Learning To Walk Again

Daily Prompt – These Boots Were Made For Walking

It was around this time last year, when the family were all away and I was alone in this house that I started getting out of the house, putting the headphones in and just walking.  Back then it didn’t matter where I walked or how far I walked, it was about beating demons and instead of being enclosed within this four walls fighting them, it was so much easier to get out and just walk away from them, put some Christian music in my ears and spent some time working things out in my head rather than getting lost in my mind.

I walked in the morning and then again in the evening, anywhere, up the hill, around the industrial estate, around town, anywhere but stay in alone.  I walked at pace then, but not as quick as I do now, but depending on the song that came on and it’s pace depended on how fast I would walk.  I would progressively walk longer, starting at a five or six mile walk and onto the 13 mile route that would become my regular weekend walk.

I started to settle into a routine, each morning I would wake at about 5am, get up and walk 4 miles, come home shower and walk the other mile and a quarter to work, I began to average about 60 miles a week and an average speed of 4.7 mph, that continued through to the end of the year and into this year, whether it was clear weather, rain, sleet, wind and even heavy snow, I would get up, no excuses, the alarm would sound I would just rise, dress and walk, whether I felt up to it or not I would just walk.

One morning I walked over 27 miles without stopping, I just went for it, when I got home I checked the times of the most recent London Marathon, I was amazed that over 4000 people ran the marathon distance slower than I had walked it!

In the first six months that I was on this routine I missed just a few mornings, I walked pretty much every morning, the few mornings I missed, the day that followed just didn’t seem right, it didn’t seem like were quite going my way, I’m not sure what it was exactly, but those day just didn’t seem to go well, they weren’t disasters by any means, just not as good.

Predominantly through that period I started my walk in darkness and walked into the daylight, sometimes as I passed by street lamps they would switch off, it felt like I was Professor Dumbledore with his gadget putting the lights out as I go.  I would carry my camera and record some of the most wonderful sunrises I’ve ever seen.  I spent so much of the years previously hidden behind closed curtains, some days not even seeing the sun at all, then to see every sunrise was just special, it meant something to me and represented what I was doing in my life, walking out of the darkness of my past in to the light of my future.

Then the first of March arrived, I was off work and after a brief walk I paused to sit by the lake, intending to walk further after I had watched the sunrise, then before 7am my phone rang, my Mum told me my Nan had died and my world fell apart there and then.  I stumbled home in tears and from that day it’s not been quite the same.

Over the next few weeks walking was an on and off thing, I was struggling with my Nan’s death, right up until the funeral and days I didn’t feel like it, I didn’t walk, I just went back to sleep for a little longer, by the time I got over that my other Nan died and although I didn’t initially struggle with that loss as badly at first, I did after the funeral, a bit of a reversal, but once again walking became intermittent and good and bad days continued.

By the end of May I was doing so many extra hours at work and other things that something had to give, I was exhausted, when I woke, I didn’t question myself, I just turned over and went back to sleep awaiting a second alarm, I got out odd mornings, but few and far between, since then it’s become gradually less and less that I get out, up to the point that I haven’t walked now in over three weeks and just haven’t been the same.

Had I been still walking, would I have struggled so much this last week, last year I got out and did something about it, this year I sat deep within my own self pity, the balance of my life just doesn’t seem right at the moment and the one thing that has changed is the walking.

I do my best thinking when I’m walking, I listen to my music and worship along to it, especially when I’m alone along the cycle track where no one except the rabbits can hear me, I speak with God when I walk, I hand over all my problems when I’m walking and that just isn’t happening at the moment.

Something is just not he same and I desperately want to get back to my routine, that feeling that when the alarm goes off, there no thought, just action, that old feeling of jumping up and getting out, enjoying every sunrise and not worrying about the sound of wind and rain, just walking, just getting that balance of life right.

I miss seeing the sunrise and I want to get back to witnessing moments like this again.

Light Up The Sky

Light Up The Sky

This Monday I fully intend to start with the old routine of walking once again, to fight that urge to turn over, to just get up, change and get out, to see if I get some of that old balance back, that old spring in the step and walk right back into that light.

WALK by THE FOO FIGHTERS
A million miles away
Your signal in the distance
To whom it may concern
I think I lost my way
Getting good at starting over
Every time that I

I’m learning to walk again
I believe I’ve waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I’m learning to talk again
Can’t you see I’ve waited long enough?
Where do I begin?

Do you remember the days
We built these paper mountains
And sat and watched them burn?
I think I found my place
Can’t you feel it growing stronger?
Little conquerors

I’m learning to walk again
I believe I’ve waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I’m learning to talk again
I believe I’ve waited long enough
Where do I begin?

Now
For the very first time
Don’t you pay no mind?
Set me free again
You keep alive a moment at a time
But still inside a whisper to a riot
To sacrifice but knowing to survive
The first decline another state of mind
I’m on my knees, I’m praying for a sign
Forever, whenever
I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I’m on my knees
I never wanna die
I’m dancing on my grave
I’m running through the fire
Forever, whatever
I never wanna die
I never wanna leave
I’ll never say goodbye
Forever, whatever
Forever, whatever

I’m learning to walk again
I believe I’ve waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I’m learning to talk again
Can’t you see I’ve waited long enough?
Where do I begin?

I’m learning to walk again
I believe I’ve waited long enough
I’m learning to talk again
Can’t you see I’ve waited long enough?

6 thoughts on “Learning To Walk Again

  1. leftnfree

    With the determination that you have I think you will do it. I was hospitalized back the end of March (actually the entire last week (Easter week), prior to that I was doing 200 sit ups 3xs a day and the efforts were showing. But since the hospital it has been really hard to get back into the swing of it. I have tried a few times but it was not the same, it is as if I have really lost my momentum. I want to try and so if you will walk I will begin to do sit ups again. Thank you Wayne for the encouragement that you give by sharing your struggles.

    Reply
  2. Frances D

    I look forward to finding you in my reader every day. You have immersed yourself in your writing, and every post is better than the last. Cheering you on here in Old Cape Cod

    Reply
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