It would seem that each day is actually getting a little easier, I am definitely beginning to feel as though I am getting back to some sort of normal again, there are still some lingering side effects, but in general I do feel a lot better.
Although I’ve been off work the last few days, I have done some work for the Architect’s which has kept me occupied and hasn’t been as stressful as it had been over the last few weeks. I’m glad I told them any work last week would have to wait, okay I may not get any money from them for sometime, but I was at lot more comfortable working on my terms.
My frustration and anger are a lot more controllable now, I’m seemed to lose control very easily in the past month, which was one of the things I feared about looking after the kids, if they kick off how would I react, luckily they haven’t and I actually now feel I have control back.
At my Connect Group meeting last night I felt like I was part of the meeting for the first time in weeks, not completely detached and in tears like two weeks ago or a bit part player like I have been over the last month or so, my concentration is returning and I can focus now, I don’t find myself just staring out into nothing, this was something that was happening quite a bit, I would find myself just drifting off then not knowing where I was or what I was doing for a moment.
There are still things about myself I’m not happy with at the moment, I still get trapped in my own head from time to time, but on the whole I certainly feel like the medication is working and I coming out the other side of yet another trial.
The kids and I had a film night this evening, we watched Despicable Me 2 on DVD with pop corn, they want to do it again, so probably Monday night we’ll have another film night. I have to say they have been fantastic so far, I couldn’t have asked for them to be any better behaved.
Last night I was reminded of something I was doing a few weeks back when I was at work, when things weren’t going very well and on a couple of occasions I was close to just grabbing my things and walking out, I would find myself working away from others and quietly singing a few lines from this song over and over again, it helped me get through some tough moments, it something I should keep doing.
WHEN YOU WALK INTO THE ROOM by BRYAN & KATIE TORWALT
When You walk into the room, everything changes
Darkness starts to tremble at the light that you bring
When You walk into the room, every heart starts burning
And nothing matters more than just to sit here at Your feet and worship You
We Love You, and we’ll never stop
We can’t live without You, Jesus
We Love You, We can’t get enough
All this is for You, Jesus
When You walk into the room, sickness starts to vanish
Every hopeless situation, ceases to exist
When You walk into the room, The dead begin to rise
Cause there is resurrection life in all You do
Come and consume God, all we are
We give You permission, our hearts are Yours
We want You, We want You