Trust me, I've been there, I've looked, I've searched and I know now, that there are no answers to be found in the bottom of a bottle or on the edge of a blade! Fighting Hard, Recovering, Rebuilding, REBORN. Moving on from addiction to a new life.
It is our own understanding that leads us into situations that we cannot fathom a way out of, in these moments, only our trust in the Lord, our faith that He will never let us fall, will bring us back to the path that the Lord has set for us to walk.
WALK IN LOVE by BRADY TOOPS When I wake up in the morning Gonna walk in love When the evening sun is falling Gonna walk in love Through the troubles of the day Gonna walk in love Or whatever comes my way Gonna walk in love
Brother or sister Let us walk in love Gonna walk in love Singing hallelujah, we shall overcome Gonna walk in love
When my brother turns his back Gonna walk in love When my enemy attacks Gonna walk in love When I feel like dropping off Gonna walk in love With no strength to carry on Gonna walk in love
Brother or sister Let us walk in love Gonna walk in love Singing hallelujah, we shall overcome Gonna walk in love
We should come together We shall live as one Gonna walk in love Given all our suffering, we shall rise up Gonna walk in love
Brother or sister Let us walk in love Gonna walk in love Singing hallelujah, we shall overcome Gonna walk in love
We should all shout for joy to God, for we have all been rescued from places where our weaknesses took us, praise His glorious name.
GLORIOUS NAME by BRADY TOOPS You are the one true God over all the earth Our King and the Father’s love Who became our sin To save and to overcome By Your glorious name By Your glorious name
For You are the Lord The Lord God so merciful You are the Lord And You’re abounding in loving kindness You are the Lord Full of grace and full of truth Oh You never change Oh what a glorious name
You are the risen Son High above the earth Our Lord, the victorious One Let the nations bring You praise Let the nations come To Your glorious name
For You are the Lord The Lord God so merciful You are the Lord And You’re abounding in loving kindness You are the Lord Full of grace and full of truth Oh You never change Oh what a glorious name
There’s no one like You Oh no one like You So great and marvellous We cry out Show us Your glory Only Your glory You’re great and glorious
There’s no one like You Oh no one like You So great and marvellous We cry out Show us Your glory Only Your glory You’re great and glorious
For You are the Lord The Lord God so merciful You are the Lord And You’re abounding in loving kindness You are the Lord Full of grace and full of truth Oh You never change Oh what a glorious name
Tonight has been the best night of the week so far, the shadows maybe aren’t over just yet, but the Lord is watching over us this night.
O FOR GRACE by BRADY TOOPS Oh for grace to lay down all my dreams in Him be found O for faith to keep it true and never stop believing you
And when it’s strong or when it falls through Oh lord to know my answer is you
And oh for love to trust some more to fix my eyes on heaven’s shore And for hope with every step every word my every breath
When it’s strong or when it falls through Oh lord to know my answer is you
For your light I lose my all, cause I’m not staying here, I’m moving on So give me strength to hold on tight through stormy gales ‘til morning light
When it’s strong or when it falls through When it’s strong or when it falls through When it’s strong or when it falls through Oh lord to know my answer is you
I have to say that this week has been by far the best week I’ve had in such a long time, apart from one thing not going the way I wanted, well let’s be honest it was down to the ineptitude of the Inland Revenue, other than that it’s been a great week, with a number of those what just happened moments, when I look back I can see the touch of God.
I had decided last week that as this month sees the third anniversary of the day I quit drinking, I would prepare a full testimony. I’ve written many different posts about various moments that have happened over the last few years since I started this journey, but I’ve never written one full testimony. I have written an abbreviated version, which is basically my about page, which hasn’t been updated since I started this blog back in October 2012, so I thought it would be a good time to write a full testimony and post it in segments over a few days around my Sober anniversary.
Then Monday afternoon I got a text form my friend Sarah, who used to run our Church Connect Group, before she and her husband Paul left to start a new Church under the Everyday Champions banner. They are holding a special weekend at the end of the month with a fun day on Saturday and a special service on Sunday, they would like me to come over to help on Saturday and to share my testimony with them on the Sunday. I made sure I could get the time off work and I rang them that evening and spoke to Paul. I am really looking forward to being part of it and sharing my testimony, I am so pleased that they asked me, when I was really low and struggling with the onset of depression almost eighteen months ago, they were there supporting me all the way, an ear for listening and a shoulder to cry on when I needed it, there was no way is was going to say no!
Since Monday night I’ve been writing my testimony in any spare time I get, I written quite a bit so far, about 8500 words and I still haven’t got to the part where I find God or stop drinking, I’ve got quite a bit to do yet, but I hope to get it somewhere near finished by the end of this week.
We had a great Encounter evening at Church on Wednesday, I felt so encouraged when I left, like everything was coming together and I had a big part to play with my testimony in bringing people to God. In the past when I have prayed, when I have felt like I’m not sure about things, I’ve felt a hand on my shoulder, gripping tightly, telling me it’s all going to be okay, that I’m exactly where I should be, I felt this on Wednesday, I am where I am supposed to be and I have a part to play, a job to do, as I say I felt so encouraged.
There was a downer on Thursday, but I soon got over it. At the end of January I finally made my last payment on the £8000 debt that I had owed the Inland Revenue, I rang them to cancel future payments, which they agreed to, they told me to go on to their website to reclaim my over payment, I did all of this and felt like come March I could finally begin to find some financial security. Tomorrow is my daughter’s ninth birthday, so I told her I would take her to Lincoln to treat her, she could have an amount of money and she could go to her favourite shops and pick what she wanted, that was the plan.
When I checked my bank account, as for some reason I had this feeling that although I knew I would have sufficient money, I had to check, that’s when I found out that the Inland Revenue hadn’t stopped my agreement and had taken out another payment, neither had they repaid me what I had overpaid! Needless to say I wasn’t very happy, but I wasn’t going to let it spoil the day, yes it was a bit of a downer, the ineptitude of our Inland Revenue is I guess to be expected.
We had a great morning in Lincoln yesterday and Eve loved everything she brought, this morning she went out in her complete new outfit that she picked for herself and on the new skateboard she insisted on buying too.
It’s been a slow start to the year, with the virus I had just before Christmas hanging around for so long, I still have a bit of a cough, but it seems to be going, slowly, but it is going, this month things seem to be moving forward for me again, I feel far more positive and optimistic for the future, I really believe that things from here will get so much better.
O FOR GRACE by BRADY TOOPS Oh for grace to lay down all my dreams in Him be found O for faith to keep it true and never stop believing you
And when it’s strong or when it falls through Oh lord to know my answer is you
And oh for love to trust some more to fix my eyes on heaven’s shore And for hope with every step every word my every breath
When it’s strong or when it falls through Oh lord to know my answer is you
For your light I lose my all, cause I’m not staying here, I’m moving on So give me strength to hold on tight through stormy gales ‘til morning light
When it’s strong or when it falls through When it’s strong or when it falls through When it’s strong or when it falls through Oh lord to know my answer is you
For the first time in days I managed to get a full night’s sleep last night, it was the first night since before Christmas Eve that I don’t actually remember waking up at any point in a coughing fit, yet I still feel absolutely shattered.
By the time I had walked to Church and set up the camera’s I really was starting to flag and it wasn’t even 10am. Most days that I’ve been off work over the Christmas/New Year period I caught up on lost sleep at night by napping in the day, when I was at work I napped when I got home, but today even though I was shattered this morning I didn’t sleep this afternoon. Hopefully that means I will get a good night’s sleep again tonight, before I’m back at work tomorrow morning.
Although my eyes are no longer bloodshot, they are still weeping slightly at night and do still feel very dry, despite the fact that I have drank plenty of fluids. The haze at Church really didn’t help my eyes this morning, after completing my camera work, my eyes really were smarting, the first thing I did when I got home was put eyes drops in both eyes.
The coughing is certainly not so intense has been, when I have coughing fit they are still pretty intense, but they are getting less and less frequent as each day passes, so hopefully over the next week it will have gradually faded away.
My plan to get back into my walking on New Year’s day has completely gone out of the window, I had hoped to be back out walking each morning, but given the circumstances that hasn’t really been an option. My plan now is to hopefully be shut of this virus by the end of this week and start the daily walking again next weekend, fingers crossed it all goes to plan.
It has been pretty much a Christmas to forget, but that is now gone and pretty much forgotten, so it’s onwards into the New Year and those new year plans, I didn’t make any specific New Year’s Resolutions, other than to start walking, get fit again and lose a few pounds, all with the view to competing again in the summer, yes it’s true I plan to come out of retirement at this Year’s National Championships and attempt to win my title back, I felt I needed a few goals and targets and that was one of them.
GOLDEN BELL by BRADY TOOPS There’s a land beyond the river that we call the sweet forever And we only reach that shore by faith’s decree One by one we all will get there passing thru the door of despair When they ring that golden bell for you and me
Don’t you hear the bells now ringing, don’t you hear the angels singing out their tune Tis’ the glory hallelujah, the light of heaven shining thru ya so very soon Just beyond that shining river when they ring that golden bell for me and you
We shall know no sin nor sorrow in the harbor of tomorrow When our ships all sail beyond the earth beneath We shall only know the blessings, no more doubt and no more guessing When they ring that golden bell for you and me
Don’t you hear the bells now ringing, don’t you hear the angels singing out their tune Tis’ the glory hallelujah, the light of heaven shining thru ya so very soon Just beyond that shining river when they ring that golden bell for me and you
Oooooooooooooooh
And when our days shall know their number, when in death we sweetly slumber When the King commands our spirits to be free Nevermore with anguish laden, we shall reach our final haven When they ring that golden bell for you and me
Don’t you hear the bells now ringing, don’t you hear the angels singing out their tune Tis’ the glory hallelujah, the light of heaven shining thru ya so very soon Just beyond that shining river when they ring that golden bell for me and you
Even in my lowest moments, when hope seems so distant, I thankful I find peace through the Spirit.
O FOR GRACE by BRADY TOOPS Oh for grace to lay down all my dreams in Him be found O for faith to keep it true and never stop believing you
And when it’s strong or when it falls through Oh lord to know my answer is you
And oh for love to trust some more to fix my eyes on heaven’s shore And for hope with every step every word my every breath
When it’s strong or when it falls through Oh lord to know my answer is you
For your light I lose my all, cause I’m not staying here, I’m moving on So give me strength to hold on tight through stormy gales ‘til morning light
When it’s strong or when it falls through When it’s strong or when it falls through When it’s strong or when it falls through Oh lord to know my answer is you
After I ran from life and found there was nowhere else to turn, it was then that I realised He had been there with me all along, only then did I start to live.
GOLDEN BELL by BRADY TOOPS There’s a land beyond the river that we call the sweet forever And we only reach that shore by faith’s decree One by one we all will get there passing thru the door of despair When they ring that golden bell for you and me
Don’t you hear the bells now ringing, don’t you hear the angels singing out their tune Tis’ the glory hallelujah, the light of heaven shining thru ya so very soon Just beyond that shining river when they ring that golden bell for me and you
We shall know no sin nor sorrow in the harbor of tomorrow When our ships all sail beyond the earth beneath We shall only know the blessings, no more doubt and no more guessing When they ring that golden bell for you and me
Don’t you hear the bells now ringing, don’t you hear the angels singing out their tune Tis’ the glory hallelujah, the light of heaven shining thru ya so very soon Just beyond that shining river when they ring that golden bell for me and you
Oooooooooooooooh
And when our days shall know their number, when in death we sweetly slumber When the King commands our spirits to be free Nevermore with anguish laden, we shall reach our final haven When they ring that golden bell for you and me
Don’t you hear the bells now ringing, don’t you hear the angels singing out their tune Tis’ the glory hallelujah, the light of heaven shining thru ya so very soon Just beyond that shining river when they ring that golden bell for me and you
