Tag Archives: Come As You Are

Verse of the Day – Psalm 116:1-2

Psalm 116:1-2

Psalm 116:1-2

To wake the morning after your first prayer, knowing that God has answered your prayer for peace, is a feeling I will never forget, the feeling was like nothing I had ever felt before.

COME AS YOU ARE by POCKET FULL OF ROCKS
He’s not mad at you,
And He’s not disappointed.
His grace is greater still
Than all of your wrong choices.

He is full of mercy
And He’s ever kind.
Hear His invitation,
His arms are open wide.

You can come as you are with all your broken pieces,
And all your shameful scars.
The pain you hold in your heart, bring it all to Jesus.
You can come as you are.

Louder than the voice
That whispers “you’re unworthy”,
Hear the sound of love
That tells a different story.

Shattering your darkness
And pushing through the lies,
How tenderly He calls you,
His arms are open wide.

You can come as you are with all your broken pieces,
All your shameful scars.
The pain you hold in your heart, bring it all to Jesus.
You can come as you are.

You can come as you are.

You can come as you with all your broken pieces,
All your shameful scars.
The pain you hold in your heart, bring it all to Jesus.
You can come as you are.

 

Verse of the Day – 2 Samuel 22:3

2 Samuel 22:3

2 Samuel 22:3

I’m cheating a little tonight with three verses of the day, but all three stood out to me earlier, I’m so thankful that the Lord has become my rock and my strength, that despite all my failures, all my broken pieces and all my shameful scars, by His grace I am saved.

COME AS YOU ARE by POCKET FULL OF ROCKS
He’s not mad at you
He’s not disappointed
His grace is greater still,
than all of your wrong choices
He is full of mercy and he is ever kind
Hear his invitation, His arms are open wide

You can come as you are,
with all your broken pieces
And all your shameful scars
The pain you hold in your heart,
bring it all to Jesus
You can come as you are

Louder than the voice that whispers you’re unworthy
Hear the sound of love,
that tells a different story
Shattering your darkness and pushing through the lies
How tenderly he calls you,
His arms are open wide

You can come as you are,
with all your broken pieces
And all your shameful scars
The pain you hold in your heart,
bring it all to Jesus
You can come as you are

You can come as you are

You can come as you are with all your broken pieces
And all your shameful scars
The pain you hold in your heart,
bring it all to Jesus
You can come as you are

The Day I Stopped Running

Eighteen months ago a journey started, a morning in many ways like any other, but one that started with the biggest internal struggle I’ve ever felt.

To keep running or finally listen to the one that had been chasing me?

The day before I had given up, for while anyway, I was desperate, the thoughts running through my head were to simply give up, to give up on life, I was a waste, a drain on those around me, they were all better off without me, I was lost, all I wanted was to drink and to die!

But I couldn’t do it, I had the knife in my hand, I had it planned, the method and the place, but I couldn’t!

Despite all that anger and hatred for who and what I had become, I couldn’t do it, I know why now, but then I was so angry with myself, I saw myself as too much of a coward to carry on living, yet too much of a coward to put an end to it all, I was a mess.

That night I drank as usual, five pints at the pub, come home via the shop with two bottles of wine and do my best to finish them too!

But this morning Monday 19th March 2012, would be a day to make a choice, keep hiding and running from the voice , or stop and answer it!

The voice that only the day before told me to hold on a little while longer, through all the thoughts of I’m not good enough, the voice said hang on, think of your children!

So when everyone had left the house, when I was alone to fall into the darkness of all my habits, to sink down to the bottom once again, I fought with myself and the telephone number handed to me the day before.

If I dialled that number my life would never be the same, I could no longer hide when I made that call, or I could ignore it and keep hiding from the world, walk behind a mask that fooled everyone, I had a time planned to make the call, the number was there ready, I just had to have a little but of courage to press dial.

Then 9.10am ticked by, the time I had set, it was now or never, wow, was this hard, all I had to do was press dial, why was it so hard? Why was I fighting this? Why? Just simply why?

The part of me that was ready to fall wanted to press the button, the part of me that had other dark plans, wanted nothing of it, it was the hardest thing I had ever done, press a button on a phone, dial a number and simply say “I NEED HELP!”

It was so, so hard, but I pressed the button, the number rang and my heart, well it felt like it was ready to burst from my chest, I was so frightened, so apprehensive, I knew what I wanted to say, but when the voice at the other end answered, those words just wouldn’t come out, if I felt like a mess, for the first time I was showing the world I was a mess!

Gareth answered and I tried to explain who I was, but I couldn’t, I wasn’t the person he knew at the end of the phone, we had met a few times, through Victoria, I tried to say it it’s Wayne, Victoria’s partner, but halfway through Victoria, I stalled, I simply wasn’t anymore, I realised how lost I was at that point and how important this phone call was.

Gareth understood who I was, he asked how I was and at that point I broke down, I simply cried and replied “not very good”, at last the truth, no longer hiding.

Thankfully Gareth rearranged his schedule to meet with me that night, we met and spoke, I stopped running that night, I opened up about what I had become, it was clear I needed help and change, the first step was admission, “I HAVE A PROBLEM” and then “I NEED HELP”.

Gareth prayed for me that night together with Alex who had come with him, he invited me to Church, when I was ready, in my time, there were no strings attached to this meeting, just a friendly voice bringing words of advice and hope, more importantly that night I opened myself to a life with God, I stopped running and started to listen to the voice, the one that had spoken to me so many times, but the one my addicted self just ran from, on that day I stopped running.

Over the coming week, I started praying for help, then ten days later I gave up my addiction, I’m proud to say I’ve never returned to it, I’ve been tempted, but the strength and Grace of God have been there with me, I made it through.

It’s not been an easy journey these eighteen months, I carry many scars from my past, some run deep and still hurt, but in time they heal, I have faith in that.

That simple phone call was so hard, I fought myself all the way, I could have just carried on as I was, carried on running, but the voice of God rang out loud, it was becoming too hard to ignore, that day the voice of God had victory!!!

Just one song really goes with this, just reminds me that, we really can come as we are to the Kingdom of God.

COME AS YOU ARE by POCKET FULL OF ROCKS
He’s not mad at you
He’s not disappointed
His grace is greater still,
than all of your wrong choices
He is full of mercy and he is ever kind
Hear his invitation, His arms are open wide

You can come as you are,
with all your broken pieces
And all your shameful scars
The pain you hold in your heart,
bring it all to Jesus
You can come as you are

Louder than the voice that whispers you’re unworthy
Hear the sound of love,
that tells a different story
Shattering your darkness and pushing through the lies
How tenderly he calls you,
His arms are open wide

You can come as you are,
with all your broken pieces
And all your shameful scars
The pain you hold in your heart,
bring it all to Jesus
You can come as you are

You can come as you are

You can come as you are with all your broken pieces
And all your shameful scars
The pain you hold in your heart,
bring it all to Jesus
You can come as you are

Time Travel To Meet An Idiot!

I posted earlier about two questions that have caused me to ponder this week, I’ve tried to answer the first, How Old Am I?

Now I’ll try to answer the second question, this one arose from our Church Connect Group meeting on Wednesday evening.  During the evening we watched a short film about how to effectively put across our testimonies to non Christians!

We had an interesting discussing, with the majority of our Group, either born into Christian families or experiencing just a gradual growing in faith over time, mine was the only testimony that involves a dramatic life changing and defining moment, a complete u-turn on my beliefs and an acceptance of God in desperation. But that doesn’t mean my testimony is anymore valid, I guess it’s funny that as someone saved in exceptional circumstances, I long also to have their testimony, to have actually know Christ from birth and be brought up in faith, I have often wondered if they themselves feel they haven’t truly felt God’s presence without that life changing moment of acceptance?

As the discussion continued a question was asked, “Can you in five words describe yourself before you came to Christ?”!

Ok I searched within and found a few words, then I remembered a poem that I wrote around New Year, “Questions of Faith“, this contained the words I was looking for, I quickly found it on my phone, but I couldn’t read it, I asked my friend next to me to read it for me, I would have broken down and struggled to read it out, I’ve never read any of my work to anyone, I’ve hidden a little behind this blog, I wrote a poem of thanks to Gareth, my Pastor, but I put it in card and delivered it in the early hours of New Years Day, it’s one of only two completed poems I’ve written that hasn’t appeared on here, the other is to Victoria, but I don’t have the courage to hand it to her in fear of more rejection, maybe one day the timing will be right, in the mean time I hold true to the sentiments and love contained within it, but for now it still remains seen by only my eyes.

Anyhow back to Wednesday night. The response to the poem was good, a few others agreed with my choice of words, pride being one strongly mentioned.

But this question brought about one within myself, if I was to go back in time one year, to my former self, just one month before his life was about to change, if I told him all that would pass and the miracles God would perform in his life, how would the former me react?

I think I would react with a jog on attitude, I don’t think I would believe myself! In fact I’m certain I wouldn’t, my response back then would almost definitely be Yeah Right!!!

If anyone else came to me and told me what was to happen or even their own testimony of how they were saved, my response would be I’m happy for you, I’m glad you have faith, but it’s not for me, I’m okay as I am thanks! All the while, I would probably be entertaining the notion that they were a complete weirdo!!

But that’s the sad part, do I see myself as a weirdo now?

I know what I have experienced, I know what I’ve gone through, I know the dark thoughts that I had and I still have to fight them sometimes, but I find the strength to keep fighting through my faith in God, every night when I pray I start with thanks and praise for the strength He has given me and the great things He has allowed me to achieve each and everyday, it’s important to me that I make that declaration, I usually write my journal just before I pray, the top of each journal entry are noted two numbers, the first the number of days since I met with Gareth and opened my heart to God and the second is the number of days since I quit drinking, my SoberDay, on Mondays I write the number of weeks since I met with Gareth and Thursdays the number of weeks sober, yesterday I wrote the number 47, just five weeks from a SoberYear!!!!

There is also an amount of resentment for myself, that it happened the way it did, seemingly so needlessly, I long for the full life with Christ, but I have the testimony I have and through that I will grow.

I’ve come to know Christ through crisis, but I guess it doesn’t matter how you come to know Christ, what matters is you know and accept him as your saviour.

As for the old me, as for going back in time, maybe words alone wouldn’t be strong enough, maybe it would take Clarence to show him his true meaning in this life, this Wonderful Life, I still cry when the bell rings and whisper to myself “attaboy Clarence”!

I know I’ve used this song in a previous post, but I heard it again this morning, if I was to play a song to my former self, this would probably be the one.

You can come as you are
With all your broken pieces
And all your shameful scars
(Come As You Are by Pocket Full Of Rocks)

Unexpected Gifts

Last night I received an unexpected gift, it’s a gift I will never display, a gift I will never use, in fact it’s a gift no one will ever use again, but a gift that I was overwhelmed to receive, a gift I will never forget.

In a way it doesn’t seem right to call it a gift, I guess you can call it a gesture, both a token of thanks and a goodbye to the giver’s old world, banishing part of a painful temptation from within their life, releasing them from a dangerous burden.

It’s only a small box with an assortment of items and a note of thanks, a box of everyday items that tortured a young soul, but no longer, their previous owner has learnt to pray for help, learnt to admit their weakness and ask God to help them rise above it, their old habit is still haunting them, but they are fighting and it will get better.

So this random assortment of items, which were the source of so much pain and temptation have been handed over, given up, no longer needed and can cause no more harm.

You can come as you are
With all your broken pieces
And all your shameful scars
(Come As You Are by Pocket Full Of Rocks)

Our God is great, we can come as we are, with all our broken pieces and all our shameful scars, he will still love us, no matter what.