Thoughts On Two Years Of Sobriety – Yes It’s Today!!!!

So the hours are running down now until the magical moment when I can celebrate another year of sobriety, when that clock ticks over to 10.30pm, even though the rest of the house maybe asleep, I will be having my own quiet celebration with a bottle of Pepsi Max (shameless product placement)!

When I made that conscious decision two years ago, as I walked to the Pub with a friend, that declaration that if I didn’t like the taste of that first pint that would be, did I really think it would stick?

Did I really expect to make it a year, let alone two years?

Quite honestly I don’t think I did.  Since the age of sixteen the most I have gone without a drink at that point was a couple of months.  I know I made that declaration with the best of intentions, but I am actually surprised that I’ve made it through these two years without relapse, without failing and returning to the bottle.

I’ve been close, I honestly have, within a few weeks of quitting I was tested, then last March, when my Nan died, I was struggling and it felt like it would be easier to give in, but I prayed and I fought it and I made it through the urges.

When my second Nan died just two months later I didn’t really have the same urges, but a strange thing happened when I came home from her funeral.  A few years ago my kids brought me a keyring of Barney Gumble from the Simpsons, complete with beer in his hand, the keyring had been on my keys ever since.  When I came home and locked the gate behind me, that keyring broke and fell from my keys, I threw it away.

I believe was the breaking point of the habit, because after that I haven’t been tempted again.  Even last November when I slipped into a depression, I never actually contemplated it, completely the opposite, when I went into shops where wine bottles were I had to stop myself from smashing them, not drinking them!

I’ve celebrated with the kids today, Eve, Ben and myself went to Lincoln after I finished work.  It was a bit of a belated treat for Eve, I didn’t have the money to get her much for her birthday a few weeks ago, I promised her when I did I would treat her in Lincoln, I managed to get some money in this week, so I kept my promise and off we went.

Amongst another of things she chose, she brought herself a pair of pink headphones, on the way home on the train she couldn’t wait to try them out, so we plugged them into my iPhone and she was away.  She insisted I play one song over and over for her and then she started singing along.

Eve Singing The Reason

Eve Singing The Reason

We got a few strange looks!

The song she was singing along with was The Reason by Lacey Sturm, I had actually chosen that song to go with this post.  I can relate to every lyric of the song, it echoes my feelings and my journey, but I have finally found the reason and without that reason I would not have made it this far.

THE REASON by LACEY STURM
All my life I’ve searched for something
To satisfy the longing in my heart
But every time I’ve come away
Emptier than before

And now I finally see the reason
Cuz I was made to be Yours alone
You formed my heart with Your own hands
But I just could not understand
If I gave You my life I’d be healed by Your grace
I was made for Your love and gave others Your place

I spent my days giving my heart away
To anything new
Only to ache from the poison
Of my temporary muse

There were times I cried myself
To sleep at night
Only to wake up
Wishing that I didn’t

And now I finally see the reason
Cuz I was made to be Yours alone
You formed my heart with Your own hands
But I just could not understand
If I gave You my life I’d be healed by Your grace
I was made for Your love and gave others Your place

Thank You for never giving up on me
When I looked to everything else and lived so selfishly
You bled, You died to be with me
Why would You do something like that for someone like me?

And now I finally see the reason
Cuz I was made to be Yours alone
You formed my heart with Your own hands
And now I finally understand
And I gave You my life and I’m healed by Your grace
I was made for Your love that no one can replace
This is it, I won’t miss everything I am made for

To be Yours
All Yours

2 thoughts on “Thoughts On Two Years Of Sobriety – Yes It’s Today!!!!

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