A Life In A Box

I guess sometimes you just have to pack things away and say goodbye to them, there was a day in my life where I had to do that, if I was ever going to break the chains that alcohol had gripped me with, then I had to start breaking them one by one.

It started the day when I met with Gareth, the day before had been the lowest day of my life, I had been face to face with the mirror, telling myself the world would better off if I was dead, God had broken that cycle of thought and even though I still drank that evening, there was a feeling of hope and optimism.

The next morning I called Gareth, we met later that evening and things began to change, they prayed for me that evening and for the first time I felt I was ready to accept God.

The evening before I had quite finished the second bottle of wine, I had had five pints of strong cider at the pub, picked up two bottles of wine on the way home and started on them as soon as I got in.

Usually if I fall asleep part way through a bottle, I would wake up and then finish it, even if it was 6.30am and I started work an hour later, I could easily drown half a bottle and get ready for work, still nobody suspected a thing. I had also become good at falling asleep with an open bottle of wine in my hand, note I never used glasses at home, I drank straight from the bottle, but I could fall asleep with a bottle in my hand and wake still holding tightly and not a drop being spilt either, I could even do it with full cans too.

Before my meeting with Gareth, I came back from work and Victoria was just getting ready to go out, she asked me the question she always asked if she was going out….

“Do you need to go to the shop?”

Essentially asking if I needed to go and buy alcohol, I was horrified! Normally I would say yes, grab what money I could find and head off to the shop, but this evening I knew there was no way I could drink in front of these two people, how could she think I would need to. I guess she though I would need it afterwards, but in my mind I knew this would be the start of the fight back.

I mentioned the fact to Gareth and Alex, that I had just under half a bottle of wine left and I may or may not drink it when they had gone. But really when they entered my house, so did an element of protection, they opened the door to God in my life and he walked in and threw His protection all over me. When they had gone, I had no inclination to drink from that bottle, it stayed where I had placed it earlier that day, on top of the fridge. There was a peace of sorts now upon me and drinking that bottle never crossed my mind, neither did the thought of going out to buy more.

That bottle stayed where I had placed it that morning for the next six days, I hatched a plan for it and that part of my life that it represented. Each day I walked passed the bottle, I looked up at it, but I would point a finger at it and talk to it. Each time I walked by I would tell it that it couldn’t have me, it wasn’t going to win, I wasn’t giving in to it anymore, victory would be mine and it was part of my plan to turn my life around.

Although as that week went by, I was still drinking, I would still have a drink a the pub after teaching, I was getting control back, I would only have two pints and then go, I wouldn’t try to persuade anyone to drink with me or stay a little longer, even though they didn’t want to, I would just get up and leave.  And that Sunday, as low as it was, was the last time any alcohol was ever brought into this house.

So come the following Sunday I put my plan into action, in my mind I wasn’t ready to go to Church yet, I was still drinking and I still had things I had to sort out. I was praying each day by now, simply asking for strength to get though each day. Each day I was trying to make changes in my life, changes for the better, starting to look after myself, no longer was I the unshaven, unkept and an unclean shadow of my former self that I had let myself become, I was turning things around.

So that morning I walked into town and brought the biggest plastic storage box I could, together with new bedding. When I got home I took all my old bedding and the old pillows and placed them in the bottom of this new box. Each night all I could smell on them was the stale odour of sweat and alcohol, I needed to lay my head on something clean, so now I had new bedding, that smelt new and not like the old me.

Then I took all the old clothes which I would lounge about the house in, all the socks and underwear that were torn and worn out, the clothes that reminded me of the unkept wretch I had faced in the mirror just the Sunday before. I even put in my watch, the fabric strap had the same stale smell to it, I had to be rid of it.

By now the box was pretty full, there was just enough room for one more thing, so I went into the kitchen and took down the bottle from the fridge and placed it on top of everything else. I closed the box, took a marker pen and wrote on the side of the box…

“I don’t need these anymore, to be put in the cellar with rest of the rubbish.
This is where the healing begins. Wayne Sunday 25th March 2012″

The Forgotten Box

The Forgotten Box

This was one of those moments where something inside told me to do this, a sort of cleansing from my life of all that reminded me of the person I had become, but desperately didn’t want to be anymore. That guy died in front of that mirror the week before, the guy that was placing these items in that box was a new being, he was fighting, he hadn’t given in.

It would be another four days until I finally took that last drink and then the following Sunday I walked into Church, it had been an eventful two weeks, but one that was full of God, from the moment He spoke to me in my hopelessness in front of the mirror, to now being in Church and God making me feel like I was home.

BORN AGAIN by THIRD DAY & LACEY STURM
Today I found myself
After searching all these years
And the man that I saw, he wasn’t at all who I thought he’d be
I was lost when you found me here
And I was broken beyond repair
Then you came along and you sang your song over me

It feels like I’m born again
It feels like I’m living
For the very first time
For the very first time
In my life

Make a promise to me now
Reassure my heart somehow
That the love that I feel is so much more real than anything
I’ve a feeling in my soul
And I pray that I’m not wrong
That the life I have now, it is only the beginning

It feels like I’m born again
It feels like I’m living
For the very first time
For the very first time
It feels like I’m breathing
It feels like I’m moving
For the very first time
For the very first time

I wasn’t looking for something that was more
Than what I had yesterday
Then you came to me and you gave to me
Life and a love that I’ve never known
That I’ve never felt before

It feels like I’m born again
It feels like I’m living
For the very first time
I’m living for the first time
It feels like I’m breathing
It feels like I’m moving
For the very first time
I’m living for the first time
In my life

1 thought on “A Life In A Box

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