Tag Archives: Fireflight

Verse of the Day – James 1:2-3

James 1:2-3

James 1:2-3

I can safely say the last few weeks have been a real test, it certainly hasn’t been easy and there is a way to go yet until I fully recover.  But the difference is now that I refuse to see any of this a problem or to throw my hands up and say why me?  I am just getting on with it, it’s inconvenience, but nothing that cannot be overcome.

I know that given the accident that I had, I shouldn’t be walking, my legs should be broken and crushed, but my Lord’s protection means I just have bad bruising, so who am I to complain, instead I praise God for that protection, I give thanks that there is no lasting damage.  From this I will grow stronger, from this I feel closer to God than I have been in a while.

UNBREAKABLE by FIREFLIGHT
Where are the people that accused me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me
They hide just out of sight
Can’t face me in the light
They’ll return but I’ll be stronger

God, I want to dream again
Take me where I’ve never been
I want to go there
This time I’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it’s unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

Sometimes it’s hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can’t see?
To reach my destiny
I want to take control but I know better

God, I want to dream again
Take me where I’ve never been
I want to go there
This time I’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it’s unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

Forget the fear it’s just a crutch
That tries to hold you back
And turn your dreams to dust
All you need to do is just trust

God, I want to dream again
Take me where I’ve never been
I want to go there
This time I’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it’s unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

God, I want to dream again
Take me where I’ve never been
I want to go there
This time I’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it’s unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

 

Verse of the Day – Psalm 93:3-4

Psalm 93:3-4

Psalm 93:3-4

The Lord is mighty, mightier than anything we might face, He formed the waves that lash us in the storm and at His command they will fall silent, so trust in Him.

HERE AND NOW by FIREFLIGHT
Lonely moonlight guides my eyes right to the door
So many nights I’d lay here wondering will I ever cross the floor
Slipping from my grip no matter what I’d do
All the dreams I held so tightly I could not stop from falling through
But right here with you everything’s changing
You change me
You change things

Here and now
Never felt like this before,
But it’s the moment I’ve been waiting for
Been waiting to step into the future. Step into the future
Here and now
Never felt like this before,
But it’s the moment I’ve been waiting for
Been waiting to step into the future. Step into the future
Here and now

Feels like flying realizing that there’s more
To this life than just surviving there is love worth dying for
But right here with you everything’s changing
You change me
You change things

Here and now
Never felt like this before,
But it’s the moment I’ve been waiting for
Been waiting to step into the future. Step into the future
Here and now
Never felt like this before,
But it’s the moment I’ve been waiting for
Been waiting to step into the future. Step into the future
Here and now
Here and now

It’s more than how you’ve changed things, it’s how you’re changing me
All I really needed was something to believe
It’s more than how you’ve changed things, it’s how you’re changing me
All I really needed was something to believe

Here and now
Never felt like this before,
But it’s the moment I’ve been waiting for
Been waiting to step into the future. Step into the future
Here and now
I’m standing at the open door
And it’s the moment I’ve been waiting for
Been waiting to step into the future. Step into the future
Here and now
Here and now
Here and now

 

Verse of the Day – Romans 14:1

Romans 14:1

Romans 14:1

We aren’t called to argue with people about their faith, to dispute or disagree, but we are called to show love and to disciple each other, I think sometimes we all forget this and choose to judge instead.

RISE ABOVE by FIREFLIGHT
Too much time we let pass by
Broken dreams and idle lives
Waiting on the way it ought to be
Pushing forward, falling back
Counting scars and losing track
Afraid to crash we never spread our wings
And with every chance we take we find a reason
To give up on the hope that we all need

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise
Above the mistakes that we’ve made
Sometimes we’ve got to face the fall
Before we rise above it all

Can’t give up on second tries
Leave the pride that blinds our eyes
No one taught us how to say goodbye
Now’s the time for broken hearts
Embrace today a brand new start
Leave the past and let love lead the way
And with every chance we take we find a reason
To give up on the hope that we all need

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise
Above the mistakes that we’ve made
Sometimes we’ve got to face the fall
Before we rise above it all

If we just lived like we mean it
If we loved even when we don’t feel it
We would suffer for a reason
And see there is more to who we are

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise
Above the mistakes that we’ve made
Sometimes we’ve got to face the fall
Before we rise above it all
Rise above it all
Rise above it all

Verse of the Day – Habakkuk 2:3

Habakkuk 2:3

Habakkuk 2:3

For now I do not know what the future will bring, I just know when the time is right, the Father will make His plans clear, I just have to have patience.

FOR THOSE WHO WAIT by FIREFLIGHT
This is for those who wait

Another day, another waiting game
A little different but it’s still the same
I am here, but where’s the one I’m longing for?
I’m having trouble feeling all alone
Will my heart ever find a home?
I want to hope but sometimes I just don’t know
I know I’m not the only one

So we sing a lullaby to the lonely hearts tonight
Let it set your heart on fire, let it set you free
When you’re fighting to believe
In a love that you can’t see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait

I want to open up my eyes
I know that all I need is time
I’m growing stronger every single day
God, I’m going to lean into You now
Letting go of all my fear and doubt
I can’t do this on my own so I’ll give You control
I know I’m not the only one

So we sing a lullaby to the lonely hearts tonight
Let it set your heart on fire, let it set you free
When you’re fighting to believe
In a love that you can’t see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait

The pressure makes us stronger
The struggle makes us hunger
The hard lessons make the difference
The pressure makes us stronger
The struggle makes us hunger
The hard lessons make the difference
And the difference makes it worth it

So we sing a lullaby to the lonely hearts tonight
Let it set your heart on fire, let it set you free
When you’re fighting to believe
In a love that you can’t see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait…
(Set your heart on fire…)
This is for those who wait…

The Story So Far – Chapter 13 – The Return To The Mat

CHAPTER 13 – THE RETURN TO THE MAT

Come November 2012 and it was time to brush of the dust and go back into competition.  The disappointment of the Nationals back in July was behind me, but not forgotten.  This time around it was a competition organised by our association which invited the other national associations of the UK and Ireland, essentially the same competitors as the last time, but with a handful of competitors from the other nations, but for me it was time prove I still had it and I guess after the last competition the pressure was on the others and not me anymore.

By the time of the competition I had lost even more weight and was down to 10st, my lowest weight for almost twenty years.  When I got to the venue there were a number of people who didn’t actually recognise me, I had known them years, but they had to do a double take before they realised who I was, it was a response I actually enjoyed and found pretty funny.

I was actually feeling quite confident, but in a very different way to the last time.  I guess the last time I was way over confident, I felt that I couldn’t fail, the title was mine this time around, there was no way I could lose.  This time around I was confident, not just that I could do better than before, but this time I felt that I just go out there and compete without any pressure, pressure that mainly I was putting on myself, I was confident, but with that what will be will be attitude, it took the pressure off me.

I felt far more relaxed when competing this time, I always feel nervous, even after a thirty year competition career, I get nervous, before approaching the area I am nervous, very nervous, but once I walk on I switch modes, put everything around me out of my head, bow and walk on, I put all those nerves aside, the downside of that is that sometimes I become pretty tense, which can make the movements slower and a little less fluid that they need to be, also I have a tendency to rush, especially if I just lose that little bit of focus and let a little bit of what is happening around me distract me.  But this time around I was able to manage this so much better than ever before, for the first time I felt I had lost that tenseness which sometimes creeps in.

The preliminary rounds went really well, there were no little slips, no rushing, things were maybe a little tense, but not as bad I had been in the past.  In fairness the National squad competitors are generally seeded in the draw and miss each other until the latter rounds or the semi finals, as a former squad member and champion, I am afforded that privilege and get seeded along with the current squad members and previous finalists, so the early rounds were straight forward enough.  They should have been last time around, but that over confidence played its part and well, what happened, happened.

I remember feeling quite emotional when I reached the semi finals, the last eight were split into two semi finals of four, each competitor was to perform their choice of kata and the top two from each section would go through to the final later.  Although I wasn’t entirely pleased with me performance, I made it through to the final after winning my section.

After that I had to find a quiet place, I was feeling so overcome with emotion I had to go somewhere quiet, I left the hall and found a quiet corridor away from everyone, there I had a few tears.  I’ve reached so many finals over the years and won my fair share of them, but I’ve never shed a tear like this, not in this way, maybe it was just a reaction to disappointment of last time, I’m not entirely sure, but I shed a few tears and thanked God for what He had done in my life up to that point, six months before I was on the edg of life, now I was overcoming so many things, I was thankfully for every one.

The final later went well, I was once again not entirely pleased with my performance, it wasn’t my worst, but could have been better, but in hindsight now it was probably better than my performances over the last few years, but there was room for improvement.  I finished second in the final, losing to an old rival, Ken had won the National’s earlier in the year, we have been competing against each other over the last twelve years, we seemed to take it in turns to beat each other, one year I would beat him, then next he would beat me, this time around it was his turn and that was fine.

2011-2012

2011-2012

Though slightly disappointed with my kata in the final, I wasn’t actually disappointed to finish second, not after the last time, in truth I was just happy to be back competing and to still be competitive.

Over the previous years karate had been the only thing that kept me going, it was the only thing, other than alcohol, that I had an appetite for, it was the only thing I would stay sober for, it was the only place that I actually felt normal, felt alive.

When I met with Gareth I described my karate suit as my Superman suit, I was like Clark Kent, without the suit on I was weak, yet when I put the suit on I became someone else, someone who showed strength, leadership and life.  But in reality over the last couple of years that was all a lie, a big lie.  There was such a difference in my personality in and out of the suit, I couldn’t let anyone really know what was going on, especially not those who saw me as a leader and inspiration, I had an image to keep up and I did it the best I could.  Before karate I never drank, sometimes at the weekend I would have one pint with a meal, but that would be a few hours before training, seeing as just one pint would make me sleepy, then I tried to avoid it anyway.

When the suit came off, I almost ran to the pub, I would have waited all day, weeknight’s when I taught it would be gone 10pm before I hit the pub, so the quicker I got there the better.  As my drinking got worse, the opening hours went from closing time at 11pm to closing at 12pm, so instead of getting just two pints in that time, I was not able to get four in.  Eventually I wouldn’t leave the pub until about 1am, walk home and then start on whatever I had in the house, before I fell asleep.

Finally though it seems that the two sides of my personality where coming together, there was still a bit of difference in the two sides of me, I was still more comfortable in my surroundings in my karate gi, where as in real life I was far more shy and reserved, but the distance between the two was far less, not that I was diminishing in the suit, but I was becoming a stronger person without the comfort of my karate suit.

RISE ABOVE by FIREFLIGHT
Too much time we let pass by
Broken dreams and idle lives
Waiting on the way it ought to be
Pushing forward, falling back
Counting scars and losing track
Afraid to crash we never spread our wings
And with every chance we take we find a reason
To give up on the hope that we all need

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise
Above the mistakes that we’ve made
Sometimes we’ve got to face the fall
Before we rise above it all

Can’t give up on second tries
Leave the pride that blinds our eyes
No one taught us how to say goodbye
Now’s the time for broken hearts
Embrace today a brand new start
Leave the past and let love lead the way
And with every chance we take we find a reason
To give up on the hope that we all need

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise
Above the mistakes that we’ve made
Sometimes we’ve got to face the fall
Before we rise above it all

If we just lived like we mean it
If we loved even when we don’t feel it
We would suffer for a reason
And see there is more to who we are

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise
Above the mistakes that we’ve made
Sometimes we’ve got to face the fall
Before we rise above it all
Rise above it all
Rise above it all

Verse of the Day – Proverbs 18:2

Proverbs 18:2

Proverbs 18:2

I found today there is sometimes no getting away from people like this, the only way to rise above them is to find the strength from the Holy Spirit to chose the right words and actions to deal with them.

RISE ABOVE by FIREFLIGHT
Too much time we let pass by
Broken dreams and idle lives
Waiting on the way it ought to be
Pushing forward, falling back
Counting scars and losing track
Afraid to crash we never spread our wings
And with every chance we take we find a reason
To give up on the hope that we all need

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise
Above the mistakes that we’ve made
Sometimes we’ve got to face the fall
Before we rise above it all

Can’t give up on second tries
Leave the pride that blinds our eyes
No one taught us how to say goodbye
Now’s the time for broken hearts
Embrace today a brand new start
Leave the past and let love lead the way
And with every chance we take we find a reason
To give up on the hope that we all need

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise
Above the mistakes that we’ve made
Sometimes we’ve got to face the fall
Before we rise above it all

If we just lived like we mean it
If we loved even when we don’t feel it
We would suffer for a reason
And see there is more to who we are

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise
Above the mistakes that we’ve made
Sometimes we’ve got to face the fall
Before we rise above it all
Rise above it all
Rise above it all

Verse of the Day – Jude 1:20-21

Jude 1:20-21

Jude 1:20-21

Only with God’s love can I continue to rise above it all.

RISE ABOVE by FIREFLIGHT
Too much time we let pass by
Broken dreams and idle lives
Waiting on the way it ought to be
Pushing forward, falling back
Counting scars and losing track
Afraid to crash we never spread our wings
And with every chance we take we find a reason
To give up on the hope that we all need

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise
Above the mistakes that we’ve made
Sometimes we’ve got to face the fall
Before we rise above it all

Can’t give up on second tries
Leave the pride that blinds our eyes
No one taught us how to say goodbye
Now’s the time for broken hearts
Embrace today a brand new start
Leave the past and let love lead the way
And with every chance we take we find a reason
To give up on the hope that we all need

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise
Above the mistakes that we’ve made
Sometimes we’ve got to face the fall
Before we rise above it all

If we just lived like we mean it
If we loved even when we don’t feel it
We would suffer for a reason
And see there is more to who we are

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise
Above the mistakes that we’ve made
Sometimes we’ve got to face the fall
Before we rise above it all
Rise above it all
Rise above it all

Verse of the Day – Isaiah 30:18

Isaiah 30:18

Isaiah 30:18

There are days when I need to read verses like this and to listen to songs like this one too.  I heard this song for the first time in a long time this morning, it brought with it a great calmness and comfort.

FOR THOSE WHO WAIT by FIREFLIGHT
This is for those who wait

Another day, another waiting game
A little different but it’s still the same
I am here, but where’s the one I’m longing for?
I’m having trouble feeling all alone
Will my heart ever find a home?
I want to hope but sometimes I just don’t know
I know I’m not the only one

So we sing a lullaby to the lonely hearts tonight
Let it set your heart on fire, let it set you free
When you’re fighting to believe
In a love that you can’t see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait

I want to open up my eyes
I know that all I need is time
I’m growing stronger every single day
God, I’m going to lean into You now
Letting go of all my fear and doubt
I can’t do this on my own so I’ll give You control
I know I’m not the only one

So we sing a lullaby to the lonely hearts tonight
Let it set your heart on fire, let it set you free
When you’re fighting to believe
In a love that you can’t see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait

The pressure makes us stronger
The struggle makes us hunger
The hard lessons make the difference
The pressure makes us stronger
The struggle makes us hunger
The hard lessons make the difference
And the difference makes it worth it

So we sing a lullaby to the lonely hearts tonight
Let it set your heart on fire, let it set you free
When you’re fighting to believe
In a love that you can’t see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait…
(Set your heart on fire…)
This is for those who wait…

Two Not So Secret Squirrels

I’m lucky that my walks to work pass through some interesting places, not only do I get to witness some fantastic sunrises at the lake, together with the wildlife that lives on and around the lake, but if I’m particularly lucky I get a glimpse of the squirrels darting between the trees in the cemetery.

There are a number of squirrels in the cemetery, but usually the first sight of a human form they disappear into the trees until the coast is clear, but not today.  Normally I wouldn’t have time to get my phone or camera out, normally they would be gone in that time, but today they were content for me to stand just a few yards away as they went about their normal activity, certainly a rare opportunity.

Lunchtime

Lunchtime

Investigation

Investigation

Goodbye

Goodbye

BRAND NEW DAY by FIREFLIGHT
I’m waking up
The world is turning
The sun is shining again
I’m holding on 
To things I shouldn’t 
It’s time to let them go
I’ve been on a losing streak
Hit so hard I couldn’t speak 
But when I hear Your voice it fades away

And I can hear You say 
It’s a brand new day
The pain goes away 
I’m headed for the door
And I’m going home
I’m going home
I’m going home
I’m going home

Your love, it burns
Away my darkness
You guide me when I’m blind
You are the light
That shines inside me
Showing me I’m
So much more
When I’ve been on a losing streak
Hit so hard I couldn’t speak
But when I hear Your voice it fades away

And I can hear You say 
It’s a brand new day
The pain goes away 
I’m headed for the door
And I’m going home
I’m going home
I’m going home
I’m going home

Take me into Your arms
My home lies within Your heart

And I can hear You say 
It’s a brand new day

And I can hear You say 
It’s a brand new day
The pain goes away 
I’m headed for the door

And I can hear You say 
It’s a brand new day
The pain goes away 
I’m headed for the door
And I’m going home
I’m going home
I’m going home
I’m going home

Time To Step Up To The Plate

So whether I fear it or not, whether the anxiety builds or I keep it under control, the time is here….

Victoria left for Gambia at 1.30am this morning, leaving me with the kids for the next 10 days.

I have to be honest and say that after the last few weeks, the thought if making a real mess of things is not helping. Although the anti depressants have began to kick in, each day that passes I feel a little more normal, but I’m still worried about messing up.

But so far the first day has gone okay, the kids woke and went to school without any problems. I collected Eve from school, they both came back home, played nicely together before I made tea, so far so good.

Eve did have some tears earlier, she didn’t realise she just couldn’t FaceTime Mummy at any time she liked, but we got through it.

It’s going to be a long ten days, all I can do is take it one day at a time and pray everything will be okay.

RISE ABOVE by FIREFLIGHT
Too much time we let pass by
Broken dreams and idle lives
Waiting on the way it ought to be
Pushing forward, falling back
Counting scars and losing track
Afraid to crash we never spread our wings
And with every chance we take we find a reason
To give up on the hope that we all need

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise
Above the mistakes that we’ve made
Sometimes we’ve got to face the fall
Before we rise above it all

Can’t give up on second tries
Leave the pride that blinds our eyes
No one taught us how to say goodbye
Now’s the time for broken hearts
Embrace today a brand new start
Leave the past and let love lead the way
And with every chance we take we find a reason
To give up on the hope that we all need

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise
Above the mistakes that we’ve made
Sometimes we’ve got to face the fall
Before we rise above it all

If we just lived like we mean it
If we loved even when we don’t feel it
We would suffer for a reason
And see there is more to who we are

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise

Maybe today we all will rise
Maybe today we all will rise
Above the mistakes that we’ve made
Sometimes we’ve got to face the fall
Before we rise above it all