Healing Begins

Having not drank on Monday evening following my meeting with Gareth, I found it hard to sleep. When things got bad over the last few years, I began to use alcohol more and more just to get through the night, the harder things became, the harder I found it to switch off and sleep, but if I drank, I drank until I simply fell asleep.

Gradually it took more and more to get there, but I did, I got so good at it I could fall asleep with an open bottle of wine in my hand and wake hours later without spilling a drop, I would then finish the bottle, get up, get dressed and go to work, still nobody noticed.

Now I was fighting it, but in doing so I still couldn’t find peace enough to get through the night.

But the battle had started and I was finally willing to fight for myself and what was left of my family.

I woke from what sleep I had managed with a new sense of beginning, I knew change was there to be had, it was my time to grasp it. As the day went on, I had in my head the words of the song “Man In The Mirror” by Michael Jackson, love him or hate him, some of his songs are classics, as I went through my work and then karate, I had the words of the song in my head and knew if I wanted change, then I had to be the change.

As the evening went by, I heard another voice in my mind telling me to listen to a song called “Healing Begins” by Tenth Avenue North. I knew the song, I liked the song, it was a Christian song by a Christian band, but over the last few years I had taken to listening to some alternative Christian music, I had many Christian artists and songs on my iPod, I enjoyed the music, even if I didn’t understand the content. But as the night went on I couldn’t help but feel I had to listen to this song sooner rather than later.

After karate I went to the pub with friends, normally on a Tuesday I would have four pints and then go home and drink whatever I could find in the house, but not now. I hand two pints and then that was it, I got up and left to go home.

Half way home, when my friends had all gone their separate ways, I took out my iPod, found the song and pressed play.

All I could do was cry.

As I walked down the street listening to the lyrics of this song, it felt like the singer was speaking directly to me, telling me how I had been and how it’s now time to accept the healing the light can bring. I played the song over and over again, all the time crying.

That night I failed to sleep again, still the reduced alcohol couldn’t put me to sleep, I struggled my way through the night, so I put my headphones in and just listened to “Healing Begins” on repeat.

HEALING BEGINS by TENTH AVENUE NORTH
So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you’re good
And you can’t believe it’s not enough

All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside
So let ’em fall down
There’s freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We’re here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you’re broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won’t disappear

So let it fall down
There’s freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We’re here now
We’re here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you’re broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don’t fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you’re broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

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