Reflections, Part 2

Last week I approached the week apprehensive due to the significance of the anniversaries that were approaching, it was three years since everything fell apart here at home, but in reality there was nothing to worry about, none of it bothered me and I had a really encouraging week.

This week has followed the same pattern, but maybe even better, because this week all the great anniversaries started to come around.

On Thursday evening I was at our Encounter evening at Church, when a couple of people asked if they could pray for me, I was taken right back to that very day three years previously when Gareth and Alex came to my house and Gareth asked if he could pray for me.

That day on 19th March 2012 came just the day after I found myself in my desperation wanting to cut my wrists, I had been on a bit of a bender over the weekend, drinking more than ever and then on the morning of 19th, I rang Gareth and asked for help, he responded by coming over that night with Alex to talk through things with me.

We discussed my drinking, the situation here at home and after listening intently he asked if he could pray for me, I can’t remember a word he said, I just sat there crying into my hands, something I did a lot of that night.

But after that meeting I decided my life had to change and it did.  That meeting, that night started this amazing journey.  I didn’t know God at that point in my life, I hadn’t wanted to, until then, I had nowhere else to turn, so I called Gareth that day and he opened my eyes to the possibility of a life with God and Jesus.

When these few people asked to pray for me on Thursday evening, I remembered that night so fondly, it hit home even after all this time, that night was the turning point of my life, all that has come about afterwards was a consequence of that night.  I know that God’s hand was on that all along, I know that he led me to that meeting.

Then two nights later, three years to this very day, I began praying myself.  After a stressful day at work and then an even more stressful few hours at the Architect’s afterwards, I was feeling desperate for a drink when I left to come home.  Normally I would have walked straight to the shop before coming home, that night I didn’t I got home, had tea and sat and watched the TV.  Normally if I had nothing to drink I would become ratty, pace the house restlessly, rubbing my hands and scratching at the skin on my arms.  But not this night, it wasn’t until 11pm that I realised that not only had I not had a drink, I hadn’t even thought about having one, I turned off the TV and the lights, laid down and put my hands together and thanked God for that strength to get through.  I asked for peace to get through the night, I had hardly slept over the last few nights, I had had only about three hours sleep over the last two days, all of what was going on was playing on my mind, over and over again.

But the next thing I knew my alarm was going off and I had just had the most amazingly peaceful sleep that I had ever had.  When I woke the morning after that prayer, I knew that God had answered and that this journey was now starting, I didn’t know where it was going to take me, but I was ready to take it.

The three years since have had their ups and downs, but even in the bad times, I knew He was always with me, in the dark times and when I felt desperate to drink in the early days, He took that away.  When I fell into depression, He never left me, He went through it with me.

Once again it’s been a really encouraging week and I’m sure that this week is going to get even better, I’m really looking forward to being in Swansea next week to share my story there, it’s going to be a great weekend.

I suppose there is only one song I could use to accompany this post, the song that on the day between meeting Gareth and making that prayer, I kept feeling that I had to listen to.  I didn’t know why, but all evening I had this urge to listen to this song, when I finally did it reduced me to tears, it was like it was written about my life at that very point.  I listened to this song all the time during those early months, when I was low I could put this on and feel encouraged.

Even when I listen to it now, it brings a tear to the eye as I remember what it meant to me back then.

HEALING BEGINS by TENTH AVENUE NORTH
So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you’re good
And you can’t believe it’s not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let ’em fall down
There’s freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We’re here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you’re broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won’t disappear

So let it fall down
There’s freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We’re here now
We’re here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you’re broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don’t fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you’re broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

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