So Now I’m Unsocial

For an alcoholic the Christmas Season brings it fair share of obstacles, it hard to turn around and not hear about anything that doesn’t involve alcohol.  Needless to say the TV is full of adverts for beers, wines and spirits and the hot topic of discussion around work is the work’s Christmas do, it seems the whole world looks to go into party mode over the Christmas season.

For weeks now there has been on and off discussion about where to go for our work’s Christmas meal and drink, these have been discussions that I haven’t been involve in, firstly because when talk has started I’ve laid low and kept out of the way, but mainly because nobody has bother to ask me my opinion, the “in crowd” have been making all the decisions as usual.

In truth it’s not that I mind about not being involved, because pretty much after last year I had already made the decision I would not be going anyway.  Last year in the run up to the Christmas meal I was called “weak” by a work colleague for choosing not to drink, not strong for resisting temptation, but weak for having the problem in the first place.  This was repeated earlier this year also, I was absolutely livid then, it took some calming down that night when I left work and some strength to go back to work the next day and carry on as if nothing had been said.

Last year I almost pulled out of going in the days up to the meal, I was still struggling with the depression I had fallen into the month before and the medication was just beginning to take effect.  Even on the day of the meal I still really didn’t want to go, right up to the last half an hour before I needed to leave I still hadn’t decided whether I was going or not, but in the end I reluctantly set off and met them at the pub/restaurant for the meal.

As the night went on I felt more and more uncomfortable and was largely ignored through the evening, not that I really wanted to be part of any of the conversation that was going on around the table anyway, I just wanted the meal to end so I could go home and the others continue with their drinking and as soon as it had I said goodbye and went home with a sense of relief.

So this morning I was back at work after a long weekend off, it seems that over the last few days further arrangements for this year’s meal have been made.  A few weeks back when the one time the tentative meal arrangements where mentioned to me, I stated I wasn’t going anyway and no more was said.  So this morning it was clear that arrangements had been finalised and my Boss turned to me and told me the details and asked if I was coming, to which I reply no!

I was asked why I wasn’t going and I was honest and said I didn’t want to go last year, but forced myself to and was uncomfortable all night, this year I’m still not comfortable with these situations and wasn’t prepared to put myself through it this year and it was left at that.

Obviously through the day discussed were made by other members regarding the arrangements and I one person came to me and asked why I was being “unsocial”!

I tried to explain, yet this is the sort person whose opinion is the only one valid, also the main source of conversation topic which I tried to avoid last year, so needless to say he didn’t really want to listen and understand.

“You could still come and have a soft drink!”

Oh really, they sell those sort of things in restaurants, I never knew!

It didn’t matter I wasn’t comfortable about the situation, he pressed on.

“My friend doesn’t drink, he just comes to the pub and has a coffee!”

My reply was “that’s your friend, not me, I’m not comfortable with going, so I’m not going!”

He then asked “Why are you being so aggressive about it?”

My response was that he was the one pressuring the situation and not listening to or understanding the answers, I stood my ground, reiterated my decision not go and broke off the conversation.

I don’t expect everyone to understand what I have gone through to get so far with this sober life, I don’t expect anyone to fully understand what was causing me to drink the way I did back then, all I would like is that they accept my reasons for doing what I am doing and decisions I make.

I may have to face further awkward conversions over the next few days, until the meal has passed by on Saturday night, but trust me, I will be far more comfortable and far happier sat here at home with a soft drink and my kids around me, than sat listening to those who like the sound of the own voices, which get louder and louder after each drink.

I am thankful for everyday that God has given me since I found the strength to get through that first day without drinking, so far I found that strength for the last 985 days and nobody is going to stop me adding to that number.

 ALIVE by KIM WALKER-SMITH
You breathe Your life into my lungs,
You bring to life these dry bones,
I know that You’re alive

You call me one of Your own
In my heart You made Your home
I know that You’re alive

I’m coming alive

You call me one of Your own
In my heart You made Your home
I know that You’re alive

I’m coming alive
I’m coming alive
I’m coming alive

We will make Him known
Jesus is alive, He’s alive
We will shout it out
Jesus is alive, He’s alive

To all the dry and weary souls
Take joy, take heart, be filled with hope
I know that He’s alive

To all the ones who have no home
Get up and run, we’re going home
I know that He’s alive

I’m coming alive
I’m coming alive
I’m coming alive

We will make Him known
Jesus is alive, He’s alive
We will shout it out
Jesus is alive, He’s alive

It may get loud
The grave is empty now
It may get wild
His love is like no other

It may get loud
The grave is empty now
It may get wild
His love is like no other
It may get loud
The grave is empty now
It may get wild
His love is like no other

We will make Him known
Jesus is alive, He’s alive
We will shout it out
Jesus is alive, He’s alive

We will make Him known
Jesus is alive, He’s alive
We will shout it out
Jesus is alive, He’s alive

4 thoughts on “So Now I’m Unsocial

  1. hurthealer

    Oh my gosh! I can’t believe your boss was so ignorant! Congratulations on your 985 days and may they never end. I have been in your position too and it’s horrible to have to force yourself to stay at an event that you would really rather leave. I have been in sobriety for 17 years and even now I choose not to go to a dinner/party/event if I feel that it’s going to be ‘drinkers only.’ No longer my scene. Thank God!
    God Bless You and continue to protect and strengthen you on your wonderful journey in sobriety. Wishing you much happiness!

    Reply
  2. whisperingleavesblog

    You’re not weak, you are the strong one and the courageous one. It takes strength and courage to fight for your life back, and your children are blessed to have such a dad. Keep walking in victory.

    Reply
  3. kennyandrew

    You know, God is your strength through all the struggles and hardships and all the various torments you have to endure in this journey. Whenever it gets too hard, remember our Lord Jesus did it, He died for you and me. So you can do it, you can stay sober for all d rest of your days, because His grace is made sufficient in your weakness. You will definitely be fine and no, you’re not antisocial for standing your ground. Merry Christmas in advance. God loves you.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.