Reflection

Sometimes I go into new weeks expecting the worst, expecting everything to just fall apart, I have to say that I fully expected that to happen this week.

This week three years ago was probably the worst week of my life, it was the week where everything in my life fell apart, I knew that this was coming up and was expecting to fall into dark memories, not to get dragged down by them, but they would be just vivid enough to take the edge off everything.

But in a strange sort of way, the fact that we were so busy at work kept my mind occupied.  With people off on holiday, it left us very short staffed on a week where things really picked up.  It seemed like an endless stream of customers at the counter and the phone continuously ringing.

But the great thing about it was, that when I got home and began to look back to those dark days three years ago and at the same time reflected on how busy the day had been, I had this amazing feeling of how great things are now than three years ago.  I would have come home from a day like this and hit the bottle straight away, I would have been gagging for a drink and not have any strength within to get through the night without drinking.  But now even after the most hectic of days, I can just come home and find an inner peace and strength, where I don’t have to reach for a crutch to hold me up, I don’t have to drown myself before I become a person capable of being normal, I have a strength I never knew before, His strength.

Even today has been a great day, because once again in remembering how bad Mother’s Day was for me both three years ago and also two years ago, I am thankfully that I not only came through those dark days, both of which I wanted out of life, but through the grace and love of the Lord, I am free of those dark days and even darker thoughts, not by my strength, but once again His.

I guess one thing that has also helped, over these last two weeks, is the work I have been doing in writing a full testimony, yes I have to revisit the dark days, but to write about how even in the days when I never knew Him, I can now see how the Lord had His hand on my life even then.

So all in all it’s been a good week, busy, but good, plus it gave me a real chance to reflect on how great my life is, since the Lord set me free from those dark days.

LOVE IN THE HARD TIMES by JARS OF CLAY
It’s a little bit
It’s a little bit late to try
For something better

It’s a little bit
It’s a little bit late to try
And cut the anchor

But if you want to go
I’ll go there with you
I’ll go there

It’s when I think to reach across those battle lines
And still love in the hard times
Sometimes I just want to feel your hand in mine
Still love in the hard times

I’m just a little bit
Just a little bit tired
To fight for something better

And the worst of it
The worst of it is
I think of you more than ever

So if you want to go
I’ll go there with you
I’ll go there

It’s when I think to reach across those battle lines
And still love in the hard times
Sometimes I just want to feel your hand in mine
Still love in the hard times

It’s when I think to reach across those battle lines
And still love in the hard times
Sometimes I just want to feel your hand in mine
Still love in the hard times

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