Taming The Angry Beast

Night’s like these are when I have to fight the beast inside, where the old me would be reaching straight for a bottle or a handful of cans, I hate these nights.

For the second night running I’ve come home from work completely frustrated and angry.  It’s been a hard couple of weeks at work, it always is around stock take time as a lot of the work falls into my remit, it just seems more so this year.

I just feel like I’m working alone at the moment, I running around trying to get everything done within the deadlines, as well as trying to manage my normal workload, whilst everyone else just stands around watching, no one offers to help out, I’m just left to do everything whilst they stand around chatting, waiting for customers.

Maybe it’s just me, I’m not one to just approach people for help, it’s my job so I just get on with it, it’s just so frustrating, but it should be all done tomorrow and next week back to the normal workload.

The problem is, in the past when I went home angry and frustrated, the first place I would go, quite often before even going home, would be the shop around the corner, buy some alcohol, usually a couple of bottles of wine and a handful of cans, just so as soon as I got in I could start drinking and dealing with the problem in my own special way, to escape it all.

So on nights like this, there is a part of me that just wants to go and do that, a small voice from within reminds me of how I used to deal with these things.  This all makes dealing with things harder, it’s just another thing to get over, it just adds to all the frustration.

So how do I deal with it now, I walk home and try to put myself in a different place, think of everything I’ve achieved so far and how I got where I am, obviously praying for the same guidance and strength I have received from the beginning.  Then when I get home, I have my tea and sleep it all off for an hour or so.

Last night was fine, because I was out at with my Connect Group for a social night, which as always is fun and takes my mind of the problem at least for a few hours.  Tonight it get’s a little tougher as I am at home, I do have some architectural work to do, but I’m in no rush to do that, especially after a hard few days and also because I’ve still not been paid for the last 10 months work, it will get done when I’m ready and in the mood.

I guess the good thing about Thursday’s is that every Thursday is a another week of sobriety, it’s 127 weeks this evening, which as always spurs me on.

WE MUST REMEMBER by JEREMY CAMP
We must remember
That You have forgotten
And You don’t remember our sins anymore
We must remember
That You have forgotten
And You, You died once and for all

You are the God that bore our shame
You are the taker of our pain
And we know that You are, yes You are
The one true life we need

You are the pure and spotless Lamb
You are the only Great I Am
And we know that You are, yes You are
The God of the redeemed

And we must remember
That You have forgotten
And You don’t remember our sins anymore
And we must remember
That You have forgotten
And You, You died once and for all
Once and for all

The power of Your blood is all that we need
You laid down Your life and the captives were free
The veil was torn and there was victory

We must remember, we must remember
That You’ve forgotten, yes You’ve forgotten
We must remember, there is victory
There is victory
There is victory
There is victory

We must remember
That You have forgotten
And You don’t remember our sins anymore
And we must remember
That You have forgotten
And You, You died once and for all

4 thoughts on “Taming The Angry Beast

  1. 50djohnson

    I’m so sorry you are struggling and had several rough days. I had the same problem with food. It will be one year in October that I joined the trim down club and I am now an administrator of a group of 665 people. I encourage them to stay on it. show them how to make substitions… etc. I have learned many things this year, as I had to have three un expected surgeries also, is that Encouraging others I am the one encouraged. Digest it, it’s powerful!

    Reply
  2. storiesofourboys

    Don’t give up! Keep up what you are doing even though it is hard. I’m cheering for you. My dad beat alcoholism. When I was a child he had 9 beers pER night. Now he never drinks and doesnt even want it. I think he’s been sober completely 3 years and greatly improved for 5.

    Reply

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