Tag Archives: Desperation

In Times Of Testing

When I think back to where I found myself this time last year and what I feel I’ve gone through during those last twelve months, I know I’ve come a long way.

Having reviewed a lot of my poems that were written in those twelve months, it was quite evident from the words contained within them how I was feeling and where I felt I was.  It seemed I wrote about feeling I was in many different places, each with it’s own feelings of isolation, pain, hopelessness and desperation.

I had a strong feeling this morning that I was being reminded that in all these situations, there was one common denominator that saw me through each of them.  In each situation I prayed for it all to be taken away, yet that never really happened, I had to walk through them all.

There were times when I felt like I was at the foot of the mountain, yet I had no strength left in me to climb, I had nothing left and I cried out for help, take this away, throw it to the ocean.

Other times I felt I was in the fire, every which way I turned I felt the heat burning, there was a feeling of being stuck with nowhere to turn, once more I asked for all this to be taken away.

There were feelings of sinking in the ocean or just drifting, alone, isolated and struggling to breathe as I sank lower and lower, I needed pulling out, just lifting out and putting down somewhere safe.

Then the feeling as though I was just wandering through the desert, dry, dusty, lifeless, nothing, just me alone and all life seemed so far away, but I just couldn’t reach it.

I don’t know where each one of you that read this are or if you feel this way, but this morning I felt a deep sense that God was telling me He heard all my prayers for all of these things to be taken away, but He didn’t, yet what He did do is walked by my side through everyone of them.  I had this feeling that if you do feel this way, know you’re not alone, I wasn’t.

If you are facing that mountain, know that He is making a safe path for you, going before you and reaching out His hand to help you climb to the top and see the green valley beyond.

If you’re stuck in that inferno, know that He is there dancing in the flames beside you, you may feel the heat, but you won’t burn, He won’t let you so just dance with Him.

Maybe you’re feeling like you’re drowning and cannot rise above the waves, just look up, His hand is there to pull you above the waves, He wants you to walk on the water with Him until you reach the safety of the shore.

Or you feel alone in the desert, thirsty and empty, know once again that He is there beside you, drink the water He has for you and let Him raise you from the dust, until beyond the desolation you reach the green fields.

I guess that sometimes we just have to go through all these things, we may not know why, I certainly didn’t, but His ways are not our ways, by His will, not mine.

But be assured, whatever we face, we never face it alone.

BY YOUR SIDE by TENTH AVENUE NORTH
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don’t turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching
As if I’m not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

‘Cause I’ll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don’t fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world’s sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

And I’ll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don’t fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don’t fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

‘Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, yeah I’ll love you
I’ll never let you go, no, no

And I’ll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don’t fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don’t fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side, my hands are holding you
Ohhh…