I Remember A Time – John 16:23-24
I remember a time
I could not believe
I would not believe
Could never have asked
But the in my need
My heart was awakened
My ears opened
A mind prepared
And tongue released
I asked, I asked
Between all the tears
And He took it away
And as time passes on
Almost ten years
I’m still sober
To this very day
Even Though – 1 Timothy 1:12
Even though
I was broken
Even though
I was lost
Even though
I lied through life
Even though
Addiction had took it’s toll
He saw enough
To lift me
He saw enough
To trust in me
He saw enough
To make me strong
He saw enough
To wipe the slate clean
How great is our Lord
You See My Recovery – Psalm 115:1
You see my recovery
From ever lost
To sober man
Still none of this
Of my doing
None of it
My strength
To God be all the glory
To God be all the praise
He’s the reason
For my recovery
The reason I am here
Misery And The Bottle – Proverbs 31:6-7
My misery
No longer ties to the bottle
And the brokenness ti brought
Faded away
The beer
The wine
Seem all so distant
Not found upon this path
I walk with the Lord
With Him I find my joy
And the strength to leave my past
And the bottle no longer holds me
Released from deep within it’s grasp
Replaced The Bottle – Ephesians 5:15-20
Replaced the bottle
With a song
The sick feeling
With joy
All change
When I took
The hand of the Lord
Now I give thanks
For all He has done
My Destruction – Proverbs 16:18
My destruction
All my pride
Could it all have been avoided
If I had opened up my world
Let them in sooner
To the darkness
And the despair
Could the fall have been less
If not for stubborn pride
A typical man
Wouldn’t show my weakness
Not until it was too late
And all came down
Then pride fell
And the light came in
To set me free
From the worst of myself
To open the doors
To a better path
To a better life
Just Hold On – Isaiah 35:4
To all those
Treading the same paths
I wandered once before
Times long ago
When the bottle
A strange partner
In an effort
To break my world
To you
I say this
Hold on
Be strong
I know the pain
The emptiness
The despair
But He will come
Just wait
Stay strong
The world will change
Darkness to light
Hope from despair
So fear not
The time will come
Just hold on
So today brings up nine years sober, I almost forgot this year, for the last few weeks I’m not sure what day it is!
I’m currently on garden leave as I have given my notice to leave my job for one at another merchants, so for the last four weeks I have barely left the house. As I wasn’t furloughed last year, we worked right through lockdown, it been an nice change of pace, but with no real routine I’m not sure what day it is from one day to the next, oh well, a few more weeks and I should have some routine back.
This last year hasn’t been easy, I am still troubled by the same chest problem that started at the begin of last year, I still have a persistent cough and shortness of breath, I’ve seen a specialist and am now on the second attempt at treatment by medication, which still isn’t really sorting the problem out, I have a telephone appointment next month with the respiratory specialist, but if there is no change by then, he will refer me to the Ear Nose and Throat department to see if anything in the throat is causing the problem.
At it’s worst, I can cough so hard I start to pass out, everything goes fuzzy, my ears buzz and my body goes numb, it’s take a minute or two to come back around to normal, this at times was happening four or five times an hour, not great when I was at work. At the moment it isn’t that bad, but I guess I’ve not been very active either, today I’ve been out for a couple of walks with friends, the second one this evening was the longest I’ve walked since these problems started, so at this moment of time I am coughing quite a bit, hopefully it will settle down over the evening. At times last year walking to work was a problem, I would get half way and be so short of breath that my legs would begin to ache so bad, I would have to struggle the rest of the way and then hopefully recharge a little bit when I got to work. This from someone who usually could go out on a twelve or thirteen mile walk at a fast pace with no problems at all.
Health problems aside, I am still sober, it still has it temptation every now and again, but as each year passes they get easier to deal with. I still get that strength from the Lord, it’s not mine.
I thank God for that strength, the mercy and grace that forgave a mess like me. I thank God for the friends He brought me to, that help pick me up when I’m down, I thank Him too for everyone who has heard or read my story and offered any amount of encouragement or support, I thank everyone for that support, you certainly help to make this journey easier.
This is just year nine, this is still the beginning of a journey that will continue for many years to come, I’ve never treat like it’s the end or the middle, I chose to see it as the beginning and that way it always going to remind me that there is a long way to go, so there is still a lot of hard work and perseverance to go.
I heard this song on the end credits of a film I watch recently, I immediately downloaded it and have been listening to it everyday ever since, I pray this gift will last forever.
THIS GIFT by GLEN HANSARD
This gift will last forever
This gift will never let you down
Some things are made from better stuff
This gift is waiting to be found
Your heart’s in wide receiving
Been too long buried in the sand
Some things require leaving
This gift will fall right in your hand
Just try to understand
If you long enough
And you don’t give up
If you’re strong enough
And you don’t give up
And you
You’ll be no harbor to the sorrow
Just let it go
Don’t hang your head in sorrow
Don’t give up just before you win
Don’t wait around for tomorrow
Open up your arms and let it in
This gift will last forever
This gift will never let you down
Some things are made from better stuff
This gift is ready to be found
Just you believe it now
This gift will last forever
This gift will never let you down
Some things are made from better stuff
This gift is ready to be found
Your heart’s in wide receiving
Been too long buried in the sand
Some things require believing
These things just fall right in your hand
Just try to understand
If you long enough
And you don’t give up
If you’re strong enough
And you don’t give up
Why Me? – Romans 7:24-25
Why me?
How am I worth it?
Just a wretch
Deep in his sin
Sinking in a bottle
Unable to live
Yet still He came
His words were heard
Where the bottle faded
Temptation with it
Broken set free
Rebuilt by faith
Risen to find life
By the sacrifice of Christ
Who paid this debt
Amassed in sin
To set a man free
To live from within
But still I ask
Why me?
Romans 7:24-25
A Mind In The Bottle – 1 Peter 1:13
Where was my mind
Of tortured torment and turmoil
Trying to find a way out
Searching for a reason
For being stuck in that bottle
Not wanting to return
Still one can only take so much
Before a heart and soul can break
Where no matter what the comfort zone
You still need a way to move on
But how and why
It’s so cosy there
Trapped inside that bottle
Where nothing makes much sense
Yet no one can reach you
You’ve shut out the ones you love
And the world outside doesn’t give two hoots
What was the point i n carrying on
You can cry all your tears
Blame the world for all you like
But the walls keep closing in
And the air within the bottle gets so very tight
But at the moment of the breaking
It takes all the strength you have
To turn oneself into a hypocrite
And cry out to the Lord
On someone come save me
Of this drowning I can take no more
Still no matter where you find yourself
The cries are answered by the Lord
He who breaks down all walls before Him
Rips apart the barriers we build
No one is beyond saving
Who cries out to our God
Now with a sober mindset
I can look back on those times
And in these words I’ve written here
You can clearly see where was my mind
But now it’s been set free by grace
Release to a world beyond the bottle
By the saviour who heard the cries
Of a s self tortured mind
So this mind now lives in the hope
To see the Christ at His returning
1 Peter 1:13
The Bottom of a Bottle 