Quiet Reflection

It didn’t go unnoticed yesterday evening that I wasn’t my normal self, I wasn’t really engaged in the conversation that followed the DVD were watching in our Connect Group.  Given the topic of the DVD, I would normally have a lot to say given my experiences over the last two years.

But given the date and what we were watching, I found myself engrossed in my memories of the evening exactly two years ago and my meeting with Gareth.  Remember the day before that meeting I was at probably an all time low, drinking more than ever and on the edge of suicide, indeed I had the knife at my wrist, but I couldn’t do it.

Then the next morning I fought back every instinct to run and hide, to eventually make that call to Gareth.  When he walked into my room that night, it was as though Christ himself walked in with him, hence my choice of song last night, “When You Walk Into The Room”.

Seeing Gareth on the DVD last night, talking about community and being there for each other, it was as though I was back on my own settee, watching Gareth sat across the room, talking to me, helping me to open up and start the process of admitting to myself I was a mess and needed help.

From that night everything changed, I changed.  I don’t think I had really thought that in seeking that meeting I would change everything and turn to faith for help, previously that was a big no-no for me, but that night it definitely opened that door for me.

It’s not been an easy two years, there have been so many absolutely fantastic moments, so many great moments, but there has also been a few low ones too, but let’s be honest here, there is nothing that I have faced that was any worse than who I was and where I was when I sought that meeting two years ago.

That night my life restarted, it may have taken another ten days to stop drinking and put an end to an addiction which almost destroyed me, but that was part of the process, a part of the journey, an amazing journey.

In those early days there was one song that helped carry me through, the night following I had an urge from nowhere to listen to this song, when I did it made me realise what was happening, the Healing Had Begun!

HEALING BEGINS by TENTH AVENUE NORTH
So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you’re good
And you can’t believe it’s not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let ’em fall down
There’s freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We’re here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you’re broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won’t disappear

So let it fall down
There’s freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We’re here now
We’re here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you’re broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don’t fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you’re broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

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