Tag Archives: Family

Verse of the Day – 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I thank you all for your prayers and thoughts for my uncle, all my family can do now is place our prayers and our hopes in the Lord.

HOPE IS RISING by DOWNHERE
I’ve lost all my earthly optimism
That it’s all going to be alright
That the good will win this fight
Somewhere between youth
and disappointments
the dream became despair,
the love became a lie

Just now, I’ve reached
the end of my line
Just now, I’m too tired
to keep on trying

Hope is rising,
it’s a sunrise for the end
Hope is rising,
and it’s breathing for me again
Hope is rising again

Soon beneath the roses I will lie
All the memories of my days,
gathered to the sky
Soon every work
will find its worth
And all my strength returned,
to the water and the earth

Just when I reach
the end of my life
Just when my eyes
dim out the last light

From the sorrow, from the fear
From the loss and from the tears
From the darkness, from the pain
From the fall and from the grave

Verse of the Day – John 15:7

John 15:7

John 15:7

I have one prayer tonight for my Uncle who has been diagnosed with lung cancer, he is due for surgery shortly before Christmas to remove part of his lung, which hopefully remove the cancer, I’m sure my family would appreciate your prayers too.

COME HEALING by JENNY SIMMONS
O gather up the brokenness
And bring it to me now
The fragrance of those promises
You never dared to vow

The splinters that you carry
The cross you left behind
Come healing of the body
Come healing of the mind

And let the heavens hear it
The penitential hymn
Come healing of the spirit
Come healing of the limb

Behold the gates of mercy
In arbitrary space
And none of us deserving
Of the cruelty or the grace

O solitude of longing
Where love has been confined
Oh, come healing of the body
Come healing of the mind

O see the darkness yielding
That tore the light apart
Come healing of the reason
Come healing of the heart

O troubled dust concealing
An undivided love
The Heart beneath is teaching
To the broken Heart above

O and let the heavens falter
And let the earth proclaim:
Come healing of the Altar
Come healing of the Name

O longing of the branches
To lift the little bud
O longing of the arteries
To purify the blood

And let the heavens hear it
The penitential hymn
Come healing of the spirit
Come healing of the limb

O and let the heavens hear it
The penitential hymn
Oh, come healing of the spirit
Come healing of the limb
Oh, come healing of the spirit
Come healing of the limb

Recollections From A Year Ago

Wow, has it really been a year to the day since I attended only the second funeral of my life, the second funeral inside two months.  It was the occasion of the funeral of my Nan, my other Nan having died just two months before.

In very different ways both losses hit me hard, maybe more so the loss of my first Nan, she was my Mum’s Mum and had pretty much brought me up as much as my parents.  I went to her house every day for dinner, I didn’t like school dinners, I was a very fussy eater (still am, but more on that at a later date), as both my parents worked I also went there after school everyday and with the rest of my cousins and sister we spent every school holiday there too.  She did so much for me when I was young, I know I took her loss pretty badly and held a lot of remorse that I hadn’t seen her in a number of years, due to my alcoholism.

That’s not to say I didn’t feel the loss of my Dad’s Mum, our relationship may have been different and as she didn’t live locally, I didn’t see her quite as much, it still hit me hard, but in a different way.

With the first funeral, I was a mess until the funeral was over, I don’t suppose I’ve had to deal with death as an adult, when my last Grandparent died I was only eight, I didn’t go to the funeral, so on this occasion, my first funeral, I really didn’t hold it together very well, but spending time with family and my cousins afterwards, remembering all the scrapes we got into and the merry dance we led my Nan, we chose to remember the good times and thank her for what she did for us, it certainly lifted my spirits.

The second funeral was very different, I felt okay until I got home, then I fell into a low.  But when I look back now, I remember two things happening that day, one year ago, that really stick in my mind, positive things to come out of the sadness.

The first I mentioned a month or two ago, I had carried a keyring on my keys for some time, my kids brought me it a few years ago, it was Barney Gumble from the Simpsons, an image of him looking drunk and with a beer in his hand.  When I came home from the funeral, came through my gate and turned to lock the gate with my keys, this keyring fell off, it was unrepairable, the link had broken completely, it hadn’t looked damaged before, it just seemed to take this moment in time to break and come off.  I felt straight away it was sign that I was past my addiction, it was no longer in control of me and I was free from it, forever.

The second happened to me at the wake.  As I tend to do, I tend to stand alone to do things, I am a bit of a loner, I’m not sure I fit in everywhere or that I try to some times, so at the funeral I stood alone, away from all my family and grieved in my own way, that’s just me, the way I do things.  Apart from my immediate family I really didn’t know many of the other people, there was one group with a guy I vaguely knew, I knew him as Steven, a friend of my Nan’s from her Church in Blidworth, which incidently is the supposed burial place of Will Scarlet.  With Steven was a man I didn’t know, I understood later that he was one of my Dad’s cousins, at the end of the wake he came to say goodbye to my Dad and then came up to me.

He said I felt I had to come and say something to you, he then just put his hand on my shoulder, then he just paused, as if some thing had happened, then all he said was “You’ll Be Okay!” and left.

It was something that bothered me a little, but I understood he also went to Church with Steven and my Nan, I thought he had maybe seen me stood alone for most of the day and felt he had to say something, but why that all changed when he put his hand on me, that I’m not sure, but I believe what he felt or maybe I should say what I hope he felt was the Holy Spirit upon me, that’s why all he could say was “You’ll be okay”, he didn’t need to say anything else.

As I said I was a little lost the next day after that second funeral, but the next day I remember going to my Connect Group, feeling very out of it and not really wanting to be with anyone, but I went anyway.  I remember sitting there quietly at first, but by the end of the night, I felt myself again, the one thing that my Connect Group nearly always do for me, they lift me when I’m down and if they can’t do that, they stand with me in prayer.

So tonight it off to Connect Group once again, I don’t need lifting at all today, every thing feels good, maybe it’s my turn to lift someone else.

MAMA by FLYLEAF
What makes you happy
What makes you smile
And when you smile please
Is it for real

I know you’re not one
One to pretend
Even when I was a child

You grow up too fast
And have to be brave
Braver than most strong men
That I’ve ever seen

Sing your song mama
Sing it out loud
I wanna hear your voice
It’s lovely sound

Little girl
You can come out now
The danger’s all gone
You can come out

All that you’ve held
Was too much to hold
So let it all go now
And you will become gold

Sing your song mama
Sing it out loud
I wanna hear your voice
It’s lovely sound

Sing your song mama
Sing it out loud
Dance freely singing
You’re beautiful now

Laughter and tears
Gracing your face
The music of your strength
Held up this place

Your daddy’s right here now
You can let go
He’s holding it all now
And healing your soul

Sing your song mama
Sing it out loud
I wanna hear your voice
It’s lovely sound

Sing your song mama
Sing it out loud
Dance freely singing
You’re beautiful know

There’s something
I’m trying to tell you and
I’ve tried to tell you before and
Each time that I profess it
It just leaves me wanting more and

I think you are beautiful
And I’m proud of you
What I’m trying to say is
I love you
I love you

Verse of the Day – Acts 2:39

Acts 2:39

Acts 2:39

For today my fear of the last few weeks seems to have subsided, it’s been a day with my kids and my Church family, for now I hold on once more to God’s promises.

THE FATHER’S SONG by JAKE HAMILTON
I hear Your voice
Like a whisper on the breeze
I feel Your presence
As You’re dancing over me
So I run through the meadows of Your love
Just to find You
Just to find You

And I just want to hear the Father’s song
And I just want to hear the Father’s song
Singing over me
Singing over me

Here I am
Just a child on the earth
I feel so small
But You remind me what I’m worth
In a moment I would lay my whole life down 
Just to know you
Just to know you

Cuz I just want to hear the Father’s song
And I just want to hear the Father’s song
Singing over me
Singing over me

Heaven’s melody
Open up in me
Set my heart to sing
Holy, Holy

Heaven’s melody
Open up in me
Set my heart to sing
Holy, Holy

Heaven’s melody
Open up in me

Heaven’s melody
Open up, open up, open up

Heaven’s melody
Open up in me
Set my heart to sing
Holy, Holy

Heaven’s melody
Open up in me
Set my heart to sing
Holy, Holy

And I just want to hear the Father’s song
And I just want to hear the Father’s song
Singing over me
Singing over me
Singing over me

Birthday Treat

As a birthday treat I took Eve and Ben to see the Lego Movie, I gave her a choice of films to see, but she chose that one, so off we went.

They both enjoyed the film, they both play with Lego from time to time, it was quite nostalgic for me, I used to have loads of Lego as a kid, I certainly had one of those blue spacemen and he had a broken helmet too!

I think my daughter has a memory like me, one the way out of the cinema she asked if she could have a mango drink from Costa Coffee, the last time she had one of those was a year ago last Saturday, I took her there on the morning my Nan died.  She remembered what she drank that day, as well as what I brought her from town and that we went to Church later that morning to help set up for a conference.

She seems as though she is like me, in that she can remember random things from her past, unlike Ben, who half the time can’t remember what he did earlier that day.

She’ll be all right as long as she doesn’t take to memorising random facts of no use to anyone, just like her father!

OH LORD, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL by JESUS CULTURE
Oh Lord, you’re beautiful,
Your face is all I seek,
And when your eyes are on this child,
Your grace abounds to me.
Oh Lord, you’re beautiful,
Your face is all I seek,
And when your eyes are on this child,
Your grace abounds to me.

I want to take your word and shine it all around. First help me just to live it Lord.
And when I’m doing well, help me to never seek a crown.
For my reward is bringing glory to you.

I want to take your word and shine it all around.
But first help me just to live it Lord.
And when I’m doing well, help me to never seek a crown.
For my reward is giving glory to you.

Oh Lord, you’re beautiful,
Your face is all I seek,
For when your eyes are on this child,
Your grace abounds to me.

Oh Lord, you’re beautiful,
Your face is all I seek,
For when your eyes are on this child,
Your grace abounds to me.

Surviving The Quiet Times

I wrote yesterday that this has been my worst Christmas ever, I guess I should explain, it’s not that it’s been really that bad, if fact it’s gone better than I actually expected, but a week ago I was dreading it, I just didn’t know what state of mind I would find myself in, especially in the quiet times and believe me there have been a few of them.

I saw the kids and Victoria for a few hours yesterday morning, before I set off for Church and they set off for Victoria’s Mum’s, that was it until they returned yesterday evening.  I wasn’t that great company in the morning, in fact at one point I had to remove myself from the room as I needed to cry, I didn’t let them see, I just took myself away.

At Church I felt like I just wanted to cry and on the way home it was everything I could do to stop myself from crying.  When I got in I made myself some dinner and just settled down for the rest of the day, the tears soon dry up.

This was the part I was dreading, I was sure I would really struggle through this part of the day, but in the end, after having something to eat it felt like just another day when I’m home alone, it didn’t feel any different really, it was like Christmas wasn’t really happening, just a normal sort of day.

I could have gone to my Mum and Dad’s, but to be honest I just couldn’t face that.  They really don’t understand my affliction, they just don’t get it, when I told my Dad about my drinking problems, his response was “Do you want a drink now?”, when I said no his answer was “well you’re not an alcoholic then!”  It’s not that they are bad people, they just don’t get it or won’t accept it, my Mum will say things like “are you still being good?”  What am I six years old or what?

They don’t understand my situation here at home either, I just couldn’t face them going on about it all afternoon, I would probably lose it and really make things worse, which was the last thing any of us need this year, both of them lost their mothers this year and me, both my Nan’s, it’s the first Christmas without them, not easy for any of us, especially when traditionally they would have one of them for lunch and then we would go to my Mum’s Mum for tea.  I feel a little guilty as they are probably struggling with all that too, but in my current frame of mind, I’m sorry but I couldn’t face it, I felt it better to be alone.

I was okay with my own company, which surprised me, the only downside was that for the first time ever I didn’t have a traditional Christmas Dinner on Christmas Day, I’ve always had one, but I guess there’s a first time for everything, but I enjoyed my dinner regardless.  I did get a Christmas Dinner earlier today though, Victoria’s Mum sent me one home last night, so I warmed it up for lunch.

The kids and Victoria have been out again since lunch, so it’s been another lonely day, but again it feels like just any other day, not a bit like Christmas or Boxing Day, which is probably a good thing.

I’m just glad I sought treatment when I did, I really don’t think I could have got through these last few day feeling like I did a month or so ago.  It’s was when I met with Paul and Sarah that Sarah suggested I go to the Doctor’s for help, but as always I put it off, but as it got worse and then James insisting that I get help, that I went to the Doctor’s and was put on these Antidepressants.  The early weeks were awkward with the side effects and I still have bad days amongst the good ones, I still slip into the dark areas of my mind from time to time, I still have moments of utter despondency and I think none of this is worth it, but they are not that strong any more and I’m not chained to them like I was a month ago, so thankfully I’ve been able to cope, as I say I have been fighting tears from time to time, but on the whole I feel okay.

This morning I put some Worship music on and sang along with each one, which made me feel better, I can always rely on music to lift my spirits a little when I need it.  And as I do quite regularly when I’m alone, I seek out Bible verses that speak to me.

Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.
James 5:13

Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?
1 Corinthians 3:16

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:6

It’s back to work for a few hours in the morning , which will be nice break from these four walls, it’s bit of time just to break things up, even though there probably won’t be a lot to do, plus it will be back to a little bit of routine.

MERCY TREE by LACEY STURM
On a hill called Calvary
Stands an endless mercy tree
Every broke and weary soul
Find your rest and be made whole

Stripes of blood that stain its frame
Shed to wash away our shame
From the scars pure love released
Salvation brought the mercy tree

In the sky, between two thieves
Hung the blameless Prince of Peace
Bruised and battered, scarred and scorned
Sacred Hands pierced by our thorns

It is finished was his cry
The perfect Lamb was crucified
The sacrifice, our victory.
Our Savior chose the mercy tree

Hope went dark that violent day
The whole earth ‘quaked at love’s display
Three days silence in the ground
This body born for Heaven’s crown

On that bright and glorious day
Heaven opened up the grave
He’s alive and risen indeed
Praise him for the mercy tree

Death has died. Love has won!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Jesus Christ has overcome.
He has risen from the dead.

Death has died. Love has won!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Jesus Christ has overcome.
He has risen from the dead.

One day soon we’ll see His face
And every tear, He’ll wipe a way
No more pain or suffering
Oh, praise him for the mercy tree

Death has died. Love has won!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Jesus Christ has overcome.
He has risen from the dead.

Death has died. Love has won!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Jesus Christ has overcome.
He has risen from the dead.

On a hill called Calvary
Stands an endless mercy tree