Tag Archives: Birth

12 Years On

Twelve years ago today a new journey in my life started, a journey which continues to this day and brings new experiences and memories every passing day.

It started in the very early hours of 7th September 2001, I couldn’t have been asleep too long, as usual I was well gone, but I woke to a gentle nudging. As I slowly came around, Victoria said she had been awake for some time, but didn’t want to alarm me, but she thought it was time, as much as I had prepared myself over the previous months, those words put a mixture of emotions into my head, fear, nervousness, excitement and anticipation.

The contractions had started and it seemed the waiting was over,
we were finally stepping into parenthood.

Neither if us drive so we rang for an ambulance, I rushed our dog around to my parents house, which was just minutes away, as Victoria readied her bag.

We set off for the Hospital in Nottingham, those feelings became more vivid as the journey continued. We arrived at the maternity unit, we were shown to our delivery room and introduced to our Mid Wives and things seemed to be going along nicely, even though I wasn’t really sure what to do or where to put myself at times. But the hours passed and things didn’t seem to be speeding up and as the sun came up and the our Mid Wives ended their shift, things changed. Our first set of Mid Wives were so nice, they couldn’t do enough for us, they were just so kind, but the new shift weren’t quite so.

Where as our previous set had been happy to let things move along slowly, the new shift weren’t so, as things as slowed they made us feel like we were wasting their time, they weren’t nasty or anything, they just weren’t very welcoming and we didn’t warm to them. Finally things drew to halt, it was decided Victoria would be moved to a bed on the ward to wait, but unfortunately as the ward had set visiting hours I couldn’t go with her, I had to sit in the waiting room, just passing time, we were both alone and confused, it certainly wasn’t what I expected.

The day passed and we moved to the evening, Victoria had been allowed downstairs with me, so at least we could be together, we decided as we lived in the next town and didn’t drive we would stay the night, Victoria on the ward and myself in the Hospital Hotel, I was to be notified of any change, but no such call came, I woke still awaiting news.

By now it was Saturday and once again the hours passed and nothing else happened, we were both bored, uncomfortable and fed up, we decided to go home, Victoria was already three weeks passed her due date and was to be induced that week, so we called Victoria’s Grandad, who came and took us home.

We settled back home comfortably, Victoria’s Mum had come over, made us tea and stayed with us, maybe it was the home comforts, but by mid evening the contractions returned. We called our local Mid Wife, who came straight over and promptly called an ambulance, again!

Here we go again, but the Mid Wife was quite insistent that she come with us, by this time it was around 10pm and we were off again, surely this time.

At the Hospital we had a different room and a totally different set of Mid Wives, but they were as nice as our first set, Victoria was in a lot of pain and barely let go of the gas and air, I must say I was tempted but never tried it!

It wasn’t as imminent as it was thought, the hours passed again, but this time things began to move on. Victoria’s pain increased and I didn’t have a clue what to do, her Mum had come with us and having had four kids of her own she knew what to do, I just looked on helpless.

Then a panic seemed to build, the Mid Wives put a heart monitor in Victoria, but the baby’s heartbeat was getting faster and faster, the Mid Wives were concerned and were keen for baby to be born as quickly as possible.

Baby’s heart rate wasn’t the only one increasing, I was feeling more pressure than I was letting in, I felt terrible, I felt as though my heart was going to burst out my chest, Alien style, my Blood Pressure was going mad it seemed, but I just tried to smile and didn’t mention anything to anyone, I don’t think that even after all these years I ever told Victoria, my pain was nothing compared to her’s and our baby’s health.

The hours passed and the Mid Wives did their best to move things on, at 2.50am Sunday 9th September 2001, our first child Ben Anthony, was born.

We were all very tired after a long weekend, about 48 hours earlier we had started this journey and now he was here. I have to say I’m not a baby person, but to me our Son was beautiful.

After Victoria and Ben were settled back on the ward, I went outside for fresh air, it was a relief and the heart began to beat normally and I could breathe easily again. I called my Mum and Dad to let then know, then went back to the hotel again, they let me have a room free of charge.

Throughout Sunday we had the usual visits, the parents, grand parents, brothers, sisters, aunties and uncles. We were so tired and Victoria still very uncomfortable after the birth, that I don’t think we were good company, but as they came to see Ben, nobody really cared.

Victoria stayed in Hospital both Sunday night and again Monday night, she was to come home on Tuesday.

Tuesday became an emotional day for many reasons. Victoria’s Grandad picked my up at lunchtime, we were to get there at the beginning of afternoon visiting and she and Ben could come home.

As we neared the Hospital we heard disturbing news on the car radio, a plane had hit the World Trade Centre, it didn’t say anything else, it was a vague report, we discussed what it meant, possibly just a freak accident. Then as we pulled into the car park, news of the second strike came through and it became more evident that this was something more.

We were concerned, but the joy of bringing my boy home was stronger. We packed everything into the car, fitted the car baby seat and set off for home. We discussed the news as we travelled and when we got home Victoria’s Mum and step Dad were there getting things ready for us, the TV was on and as we got in the first footage of the towers collapsing was shown, it took the edge of what should have been a joyous moment, it was certainly mixed emotions.

It was a journey that started four days before and now began in earnest, we were home and now we had a tiny baby to look after, we were a family.

This journey as a parent isn’t easy and doesn’t end, I can’t say I’ve been the best father over the last twelve years and certainly not the best partner, I made a real mess of things for a time, but I’m trying to address things one at a time. Ben turns twelve on Monday, is it really twelve years ago and despite everything, those memories of that weekend remain so vivid.

Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I close my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open

Well I don’t know if I’m ready
To be the man I have to be
I’ll take a breath, I’ll take her by my side
We stand in awe, we’ve created life

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I’ll show you love
I’ll show you everything

With arms wide open
With arms wide open
I’ll show you everything …oh yeah
With arms wide open..wide open

If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he’s not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open…

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I’ll show you love
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open

I’ll show you everything..oh yeah
With arms wide open….wide open

Say Hello Our Beautiful Daughter

Say Hello Our Beautiful Daughter

So four and half years have passed
Now I’m feeling that nudge a second time
It’s time to get ready once again
For another journey under blue lights
It’s going to be an extremely long night

But I’m hoping it won’t last too long
With none of the stress as the time before
But however long that we have to wait
It’ won’t matter to us, not at all
We’re just eager to say our hellos

The minutes and hours they drag
As the sun slowly rises outside
There’s no panic this time, it’s quite calm
But my heart’s still beating just as frantic
And once again I’m struggling with her pain

But suddenly it all starts to happen
And the midwives all spring into action
It’s getting ever closer and closer
And we’ll be saying hello to new life
To a little baby sister for our Ben

Once again that special moment is here
We rejoice in the miracle once more
For a second time we’re saying our greetings
Wrapped tightly, we hold you so tenderly
Smiling at all the beautiful faces you make
Nice to meet you Eve, our beautiful Daughter

For my daugher Eve, born 9th March 2006.

Say Hello Our Wonderful Son

Say Hello Our Wonderful Son

Woken with a tender nudge
Just two nights before
It’s been a long couple of days
We’ve been here once already
Sent home just this morning

And so it all starts again
A second journey is undertaken
Beneath the blue flashing lights
Now it’s nearly time to say hello
To meet our beautiful newborn Son

It all seems to last forever
The time passes by so slow
As night becomes a new day
I feel completely useless
I can do nothing to ease her pain

The tension it slowly rises
Panic gradually sets within
My heart is beating on overtime
Fighting to burst out from my chest
But I must hold together just for them

Then the waiting’s eventually over
We finally we get to say hello
You’re everything we ever wanted
Perfection in every single way
How proud we are to meet you
Ben, our wonderful Son

For my son Ben, born 9th September 2001