Tag Archives: All Around Me

Verse of the Day – Psalm 88:6

Psalm 88:6

Psalm 88:6

It’s my mind that puts me in the lowest pit and darkest depths, but it’s the grace of the Lord that leads me back out.

I love this song, I had this as a ringtone on my phone four years before I became a Christian, God speaks to us in many ways, even if we aren’t listening.

ALL AROUND ME by FLYLEAF
My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I’m not used to seeing you

I’m alive, I’m alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling
Savoring this heart that’s healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

I’m alive
I’m alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling
Savoring this heart that’s healing

So I cry
(Holy)
The light is white
(Holy)
And I see you

I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive

And I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling
Savoring this heart that’s healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling
Savoring this heart that’s healed
 

Verse of the Day – Ecclesiastes 9:4

Ecclesiastes 9:4

Ecclesiastes 9:4

We have hope because of Christ, we have life because of His sacrifice, if we do not embrace the life we have been gifted by that great sacrifice, then we may as well be dead lions.

ALL AROUND ME by FLYLEAF
My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I’m not used to seeing you

I’m alive, I’m alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling
Savoring this heart that’s healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

I’m alive
I’m alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling
Savoring this heart that’s healing

So I cry
(Holy)
The light is white
(Holy)
And I see you

I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive

And I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling
Savoring this heart that’s healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling
Savoring this heart that’s healed

 

The Story So Far – Chapter 2 – A Venture Into The Unknown

CHAPTER 2 – A VENTURE INTO THE UNKNOWN

On 6th February 2011, our daughter had her dedication at Church, this time I made it there, we put on a show of being a family despite what was going on, we had family come back to our house afterwards, together with Victoria’s friends from Church, I knew some of them but not many.  In a strange twist of fate, all the family sat in the back room with Victoria, I got home and went straight into the front room to watch the football, it was all the people from Church that came into the front room and sat with me, I met so many people that day for the first time, but many of those that sat in my room would become pivotal to what was going to happen just over a year later, I don’t think anyone at that time knew the significance of the that afternoon in February 2011, yet when I look back I know now it wasn’t by chance or coincidence it happened that way, God moves in ways we can never comprehend.

The sad thing was that even though I really enjoyed everyone’s company that afternoon and I really liked everyone that I had met, I also couldn’t wait for them to go.  I knew I couldn’t start drinking in front of them and to be honest I had drunk everything I had the night before.  So I was beginning to get desperate for something to drink.  As soon as the last visitors had left, I made my way around the corner to the shop, it was gone 6pm now and it was invading my drinking time.  Even now I feel really embarrassed by that, these people stood by me a year later, they were there for me when I needed them, but back then I couldn’t wait to get rid of them, because I preferred a drink to their company.

At that point in my life the idea of Church was a big no, I wasn’t in anyway interested in being in a Church, if invited to a Wedding, unless it was close family, Victoria would go with the kids without me, I would go to the evening party, but Victoria would ultimately use the excuse of me being at karate, which in a way was true, but it was avoidable, I just hated in Churches.  At that point I had never been in a Church like Everyday Champions Church, church to me was a centuries old stone building, cold and uncomfortable, an old guy at the front speaking from a book I wasn’t interested and singing hymns that I just could bring myself to sing.  Was I a total non believer, I guess not really, I was fine with people having faith, I just wasn’t interested myself, I believed there was something more to this life, but I was nowhere near ready to accept a God or Jesus into my life.

But on that day in February 2011, I actually found I enjoyed the service at Church and even the music there, some of what they sang I already had on my iPod, but at that point I wasn’t interested.

The music though I was really interested in, I don’t really know why, but even before things began to unravel, I had actually become interested in Christian music.  In mid 2008 I began listening to bands like Casting Crowns, Third Day and Tenth Avenue North, I actually really liked the music and sang along to many of the songs.  Over the previous three years I had been listened to as much Christian music as I had to secular music, I didn’t know why back then, I just did.  I remember one day singing along at home to Daylight by Brave Saint Saturn, in particular the lyrics…

Jesus Christ, light of the world
You never did forget me
And when I bled in darkness
You held me, still held me

When desperate nights I cursed You
You loved me, still loved me
Jesus Christ, You dry the tears
You break my heart of stone

Your words are life cut marrow through
The darkness to the bone
A heart of flesh You gave me
Only You can save me

Savior
Daylight

Victoria challenged me as to why I was singing along to such lyrics when I wasn’t a believer, I remember just saying that I enjoyed the music, it was good music and I liked to listen to it, she couldn’t get it into her head as to why I could sing along, if I’m honest then neither can I, as a total none believer I was singing of Jesus, the light of my light, my hope and my saviour, why I don’t really know, but I was somehow in the middle of all this turmoil and this pain and anger, me the total none believer, the guy who didn’t want to know about God, faith, religion or Jesus, was openly singing about all these things.

I had even set my ringtone on my phone to the song “All Around Me” by Christian band Flyleaf, I loved the song, I just thought it was about relationships in general, just about loving someone, it would take a number of years to find that it was about feeling the presence and love of God all around us, how wrong I was, but once again I don’t  think it was by chance that a song like this was brought into my life, eventually music would become a medium in which God would speak to me, but a lot of things had to break until I released just how long this had been happening in my life.

Later in the year a friend of mine offered me a full time job, one of the sales assistants at the builders merchant that he was manager of was leaving and the job was mine if I wanted it.  I was interested in the job, but something inside of me was afraid of change.  When this all started and I was applying for jobs, yet getting no reply, I just stopped bothering, I began to wonder if I was good enough to do anything else, I was being rejected without even being told why, not even given the courtesy of being informed I wasn’t right for the job I was applying for.  I became more and more demoralised and as I mentioned earlier began to withdraw even more.  Now there was job I could take if I wanted it, it would solve so many problems, it was a no brainer really, yet I couldn’t say yes, I stalled for a number of weeks, until I saw that he had in the end advertised it, Victoria challenged me on it and I contacted Bill and said I was interested.  I went to meet him at work and I agreed to take the job, I had to wait a while until the other guy had left, but in late November I started working full time, a regular wage and regular work, it was going to solve so many of my problems, or so I thought.

In this crazy, mixed up mindset that I was living my life with, I thought everything was retrievable.  But I actually thought that it was just the financial situation that was driving the wedge, it was the money problem that was causing the distance between myself and Victoria, having a job and a regular wage would take things right back to where I was before and I could get things back on track with Victoria, that was my mindset, that was what I wanted, I so wanted to make things right with Victoria, but just couldn’t bring myself to sit down with her and have a conversation about where we were and what we could do about it.

Every time my mind wandered back to a time shortly after the birth of our first child, Ben would be about one year old and just a few days before Christmas we were unable to agree what to do on Christmas day, it was on the face of it a trivial disagreement, but we were in a bit of a rocky patch, we were getting a little distant, it would seem that having a child was changing our relationship, I became second to our son as Victoria became super mum and in the midst of that argument I heard those words for the first time….

“I love you, but I’m not in love with you!”

Those words destroyed me, they broke me then, on that occasion we resolved to try harder with our relationship and we got things back on track.  Now this time, I dreaded hearing those words again, I knew I would have to hear them again, I knew they would hurt once again, but I still thought that if we could do it back then, get things back on track again, find a way through it all, then we could do that again, why not?

But things weren’t going to plan, yes I was working full time, which was healthy, I was a better person when I had a purpose to get up for, something to put my mind to.  But the sad fact was that by working and having a regular wage, it meant that I had more money to spend and more money meant more alcohol.

DAYLIGHT by BRAVE SAINT SATURN
Did you hear the news today?
I’m not coming home, no
And I wished it all away
I felt so alone, yeah

And the darkness crept its way
Like stars that we all know will die too soon
There is never any sunrise here
In the shadows of eclipsing moons

Crawling on a tightrope
The bravest thing I have is hope

Daylight, save me
Daylight, save me
Tonight, oh, tonight

Halogen, the lights will flicker
Incandescent burning lies
And the silence stands for nothing
Desperate I search the skies

Aching for a spark
Trembling in pitchest dark

Daylight, save me
Daylight, save me
Tonight, oh, tonight

“U.S.S. Gloria, this is Mission Control, do you copy?”
Repeat, “U.S.S. Gloria, this is Mission Control, do you copy?”
“We have lost contact with the U.S.S. Gloria”
Repeat, “We have lost contact with the U.S.S. Gloria”

“Mission Control, this is the U.S.S. Gloria
Do you read me? Do you read me?
Mayday, mayday, we have lost primary guidance functions
Mayday”

The crew is now out of radio contact
Presently there is no way for us to know
Whether they are alive or dead
Our hopes and prayers go out with you all

“U.S.S. Gloria, this is Mission Control, do you copy?”
“Houston, this is the U.S.S. Gloria, good to hear your voice
We are coming out of the eclipse now
I see the sunlight, it’s beautiful
The sunlight is beautiful”

Jesus Christ, light of the world
You never did forget me
And when I bled in darkness
You held me, still held me

When desperate nights I cursed You
You loved me, still loved me
Jesus Christ, You dry the tears
You break my heart of stone

Your words are life cut marrow through
The darkness to the bone
A heart of flesh You gave me
Only You can save me

Savior
Daylight
I am coming home
Home, home, home, home

The Most Unexpected Of Comments

These days I’m getting used to waking up at random hours in the morning, it’s become the norm for me. Like many I guess one of the first things I do, especially in these days of smart phones, I check my social networking accounts.

Usually it’s Twitter or WordPress then maybe Facebook, although to be honest I don’t spend much time on there these days, I only check to see if I’ve become a target for more veiled attacks from people I once called friends.

I’m aware of late I haven’t been responding to any comments on my blog, to be quite honest I’ve been posting, but not really interested in my blog of late, I’ve not been too positive over the last few months, which is not what I set out to be. I haven’t been visiting many of my followers either,interactive blogging has been a chore and one of many things that have slipped over the past weeks.

But one comment this morning has breathed a bit of new life into my blogging life. When I checked my interactions this morning I had a notification to approve a comment, not from a fellow blogger, not even one of my recent posts either, but from a search which found a post of mine from back in March.

Back in March just three days after my Nan died the song that I wanted as a tribute to her I couldn’t find on YouTube to go with a post about her, so I made a lyric video for the song Mama by Flyleaf.

So I was amazed this morning to find a comment from Lori Mosley, the Mother of Lacey Sturm, the former lead singer of Flyleaf.  Not only that but Lori wrote and sings the last part of the song.

I still find it unbelievable that in this day and age of technology, that not only does my blog and testimony reach out across the world, but it was also found and commented upon by the Mother of someone I admire and respect, in fact for nearly two years Flyleaf’s song All Around Me was the ringtone on my phone.

That got me thinking again though, that was way back in autumn 2008, at the time I was far from a Christian and thought that the song was about a relationship, now when I hear it I understand that yes it’s about a relationship, but one with God (although I still want to answer my phone we it comes on). There are many Christian songs I listened to before I was saved, many I heard and never understood, that’s all changed a little bit now.  Music is a big part of my life and Christian and inspiring music is something I listen to a lot, especially when walking.  My current favourites aren’t hard to spot, they tend to accompany my recent posts, over the last few months the music of Jesus Culture and associated artists has been my go to music when I’m low and in need of lifting, but the music of Flyleaf and other artists still make up my regular daily playlist.

Thank you Lori for your kind comment and encouragement, I really appreciate it, as I do all the comments I receive, I read them all and appreciate everyone of them, thank you all so much.

As things improve each day and I feel more positive as each one passes, maybe I can get back to the more positive and hopefully inspirational posts.

ALL AROUND ME by FLYLEAF
My hands are searching for you…
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips…
My tongue dances behind my lips for you
This fire runs in through my being…
Burning…
I’m not used to seeing you

I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive

I can feel you all around me,
thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling,
savoring this heart that’s healing

My hands float up above me….
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade…
Into our secret place
The music makes me sway…
The angels singing say
We are alone with you…
I am alone and they are too with you

And so I cry…
The light is white…
And I see you…

I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive

I can feel you all around me,
Thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling,
Savoring this heart that’s healing

Take my hand I give it to you
Now you own me , all I am..
You said you would never leave me
I believe you, I believe…
I can feel you all around me
thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling,
Savoring this heart that’s healed

Morning Walks With God

A couple of months ago I changed my morning routine, ever since my withdrawals subsided and I could get through a day without barely any aches or pains, I decided it was time to get fit and lose some weight, so initially I started on the Wii fit, doing the jogging and step exercises, but one Saturday in August I decided I needed to get out of the house, so I put my iPod on and went for a walk, needless to say I enjoyed the freedom.

So a couple of weeks later I decided to change my morning routine, so now every morning my alarm goes off shortly before 5.30am, except for Sunday, where in reverse to most peoples routine, I don’t have the usual “Sunday Lie In”, the alarm goes off at 5am so I get up even earlier, now I guess you think I am little on the insane side, believe me if you’ve seen me walk, you will know I am little on the insane side.

Some mornings I’m up and out straight away, other mornings I have to fight the urge to turn over and go back to sleep, it takes some doing but I always seem to get myself up, except for two mornings when an old ankle injury flared up, but those mornings just didn’t seem to feel right, those days seemed fuzzy something just wasn’t as it should be, so I braved the pain and went back to walking.

I always walk with music, it’s my inspiration, it has to be the right music now, Christian artists like The Casting Crowns, Third Day, Tenth Avenue North, MercyMe, Skillet, Sanctus Real, Fireflight, Flyleaf, etc, or music that is uplifting and drives me on. I can walk and worship at the same time, spend time just running through the things on my mind, trying work out the best way to deal with them, if I can’t deal with It, I just commit them to a Higher Authority and move on to the next issue.

My morning walks with God set my day up, they give me balance and set me off to great start, they also help me lose weight, since I turned my life around I’ve lost 3 stone in weight and I feel great. I don’t walk like your average human, not that I walk like John Cleese and the Ministry of Silly Walks, but I walk at speed, I power walk, when I started out walking I tracked my speed at an average of 4.2mph, now as I get fitter I average about 4.7mph over at least one hour of walking, on Sunday’s I maintain that speed over 3 hours of walking. Give it a go, see if you can match or beat that!

The other morning it was absolutely bucketing it down, but I didn’t let it stop me, I got up as usual got ready and went for my walk, I was soaked when I got home, but I felt so alive, more alive than usual.

I get asked “Why do you get up at that time, I didn’t even know that time existed?” Well for me time is a premium, so the answer is why not, it’s the best time of the day, I get to walk as the sun rises, as God’s gift of light in our life rises, so does my spirit.

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I’m breathing
Holding on to what I’m feeling
Savoring this heart that’s healed
(All Around Me by Flyleaf)

I suppose for me it combines many things into one, firstly exercise, secondly my love of music and thirdly the most important, it’s my time with God, can a day start any better?