Tag Archives: Despair

And In This Moment – Psalm 61:1-2

And In This Moment – Psalm 61:1-2

And in this moment
Where despair grows
And fear sends shivers
Down into the soul
Here I call
Out from the edges
To the Lord my God
Oh save this soul
Hear me Lord
Where I am found
And deliver my soul
To higher ground

Psalm 61:1-2

Psalm 61:1-2

Yesterday’s Rain

Yesterday’s Rain

Dark and gnarled they rise
To the shadows of darkened leaf
That blacks out the daylight sky
So no light can find it’s way
How did I find my way here?
Here my soul sleeps
And my heart bleeds
The darkness from within
Flows out upon the ground
Among the dying plants
Where little ever grows
Here I lay
In this humid air
That squeezes upon my lungs
I gasp for air
I try to breathe
Is this where death begins?

The thickness of this forest
Walls of rotting bark on my every side
The ivy spreads upon the floor
Running rings around towering trees
Looking for a way forward
For there is no way back
Only darkness upon the left and right
Still darkness up ahead
Where do I go from here?
It has a similar feel to before
Is this real or just in my mind?
I’m struggling for what is truth
How is one released from here?
Or does one become darkness’s tree?

I can hear a faint wind
Blowing through the trees above
It’s shakes the branches overhead
Only to bring down yesterday’s rain
A temporary cooling upon my brow
For a moment I can taste the spring
But ultimately lost in this humid tide
Still I struggle to breathe
I scratch upon the forest floor
Crawling in the dirt for an exit
I can’t see the way out of here
But still I must believe
If I believe it’s here
And trust what’s left in my heart
Surely the light must appear
I can’t be destined to spend all my days?
In this darkness and it’s fear
Etching words of anguish deep upon my soul
As I fall lower and lower upon this floor

Still yesterday’s rain falls upon me
With every shimmer of the winds above
Above me the darkened branches
Spread their leaves across my sky
Blocking out the light of life
Only the waters of the rains make it through
Here nothing lives around me
Only the creatures that dwell in the dark
Their faint noises tease my fear
And my tears mingle with yesterday’s rain
I’m lost and can’t find myself
Can I be the only one in here
Are the creaking of the branches
Just the cries of all my fears
The ones that leave me heart
And cry out to the night

Are my fears and anguish creating this forest?
Is this darkness the shadows of my depression?
Does my crying heart create the rain?
That falls like yesterday’s hopes
How can I wash away this dirt?
From the forest floor where I’ve found myself
As I crawl upon bleeding knees
Tattered and torn the rags I wear
From mattered hair to filthy toe
I have become a mess
The dirt of darkness and failure
Stain my being
And still I can’t breathe
There’s no air to fill these lungs
The only relief is yesterday’s rain

My consciousness slips
These fading eyes feel so heavy
I’m struggling to raise my face
To look and find any way
Or a chink of light before I fail
The sound of fear all about
Echo the anguish of this heart
Is there a way?
I must still believe
That no matter how dark this forest becomes
The light will come and find me here
To erase this fear
To silence these cries
And bring back life
To fills these lungs
And heal this heart

Can you hear the whisper of the wind?
Can you hear my voice among the leaves?
I am the wind that shakes the trees
The wind that makes the raindrops fall
I am here
I have always been
You’ve lost your way
Misplaced your hope
But I have brought the rain for you
Yesterday’s rain full of yesterday’s hopes
The hopes you held when life was strong
The hopes you held within my hands
Remember them they have sustained you
Now lift eyes and hear my voices
And see this forest slip far away

I hear the whisper
But my mind is weak
Consumed by the fear my heart bleeds
My soul shakes
A shiver of despair
All I see is the darkened trees
That block my way and pen me in
The dirt is deep and here I sink
No light above
Only the darkness of the forest leaves
Speak my Lord so I know it’s You
Call my name louder than this fear
Command me to rise
And see Your face
Before the forest takes this life

Around me now I hear the wind
Ever strong in the tallest trees
The leaves they shake
Like fear consumes them
And the endless shimmer
Brings down yesterday’s rain
Stronger and stronger the wind becomes
And relentlessly the rain falls
I’m flooded now with what feels like hope
As the water washes away my dirt
I lift my eyes
Desperate to see the skies
Still I see the shaking trees
With falling rains and loosened leaves
And slowly slowly my fear released

I am the whisper
I am the wind
I am the voice the forest fears
I am the maker of yesterday’s rain
I am the Father of your soul
I won’t let the forest take your heart
I won’t let the fear tear you apart
I won’t let you stay in this place
I won’t let the darkness win
I won’t let your hope die
So lift you face and look to me
Don’t see a forest
Just see a tree
A tree that became mercy’s cross
Where the lamb conquered sin and shame
So look up and hear my voice
And believe this forest will fade away

With my eyes lifted
I see beyond these trees
As the light breaks through these leaves
The rain still falls
Washing clean my soul
And all the cries of fear I heard
Are replaced the prayers of a thousand saints
Spoken loudly in a thousand tongues
The fire of the sun lights up the sky
As the darkened leaves fade away
Before my eyes the scene has changed
I look to the tress and they’re not the same
No longer dark and gnarled climbing high
The branches have gone
The leaves have fallen
Now every tree is the shape of the cross
Upon my knees
My tears still fall
Yet the fear doesn’t fill them now
It’s my joy that simply falls

Ahead just one tree remains
The glorious cross
That trampled sin and shame
The ground around me
Like a pasture new
The greenest grass
Where fresh flowers bloom
The cross before
The light above
From all that despair I am released
The hope of the rains
Have formed rivers in me
Now I rise off bleeding knees
Yet the blood has gone
No scars remain
This world is mine to walk again
And whatever comes
I’ll forever remember yesterday’s rains
That the Lord gave to me
When I lost my way
I thank You Lord
For yesterday’s rains

Make It Stop

Make It Stop

It’s so cold and lonely
In isolation I shiver
The only warmth here
Belongs to the side of a glass
Just a small piece
Where me hand held it tight

I wash away my fears
Drowning all my hurt
Removed from any feelings
Forming seas of pain
Sinking to the bottom
Alone, again and again

I can’t hold my head up
Weighed down by shame
Caged behind these walls
Gradually shrinking under the strain
I don’t want to walk no more
I’m crying out to make it all to stop

No one here can hear me
My screams echo in my mind
I’ve run as far I can go
In need to find my resting place
Where no one will ever find me
Where no one else can go

Cold steel reflects the eyes
Diminished by my despair
Pressed cold against skin
Tears slip silently to the blade
It’s time, I’m done
And then came a voice…

Just to clarify this is not how I feel right now, just a poem of reflection.