From Vertigo To Strangelove!

Okay, so I found the funny quirks I am currently experiencing whilst walking this morning pretty amusing, but the dizziness did take a new turn this morning during our Church service, Peter Sellers/ Stanley Kubrick aficionado’s will no doubt understand my post title after I explain a little more.

Apart from the quirks that I explained in my post earlier today, I had the odd loss of balance when I got up and down from my camera platform this morning, but it all seemed okay as I got everything set up.

As my main task is to record the message in the service, everything was fine for the first 15 minutes, it was all going okay, I found my concentration to be fine and covering the speaker’s movements just fine, then after the fifteen minute mark I slowly started to lose control of my left arm, which is the one I use to control the camera movements, I was struggling to get it to respond and it seemed to feel rather dead for a while.

So I switched arms, which was a problem also.  My camera is set for me to use my left hand to control the camera and my right to focus and zoom, so the crossing my arm over my body and trying to control the camera with my right hand is something I wasn’t used to and I couldn’t adjust the camera settings whilst filming, so my right hand wasn’t as smooth as my left, even though I am naturally right handed.  I tried to switch back after a few minutes, but my left arm was a waste of time, I just couldn’t get my hand/eye coordination to work with my left hand.  The more I tried to concentrate on the movement of the speaker, the worst it got, my concentration was shot, I was struggling to focus, it was all a little weird.

As soon as the preach was finished, I got gingerly down from the platform, went to the back of the hall and sat down with my head in my hands, trying to get back into my own head.

It takes a fair amount of concentration when filming, I have to follow the speaker’s every movement and try to second guess the body language to keep the footage as smooth as possible.  I guess it was maybe pushing it a little bit too much to keep my concentration for that long, considering my current predicament.

I had a similar situation yesterday when I was doing some architectural drawings, after a few hours the mouse started doing a few funny things, I blamed the mouse, but now I actually know that it was me, just pushing it a little too far and going beyond what these symptoms make me capable of.

This morning I was close to stepping away from the camera and asking for someone to take over, I found myself praying for a sense of composure to get through to the end of the message, when I would then have chance to compose myself.  Thankfully I made it to the end and completed my task, granted I was a little shaken when I was finished and it took more than a few minutes to get a sense of feeling back to normal, which included a friend coming to sit with me and comfort me for a few minutes.

I was a little worried, as I also had a karate class to teach this afternoon, but thankfully the symptoms did not repeat themselves during the class and I managed to keep composed and teach the class, actually I don’t think I’ve enjoyed a class so much since long before I started on these antidepressants.

So okay, it wasn’t the most comfortable of moments this morning, but I can still actually see a funny side to it, even though it was a strange sensation to lose control of one’s arm!  Despite all these little idiosyncrasies I am actually in very good spirits, I’m more than glad I listened to the spirit within that pushed me to move forward and come off the meds, it may be a another week or so with these minor quirks, but I know I’m actually starting to move forward again and get back into some of the routines I put back in place when I started this journey way back in March 2012.

RISE AGAIN by NEEDTOBREATHE
I know how it started the walls that we build to separate us
Make it wider, stronger, til it’s too tall for us to touch
Heaviness is on me I don’t see how we might be whole again
We might be better off in the wake of a bitter end

Oh I know I’m gonna rise again
Set my sights on where I’m going
And my goodbyes to where I’ve been
Oh I know I’m gonna rise again
Singing farewell king of the broken
So long my friend

We could always count on the same things
The ups and the downs like time
We crawl through the abyss then we came through the other side
Heaviness is only temporary the daylight will soon break in
The sunlight can change a heart in the wake of a bitter end.

Oh I know I’m gonna rise again
Set my sights on where I’m going
And my goodbyes to where I’ve been
Oh I know I’m gonna rise again
Singing farewell king of the broken
So long my friend

I could see us moving on I can feel that coming on strong
We’ll never start all over like this and I still can’t believe it

Oh I know I’m gonna rise again
Set my sights on where I’m going
And my goodbyes to where I’ve been
Oh I know I’m gonna rise again
Singing farewell king of the broken
So long my friend 

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