Tag Archives: Celebration

Two Days To Two Years!

Verse of the Day – Psalm 62:1-2

Psalm 62:1-2

As I approach the amazing two year anniversary of my sobriety, I give thanks that He has been my Rock and my Fortress.

CHRIST THE ROCK by KIM WALKER-SMITH & SKYLER SMITH
On christ the solid rock I stand
No double minded shifting sands
On christ the rock I plant my feet
A firm foundation for me

On christ the rock I place my heart
And trust in who you say you are
No circumstance that blows my way
Will ever move this solid place

Holy,Holy
Holy,Holy

On christ the solid rock I stand
Leaving behind the fear of man
With christ the truth I will agree
Forsaking lies that come for me

Holy,Holy
Holy,Holy

On christ the rock I lay my dreams
Come with your fire consuming me
With christ the rock I make my plans
Partner with your purposes

Holy,Holy
Holy,Holy
Holy,Holy
Holy,Holy
Holy,Holy,Holy,Holy
Holy,Holy,Holy,You are holy oh God,yeah

On christ the solid rock I stand

My Daughter’s Chored My Ferrero Rochers!

The Amazing 100th Week

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So my week of 100’s comes to an end today, starting with Thursday being that magical 100 week of sobriety, through to today and my 100^th week attending Everyday Champions Church, but I have to say this has been my strongest week in some time.

Obviously Thursday meant a lot to me, it was a big milestone, when you consider over the last twenty odd years, the longest I had managed without a drink was a couple of months about fifteen years ago, but back then I wasn’t actually drinking that much anyway.

At the time I stopped drinking on the 29^th March 2012, I intended it would be the last time, but I have to say in those first months, especially when the withdrawals kicked in, I was tempted, when your body is screaming out in pain and you know it just wants another drink, when one drink could take all that away, but with that drink comes the pain of what you were, it was tough to stick to my decision, it was hard, but with faith, prayer and some amazing new friends, I got through those hard times. But now, even when I struggled back in November, I never was tempted to drink, there was no urge at all, I have been set free of that addiction.

This week I’ve done a fair bit of work for the Architects and for the first time in months I managed to get it done without getting stressed, without losing my temper and without slipping back to the shadows of depression. I’m still taking the medication, but obviously it seems to be doing what it is intended to do, even though a couple of times this week I’ve still been drawing at 10.30pm, I have managed to stay stress free!

Wednesday was a great night at Encounter with Guest Speaker Mark Richie. Mark’s very funny, but very passionate about faith and bringing people to God, it was a really great night and he’s back at ECC in a few weeks, I can’t wait. I had a big personal break through on Wednesday night also, something I’ve struggled with over the last few months, was at last broken, I got beyond myself and let the Holy Spirit in.

Today was also a great day in Church, I feel that I am more free each time I go there. That first day one hundred weeks ago, I was so afraid, I didn’t know what to expect, I never sang, I never moved, although I did cry!

Today there were some great reminders of that day, the first song we sang today was the only one I remember hearing on that first day, it stood out because the next day the same song played on my iPod as I walked to work. Also this morning Pastor Ken took the first service, he also took the service on my first day in Church!

I left Church that first week feeling it was definitely where I wanted to be, 100 weeks later and today they showed that they are still as supportive now as they were right back at the start.

So this has definitely been one of my best weeks in some time, a far cry from the last November and an even farther cry than where I was in the weeks before I quit drinking all those week ago!

I HAVE DECIDED by STARFIELD
I have decided to follow Jesus
I have decided to follow Jesus
I have decided to follow Jesus
No turning back, No turning back

I will follow You, I will follow You, I will follow You my God
I will follow You, I will follow You, I will follow You my God

Though none go with me still I will follow
Though none go with me still I will follow
Though none go with me still I will follow
No turning back, No turning back

I will follow You, I will follow You, I will follow You my God
I will follow You, I will follow You, I will follow You my God

The world behind me, the Cross before me
The world behind me, the Cross before me
The world behind me, the Cross before me
No turning back, No turning back

I will follow You, I will follow You, I will follow You my God
I will follow You, I will follow You, I will follow You my God
Yeah, I will follow you, my God

Bring On Christmas Eve

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So this morning I woke completely sober for the 701st consecutive time, all I could think about was when the 1000th SoberDay would be, so I worked it out and it will be on Christmas Eve, which means a double celebration and after last years slightly subdued Christmas period, it give me a real reason to face it positively, which I really couldn’t bring myself to do last December.

So just in case you’re interested, that makes Christmas 300 days away!

I didn’t choose the day I quit drinking, I hadn’t really planned it, I just had that feeling as I followed my usual routine after teaching, as I headed over to the pub it struck me I wasn’t actually enjoying it anymore and if indeed I ddin’t like that first drink, then that would be it, thankfully that last pint tasted bloody awful, the rest is history.

But the first anniversary last March turned out to be on Good Friday and now the 1000th day will be on Christmas Eve, I couldn’t have picked it that way, but it makes it even more special I guess.

This week has been my best week for some time, the deep depression of last November seems to be well in the past and I feel I am moving on again, things are really turning around, my eyes are fixed beyond my current predicaments and firmly fixed on the future.

Having said that, I’m not really looking forward to tomorrow, it’s the first anniversary of my Nan’s death, although I’ve got a busy day ahead, which hopefully will keep me focused, I will drop by her grave in the morning on the way to work.

Tomorrow evening is also my Boss’s stag night, but I have declined to go, even though out of all those at work, I’ve known him longer than any of them. Since the end of last year I seem to panic when it comes to going out in these situations, it’s not that I can’t be around people drinking, but I really seen to work myself up. I’ve used the excuse that I can’t really afford it, which is partially true, but the real truth is I just can’t face it. I’ll speak with him at work tomorrow morning, I’m sure he’ll understand, he’s been very supportive over the last two years, he’s cut me a lot of slack when I’ve needed it.

But then I’m sure I pick up again on Sunday morning, as it will be 100 weeks of attending Everyday Champions Church, another reason for me to celebrate, just try to stop me from being there!

ALWAYS by KUTLESS
Have you not known, have you not heard,
The Lord is an everlasting God, an everlasting God.
Have you not known, have you not heard,
He is creator of the earth, the ends of the earth.

Even the young will stumble and fall,
You are the one that helps me through it all…

You lift me up on eagle’s wings,
I can run and not grow weary,
Always, when I wait for You,
In You I will renew my strength,
I can walk and never faint,
Always, when I wait for You…

Is it not told, not understood,
Since the beginning of all time, the beginning of all time,
Lift up your eyes, behold His great might,
He is the maker of all things, the maker of all things,

Even the young will stumble and will fall,
You are the one that helps me through it all…

When I hope, when I trust, I will find my strength in You.
When I hope, when I trust, I will find my strength in You.
When I hope, when I trust, I will find my strength in You.
When I hope, when I trust, I will find my strength in You.

Always, when I wait for You.

Verse of the Day – Isaiah 12:2

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Isaiah 12:2

For the last 100 weeks, He has been my strength and my salvation and I couldn’t be more thankful.

GRACE AND LOVE by KUTLESS
Many things in life are hard for me
Many things can pull us down
I don’t understand why I do what I do
How could I take my eyes off you
After all You’ve done for me
And after all You’ve done for me

It’s by Your grace and love I am saved
It’s by Your grace and love You’ve forgiven me
And by that love and grace I’m amazed
It’s by Your grace and love I am free
I am free, I am free, I am free

And it’s by grace and love that I am free
I’ll live with You eternally
I thank you Lord that I am free
I thank You Lord for loving me
I thank You Lord for dying upon the tree of Calvary
I thank You Lord for loving me
I thank You Lord for dying for me

Because it’s by grace and love I am saved
It’s by Your grace and love You’ve forgiven me
And by that love and grace, I’m amazed
It’s by Your grace and love I am free
I am free, I am free, I am free

Many things in life are hard for me
Many things can pull us down
But by grace and love You’ve forgiven me
And by grace and love we are free

My 100 Weeks Of Sobriety – The Numbers!!!!

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So this evening marks my 100 week of sobriety, at 10.30 this evening it will officially by that magical mark. I’ve written so many times about that pivotal moment in my life and I will probably write about it many more times, but for this post I highlight what that means in term of numbers, this it what it would have cost me over the last 100 weeks, had I continued drinking at the rate I was in the weeks before I quit, the figures are pretty interesting!

TOTAL CONSUMPTION:
Bottles of Rose Wine: 1000
Pints of Cider: 1800
Cans of Cider/Lager: 800
Bottles of Jaques Cider: 200

This was based on what I drank over the last few weeks before I quit, this was an average week, obviously it was some times a little more or a little less, but this was the average as I remember it, this obviously doesn’t include the odd bottle of Rum or other spirit I may have every now and again.

TOTAL UNITS OF ALCOHOL: 17560

So the recommended intake of alcohol for a male in the UK is 21 units per week, so that would total 2100 units, right so my average intake would have been over 8 times that, is it any wonder my blood pressure was rising.

TOTAL COST: £11,900.00 ($19,857 US)

Okay, so I’ve saved myself almost £12,000 in these last 100 weeks, which in itself is interesting seeing as I’m still almost flat broke, luckily this week the bank gave me back the charges they took from me last week. I don’t know how I kept my habit going consider the cost of it, but I guess until you step back and look at it with fresh eyes do you really realise the cost.

TOTAL CALORIES: 698800

So the total calories of 698800 alone does not seem to be too interesting a figure, but when you convert that into weight it makes a truly different reading, that converts to around 200lbs in weight. Seeing as I was at my heaviest when I quit drinking and that was only 182 pounds, that extra 200lbs in weight would probably have increased that figure drastically!

I’m not sure given the above figures whether I would actually be here to count these figures, which would have got to me first, the high blood pressure or the stress of the financial burden I was putting on myself and the family, it drove me close to suicide on many occasions.

The hardest thing for an addict is to admit they have the problem in the first place, that realisation hit me smack in the face when my relationship with Victoria essentially ended, but I still couldn’t stop, I knew I had to change and I knew there was only person I wanted to speak to about it.

The rest is history, I called Gareth one Monday morning, I met with him that evening and poured my soul out to him, along with a thousand tears, that night everything changed, Gareth brought the possibility of a life with God, it may have taken me a few days to embrace that, but when I did, I found the strength that I prayed for to overcome my addiction.

On 29^th March 2012 I took that last drink and although the next few weeks were hard work, the temptation and then the intense pain of withdrawals were hard to deal with, but again I prayed for strength and fought through it and made it to the otherside.

It’s not been an easy ride all the way through those last 100 weeks, I’ve struggled with many things in that time, eventually ending up on anti-depressants, but despite that these last few weeks I have felt more positive about the future than ever before. But there is no way I would be here celebrating this milestone without the Grace of God.

My future seems bright, now that there’s a light shining upon it.

FOREVER by BETHEL MUSIC
The moon and stars they wept
The morning sun was dead
The Savior of the world was fallen
His body on the cross
His blood poured out for us
The weight of every curse upon Him

One final breath He gave
As heaven looked away
The Son of God was laid in darkness
A battle in the grave
The war on death was waged
The power of hell forever broken

The ground began to shake
The stone was rolled away
His perfect love could not be overcome
Now death where is your sting?
Our resurrected King
Has rendered you defeated

Forever He is glorified
Forever He is lifted high
Forever He is risen
He is alive, [and] He is alive

He is alive!
He’s lifted high

We sing hallelujah
We sing hallelujah
We sing hallelujah
The Lamb has overcome

We sing hallelujah
We sing hallelujah
We sing hallelujah
The Lamb has overcome

Now death where is your sting?
Our resurrected King
Has overcome, He’s overcome [oh]

696 Down…. Only 4 To Go, To Make It To 100!!!

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I really can’t help feeling that I should be stressing out at the moment, that I should be sinking a little and getting worried about things, but I’m not!!

I posted on Thursday that my past had caught up with me, well it has once again, my financial problems keep coming back to bite me in the arse! The bank in their wisdom took out a considerable amount of charges for being overdrawn last month, which has put me back overdrawn for the rest of the month, so no doubt now I’ll face the same issue next month, a never ending cycle. But apart from that brief moment of stress on Thursday, to be honest I am not worried.

I know that this is short term, it’s just a single footstep, as I posted last night, I’m not looking at my feet anymore, I’m fixing my eyes on the bigger picture ahead, there is a solution down the road. I know I’m still owed six months worth of money from the Architects, it will come, in time, but when it does it will give me breathing space, it’s just a matter of waiting.

Back in November last year, I would have probably imploded, it would have been something I couldn’t look beyond and see the bigger picture, just the stress of the immediate situation.

But this week I reach a milestone, for me a massive milestone, come Thursday evening it will be 100 weeks of sobriety and that for me is bigger than anything I face at the moment.

I didn’t take the A.A. route so there is no chips for me, in fact when 10.30pm Thursday evening, I’ll be celebrating alone, probably with a Pepsi Max (if I can afford one that is), but I will be celebrating in my own way.

Actually when I think about this, I guess I won’t be celebrating alone, I know someone will be definitely be celebrating with me!

I heard this song early today, although Shinedown aren’t really a Christian band, although lead singer Brent Smith is a Christian, the song has some very encouraging lyrics, lyrics that can really relate to, they remind me of how I felt 100 weeks ago.

UNITY by SHINEDOWN
I found a note with your name
And a picture of us
Even though it was framed
And covered in dust
It’s the map in my mind that sends me on my way

They say it’s never too late
To stop being afraid
And there is no one else here
So why should I wait?
And in the blink of an eye the past begins to fade

So have you ever been caught in a sea of despair?
And your moment of truth
Is the day that you say “I’m not scared”

Put your hands in the air
If you hear me out there
I’ve been looking for you day and night
Shine a light in the dark
Let me see where you are
‘Cause I’m not gonna leave you behind

If I told you that you’re not alone
And I show you this is where you belong
Put your hands in the air
One more time

I’ve seen a million miles
Met a million faces
Took all I knew
To reach all these places
And I’d do it again
If it brings me back to you

So have you ever been caught in a sea of despair?
And your moment of truth
Is the day that you say “I’m not scared”

If I told you that you’re not alone
And I show you this is where you belong
Put your hands in the air
One more time

Put your hands in the air

If I told you that you’re not alone
And I show you this is where you belong
Put your hands in the air
One more time
Put your hands in the air
One more time

Verse of the Day – Jeremiah 29:12-13

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Jeremiah 29:12-13

I’m thankful that when I called on Him and prayed, God listened and answered me, 99 weeks sober this evening, I couldn’t have made it this far with Him.

ON & ON by CHASEN
Awake tonight, I’m breathing the air of the night sky
Listening, and wanting an answer to questions we’re wondering
I never thought that it would ever be possible
To cross the lines we drew that govern what we say and do
But no height and no depth
Could separate us

Some say we need a miracle
Some say there’s no hope at all but I
Know that Your love is strong
It goes on and on and on and on
We’ll rise up when it gets us down
We’ll be the voice in a blaring crowd cause we know
Your love will lead us home
It goes on and on and on and on

I’ve tried my way, it always ends up being a mistake
But You’re right, when You say that You set the time for the plans You made
I never thought that I could ever learn to let it go
Somehow it’s better when I follow in the paths You show
So I’m here, I’m waiting
Cause I believe

There is no fear of belief, it’s just this cold reality
That wants to take me away from You
There is no doubt in my mind, that in Your perfect time
Your plans, and Your ways will unfold

My Last Night As A 30 Something…. Argh!!!!!!!

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This is it then, my last night as a thirty something, tomorrow when I wake (whatever stupid hour in the early morning that will be) I will technically move into a new decade of life, the forties, really, me?

I’ve cooked the kids tea and we’ve had another Movie Night watching Wreck-It Ralph, we’ve almost made it now to the end of the week, despite all my worrying last week, we are nearly there!

So I say goodbye to another decade, one that started out in an amazing way and stayed that way for a while, until it started a steady descent into darkness, then the climb out of hole to try and rebuild a shattered life.

Yes everything started right, I had the most perfect partner in my life and fantastic young son, at thirty I made it onto the England Karate squad and started travelling Europe and the world, then came our wonderful daughter and the family was complete and after a trip to Sydney, Australia to take part in the World Championships, everything was perfect, I couldn’t ask for much more from life at that time.

But that was 2006, seven years ago, within three years it all started to unwind, I lost my regular work and with that went my life. Somehow I forgot who I was and slowly forgot what really was important in my life, my dependency on alcohol took control and it became the thing I needed to get by, rather than the people in my life that loved me.

Then at the beginning of 2012 at the age of 38 it all fell apart, I hit the bottom of the bottle, big time. I lost the one thing that was so important to me, the person I believed I would spend the rest of my life with, with nowhere else to turn, I made the most important decision of my life, I needed help and turned to God.

My life began to change that morning on the 19^th March 2012, when I made a phone call to Gareth and started a chain of events that brought Christ into my life, things began to improve from that point onwards.

I know of late it’s been a bit of struggle, it really has, a number of things have just come together to create an enormous amount of stress, it’s been hard to deal with, but despite the odd day where I feel really low still, things are improving, today has been a better day after a couple of bad ones.

Regardless of the struggle I’ve been having in the last few months, my life is still so much better than it was in March of last year, let’s face it, it couldn’t get much worse.

The court case earlier wasn’t the greatest thing to sit through, the personal bickering was tiresome, but at least I don’t have to go back, even though it still isn’t actually resolved. It’s now in the hands of the Judge to make a decision, which won’t happen until the new year and will probably mean I have to wait until then to get paid a significant amount of money I’m owed. A few weeks ago that was becoming a real problem, a real stress for me, but now I just see it as, it is what it is, I can’t do anything about it, so why worry!

So tomorrow a new decade starts for me, I don’t know what it’s going to bring with it, but the only thing I can do is stand up and face it, lift my head and have faith the plans God has for the rest of my life.

I ASKED YOU FOR LIFE by KIM WALKER-SMITH
I asked you for life, and you sent your son to die for me
I asked you for hope, you came in the night and gave me a dream
I asked you for freedom, you broke every chain and gave me the keys
I asked you for love never-ending and every day you surround me

And now my faith in you is a mountain that can t be shaken
Now my strength is found in you, it is joy that cant be taken

Praise spills from my lips, flowing onto the feet of you, my King
You deserve all the love and all the honor that I can bring

I asked you for life, and you sent your son to die for me
I asked you for hope, you came in the night and gave me a dream
I asked you for freedom, you broke every chain and gave me the keys
I asked you for love never-ending and every day you surround me