firm of Architects and life was pretty good, living a little beyond my means and drinking maybe a little too much, but life was good, my family was doing well and Victoria and myself were still in love. Then the Credit Crunch and work dried up over night, I went from working five days a week to not having any work for weeks on end, then just a day or two here and there, maybe a week every now and again, but more days with nothing to do than days at work.
With reduced work came reduce cash flow, but with reduced cash flow came increasing stress and with increasing stress came INCREASED DRINKING.
My reliance on drinking took control, I couldn’t face my responsibilities, I hid behind the drink which took me away from my emotions and the need to face the ever growing problems it was all causing.
By night an alcoholic, by day a worthless recluse. I had resisted Facebook until early 2009, when I finally joined up, as most people I know where on it and it seemed like fun.
I was never one for posting, but I had a great Farm, my Café cooked some fantastic food, I was almost at the top of every game I played and if I was beaten I would be on it until I had regained my top spot.
Pretty soon as I had nothing to do each day, I sat with my laptop all day, with the curtains close, the outside world hidden behind them even in the brightest of days, it was the darkness of seclusion I craved, the constant hangover had nothing to do it, I was sinking in to a world of darkness and Facebook gave me a window to the outside world, I could see what every one was doing, but I didn’t have to let them see what I was doing, it was a one way mirror to the world.
I would scan every post, add people I vaguely knew, but the Friend count was the important thing, wasn’t it? People from school, who to be quite honest I didn’t really get on with or particularly like, but they invited me and I accepted and vice versa, why? So I could say I had more friends than anyone else, it didn’t matter if they were friends, the numbers were the important thing, counting acquaintances not friends.
Sometimes I had work to do at home, so I had two laptops side by side, one to work on and the other had Facebook on it at all times, I would get distracted easily, end up on MindJolt games trying to beat the latest high scores, checking my farm, couldn’t let the crops die, this was life or death, there were deadlines to keep and the work ones gave way to the cyber ones, priorities became screwed, I became screwed.
Of course a simple computer program spreading like wildfire over the internet isn’t really to blame here, no it simply became part of a bigger problem, me!
Through drinking I was losing the ability to cope with life and distractions like Facebook were easy to find, between Facebook, trashy daytime TV and free internet porn, my days were catered for when I wasn’t able to just grab a bottle and jump in it. These things were there as I watched the clock, as I watched those hands travel around the face until they got somewhere close to tea time, to 6pm when I could grab that first drink with my tea without any guilt, eventually I stopped waiting for 6pm, I grabbed a few cans during dinner or the afternoon, while nobody else was in the house, I was alone in my own prison cell, with one window to the outside world, FACEBOOK and I loved it.
Then last March the reality that I couldn’t keep doing this hit when my relationship came to and end I finally realised I HAD A PROBLEM!!!
First the drink went, then slowly I moved away from Facebook, I still stay on Facebook, but I use it sparingly to keep in touch with some friends, but no longer use it day to day, I just check for messages and that’s it.
What do I see now when I look at most people statues?
I just see most people complaining about their lives, how crap their lives actually are! We see people comment on everything they do in their lives, even if it’s going to the toilet and they’ll be back soon!
Do I really give a monkeys, is your life that bad it almost comes to an end when someone removes you as a friend or puts an unpleasant comment to one of your never ending complaints about your tiny lives, well no I don’t!
Get a life, ditch the keyboard and taste the air outside, open the curtains to your life, not by logging in but by going out!
Don’t complain about your life when you do nothing with it!
Don’t just post something so out there just to provoke a reaction, then complain bitterly when you get a reaction you don’t want, but one which your comment deserves!
I must admit when I started this Blog I started a twitter profile to go with it, because of the limitation of Twitter and the fact I only keep my follows to Friends from Church and Friends of this Blog, rather than anyone who brushed past me on the street one day, or the bloke on the bus who knows the guy that knows a guy, who knows a kid that sat next to the guy who sat next to me on the same bus yesterday!
When I joined Facebook my first status was this,
“… has finally joined the Evil that is Facebook.”
In time I came to realise there maybe some truth to that!
Don’t get me wrong, Facebook isn’t all bad, it has it’s good points, you can keep in touch with friends who live far away, my Karate club uses it to pass on information at short notice, but for me I stay away from it because it’s just full of people who love to complain about they own tiny lives.
Deep inside, I hide the words I want to say
Kept far from light, I’m tryin not to speak my mind
Why do I tell everyone I know
That this just feels wrong
Its time to make amends
And I’m feeling for my answers
And I’m trying to find my way
The truth is that I don’t know what to say
And I’m fighting for my reasons
And I’ll take this all the way
The fact is that I don’t care what you say
So where do we go when
The doors keep on closing
You’re wasting your time don’t stand in our way
So now we have chosen
To just kick them open
Take this as a sign don’t throw it away
(Finest Hour by BulletProof Messenger)