It’s been two weeks since I first got the idea to create this Blog, I wanted to express all my feelings, emotions, pain and ecstasy over the last few years, where in that time I have struggled with debt, depression, alcoholism and relationship break up all the way through to my recovery.
Six months ago I was a complete mess, drinking heavily, not eating and suicidal following the break up of a fifteen year relationship, but after finding myself once again with a penknife at my wrists and finding again that I could not go through with it, I decide that if I couldn’t end my life then I had to change it. The following day I made a phone call which would start the process of recovery, within two weeks I had stopped drinking and started attending Church, the first steps out of the darkness that was my life at the point. It’s not been any easy journey over the last few months, I hope that by expressing my feelings, that anyone who reads this, who may be experiencing similar problems, may find some inspiration to turn their life around.
Every morning my alarm goes off shortly before 5.30am, I get up throw on some clothes and walk four or five miles in an hour or so before returning home, showering and walking to work. Each morning I put on my iPod and just walk, although I have a variety of music on my iPod I listen mostly to Christian music or music that I find some inspiration in, just lately I’ve been listening to Tenth Avenue North on almost constant repeat, their songs were instrumental in my recovery process. This morning though, I put on my playlist of Christian music and walked, as I walked I thought of more ideas for articles for this Blog but I was still no closer to starting this than I was two weeks ago.
As I walked back down the biggest hill in my town the song “The Precipice by The Classic Crime” started playing, I added this song to my iPod only a few weeks ago, I’ve listened to it a few times since then, but this morning I was broken by it.
I dreamt I stood on a hill that I wished was a mountain
To look back on all my accomplishments
Well they must have been small because I couldn’t seem to find them
So I took a leap off of the precipice
(The Precipice by The Classic Crime)
As I listened to the song this morning I broke down into floods of tears, it was a good job my town is dead at 6.30am in the morning, as I couldn’t hold back the tears. It was definitely a message, what are my accomplishments in life, could I see them from the top of the hill that I had just walked up, the answer was a big fat no, but the words “Whatever the cost, Whether it works out or not, I’ll follow you with my heart”, were to me a message to do it, stop thinking about it just do it, what ever the cost, just do it.
So here it is my first Blog entry, I have already written a few articles to post over the coming weeks and have plans for others, to trace the journey from darkness to the light that now fills my life.