Sorry, But The Truth Is….

…I’m Not Okay

I guess I’m just having one of those days or should I say weekends, things haven’t turned out quite as planned, which has caused a few problems, all that over the one day I really struggle with.

Over the last two days I’ve been okay when my mind has been busy working, like yesterday morning and this afternoon, but in the quiet times and when I’m alone, I must admit my mind is all a bit of a mess, indeed I feel detached from everything and have been on the verge of tears so many times.

This morning at Church I kept saying I was fine or okay or not too bad when asked, when in reality I was anything but, truthfully I was struggling but just didn’t want to admit it.  I did speak with a friend at the end of the service and explained things in simple terms to him, I told him I was fed up with lying to everyone, I’m not okay, but I don’t really want to talk about it.

I’m having a real problem dealing with Valentines Day, it’s stark reminder of how much I messed up, it’s everywhere you look, pictures of what people have done for the ones they love, yet I’m here alone and a mess, it just gets a bit tough to deal with.

I’m sure over this next week, this will all pass, after all I’ve not felt this low since I started taking anti-depressants about sixteen months ago, since I’ve been off the medication I’ve been okay, this is the first time I’ve seriously struggled, but I have a strong feeling that it will pass this time.

ALRIGHT MY FRIEND by DECEMBERADIO
All your dreams are fading to nothing fading to nothing
Complacency is killing you slowly taking you over

Is there something I can say
I pray for you, I pray for you

Are you alright my friend
Couldn’t help but notice that you’re all alone
All alone
I’m reaching out my hand
And hoping that one day you will understand
Love will lead you home

Silently, I hear you crying
There’s no use in fighting
Promises, that fade like the sunset
With nothing but regret

Is there something I can say
I pray for you, I pray for you

Are you alright my friend
Couldn’t help but notice that you’re all alone
All alone
I’m reaching out my hand
And hoping that one day you will understand
Love will lead you home

Stand up and dry your eyes
So not be ashamed there’s better days ahead
Sorrow will pass away
There’s hope for you and me written in the red

Are you alright my friend
Couldn’t help but notice that you’re all alone
All alone
I’m reaching out my hand
And hoping that one day you will understand
Love will lead

Are you alright my friend
Couldn’t help but notice that you’re all alone
All alone
I’m reaching out my hand
And hoping that one day you will understand
Love will lead you home

8 thoughts on “Sorry, But The Truth Is….

      1. merrimj1122

        OMgoodness, I just saw this now? 4 mo’s later? I love this blog and the poems and. I dont know who Namcy is, but if that reply was for me? — you got it all wrong! I love the blog and poetry– if you read his post he was saying St Valentines gets him down- soooo commercialism stinks! God’s love is whats important not hallmark etc—not putting anyone down dear, but encouraging a sweet soul- hope you get to see this one day so you know where you went wrong.

        Reply
  1. Dawn

    I hope that you will feel strengthened, revived, and encouraged. Even if you don’t ‘feel’ that way, just let the knowledge of God fill you with hope. Feelings always change, and cannot be given control over your life. Don’t act on or because of them. They can’t be trusted. I’ll be praying for you.

    Reply
  2. Michelle Sherlock

    Keeping busy can help but if you have ever watched 28 days with Sandra Bullock – the one thing she had to learn was to ask for help. God made us to be connected with one another, not just with Him. Reach out and ask for help. What I have learned in life is that even when I felt I was more broken than others, there was still always someone more broken than me. Find someone you can help too and the blessings will come right back to you. Oh and tell God the truth… He can take it! Psalm 69 is a good example…

    Reply
  3. leftnfree

    Sorry that you are having a hard time. If I may suggest…when you become overwhelmed and that way try saying (either out loud or silently) “You are my peace Jesus” (I don’t care if you have to say it 100 xs an hour just focus on Him being your peace….

    And like someone else has already mentioned ask for help. No, you don’t have to share with everyone but it is ok to ask for help. You don’t have to do this alone (any of it)….. None of us can do this stuff called life alone….

    I am praying for you my friend across the ocean. Remember the promises from the AA big book (pg.s 83-84 of the AA Big Book). Just in case you have no idea what I am talking about here they are…

    “If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before
    we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
    We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word
    serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we
    will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity
    will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self seeking
    will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change. Fear of people
    and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations
    which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could
    not do for ourselves.
    Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us –
    sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them”

    Praying for you my friend. This to shall pass but I pray that it will pass quickly…

    Reply
  4. nancy

    Praying for you, and I enjoy your blog and the relevant music and imagery you include…God has given you a great talent, the capacity to inspire and lift others. Thank you for sharing…and since He is with you, ‘who can stand against you?’

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.