Category Archives: Ramblings

Just my random muses and ramblings.

Ups And Downs Of Working Life

I have to say the last couple of months have seen a real swing in terms of work, at the beginning of last month I was facing an investigation at work, we were caught out in a number of transactions by an individual that turned out to fraudulent, myself and a colleague, although in no way complicit, did not follow correct company protocol that could have minimized the risk of being caught out.

For a week as the investigation went on, we both could have been sacked, although our Manager was on our side and understood we were put on the spot, made a judgement call and got it wrong under pressure, he didn’t think we would get the sack, just a warning, but if he was pressured by his superiors, they could push for dismissal, as it was they pushed only for a written warning and that was what we received, we both breathed a sigh of relief.

My colleague feared the sack far more than I did, when I heard of the investigation, I was nervous about facing the interview about my part in it, but I was really not that bothered if I was to lose my job, I had prayed about it and each time I felt I was being told not to worry, whatever happens there are bigger plans for me anyway and things will be fine in the mean time.

We have been that busy over the last few months that it really is exhausting work some days, we don’t have enough staff and there isn’t enough time in the day to do everything that I need to do to fulfil my job, to say I have been a bit fed up with it at times is an understatement, I guess in a way I’m not that happy with the job at the moment, it’s just hard work and there doesn’t seem to be that much help for our branch from the company, due to budgets and finance etc, even though we are beating our budgets month after month.

I also find it hard in my job to feel as though I showing my Christian values.  It’s a builder’s merchants, most of our customers speak in a rough and ready fashion, with casual swearing the norm, I guess I used to swear a lot before, but since I became a Christian I try not to, but it’s hard not to when those all around are.  Even when we are busy, I sometimes think my colleagues aren’t really pulling their weight, they don’t go that extra mile, just do the minimum they have to do, I try to just get on with it and do whatever what needs to be done.

So all of this has been playing on my mind.  Until last night, it was our area’s regional roadshow, basically a meeting of all the branches in our area, to discuss how we are doing as a region and how things can be improved.

Part of the meetings there are a few awards handed out and last night I received an award from the company for all of our area, which is seventeen branches with over 180 employees, I received the most positive feedback for customer service from our customers than any other of the employees.

It could have been awkward, as most of the time the awards include a few vouchers and a bottle of something, thankfully my Manager had forewarned his Area Director that this wouldn’t be a good idea, so I just got a few more vouchers instead, which is fine by me.

I do think it a little ironic that the same company that last month could have sacked me, this month is giving me an award!

This morning as I walked to work, I was thinking about what this award really means, then I had this real sense that I was being told that this is how I stand out as a Christian in my work place, you go the bit extra for people and they recognise that and they obviously appreciate it, that’s why you got the award you did.

So even in a place where I find it hard to be the Christian I would like to be, to stand out as different to the others, in a place where I felt I wasn’t doing what I should be doing, it seems I am standing out to my customers and they obviously recognise it.

I came across this version of the song Brother by NeedToBreathe the other day, I thought the original off their last album was good, but this version with Gavin DeGraw is even better and well worth a listen.

BROTHER by NEEDTOBREATHE and GAVIN DEGRAW
Ramblers in the wilderness we can’t find what we need
Get a little restless from the searching 
Get a little worn down in between
Like a bull chasing the matador is the man left to his own schemes
Everybody needs someone beside em’ shining like a lighthouse from the sea

Brother let me be your shelter
I’ll never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Face down in the desert now there’s a cage locked around my heart
I found a way to drop the keys where my failures were 
Now my hands can’t reach that far
I ain’t made for a rivalry I could never take the world alone
I know that in my weakness I am strong, but
It’s your love that brings me home

Brother let me be your shelter
I’ll never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

And when you call and need me near
Sayin’ where’d you go?
Brother I’m right here
And on those days when the sky begins to fall
You’re the blood of my blood
We can get through it all

Brother let me be your shelter
I’ll never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re feelin’ low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Brother let me be your shelter
I’ll never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When you’re low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

The Story So Far – Chapter 4 – The Cracks Become A Canyon

CHAPTER 4 – THE CRACKS BECOME A CANYON

But then on Monday 12th March 2012, a few things happened that woke me up.  When I got into work that morning there was an obvious atmosphere, my Boss was acting anything but himself, then he came to talk to me, I had known him over twenty years and been a friend of the family and a karate instructor to him and his kids for many years.  Then he began to break down, he told me his partner had been seeing somebody else behind his back, he told me how much it hurt and I could see the pain in his face, as he tried everything he could to hold back the tears.

He spoke of how much he wanted to make things work, how he had been so busy with everything he had neglected to pay attention to his relationship, he had no idea what had been going on.  That set me off thinking how much I was letting my relationship slip, how I needed to get a grip on things before it was way too late.  But I didn’t know where to start or how to approach it, the fear of not being wanted anymore was so strong, I couldn’t face it.

Then later that evening something happened at home which hit home just how bad things were.  My daughter let something slip and straight away Victoria hushed it up, don’t get me wrong it was nothing like another relationship, but it was something that made me realise we just don’t talk anymore, we just don’t have anything between us anymore, only distance and now secrets.  That evening and all the next day I came to realise I had to sort this out sooner rather than later.

The next evening I caught her as she was taking the kids to her Mum’s for tea, I asked her if we could talk when she got back, to which she agreed.  When she got back I started by apologising for everything I had put her through over the last couple of years, for how bad I had been to live with, that I was sorry and how much I wanted to get things back on track and sort myself out.

But it was too late, with no emotion she said it was over, there was no going back, she had made her decision and nothing was going to change that.  She had tried to make it work so many times in the past, this time it was one time too late, she couldn’t do it again.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame Victoria for any of this, I couldn’t blame her for taking that stance, not after what I put her through, I guess over the last couple of years she had tried to make things work, but I wasn’t interested, in the end she did what she had to do, look after the kids, make sure the bills were paid, made sure we had a home and made sure we had food on the table, everything I couldn’t do, everything she tried to build, I tore down, could I blame her, no I would probably do the same thing in her position.

I remember falling on the floor at her feet, begging for another chance.  I even threatened to kill myself, I don’t think she took that seriously, but then again she didn’t know that I had held that blade to wrist so many times, the indents it made on my skin without actually cutting into it, no one knew, only me.  I cried, I begged, I pleaded, but it was all too late, I had left it too long, I had had my chances to sort this out so many times before, this time is was too late, it was over.  We agreed that as we had managed to live separate lives for the best part of two years, then we could carry on that way, it made financial sense and practical sense, if it got heavy or stressful then we would cross that hurdle when we came to it.

I cleaned myself up, brushed off the tears from my face, but then I realised I needed a drink, I couldn’t cope with all of this, I needed to drink, because this was too much to carry.  I put my coat on, got to the door, Victoria’s bedroom is downstairs and you have to pass it to get the back door, as I walked to the door to go to the shop, I apologised for what I was about to do, I said I couldn’t help it, I needed a drink, I was so sorry, but I wasn’t strong enough to beat it, the beast had me, it had defeated me and it had taken the one thing that meant the most to me, now it had me, I was powerless.

The next day at work I was I mess, I went straight into my Boss’s office and told him all that had happened the night before, we were both in a mess now.  What he didn’t understand was the drinking, he had sat in the pub with me many times, he knew me in and out of work, he knew I liked a drink, but nether suspected that I had a problem, let’s face it, apart from Victoria nobody knew I had a problem, not even me, I did now, but I was powerless.

I never ate that day, I couldn’t.  When I got home Victoria had made tea, I couldn’t eat it, I couldn’t eat anything, I had no appetite, not for anything other than drink.  All I wanted to do was drink, I tried not to, I really did, I paced the house, rubbed my hands together continuously and then started scratching at my skin, I tried to beat it, trust me I really did, for the first time ever I realised I had a big problem, I think this was the first night that I realised I was an alcoholic, I just couldn’t beat it, I walked to the back door, I apologised to Victoria on the way, I didn’t want to drink, but I had too, she said she understood, I’m not sure whether she really did, but I hated myself for doing it, for giving in to the thing that was destroying me, but I just couldn’t help it, I went out brought a number of cans and a couple of bottles of wine and come home and settled back into the same routine that had robbed me of all that was good in my life.

The next day I still had no appetite, I didn’t eat at all once again, by now I hadn’t had anything to eat since Tuesday morning, I tried, but everything felt tasteless, like cardboard, I just spat everything back out as I couldn’t bring myself to swallow it.  After work I had to nip into the architects, she knew there was something wrong and once again I ended up breaking down and telling her the whole sorry story.  I had worked for her for over twelve years, she knew I liked a drink and drank regularly, but she also never suspected there was a problem, again I had managed to pull the wool over someone’s eyes.

But that was where I managed to hatch the most selfish of plans. I knew Victoria really respected her Pastor, she often said how she found herself moved when he spoke to her.  I knew Gareth, I had met him many times over the last four years or so, long before all this turmoil started, he was also one of that ones that sat with me in my front room, watching the football, the day of my daughter’s dedication, he had always been really nice to me and I actually really liked him.  I decided that if I was to speak with him, tell him just how much I loved Victoria and how sorry I was, then he could talk to her and get her to change her mind, he could mediate something to get us back together, there was no intention of getting help for myself, just to get him to sort out our relationship.

When I got home I asked Victoria for a quick chat, I told her how much I was struggling and to be truthful, I was, I told her I needed someone to speak to and asked her if it was okay with her if I could speak to Gareth.  I would never have gone straight to Gareth without asking her first, I would never go behind her back like that, even though ultimately I had these selfish motives for asking for this meeting.  She agreed and said she would speak to him at the weekend.

It wasn’t until Friday evening that I managed to get a full meal down me, I still didn’t have much of an appetite, but I knew I had to eat something, we ordered a takeaway and I managed to eat it.  I did wash it down with a few pints of cider and a couple of bottles of wine, I still couldn’t stop drinking and each night I drank a little more, I apologised every time I left the house to replenish me stocks, I couldn’t help it and I had to let her know that, I was powerless, I was weak.

DEAD MAN (CARRY ME) by JARS OF CLAY
January 1, I’ve got a lot of things on my mind
I’m looking at my body through a new spy satellite
Try to lift a finger, but I don’t think I can make the call
So tell me if I move, ’cause I don’t feel anything at all

So Carry Me,
I’m just a dead man
Lying on the carpet
Can’t find a heartbeat
Make me breathe,
I want to be a new man
Tired of the old one
Out with the old plan

I woke up from a dream about an empty funeral
But is was better than the party full of people I don’t really know
They’ve got hearts to break and burn
Dirty hands to feel the earth
There’s something in my veins,
But I can’t seem to make it work… won’t work

So Carry Me,
I’m just a dead man
Lying on the carpet
Can’t find a heartbeat
Make me breathe,
I want to be a new man
Tired of the old one
Out with the old plan

Can you find a beat inside of me?
Any pulse?
Getting worse?
Any pulse?
Getting worse?
Inside of me, can you find a beat?

Carry Me,
I’m just a dead man
Lying on the carpet
Can’t find a heartbeat
Make me breathe,
I want to be a new man
Tired of the old one
Out with the old plan

Carry Me,
I’m just a dead man
Lying on the carpet
Can’t find a heartbeat
Make me breathe,
I want to be a new man
Tired of the old one
Out with the old plan

Finally A Really Encouraging Week

I have to say that this week has been by far the best week I’ve had in such a long time, apart from one thing not going the way I wanted, well let’s be honest it was down to the ineptitude of the Inland Revenue, other than that it’s been a great week, with a number of those what just happened moments, when I look back I can see the touch of God.

I had decided last week that as this month sees the third anniversary of the day I quit drinking, I would prepare a full testimony.  I’ve written many different posts about various moments that have happened over the last few years since I started this journey, but I’ve never written one full testimony.   I have written an abbreviated version, which is basically my about page, which hasn’t been updated since I started this blog back in October 2012, so I thought it would be a good time to write a full testimony and post it in segments over a few days around my Sober anniversary.

Then Monday afternoon I got a text form my friend Sarah, who used to run our Church Connect Group, before she and her husband Paul left to start a new Church under the Everyday Champions banner.  They are holding a special weekend at the end of the month with a fun day on Saturday and a special service on Sunday, they would like me to come over to help on Saturday and to share my testimony with them on the Sunday.  I made sure I could get the time off work and I rang them that evening and spoke to Paul.  I am really looking forward to being part of it and sharing my testimony, I am so pleased that they asked me, when I was really low and struggling with the onset of depression almost eighteen months ago, they were there supporting me all the way, an ear for listening and a shoulder to cry on when I needed it, there was no way is was going to say no!

Since Monday night I’ve been writing my testimony in any spare time I get, I written quite a bit so far, about 8500 words and I still haven’t got to the part where I find God or stop drinking, I’ve got quite a bit to do yet, but I hope to get it somewhere near finished by the end of this week.

We had a great Encounter evening at Church on Wednesday, I felt so encouraged when I left, like everything was coming together and I had a big part to play with my testimony in bringing people to God.   In the past when I have prayed, when I have felt like I’m not sure about things, I’ve felt a hand on my shoulder, gripping tightly, telling me it’s all going to be okay, that I’m exactly where I should be, I felt this on Wednesday, I am where I am supposed to be and I have a part to play, a job to do, as I say I felt so encouraged.

There was a downer on Thursday, but I soon got over it.  At the end of January I finally made my last payment on the £8000 debt that I had owed the Inland Revenue, I rang them to cancel future payments, which they agreed to, they told me to go on to their website to reclaim my over payment, I did all of this and felt like come March I could finally begin to find some financial security.  Tomorrow is my daughter’s ninth birthday, so I told her I would take her to Lincoln to treat her, she could have an amount of money and she could go to her favourite shops and pick what she wanted, that was the plan.

When I checked my bank account, as for some reason I had this feeling that although I knew I would have sufficient money, I had to check, that’s when I found out that the Inland Revenue hadn’t stopped my agreement and had taken out another payment, neither had they repaid me what I had overpaid!  Needless to say I wasn’t very happy, but I wasn’t going to let it spoil the day, yes it was a bit of a downer, the ineptitude of our Inland Revenue is I guess to be expected.

We had a great morning in Lincoln yesterday and Eve loved everything she brought, this morning she went out in her complete new outfit that she picked for herself and on the new skateboard she insisted on buying too.

It’s been a slow start to the year, with the virus I had just before Christmas hanging around for so long, I still have a bit of a cough, but it seems to be going, slowly, but it is going, this month things seem to be moving forward for me again, I feel far more positive and optimistic for the future, I really believe that things from here will get so much better.

O FOR GRACE by BRADY TOOPS
Oh for grace to lay down all my dreams in Him be found
O for faith to keep it true and never stop believing you

And when it’s strong or when it falls through
Oh lord to know my answer is you

And oh for love to trust some more to fix my eyes on heaven’s shore
And for hope with every step every word my every breath

When it’s strong or when it falls through
Oh lord to know my answer is you

For your light I lose my all, cause I’m not staying here, I’m moving on
So give me strength to hold on tight through stormy gales ‘til morning light

When it’s strong or when it falls through
When it’s strong or when it falls through
When it’s strong or when it falls through
Oh lord to know my answer is you

Sorry, But The Truth Is….

…I’m Not Okay

I guess I’m just having one of those days or should I say weekends, things haven’t turned out quite as planned, which has caused a few problems, all that over the one day I really struggle with.

Over the last two days I’ve been okay when my mind has been busy working, like yesterday morning and this afternoon, but in the quiet times and when I’m alone, I must admit my mind is all a bit of a mess, indeed I feel detached from everything and have been on the verge of tears so many times.

This morning at Church I kept saying I was fine or okay or not too bad when asked, when in reality I was anything but, truthfully I was struggling but just didn’t want to admit it.  I did speak with a friend at the end of the service and explained things in simple terms to him, I told him I was fed up with lying to everyone, I’m not okay, but I don’t really want to talk about it.

I’m having a real problem dealing with Valentines Day, it’s stark reminder of how much I messed up, it’s everywhere you look, pictures of what people have done for the ones they love, yet I’m here alone and a mess, it just gets a bit tough to deal with.

I’m sure over this next week, this will all pass, after all I’ve not felt this low since I started taking anti-depressants about sixteen months ago, since I’ve been off the medication I’ve been okay, this is the first time I’ve seriously struggled, but I have a strong feeling that it will pass this time.

ALRIGHT MY FRIEND by DECEMBERADIO
All your dreams are fading to nothing fading to nothing
Complacency is killing you slowly taking you over

Is there something I can say
I pray for you, I pray for you

Are you alright my friend
Couldn’t help but notice that you’re all alone
All alone
I’m reaching out my hand
And hoping that one day you will understand
Love will lead you home

Silently, I hear you crying
There’s no use in fighting
Promises, that fade like the sunset
With nothing but regret

Is there something I can say
I pray for you, I pray for you

Are you alright my friend
Couldn’t help but notice that you’re all alone
All alone
I’m reaching out my hand
And hoping that one day you will understand
Love will lead you home

Stand up and dry your eyes
So not be ashamed there’s better days ahead
Sorrow will pass away
There’s hope for you and me written in the red

Are you alright my friend
Couldn’t help but notice that you’re all alone
All alone
I’m reaching out my hand
And hoping that one day you will understand
Love will lead

Are you alright my friend
Couldn’t help but notice that you’re all alone
All alone
I’m reaching out my hand
And hoping that one day you will understand
Love will lead you home

Finally A Reason To Celebrate

Finally a bit of a reason to celebrate today, after all it’s been a pretty miserable January so far, this virus that I picked up before Christmas is now into its seventh week, with no real signs that it’s going away. It not as bad as it was over Christmas and New Year, but the cough persists and the on and off eye soreness is still making life a drag.

Having said that, there was a bright point yesterday at work when one of my customer’s said he thought I was only 28, that did make my day, as he refused to believe I was actually 41. I’m not sure I really look 13 years younger than I actually am, but for just a while it made me feel young again.

On to today and of course it is deadline day for tax returns here in the UK, I’ve been trying to get mine entered online all week, I somehow always manage to leave it until the last week, I finally got around to it last night, but couldn’t find the paperwork with my login details, I went through all my paperwork over and over again last night and still couldn’t find it, this afternoon I gave it one last try before requesting it to be sent again (which would also mean a £100 fine for late submission), finally I found it and got my details entered.

Then after a number of phone calls to a number of different department, none of which seems to know what the next is doing, it was confirmed that I have finally paid off the tax bill which has been outstanding for a number if years, in fact the Tax man owes me some money back.

At one point, as a result of my drinking and inability to sort my life out, I managed to accrue a tax bill of almost £8000 which I had no way off paying back, even to the point they sent in the bailiffs to seize goods (fortunately I had nothing of value and they didn’t take anything). I came to an arrangement of paying them an agreed sum each month, which at times has been a real millstone around my neck. Even when I started my job, after being taxed on my earnings the first thing that came out of my account was this additional payment to the tax man, some months all my earnings were gone within a week of payday, the rest of the month was a real struggle, it became a little easier when I stopped drinking, but it has still been a struggle over the last few years, there have been times I’ve been in total despair over the situation.

I still have a number of other debts, but all are under payment schedules and none as onerous as this tax bill, but as I say they are being managed.

So I’ve celebrating this evening by taking my daughter to see Big Hero 6, which we both thoroughly enjoyed.

Hopefully now as tomorrow morning brings a new month, this year can really kick start for me, it seems like it’s been a real long hard struggle through January, a month I had big plans for, which through one thing and another never materialized, maybe now I can begin moving forward once again.

HALLELUJAH by JAKE HAMILTON
I heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the LORD
all I want is to play that music for You
it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
the minor fall, the major lift
and all I sing is a broken hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

I know that there is a God above
that is all I’ve ever known of love
to see His Son there broken, beaten, for me
so while we’re here let’s sing this song
I want you all to sing along
let’s raise a cry, let’s raise a hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

In the still and quiet place
I still can feel His warm embrace
although I know the storms they rage around me
to live your dream is quite the cost
just don’t look back, and don’t get lost
my offering is a broken hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

It Was A Little Late, But…

It may be over three weeks now since Christmas Day, but in a way my Christmas Day happened today.  I barely got out of bed on Christmas Day, the virus had got me big time and really did take me of my feet for a number of days.  In fact the virus is still going fairly strong, it still here, dragging me down a little, drawing me into coughing fits and making my throat and eyes still pretty sore.

It does seem to ease a little, then all of a sudden it comes back a little stronger for a few days.  I had a prescription review with the Nurse this week, I told her I was still suffering with this virus, which she then informed me could last another three or four weeks, well that was good news!

But this morning I finally manage to get some of the money owed to me by the Architects from before Christmas, so I was able to get my two kids the Christmas presents I really wanted to get them, but couldn’t afford.  I spent the afternoon setting them up with both of them and they are both extremely happy.

Just being able to do that has lifted me, with this virus rumbling on I’ve not been able to get into the routine I wanted to at new year.  It hasn’t stopped me from working, but it does mean that when I get home I am absolutely shattered, I eat and then pretty much sleep.

I have some work to do for the Architect’s, but I haven’t got around to doing it yet, as I say when I get home I am so tired and generally my eyes are so sore that I can’t really face staring into a laptop screen for a few hours, but I’ll have to get to it pretty soon.

Over the last week I have felt a little distant from things and people, maybe it’s the virus, maybe not, but I must say over this week there has been an improvement.  My daily posts at the moment are formed by a series of linked poems, which tell a story as such, this current series which started Monday evening and will end tomorrow evening is based on my feelings when I was falling into depression back in November 2013, those feelings of unfeeling and emptiness and calling out to the Father to help me through.  Although I am sure that even though they are based on past recollections, there is also a little of how I feel now wrapped up in them too.

It has been a little better over this week though, it was a nice break at the beginning of the week, my work sent me on a three day First Aid at Work course, it was nice to get away, do something different with a group of people I didn’t know, but became friends with over the course of the three days.  Also the return to Connect Groups on Wednesday evening has definitely helped too.  I guess to top things off getting some money in and being able to treat me kids to what I had really wanted to do at Christmas.

Hopefully things will continue to improve over the next few weeks, especially this virus and then hopefully I can get my plans for this year back up and running (or walking I should say).

LET IT RAIN by POCKET FULL OF ROCKS
We feel the rains of your love,
We feel the winds of your spirit,
But now the heartbeat of heaven,
Let us hear.

We feel the rains of your love,
We feel the winds of your spirit,
But now the heartbeat of heaven,
Let us hear.

Let it rain,
Let it rain,
Open the floodgates of heaven.
Let it rain,
Let it rain,
Open the floodgates of heaven.

We feel the rains of your love,
We feel the winds of your spirit,
But now the heartbeat of heaven,
Let us hear.

We feel the rains of love,
We feel the winds of your spirit,
But now the heartbeat of heaven,
Let us hear.

Let it rain,
Let it rain,
Open the floodgates of heaven.
Let it rain,
Let it rain,
Open the floodgates of heaven.

Let it rain,
Let it rain,
Open the floodgates of heaven.

Let it rain,
Let it rain,
Open the floodgates of heaven.

It’s A Slow Process!

For the first time in days I managed to get a full night’s sleep last night, it was the first night since before Christmas Eve that I don’t actually remember waking up at any point in a coughing fit, yet I still feel absolutely shattered.

By the time I had walked to Church and set up the camera’s I really was starting to flag and it wasn’t even 10am.  Most days that I’ve been off work over the Christmas/New Year period I caught up on lost sleep at night by napping in the day, when I was at work I napped when I got home, but today even though I was shattered this morning I didn’t sleep this afternoon.  Hopefully that means I will get a good night’s sleep again tonight, before I’m back at work tomorrow morning.

Although my eyes are no longer bloodshot, they are still weeping slightly at night and do still feel very dry, despite the fact that I have drank plenty of fluids.  The haze at Church really didn’t help my eyes this morning, after completing my camera work, my eyes really were smarting, the first thing I did when I got home was put eyes drops in both eyes.

The coughing is certainly not so intense has been, when I have coughing fit they are still pretty intense, but they are getting less and less frequent as each day passes, so hopefully over the next week it will have gradually faded away.

My plan to get back into my walking on New Year’s day has completely gone out of the window, I had hoped to be back out walking each morning, but given the circumstances that hasn’t really been an option.  My plan now is to hopefully be shut of this virus by the end of this week and start the daily walking again next weekend, fingers crossed it all goes to plan.

It has been pretty much a Christmas to forget, but that is now gone and pretty much forgotten, so it’s onwards into the New Year and those new year plans, I didn’t make any specific New Year’s Resolutions, other than to start walking, get fit again and lose a few pounds, all with the view to competing again in the summer, yes it’s true I plan to come out of retirement at this Year’s National Championships and attempt to win my title back, I felt I needed a few goals and targets and that was one of them.

GOLDEN BELL by BRADY TOOPS
There’s a land beyond the river that we call the sweet forever
And we only reach that shore by faith’s decree
One by one we all will get there passing thru the door of despair
When they ring that golden bell for you and me

Don’t you hear the bells now ringing, don’t you hear the angels singing out their tune
Tis’ the glory hallelujah, the light of heaven shining thru ya so very soon
Just beyond that shining river when they ring that golden bell for me and you

We shall know no sin nor sorrow in the harbor of tomorrow
When our ships all sail beyond the earth beneath
We shall only know the blessings, no more doubt and no more guessing
When they ring that golden bell for you and me

Don’t you hear the bells now ringing, don’t you hear the angels singing out their tune
Tis’ the glory hallelujah, the light of heaven shining thru ya so very soon
Just beyond that shining river when they ring that golden bell for me and you

Oooooooooooooooh

And when our days shall know their number, when in death we sweetly slumber
When the King commands our spirits to be free
Nevermore with anguish laden, we shall reach our final haven
When they ring that golden bell for you and me

Don’t you hear the bells now ringing, don’t you hear the angels singing out their tune
Tis’ the glory hallelujah, the light of heaven shining thru ya so very soon
Just beyond that shining river when they ring that golden bell for me and you