Back in November I was asked if I would like to join the A.V. Team at Church, this team is responsible for the lighting, sound and video for every service and event at Church, I accepted, it seemed like a challenge that was right up my street.
All the teams responsible for each service, our A.V. Team, the Worship Band, the Pastors and the Connect team, meet before the service starts to go through the running order, arrangements and so on. This meeting always starts with a group huddle and prayers, usually the meeting leader will ask for two or three people to say a prayer. Of all the members of the various teams I am the newest to not only the Church but to Christianity as well, so in the first few weeks I was quite nervous to be amongst them all and stood quietly listening to the sort of prayers they say.
As the weeks passed I wanted to offer a prayer myself, as I reached 36 weeks in Church I wanted to give thanks, I wanted to say out loud a prayer for the first time in my life, but I couldn’t, my own inhibitions always held my back, I built myself up to say it, I prepared it as I walked in the morning, but when it came to the moment I couldn’t say a word, I just stood there silent, my heart beating frantically, my head hung low and my heart would sink as I chickened out once again, this kept happening, every week I wanted to say this prayer, I wanted so much to do it, but each time I just couldn’t find the courage to step forward, raise my voice and say out loud the thanks I wanted to offer to The Lord, for all the support and encouragement I have received since I walked in to Church frightened and lost all them weeks before.
As today was the 40 week anniversary since I walked into Church on the 1st April 2012, a broken man looking for answers, today had to be the day. The group was forming as I arrived, so I joined them to start the huddle and the prayers. James was leading the meeting today, he asked for three people to pray, the group all went into their own form of prayer until Justin, one of the Pastors, said the first prayer out loud, the group then went quieter and I stood there heart beating fast, but shrinking within, nobody else started a prayer and I waited for someone to step in to save me, but no one did. So, I bit the bullet, stepped forward into the circle and started my prayer out loud, for the first time in my life I was saying a prayer out loud in the presence of others. I said pretty much everything I had prepared, my heart had frozen at this point, I knew the group was waiting for me, something told me God knew I wanted to say this, he held the group quiet for me, I finished my prayer, then James said the third and final prayer, then all the teams went about their business.
Almost straight after Gareth and James congratulated me on my prayer, they knew it was probably the first time I had stood out and prayed in front of others, their reassurance was greatly appreciated.
So I’ve broke another chain today, after a rather negative start to the weekend, it ended on a high, I managed to fight my natural shyness, beat my inhibitions to say what I wanted to say in front of others, praise to God for leading me to a Church where I found a family and home, for a broken and lost soul.
There He goes – a hero
A savior to the world.
Here He stands with scars in His hands.
With love He gave His life so we could be free.
The Savior of the world
(Hero by Abandon)