Trust me, I've been there, I've looked, I've searched and I know now, that there are no answers to be found in the bottom of a bottle or on the edge of a blade! Fighting Hard, Recovering, Rebuilding, REBORN. Moving on from addiction to a new life.
I thank God for every person of faith who has stood beside me, encouraged me, prayed for me, prayed with me, laughed with me, cried with me and believed in me, without these people that the Father brought into my life, I would not have made it this far.
I thank you all and most I thank you God.
EVEN ME by I AM THEY He knows my thoughts The things that no one sees He knows my heart It’s every broken piece Somehow still I’m held by this one thing And somehow still I’m held by this one thing
Yes, Jesus loves me Even me, even me I stand forgiven and free Even me, even me
He knows my past The choices I have made When I have wandered When I pushed away Somehow still I’m held by this one thing Somehow still I’m held by this one thing
Yes, Jesus loves me Even me, even me I stand forgiven and free Even me, even me Even me, yes even me
Nothing could ever stop this love Nothing could ever take it away My life was lost, His life He gave Even to the grave, even to the grave Even to the grave
Yes, Jesus loves me Even me, even me I stand forgiven and free Even me, he loves even me
Yes, Jesus loves me Even me, even me I stand forgiven and free Even me, he loves even me Even me, he loves even me Even me, even me
My friend, my friend I see your struggles Child of mine Don’t go through this alone For I am ever here Yet I have delivered you to my kingdom So share with them Pray with them My saints they will anoint you With sweet oil before my Father To set you free from your worries To put aside your pain You are not alone, not ever You are part of my family So look up and rise again Child of mine For I am ever with you My friend, my friend
We were not meant to do this life alone, we are to share our life and experience with each other, I am forever grateful for the people the Lord has led me to, I could not do this life without them, they sharpen me when I am down, they bring me the Lord’s word that renews me, without these people life, just wouldn’t be the same.
WE NEED EACH OTHER by SANCTUS REAL I think I caught a glimpse of Life without friends Bitter, empty, hollow, dark and lonely We never meant to hurt each other So Can’t we trust again And take it as a chance To keep on growing
I don’t know why it doesn’t come easy But I know that we could be happy If we’d only learn to love
Oh oh we need each other So what’s the fighting for Oh oh we need each other Please don’t close the door Oh oh we need each other Through all the highs and lows Oh oh we need each other Cuz no one’s meant to live alone
Life revolves around the need Of having someone Causing every complicated feeling Oh and I don’t want to loose you And there is nothing wrong with Telling me what you need To keep our love strong
It’s just a part of being a family Taking the good with the bad and the ugly If we could only learn to love
Oh oh we need each other So what’s the fighting for Oh oh we need each other Please don’t close the door Oh oh we need each other Through all the highs and lows Oh oh we need each other Cuz I don’t want to be alone
Oh Oh we need each other Fathers and Mothers Oh oh we need each other All your sisters and brothers Oh oh we need each other We need friends and lovers Oh Oh we need each other
Well I need you You need me Cuz that’s the way It’s meant to be I need you We need each other (I don’t want to be alone)
Well I need you You need me Cuz that’s the way It’s meant to be I need you We need each other (I don’t want to be alone)
Where were you this morning? Did you make it to Church? Did you immerse yourself in the word? Or did something important take you away? That’s okay, it happens sometimes Yet you still wish that you were there Or did you simply just not want to go? Was Church the place you least wanted to be?
I’ve tasted that feeling Said to myself I can’t go there They cannot see me this way Not in my shame and shadows But He spoke to me and said this…
If Church is the LAST place you WANT to be Then Church is the ONE place you NEED to be
There is no other like God, there is simply no other God. I am thankful that five years ago He forgave my sins, He lifted the burden of addiction from my hands and led to a Church and His people, where the healing process could truly begin.
His mercy set this life free, I owe my all to our God.
GOD OF ALL MY DAYS by CASTING CROWNS I came to You with my heart in pieces And found the God with healing in His hands I turned to You, put everything behind me And found the God who makes all things new I looked to You, drowning in my questions And found the God who holds all wisdom And I trusted You and stepped out on the ocean You caught my hand among the waves ‘Cause You’re the God of all my days
Each step I take You make a way And I will give You all my praise My seasons change, You stay the same You’re the God of all my days
I ran from You, I wandered in the shadows And found a God who relentlessly pursues I hid from You, haunted by my failure And found the God whose grace still covers me I fell on You when I was at my weakest And found the God, the lifter of my head And I’ve worshiped You And felt You right beside me You’re the reason that I sing ‘Cause You’re the God of all my days
Each step I take You make a way And I will give You all my praise My seasons change, You stay the same You’re the God of all my days
In my worry, God You are my stillness In my searching, God You are my answers In my blindness, God You are my vision In my bondage, God You are my freedom In my weakness, God You are my power You’re the reason that I sing ‘Cause You’re the God of all my days
Each step I take You make a way And I will give You all my praise My seasons change, You stay the same You’re the God of all my days
In my blindness, God You are my vision In my bondage, God You are my freedom All my days
It’s still hard to believe that five years ago this very day something happened that changed everything, that changed my life forever, it was the difference between death and life itself, without that moment in time this could all be so different and I really do not believe I would be writing this, I am convinced my life would have ended soon after.
The 19th March 2012 was the turning point of life, where what had gone before was ending and something new sprang forth. The day before I was on the edge of myself, staring into a mirror questioning my own life’s validity, I was convinced it had none,not until a voice silenced the screams and told me my children needed me, now I had resolved to make a change.
I now had the number for Gareth, the Pastor at Victoria’s church, I had met him a number of times, I had just a year before spent the afternoon in my own living room watching football with him and other people from his church, now I knew I had to speak with someone and I knew it had to be him.
Victoria had taken the kids to school and I was alone in the house. I remember sitting there that morning on the top step of my stairs with my phone in my hand, Gareth’s number at the ready, but in a state of turmoil, part of me knew I had to make that call, I needed to start living, but the other part of me, the addicted part, just couldn’t let go of it’s hold and sought to keep hiding.
I sat there for over 20 minutes, I had set a time in my head of 9.10am to call, just enough time to get into the office and at his desk, but not quite enough time to be busy with anything.
It took all I had to press the call button, I had to force myself, I was still in turmoil. I had created this veil for myself, one which I could hide behind, hiding my true self from the world and a veil which stopped me from seeing God, part of me desperately wanted to stay hidden.
Thankfully Gareth answered and I tried to explain who I was, he knew me as Victoria’s partner, I tried to tell him that, but then I realised I didn’t know who I was anymore, I wasn’t her partner anymore, that was over, so who was I? At that point I just broke down into tears, I could say no more than it’s Wayne, Vict…. Thankfully he realised who it was, Victoria had warned him I may call, so he asked how I was and managed to say something like not very good before breaking down once again. Every time he spoke to me I managed a few words before crying once again. But the long and short of it was, he realised I needed help and agreed to come to see me that evening, he said he would confirm it with me later, but we were set for that evening at 7.30pm.
That night Gareth came over with Alex, I had known Alex and his family for some time, so I was okay with that. When he came in he made it clear he wasn’t there to preach to me or to try to convert me there and then, but to speak with me and find out what help it was I needed and how it could be found. He asked questions about my drinking and the situation at home, I tried my best to answer them all honestly, between outbreaks of tears, I cried so much that night. But when they had left I felt so much better, much more at peace. I didn’t drink that night, for the first time in so long I got by without alcohol and I can’t actually remember wanting or needing a drink either.
Although that meeting is a major moment in my life, a real big part of what was a big turning point in my life, but now when I look back at it five years later, I realised the most important moment happened that morning.
Things could have been so different had Gareth had been like me. When my phone rings, if I don’t recognise the number, I do not answer it, I guess you get so many cold calls, you tend to vet them, so my attitude is leave a message and when I get time I will respond to it then. I know many people who do the same thing, I think many of us, unless we use our phones for business, probably do the same thing. But thankfully Gareth didn’t, he sacrificed his time to take the call.
In truth things began to change as soon as I ended that call. I hadn’t really been looking after myself, I was a mess, I hadn’t shaved for weeks, I didn’t really do anything with my hair, I was wearing worn clothes, socks full of holes and torn underwear. So when I put that phone down, I cleaned myself up and headed off into town to replace my worn attire, I began the process of looking after myself.
After all, you can’t be anything to anyone, if you’re not something to yourself.
But from that moment also, the fight against the grip of my alcohol addiction began, from that day onwards I never brought anymore alcohol into the house or consumed any within these walls, note I was still drinking at the pub, but far less and I had an element of control and was even losing the taste for it, until ten days later when I took that last drink.
We know that the ultimate sacrifice was Christ giving His life for us upon the cross, at that moment the veil was torn so we could all see God.
When Gareth made that small sacrifice by giving up his time to answer my call, my veil was torn too, I let the world in and from that moment I began to see God, only two days later I would pray for the first time and experience a peace I had never felt before.
Everything changed because of that phone call, had it not been answered, would I have had the courage to leave a message? I don’t think I would have, I think I would have bottled it that day, would Gareth have called back anyway? To be fair he probably would, but the impact and the moment may have been lost and the effect not as great as it was.
I truly believe that I was on a spiral to my own death, maybe the day before I wasn’t able to take my own life, but my health was a mess, my blood pressure was sky high, I have chronic high blood pressure anyway and without medication it rises to dangerous levels, but at that point I was on medication and it was still through the roof, almost as high as when I first went on the tablets, so I’m convinced I would probably have suffered a heart attack by the end of the year, had things not changed. Not only that, but I believe the episode of the day before would have repeated itself until the screams in my head had their way, that day wasn’t the first time I had considered taking my own life, but it was the last. So had I not made that call and had Gareth not answered, the consequences would be so different.
I got to share this in Church this morning, almost precisely five years to the moment that I made the call, I’m so grateful for getting that chance. My point was that so many people have their own personal veils, which stop them from seeing God and getting help, so what small sacrifices can we make that will tear the veil for someone?
BETTER LOVE by GREEN RIVER ORDINANCE Faith is not an idle grace Guide my fears and lead my way Darkest heart that You have saved I can’t find a better love
When I set out for ruined lands Shadows heavy where I stand You took death and called me friend I can’t find a better love
You take me as I am Now I understand
The greatest gift to give a man Is to give him grace to live again
Faith is not an idle grace Guide my fears and lead my way The darkest heart that You have saved I can’t find a better love
You take me as I am Now I understand
The greatest gift to give a man Is to give him grace to live…
My wages of captivity and death, it waited there for me You took me in and washed me clean And gave me words and songs to sing
You take me as I am Now I understand
You take me as I am Now I understand
The greatest gift to give a man Is to give him grace to live again
The greatest gift to give a man Is to give him grace to live again
A year before I found God and through Him sobriety, He sent a number of people to come and sit with me one afternoon. I sat there a none Christian in a room full of people from Church, most of them I had never met before, but during that afternoon we became friends. Then one year later these very same people were the ones who were there when I needed the support to sort my life out, they led me to God, just as He had led me to them.
THE KINGDOM by STARFIELD Oh Oh Oh We have come to testify Oh Oh Oh Our God is surely Great Oh Oh Oh His love is like a river wide So let everyone beneath His skies Lift their voice and sing
For the Kingdom of our God Carries on Carries on Carries on
Oh Oh Oh His kingdom is inside of you Oh Oh Oh It’s everywhere you are Oh Oh Oh Celebrate your life made new Come on let His freedom bloom Lift your voice and sing
For the Kingdom of our God Carries on Carries on Carries on
From my karate training over the years, I have learnt to be punctual, with the senior instructors at karate if you are five minutes early, then you are late. As an instructor I like to start on time with a full class, it gets a little annoying when people come in late, so I make it a priority to be early, even to the point that I have been known to set my watch five minutes fast, then if I am rushing and glance at my watch I see incorrect time, then if I make it on time, I’m still early.
So yesterday morning I was on team, so as usual I like to be at Church around 9am to get the camera set up before everyone comes in for huddle, I set off from home with my daughter in plenty of time to be there well before huddle at 9.15am.
We got with five minutes of Church when we heard a noise in the undergrowth at the side of the road we were on, when we looked down there was a small deer trapped in the railings to a factory.
Trapped Deer
The poor thing was in distress, trying to get free, I’ve never heard a deer squeal before, but I can safely say it’s not pleasant to hear. I crossed over the small fencing to the side of the pavement and went down to where it was, I tried to open up the bars, but couldn’t.
It was only a young deer, it had got it head and front legs through the bars, it even had the back legs through, but the hips were jammed in the bars. It tried to wriggle and work itself out, but it couldn’t do it. The grown was frozen, it was barely over freezing, the bars must have been cold as they had taken fur from the deer’s back where she had reared up against them, there were two patches of raw skin either side of it’s spine.
I rang the RSPCA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) to report the animal, they are responsible for injured animals in the U.K. They took down all the details and the location, they asked if I was willing to monitor the animal until someone could get there, to which I agreed, there was no way I was leaving the animal until I knew it was safe. As I made the call a friend from Church came past us, my daughter was getting upset seeing the animal trapped, in pain and squealing, so she went with Jo to Church whilst I waited.
A local named Pete came by whilst walking his dog, he wondered why I was just stood there in the undergrowth of a largely deserted road, I showed him the little deer and he said he would take his dog for it’s walk, then take it home and come back, if no one had arrived he would wait until they did so I could go to Church.
From time to time the deer would try to free itself and would thrash around while squealing, if I spoke to it, telling it to calm down it seemed to respond to my voice and stop, settling down for a while, then it would just look at me and I felt helpless.
I waited about an hour, Pete came back first and stood with me, then Jo came back with a cup of coffee in her hand, I needed that, of all the days to be in shorts and trainers stood in the frozen undergrowth, I was feeling the cold by now, my toes were freezing.
I agreed to leave Pete and we exchanged contact details so I could find out what happened, I walked back to Church with Jo, but then I got a phone call from a guy called Brian from the Lincolnshire Deer Group, he said he was on his way, he was only about ten minutes away, but did state that he had been sent to “despatch” the deer. He stated if it couldn’t be safely freed, he would have to put it down, this I didn’t want, I wanted the deer freed, so I went back and waited with Pete.
Brian arrived and assessed the deer, he had a small jack in his van, he covered the deer’s head and tried to use the jack to open up the bars. A jack is made to lift cars when there is a flat tire, it wasn’t suited to the bars, but he made it work, the bars slowly opened, then he reached down and lifted the small deer’s back end up and out the bars, no sooner had it’s back legs hit the ground, it lifted itself up and bolted off over the road heading for the open fields from which it had come.
Brian felt that it should be okay now, if there was any serious injury it would have collapsed there in front of us. The fur patches on it’s back will grow back, maybe not until it’s shed it winter coat, but probably with the new summer coat. Now it was up to nature to look after this little deer, we had done all we could for it.
By the time I got to Church the service had started, someone had set up the camera for me and I took over after I had cleaned up. I’ve never been late for Church before, but I was happy being late for this reason.
I am sure there is some reason why it was me who found this deer yesterday morning, there is some lesson I am to learn from it. I could have walked on by, it wasn’t my problem, I could have made the call to the RSPCA and then left, but I felt the need to wait until I knew it was being looked after and not left alone, after all it was a tiny animal in a helpless situation, it needed my help.
This animal is as much a part of creation as I am, I wasn’t meant to cross over to the other side of the road, to just pass on by, but if I can stop and help to save a small deer, am I willing to stop and help other people when they are trapped and helpless, just like someone helped me.
CREATION’S CALL by SOMETHING LIKE SILAS All my voice All my heart Couldn’t capture the beauty of his art Perfect Holiness
All the Glory All the Light Flows from his omnipotent might Let the heavens sing
From hill to vale They come With shouts of joy Sweeping over the earth From distant shores They cry Like breaking waves The unrestricted praise
All the silence All the dark Could not describe the mystery of his work From age to age I stand on this trembling earth To feel his eternal worth And with my hands I raise my all To join creation’s call
From hill to vale They come With shouts of joy Sweeping over the earth From distant shores They cry Like breaking waves The unrestricted praise
If you have following my series of poems and verse of the day posts since the beginning of December, you may recall reading about my struggles during early December. I didn’t elaborate on the issues back then, just wrote in my poems my deepest fears, my prayers and my pain. In a way I have had to work through the issues before I could really write objectively about that period of my life and the changes that have happened.
If you have followed me for some time, you will know that a number of years ago I began to struggle in life, no work, no money and very little opportunity to get out of the situation. Although even at that point I enjoyed a drink, I began to rely on drinking to get through, to the point I put drinking before paying bills and looking after my partner and our two kids, I was a mess. That was until March 2012, when I began to realise that Victoria and I had severely drifted apart, I tried to put things right, to say I was sorry, but it was too late, it was unrepairable.
I went into a spiral of just drinking for a week, I realised I had no control over it anymore, it had control of me, I was trapped. On 18th March 2012, I seriously considered taking my own life, I felt I was a burden on those around me and everyone would be better off without me around. But I couldn’t do it, through all the thoughts of hopelessness I heard a voice, it told me “it is better that you kids live with you as you are now, rather than the memory of what they will find”. I couldn’t do it after that, I realised my kids would be the ones who found my lifeless body and I couldn’t do that to them.
The next day I met with my now Pastor, I was reaching out for help, I wasn’t a Christian at that point, I had no real concept of God, He didn’t exist to me, but after meeting with Gareth, things began to change. A few nights later I began praying for help and finally on Thursday 29th March 2012 I took my last drink and vowed never to drink again, three days later I walked into Church and found my home.
These past few years have had their ups and downs, but I’ve made it through sober all the way. But I make no secret that I have prayed over and over again for the restoration of my relationship with Victoria, I have prayed and prayed for it. We still lived in the same house with the kids, but in different rooms, we lived different lives, but made it work, in a way. It was hard seeing her every day, but not being able to change anything, but I kept praying.
Earlier last year, she informed me that she would be looking to move out within a year, then later in the year she said her friends were doing up a house they had brought and when it was done she would be renting that from them. In November she confirmed the date for her and the kids to move out would be the 10th December.
I did everything I could not to think about it, I believed it would never happening, I had been praying over this for years and there was no way this was going to happen, God would come through, wouldn’t He?
I didn’t tell anyone what was happening, I kept it hidden, until the weekend before, when a friend asked about the situation at Church, then I broke down, the reality that this could happen was sinking in.
On Saturday 10th December I went to work as usual, when I came home they were taking the last load of furniture and things, I was broken, the kids had already gone, I went into the bathroom and just cried, I could hear Victoria calling to me, but I just sat there on the bathroom floor crying with my head in my hands, then the house was quiet.
The place was a mess, I was a mess. That afternoon I went to teach at Karate, I managed to get through that, it took my mind off things, then went to a friend’s from our Connect group to watch the boxing, again my mind was kept occupied.
It was the next day when the deepest pain come to the fore. I was supposed to be going to a karate course down south, a few of my students were grading for their black belts, I was really needed to go with them, but I couldn’t face it, so I cancelled my lift and decided I needed to be in Church.
I was okay at home that morning, then I set off for Church, I was on team, so I always get there early, usually one of the first. As I walked to Church I began to feel more emotional, like I was just ready to burst. When I got there, a few people were milling around, I said hello and got on with my set up. Then one of the guys asked how I really was, they knew what was going on, this time I couldn’t hide or hold it in anymore, I just broke down into tears. I spent almost all the morning in tears, it all came out, I just cried and cried, every time someone spoke to me or asked how I was I broke down again, I cried on so many shoulders. On this journey I have cried so many times, over so many things, but not like this and not in so public a way, so many people came past, people I didn’t even know, but they all reached out with a hand upon my shoulder, a gesture, but a welcome one.
That was the worst day. From then I had to question my faith. Over the next few days I had to work out what I was going to do from there. I had prayed for our situation so many times, I believed I had God’s promise that we would be restored, the ruins would be rebuilt, now it seemed all was at an end, where did that leave me and how do I feel about it?
Though I didn’t cry much after that Sunday, it was still a dark place. I have always struggled up to Christmas, it’s not a great time for alcoholics, drinking and partying is everywhere and you see all these families having a great time, all I can do is dream of having what they have. So now it felt darker and the fears of slipping back into old ways was closer to the surface than ever.
I was in a place where my faith was severely tested, if God’s promise was for restoration, what is this place I find myself, how could I get this so wrong, did God lie to me, does He really exist or do I really believe? But the only way through this was the thought that I had been to even darker places, I had been to the edge of life, but each time God had led me out, if He had done this for me before, then He would do it again, no matter how dark the situation.
Once I placed my trust in this belief, that God has my back, no matter what, then I began to pull through. The emptiness of the house, the mess I was living in was nothing, just temporary, get through these next few days, get to Christmas, make it through New Year and everything would be fine.
A few months ago, I had one of those despair moments whilst walking to work, crying out for restoration, but as I walked God clearly said:
“Trust me, the seven year drought will soon be over, then prosperity will come”
I believed the drought was our relationship, but now I believe it is me, I was the drought, I was dry and barren within, He has repeatedly called out to me to trust Him, I have prayed for my desires, there’s nothing wrong with that, but I was also getting hung up on it, setting my life on it happening, letting it define me, that I believe was the drought.
As Christmas came closer, I began to sort the house out, so I had at least something comfortable when the kids came over. Money fell into place at the right time, I got paid for all my extra work the week before Christmas, I could get the kids presents and get things for the house.
I have to say this, I have just got through Christmas over the last few years, not really enjoyed them, just been glad to get through them unscathed. But this time around, I loved Christmas, it was the best Christmas I have had in a long while, for at least seven years anyway. I haven’t felt so happy or optimistic in many a year. As New Year came, my Connect Group friends came through with beds and other furniture for me and the kids. Apart from items in the kitchen and one sofa, Victoria took everything else, which was fine, they needed it more than I did, I would rather the kids be comfortable and have everything they needed than myself.
My parents helped with many things too, they are going to help me decorate the bedrooms for the kids, they are retired and have the time in the day. I am gradually getting the house how I want it, I am becoming domesticated too, I worked out the washing machine, the oven, all that sort of stuff. I don’t leave pots on the side any more, I wash them straight away, in fact I am a little worried about how tidy I am becoming, this is not my natural self.
In this moment I am happier than I have been in such a long time. I am more enthusiastic for my future than ever and fully content with where I am at the moment, today is even more special, as;
I AM 250 WEEKS SOBER TODAY, 1750 SOBERDAYS!!!!!!!
This could have gone so wrong over Christmas, but it didn’t, once again God led me out and now I place my trust in Him fully, I put my faith in Him and face my future with optimism and hope. I don’t know what prosperity looks like, but I can’t wait to find out. I certainly feel the drought is over.
I could never have got through this without God, the amazing people of my Connect Group and Church have been immense, without them this would have been so much harder, they have kept me going when it would have been easier to give in, I haven’t and I am still here by the grace of God.
And I am staying here!
I want to add thank you for all of you who continue to read, like and comment on my writings, I know I don’t always respond, but I do appreciate everything.
I considered stopping writing at one point last year, I even thought about pulling down my blog, I have also had a few issues with an ex student targeting my on Facebook, with so very insulting and obscene comments about me, my family and my karate club, this is currently with the Police, although I don’t believe they can do much, it was something I could do without, I add that to get through it, I have not responded or retaliated in anyway on Facebook or anywhere else, I chose to pray for them, for their heart and their soul, I prayed that they may find God and find peace in their life, it made it easy to get through and get beyond.
I decided to continue with the series of poems into this year, I have written at least one poem everyday for two years now, I thought I would be all poemed out, but no I decided I would carry on for another year at least, so I have created a number of bible verse images to write about and will continue for the next year at least.
So this next year, only God know what’s in store, but I am so enthusiastic, so happy and so content!!!
DAYLIGHT by BRAVE SAINT SATURN Did you hear the news today? I’m not coming home, no And I wished it all away I felt so alone, yeah And the darkness crept it’s way Like stars we know will die too soon There is never any sunrise here in the shadows of eclipsing moons Crawling on a tightrope The bravest thing I have is hope
Daylight, save me Daylight, save me Tonight, tonight
Halogen, the lights will flicker Incandescent burning lies And the silence stands for nothing Desperate I search the skies Aching for a spark Trembling in pitchest dark
Daylight, save me Daylight, save me Tonight, tonight
Mission Control: U.S.S. Gloria, this is mission control, do you copy? We have lost contact with the U.S.S. Gloria
U.S.S. Gloria: Mission Control, this is the U.S.S. Gloria, do you read me? Mayday, we have lost primary guidance functions
News Reporter: The crew is now out of radio contact. Presently there is no way for us to know whether they Are alive or dead. Our hopes and prayers go out with you all.
Mission Control: U.S.S. Gloria, this is mission control, do you copy?
U.S.S. Gloria: Houston this is the U.S.S. Gloria. Good to hear your voice We are coming out of the eclipse now. I see the sunlight. it’s beautiful The sunlight is beautiful.
Jesus Christ, Light of the World You never did forget me And when I bled in darkness, You held me Still held me When desperate nights I cursed You You loved me, still loved me Jesus Christ, You dry the tears You break my heart of stone Your words are life Cut marrow through The darkness, to the bone A heart of flesh You gave me Only You can save me
I couldn’t do this by myself No way I could get this far God knows my heart Far better than I know myself While I tried to hide my woes He opened up my heart Before those I call my friends Their wisdom brought me to a place Where I could lay it before the Lord All my anxiety wrapped up in their prayers So now I find myself so much stronger Thanks to the family He surrounds me with His mighty hand has kept me from falling And now I approach the New Year A better person, in a better place
The Bottom of a Bottle 