Moving Forward

I wrote the following on Sunday evening in my post “Alone In A Crowded Room”:

“I took a seat right at the back, on the back row in the corner, the furthest away from the stage as possible and away from the crowds…”

This described my first visit of my own will to Everyday Champions Church, the first time I was there out of need rather than obligation, I’ve written about this many times before, about how I took this seat at the back, out of the way and away from the crowds, I returned to this seat week after week, it became a bit of a joke about my seat, most people would know where to find me.

Sometimes I would be sat alone and that was fine with me, other times others would come and sit with me, that was fine too.  Sometimes I wasn’t quick enough to sit there, it had been taken, so I took the closest seat to it, at most a couple of rows forward, but always the last seat on the row.

Last night I had a look through my journal from this time last year, interestingly I wrote this in the journal from 5th August 2012…

“Usual seat at the back, I like my seat, I’m happy with it, it was different last week at Nottingham, being front and centre, just behind the leaders, but at Newark I’m happy with my position at the back, none assuming, it’s where I will stay unless I’m called for more, but that time may come, it may not.  I will be happy just to continue my journey as I am, the quiet shy one at the back, I’m not one for pushing myself to the front, if I am asked I will do what is asked of me, just like at karate, but otherwise the back, out the way is fine with me.”

There were times when friends and the connect team tried to get me to move forward, but I always refused, I was adamant that I would remain in that seat each week, I would stay there until I knew it was time to move on.

I was sat there the day I was lifted to the stage on my baptism, I was there back in March dealing with the passing of my Nanna and the I sat there was the day back in April when I was in complete despair about my finances and my relationship with Victoria.

But that day back in April I ventured from my seat to the front to be prayed for, I cried and cried that morning, I was a bit of mess, but since that day I haven’t sat there.  It finally dawned on me this weekend that actually, I don’t think I will ever return to that seat.

When I joined the A.V. Team at the end of last year I spent most weeks on the team and less weeks in my seat, although I would return there every few weeks.  Then when I agreed to take camera duties, things changed again.  That was back in April, since then I haven’t returned to my seat, not since that day I found myself in tears at the front of Church, since that day I haven’t sat there.

To be quite honest, I really enjoy my camera duties each week and I am quite happy to do that each and every week when I available to be in Church.  If that means that I never return to my old seat, then so be it, I’m fine with that.

In many ways I’ve moved on from the guy that just wanted to slip by everyone quietly, the broken man who wanted to be alone to find his way, I’ve outgrown that part of me.

This journey keeps moving on, the days I have remained Sober keep growing, currently standing at 495, this Sunday will see that count click over to 500, where better to celebrate that landmark than in Church, with the people who I have stuck by me and helped me along the way.

I am free of my addiction through the Grace of God to forgive me for what I became, He saved me from myself, because He has bigger plans for me.

I took a journey into darkness, I lost myself doing it, but I found so much more whilst I was there, in the Darkness I found the Light of the World and He set me free.

FREE by JEREMY CAMP
The day I stopped and listened
Heard the sound of love
Asking to be let in

Offering a new life
And giving me a chance
To start over again
You reached out to me
And now I sing

And I am free
And I am free
My sin was wrapped around me
Trying to drown me
You have set me free
And I am free
And I am free
The chains that held me tightly
Are finally lifting
You took this weight from me
Now I’m free

Covered by Your mercy
Captured by a hope that will always remain
I can stop and breathe now
Resting in the shelter of Your name
You reached out to me
And now I sing

And I am free
And I am free
My sin was wrapped around me
Trying to drown me
You have set me free
And I am free
And I am free
The chains that held me tightly
Are finally lifting
You took this weight from me

No more fear inside me
I will trust completely
Your love overtakes me
And nothing else has made me free
I am free

Free
And I am free
My sin was wrapped around me
Trying to drown me
You have set me free
And I am free
And I am free
The chains that held me tightly
Are finally lifting
You took this weight from me
And now I’m free

The chains that held me tightly
Are finally lifting
You took this weight from me
And now I’m free

1 thought on “Moving Forward

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