It’s hard to believe that I actually started this blog two years ago today, well I started writing in preparation a week or so before, but I didn’t actually have the nerve to go live with my story. I had looked at various blogging sites and searched on tips for blogging, I had written a number of posts which would form most of my early uploads, yet I sat on it all, hiding what it was I had to say to the world.
Then on the morning of Saturday 6th October 2012, I went for a walk, it was a normal Newark morning for October, cold and wet, nothing out of the ordinary, just another Saturday morning. As always I walked with my iPod on, playing songs that I had heard many times before, then a song came on that changed everything, the lines of that song are the words in the banner at the top of this page, those words reduced me to tears and I felt I knew what I had to do, to take a leap of that precipice and tell my story, all the inner most thoughts, the embarrassing and shameful parts, everything, warts and all.
Since that Saturday evening when I posted that first post and about me page, I’ve added 950 posts including this one, in addition using 496 different songs by 142 different artists, not to mention hundreds of photos of sunrises, sunsets, Bible Verses and other random stuff.
I had never really written anything before starting this blog, I had started a journal earlier in the year, just a matter of days before I became sober, when I read back some of the entries I had written I actually surprised myself, obviously I further surprised myself when I started writing the numerous blog posts over the last two years.
One of the biggest surprises has been the fact I’ve posted 145 poems in that time also. I hated poetry writing at school, I don’t think I had written a poem in almost 30 years when I tried my hand at a few poems. I actually now dislike some of my early attempts, I feel back then I was trying to force out words just for the sake of it, rather now I only write poems when I have a strong feeling that the words are something more than my own thoughts. Sometimes, I have to sit on them for a while, wait, think and pray on them before I decide to form a verse with them, but I have to say, I now longer doubt myself when I post my poems, not like I did in the early days, back then I was apprehensive about them, but not anymore. Having said that, I don’t dislike all my early poems, there are a couple of my earliest that are among my favourites, but as I’ve said before there were many of those early ones I never really connected with, now I connect with them all.
It’s been a long journey over the last two years, with some ups and downs, but I have to thank everyone who has taken the time to read my posts, to like them and to comment on them. I am especially thankful for every comment I get, I know I may not respond to them all, but believe me, I read them all and I’m extremely grateful for everyone of them, many have given me hope when times have been dark and kept me going with my writing when I was close to giving up, once again I thank you all.
I’m not sure what the next twelve months will bring for me and this blog, but for now I will keep writing and sharing my journey with you all.
But I guess the biggest shout of thanks should be sang to The Father, He has given me this story to share, He inspires my words and when I feel the most vulnerable He gives me the confidence to share.
SOVEREIGN LORD by KALLEY HEILIGENTHAL & WILLIAM MATTHEWS
Though I walk through the midst of my troubles
You fulfill your purpose in me
I lift my head from the dirt to see those eyes
I feel a peace in the wind to my surprise
You are sovereign Lord and I bless you
You are perfect in nature