Tag Archives: Funny

Return to the Weird & Wonderful World of Search Engines

Back in December I wrote the post “Weird & Wonderful World of Search Engines” with a humorous look at some of the search engine terms that found my Blog, some terms are quite obvious and others are just a little disturbing, I know I have issues and write about many things, but I’m still not sure I have a problem with breastfeeding and a Bladder issue!

Still my post “Say Goodbye To Otto” seems to garner the most attention, over 23 different search terms and 98 hits have found this page, on one day alone 39 hits for the same term “airplane otto” found the page alone, they must have really loved my writing about their most beloved page to come back 39 times in one hour!

One of the more interest was the word “крещение”, I didn’t have a clue what it meant, so I put it in Google Translate, it turns out it is Russian for baptism, so you lean something new every day, but I still do know how to pronounce it!

So I have picked another handful to have a little fun with.

“serach eng”
I know sometimes my spelling is atrocious, I was dragged up after all, but I mainly type my posts into Microsoft Word, run spell check and then check it again in the dashboard, so I’m sure it’s not my mistake, so there.

“angry bird pointing left”
I have posted about my once long running battle with a particularly aggressive Guinea Fowl, but I don’t play Angry Birds, I think my Son may do, but why it’s pointing left, to be honest I haven’t got a clue.

“bricked sensei”
I like this one, even though I don’t really know what it means, I’ve written a little about my karate and Sensei means in simple terms teacher, but a bricked sensei, not sure I’ve mentioned an instructor who has actually bricked themselves, although I was in a class once when I was young where a young boy pooed on the floor!

“beer bottom recovery”
Err, ok I kind of get this one, yes when I was drinking everyday, I was quite regular, but I wouldn’t class it a “beer bottom”, I also know I had a beer belly or Beer Shelf as I preferred to call it, but a beer bottom, a) what is it? and b) how do you recover from it?

“bottom de superman”
Right, so it means bottom of Superman, well I have written about my superman suit, but Superman’s bottom, ern no thanks, I am in no way interested in the Buns Of Steel, thank you very much.

“naked ladies botoms”
Now OK I will admit I am more interested in ladies bottoms than Superman’s, but a) I have never posted a naked bottom on my blog and b) I can spell bottom.

So over the past six weeks, or so since my original look at my search terms, it would seem that I am becoming the key site for lovers of Airplane! The Movie, a popular place for bottom lovers and the place for spell checking challenged, well at least the bed wetting community have started to look elsewhere!

I’ve decided as these search engine terms are completely random, then a random song choice will go with the post, so here is a song I love, but haven’t listen to for a long time, No News Is Bad News by Dashboard Confessional.

Let The Humorous Christmas Continue

I am sorry, but since it took me so long to find the Christmas spirit, I can’t help but be happy, my serious side has been consigned to the poetry for the time being and my weird sense of crazy humour seems to have taken over my brain, am I bothered by it, not in the least I am alive and well, so I’m just going to let it flow.

I enjoyed writing the post on the search engine terms yesterday, I’ve looked through it a few times and still laugh each time, I must be careful though I might wet myself laughing and end up actually contacting that Bed Wetting Adults website for support.

Already this morning I have a list of three more odd search terms that have appeared overnight, I’m not going to post about them just yet, I will wait until have a more substantial list, plus I am still coming to terms with the whole breast milk addiction thing, you would think after 38 years I would have got beyond that, but oh well, there must be a website for breastmilk addicts that may be of some help.

I have to say a great big thank you to Becca at 25tofly, she has awarded me her The Fly Blog Award (holiday style), one of only three recipients in the whole wide world, I am so honoured by this that in the true spirit of Christmas I am going to keep it all to myself, I am sure you will understand, by the way they are actually Becca’s long johns on the award, not sure about the cat though!

The Fly Blog Award

The Fly Blog Award

The kids and I have been laughing like mad at these snowmen pranks this morning, thank you MoxyJen at Fight For It for sharing these, we loved it.

As MoxyJen is also a martial artist, I therefore offer her this Master Ken’s Enter The Dojo, I hope it makes her laugh as much as I did when I first found it (there is some bad language in the clip, just a warning).

Thanks also to my friend Nick McDavid for sharing this the other night, I guess if I was a dancer who had just got the sack I would do the same, trouble is I can’t dance anyway, without looking like a one legged meerkat being continually jabbed by a cattle prong! Sorry but there aren’t any videos of one legged meerkats dancing or indeed any of me dancing, they were all unfortunately erased in The Great Erasing of the Wayne Dancing Videos Incident of 2007, so unfortunate.

On serious note, things have got a lot better over the last few weeks, I haven’t got much money to spend on my kids, but I can give them the greatest present I could ever give them, ME, alive, sober and enjoying life again.

All you good people that have given me some fantastic encouragement, since I started this blog back in October, have all played a big part in my feelings of well being, thank you so much.

I know this Christmas there are a lot of people worse off than I will ever be and I will pray for them. But for now I am alive again, so forgive me, but I am going to enjoy it.

If you have any funny YouTube clips you think both myself and my kids may enjoy, feel free to post a comment with a link.

Oh, yes a song, well Christy at Running on Sober posted this last week and we had great fun posting lyric references (well I did anyway), so I give you If I Had A Million Dollars by Bare Naked Ladies, enjoy.

Weird & Wonderful World of Search Engines

I am sure many of you fellow bloggers regularly check the stats for your site, I do and very often check how people reach my site from search engines, most seem quite normal, many reach it by searching on various sober phrases, which is a given as this Blog is primarily about my sobriety.

But then you get the strange ones, I’ve tried some of them and I can’t find myself, which makes them even odder in my opinion.

I have had 28 hits from various search phrases related to Otto the Autopilot and Airplane! The Movie, thanks to my post Say Goodbye to Otto. I get this one, if you have found your way here by that reference, I hope you have enjoyed what you have found, even if you were looking for a superb article on a classic comedy film, but instead get the drawn out ramblings of a recovering drunk, sorry for the confusion and please don’t call me Shirley!

I have had a couple of refers from searches for Fun Bobby from Friends, this time due to my post Meet “Fun Bobby”, again I can understand that, because when I was looking for suitable pictures there wasn’t that much on the web, which was surprising given the popularity of Friends. Once again I am sorry if you have just searched on Fun Bobby and got this page.

Then there are the real odd ones, if you are searching for one of these, I am sorry but I can not help you, you are definitely barking up the wrong tree (or at the moon)!

“Why do wine bottles have dimples on bottom?”

I haven’t really got a clue and to be honest I don’t given a monkeys, obviously someone did they searched on it twice and got my Blog!

“Simple sober front room”

Not really sure what a “Simple Sober Front Room” is, never mind why anyone would be searching for one!

“John Carpenter is only 5 feet, 2 inches tall”

What has this got to do with my Blog, the only John Carpenter that I’m aware anyone would search on is the film director, my inquisitiveness lead me to look this up (it all adds to my pub quiz knowledge, you never know when you are going to get a question like “How tall is John Carpenter”), but my searches lead to the fact he is 6ft 1inch tall, so I haven’t got a clue who this John Carpenter is or why he is shorter than I am (that does take some doing, to be honest) or indeed why anyone is searching for this information, other than a master pub quizzer like myself.

“Stupid & guinea fowl” & “Guinea fowl aggression”

These were two separate searches on different days and obviously relate to my post A Left Eye & The Guinea Fowl. I hope these people found the information they needed, basically yes, Guinea Fowl are aggressive, yes they are stupid, yes it is stupid to let one stand on a gate next to you because they are aggressive and will try to take your eye out, if you do stand next to one on a gate wear eye protection. I hope if you search again you have the answers you are looking for, otherwise you are in the wrong place mate!

“What happens if you turn the wind up torch the other way?”

What is this one on, does it matter, is there a way to hold a wind up torch? Which ever way you point it the light will shine, why waste time asking, just go and buy one and find out!

“Dads giving first breastmilk bottle”

Okay, now I am getting a little freaked out, err I know there is obviously a strong reference to Bottle here, the site is called “The Bottom of a Bottle”, but breastmilk, I’m not sure I’ve talked about breastmilk on here. I can honestly say (apart from maybe when I was like one year old) that I categorically do not have an addiction to breastmilk, therefore I have nothing to discuss on the topic, thank you!

And finally…….

“Constant feeling of having something press on my bladder and I am a man”

Err, I don’t even know where to start with this one, if you have just found this page by searching on this, I am so sorry for your infliction, but I am not sure your are in the right place, a Doctors maybe the first place to start. I must say I haven’t tried this one in the search engine, hang on I’ll have a go………..

………..Err okay, I just tried that in Google, I’ve been through the first ten pages and this blog does not appear on there, so how that got in there I don’t know, but this one did come on page seven, if it is of any help: Bed Wetting Adults

If you have used any of the above searches and your are an avid follower of my blog, I am so sorry for any offence through my light hearted look at the weird and wonderful, please do not unfollow, I am truly sorry, honest.

If you have stumbled on this page by accident from any of these searches then please try this site: Help Is At Hand

Or just seek some therapy!

“Cause this is my therapy
Cause you’re the only one that’s listening to me
This is my therapy
Let’s call it what it is not what we were
With a death-grip on this life that’s in transition
This is my therapy
Cause you won’t hear me out and that makes
God the only one who’s left here listening”
 (Therapy? By Relient K)

P.S.  Oh heck, I’ve just realised I’ve made my blog a haven for bed wetting adults, oh well, everyone is welcome!