Movember, Er I Don’t Think I Will, Sorry!

This week has passed by so quickly, it doesn’t seem like just days since I was feeling alone, crying in the darkness of the world my addiction brought me too, but thankfully as the days pass things get back to normal, I pick myself up and carry on where I left off, Sunday afternoon was just one of those moments that come and go, they are hard to take when the arise, but as long as I keep conquering them as I go, that’s what really matters most.

So another month also come towards it’s close, we’ve run out of money once again, but we’ll get through it, we always do, payday’s only a few days away!

But as October comes to a close and November dawns, I hear talk of people looking towards Movember once again. Friends I hear discussing their plans for their facial hair growth and their ability to cultivate something worthy of the cause.

But I have a problem with this and it goes right back to the morning I rang Gareth, straight after that phone call I jumped in the shower, shaved and set a routine I promised myself I would follow daily, without fail.

That was the first steps of change I put in place, mainly because of the months and years previously I had really given up on looking after myself. Before I started full time work in November 2011, I was only doing the odd days work here and there, maybe a few days at a time or a week possibly, but then nothing for sometime, it was really hit and miss, unfortunately my life followed the same process, except for the drinking, there was never a miss there, that was one thing I never let slip.

It started as a lazy thing, days where I had no work, I would just simply languish beneath the covers for the whole day, therefore if I never got up then I wouldn’t really do anything, that includes wash, shave, etc, oh yes I was a complete mess of a person.

Should I have to go out to work or karate, well I would make a bit of an effort, but it really was just patching over the cracks. Clean my teeth and just flatten my hair, that would be about it, throw on a track suit or something just a casual and well worn.

But I also got to the point whether I was working or languishing ad home in the darkness, I wouldn’t shave for weeks, sometimes even months. It just took the form of a wiry mess, not a cultivated work of art I hear people planning, no I looked like the old saying, like I had been dragged through a hedge backwards.

At the the time I have to say I wasn’t bothered how I looked, equally I didn’t give a damn what others thought, after all they weren’t me, they weren’t fighting what I was fighting, they didn’t know what I was going through and they certainly didn’t know that I just wanted to give up.

So when I put the phone down after making that phone call to Gareth, I knew that all had to change. I knew I had to change a lot about who I was, the first thing was to start looking after myself and more importantly, starting to love myself, let’s face it and I remember saying this to Gareth that night, if I can’t love myself, how can I expect others to love me too!

I know that’s not entirely true, God’s love for me is unceasing, no matter whether I shave or not, but when I think of not shaving I associate that with everything that brought out the worst in me and that dark period of my life when I came so close to losing it!

So forgiven me, but this November I will be shaving every morning, there will be no cultivating of an art form on my top lip, I will be clean shaven the whole way, I have my reasons and they’re important to me.

So I write this whilst I’m sat listening to our Worship team practise a new song for this Sunday’s service, which I know I only used the very song they were practising last Thursday, but forgive me, I’m going to use it again.

WE WON’T BE SHAKEN by BUILDING 429
This world has nothing for me
This life is not my own
I know you go before me
And I am not alone
This mountain rises higher
This way seems so unclear
But I know that you go with me
I will trust in you

Whatever will come my way
Through fire or pouring rain
We won’t be shaken
No we won’t be shaken
Whatever tomorrow brings
Together we’ll rise and sing
That we won’t be shaken
Oooh Oh Oh
Oooh Oh Oh
Oooh Oh Oh
No we won’t be shaken

You know my every longing
You’ve heard my every prayer
You’ve held me in my weakness
Cause you are always there
So I’ll stand in full surrender
It’s your way and not my own
My mind is set on nothing less
Than you and you alone
I will not be moved oh

Whatever will come my way
Through fire or pouring rain
We won’t be shaken
No we won’t be shaken
Whatever tomorrow brings
Together we’ll rise and sing
That we won’t be shaken

We will trust in you
We will not be moved
We will trust in you

3 thoughts on “Movember, Er I Don’t Think I Will, Sorry!

  1. thelovelyphotog

    I appreciate your openness and sharing your journey with readers like me. I remember days like those and little reminders of past hardships. I totally understand where you’re coming from. I love listening to religious music in times like these. I love that song btw πŸ™‚ No Shave November for you… but many beautiful days ahead πŸ™‚

    Stay blessed ❀

    Reply
  2. icedmocha34

    I love that song!!!! I’m a writer-so I’ve written countless short stories based off that song because it’s just so inspirational and uplifting. A youth leader at my church wrote his own song sort/of like this one, but unfortunately he hasn’t gotten it out in to the world yet. Hopefully he will soon because it’s an amazing song!!!!! *starts humming it to self*

    Reply
  3. storytimewithbuffy

    Movember is a great cause, but you should should definitely take care of yourself and do what you need to do before you can think about taking care of anyone else. There’s always next year if you decide that you would like to do it. Or the year after. I hope that things get better for you soon.

    Reply

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