From The Depths (Zechariah 9:11-12)
Here I stand now
For I stand here free
Gone is the time
When I dwelt in the depths
Of the barren pit
Down on my knees
In the driest of dust
Where only my tears ran
From there You set me free
With Your gift of grace and love
And brought me to Your strong tower
Surrounded by Your hope
Restored once more
Far beyond who I was before
Zechariah 9:11-12
Power And Love (Psalm 63:1-3)
For I have walked
In lands so dry
And so weary
With a thirst
For more than water
Yet I found You
In the sanctuary
Your love provided
I felt Your power
And glory wash over me
So now I raise
My voice in praise
To sing of Your name
And the life I now have
Through Your amazing love
Psalm 63:1-3
Understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6)
On my own
My understanding
Stands weak
It’s view of this world
Is tainted by my desires
The temptation within my path
My understanding
And my weakness longs to grasp
In my own
My heart it sings
Out a different tune
It trusts in You
When my understanding
Turns it’s back
My heart it leans on You
When I begin to fall
That’s when I find You
And I know You’re in my heart
So my heart it places it’s trust in You
And lets You my Lord
Make straight the paths
That my heart must walk
Proverbs 3:5-6
I have to say the last couple of months have seen a real swing in terms of work, at the beginning of last month I was facing an investigation at work, we were caught out in a number of transactions by an individual that turned out to fraudulent, myself and a colleague, although in no way complicit, did not follow correct company protocol that could have minimized the risk of being caught out.
For a week as the investigation went on, we both could have been sacked, although our Manager was on our side and understood we were put on the spot, made a judgement call and got it wrong under pressure, he didn’t think we would get the sack, just a warning, but if he was pressured by his superiors, they could push for dismissal, as it was they pushed only for a written warning and that was what we received, we both breathed a sigh of relief.
My colleague feared the sack far more than I did, when I heard of the investigation, I was nervous about facing the interview about my part in it, but I was really not that bothered if I was to lose my job, I had prayed about it and each time I felt I was being told not to worry, whatever happens there are bigger plans for me anyway and things will be fine in the mean time.
We have been that busy over the last few months that it really is exhausting work some days, we don’t have enough staff and there isn’t enough time in the day to do everything that I need to do to fulfil my job, to say I have been a bit fed up with it at times is an understatement, I guess in a way I’m not that happy with the job at the moment, it’s just hard work and there doesn’t seem to be that much help for our branch from the company, due to budgets and finance etc, even though we are beating our budgets month after month.
I also find it hard in my job to feel as though I showing my Christian values. It’s a builder’s merchants, most of our customers speak in a rough and ready fashion, with casual swearing the norm, I guess I used to swear a lot before, but since I became a Christian I try not to, but it’s hard not to when those all around are. Even when we are busy, I sometimes think my colleagues aren’t really pulling their weight, they don’t go that extra mile, just do the minimum they have to do, I try to just get on with it and do whatever what needs to be done.
So all of this has been playing on my mind. Until last night, it was our area’s regional roadshow, basically a meeting of all the branches in our area, to discuss how we are doing as a region and how things can be improved.
Part of the meetings there are a few awards handed out and last night I received an award from the company for all of our area, which is seventeen branches with over 180 employees, I received the most positive feedback for customer service from our customers than any other of the employees.
It could have been awkward, as most of the time the awards include a few vouchers and a bottle of something, thankfully my Manager had forewarned his Area Director that this wouldn’t be a good idea, so I just got a few more vouchers instead, which is fine by me.
I do think it a little ironic that the same company that last month could have sacked me, this month is giving me an award!
This morning as I walked to work, I was thinking about what this award really means, then I had this real sense that I was being told that this is how I stand out as a Christian in my work place, you go the bit extra for people and they recognise that and they obviously appreciate it, that’s why you got the award you did.
So even in a place where I find it hard to be the Christian I would like to be, to stand out as different to the others, in a place where I felt I wasn’t doing what I should be doing, it seems I am standing out to my customers and they obviously recognise it.
I came across this version of the song Brother by NeedToBreathe the other day, I thought the original off their last album was good, but this version with Gavin DeGraw is even better and well worth a listen.
BROTHER by NEEDTOBREATHE and GAVIN DEGRAW
Ramblers in the wilderness we can’t find what we need
Get a little restless from the searching
Get a little worn down in between
Like a bull chasing the matador is the man left to his own schemes
Everybody needs someone beside em’ shining like a lighthouse from the sea
Brother let me be your shelter
I’ll never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home
Face down in the desert now there’s a cage locked around my heart
I found a way to drop the keys where my failures were
Now my hands can’t reach that far
I ain’t made for a rivalry I could never take the world alone
I know that in my weakness I am strong, but
It’s your love that brings me home
Brother let me be your shelter
I’ll never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home
And when you call and need me near
Sayin’ where’d you go?
Brother I’m right here
And on those days when the sky begins to fall
You’re the blood of my blood
We can get through it all
Brother let me be your shelter
I’ll never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re feelin’ low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home
Brother let me be your shelter
I’ll never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home
Comfort From The Suffering (Psalm 119:49-50)
Though my fear
May trap my heart
And my anxiety
May fool my mind
But Your word
It brings me comfort
From the suffering
I bring upon myself
And Your promise
It brings me hope
Beyond all the pain
Into the life You have for me
Psalm 119:49-50
The Beauty To Come (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
When all I see
Is the destruction of my heart
Within the world in which I walk
I look to You and I cry
Then You show me
The beauty to come
Still within this life
Though I cry once more
When?
When, my Lord?
But You have set the time
And over and over again
You ask of me
Trust me
Just trust in me
Ecclesiastes 3:11
Empty Hands (1 Timothy 6:6-8)
In my hands
What did I find
All that the world gave
I threw it all away
Seeking a life
That wasn’t mine
And I stood broke
Before the world I owe
Debts of a life
I still have to pay
Now in my hands
I have a life
One which You gave
Though I had nothing left in return
Emptiness and brokenness
Now all replaced
By the love and the life You give
For now I am content
With what I hold in my hand
As all I have is of the grace You gave
1 Timothy 6:6-8
Finally Gone (John 14:27)
With this heart
Broken and aching
Awash with pain
As I was lost
In the chaos of my mind
My world in flames
Nowhere could I turn
Then You came
Taking away the chaos
And the source of this pain
From Your hands
You showered me in peace
No more broken nights
Just the deepest sleep
The fear of my heart
The trouble and the pain
All gone, finally gone
John 14:27
Spirit (Romans 8:26)
When I fail
And if I fall
The Spirit becomes my strength
When my words are lost
And silent prayer is all I have
The spirit becomes my guide
When it gives me hope
And renews this aching heart
Your spirit becomes my all
Romans 8:26
About a month ago I got off to a bit of a false start in terms of getting out each morning and walking as the sun rises. At one time I was out every morning, regardless of the weather, the days when I walked seemed to have far more balance to them, then about two years ago it started to get a little sporadic, until eventually I stopped before slipping into a period of dark depression.
Over the last couple of years I’ve tried many a time to get out again. Just like a month ago it starts out alright for a few days, but somehow I find an excuse to miss a day, then two, then three and so on and so on. Last month it lasted just short of a week and then due to being busy with work, I decided I was too tired and caved in each morning. But each night I would berate myself in my journal for not getting out, I would promise myself I would get out again the next morning, but it never happened and the cycle carried on. This morning though, the alarm went of and there was no deliberation, within ten minutes I was out the house walking.
My plan was to walk the cycle track, which is about four miles long and then return, it a total walk of around eight and half miles, in around two hours, on the way I would just make it to the lake as the sun rises.
Blue Skies
Hidden
Beyond
Over The Green Fields
Before The Clouds
As I got to the end of the track, which up to the point where I turn around is tarmac, I noticed that the dirt path which continues for another few miles had been cut back, over recent years it has been overgrown, last time I attempted to walk it was almost three years ago, but it was so overgrown I couldn’t get through. I walked it about five years ago and remember coming across a peaceful little spot where a small stream runs under a bridge, I’ve wanted to find it again so many times, but as I say the last time I tried it was impossible.
This morning for some reason, I just carried on, without even thinking I found myself walking the small path, until I found the bridge right at the end of the path, after the bridge it is still overgrown, but I wasn’t bothered about that, I had found what I wanted.
The Stream
The Bridge
It’s Bank Holiday Monday tomorrow and I am not working this one, so all being well I intend to walk it again in the morning, although my aching hips may have something to say about that!!!
This morning I wrote “Green Fields”, I felt it was an answer to my prayers, to get up again and get out walking, I feel I have drifted a little for long enough, keeping some of the routines that help me along the way in this recovery, but abandoning others, like the daily walking.
There is a cheeky reference in there from a classic song, not sure whether anyone can spot it, there a clue included in the title too.
MERCY TREE by LACEY STURM
On a hill called Calvary
Stands an endless mercy tree
Every broke and weary soul
Find your rest and be made whole
Stripes of blood that stain its frame
Shed to wash away our shame
From the scars pure love released
Salvation brought the mercy tree
In the sky, between two thieves
Hung the blameless Prince of Peace
Bruised and battered, scarred and scorned
Sacred Hands pierced by our thorns
It is finished was his cry
The perfect Lamb was crucified
The sacrifice, our victory.
Our Savior chose the mercy tree
Hope went dark that violent day
The whole earth ‘quaked at love’s display
Three days silence in the ground
This body born for Heaven’s crown
On that bright and glorious day
Heaven opened up the grave
He’s alive and risen indeed
Praise him for the mercy tree
Death has died. Love has won!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Jesus Christ has overcome.
He has risen from the dead.
Death has died. Love has won!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Jesus Christ has overcome.
He has risen from the dead.
One day soon we’ll see His face
And every tear, He’ll wipe a way
No more pain or suffering
Oh, praise him for the mercy tree
Death has died. Love has won!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Jesus Christ has overcome.
He has risen from the dead.
Death has died. Love has won!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Jesus Christ has overcome.
He has risen from the dead.
On a hill called Calvary
Stands an endless mercy tree
The Bottom of a Bottle 