Throw Your Mirrors Down

After the frustration of last night, I can safely say that tonight is a complete 360, another Friday night at Amplified, my Church’s youth ministry and it was another epic night.

Firstly one of our young youth leaders absolutely nailed her preach, she may only be in her teens herself, but her faith is amazing, I wish I had just a little of her passion for Jesus.

She spoke of the distorted mirrors we look into, where we see a distorted image of ourselves, when we look and see that we are ugly or we aren’t good enough, we are worthless or we are weak, she told the young people present that we all face these mirrors from time to time, even herself, that we all think like this about ourselves in this way on occasion.

I felt every word she said, they resonated through me over and over again, because I faced every mirror she spoke of, only I faced them all at the same time and on more than one occasion, I stared into that mirror and got all those images of myself just staring back, all in those days when I stood at my bathroom sink with penknife in hand, these were the destructive thoughts I had and this young girl spoke every one of them tonight.

But she had an answer, an answer for every mirror, God’s mirror, for each thought she stuck God’s response through bible verse onto a mirror until she covered the mirror in God’s word for us.

She nailed it, absolutely nailed, you were incredible Annie O’Connell!

Following Annie was a testimony from young Hannah, she spoke of her torment after years of bullying, her hatred for God that He allowed her to go through that and all the self harm and some of the very thoughts that Annie spoke about.

She fought against her insecurity and spoke with strength about how she had turned back to God to get through, how in doing so her life had changed considerably, her outlook and attitude was so different now.

I still remember that on the day of my Baptism, Hannah sent me a message over Facebook, I didn’t even know her then, she had just seen me jump up on stage and share my testimony, she praised me then for my courage, this evening I got to return the compliment, she had the courage to speak her testimony for what God is doing in her life and she did it unbelievably well.

The funny thing is that I don’t see what I did that day as courageous, because I don’t feel I had anything to be afraid of, because I wasn’t really in control, God was in control that day, I had complete trust in Him that this was what I was supposed to do, I just left my shy, quiet self behind for a while, there were no nerves, as I say I had nothing to fear, I was with God.

It’s hard to believe that this weekend it will be 65 weeks since I last stared into that twisted, contorted mirror, 65 weeks since I put down that blade and 65 weeks since I picked up the phone to make that call to Gareth, from that call I started a journey with God and I continue that journey and continue to grow as I go.  I may have faced the odd small mirror in the last 65 weeks, but that mass of twisted glass has now been smashed forever!

There can only be one song to accompany this post, House of Mirrors by Tenth Avenue North, there were definitely some mirrors thrown to the ground tonight!

HOUSE OF MIRRORS by TENTH AVENUE NORTH
You can’t seem to see past your own reflection
Caught up in the halls of your introspection
And you’re staring at your mirror on the wall
Asking  “who is the fairest of them all?”
‘Cause Lord I know, it’s not me
If only you could see
That you’ve already been set free

Well come on, come on
Let’s throw our mirrors down
Yeah come on, come on
Let’s shatter the glass on the ground

Well you say “hold on, if I could just try this one thing.
Well I know I can change and that would change everything”
But a house made of mirrors never helped you see any clearer
It’s yourself you can’t see past
And Lord, isn’t that just like me?
If only we could see, that He’s already set us free

Well come on, come on
Let’s throw our mirrors down
Yeah come on, come on
Let’s shatter the glass on the ground

Oh, oh
Freedom’s waiting for you now
So come on, come on
And throw your mirrors down

Come on, if you’re tired take a step outside
You might find that you can forget about yourself tonight
Oh, come on if you’re tired of failed attempts to try
Freedom’s waiting when you look outside
Come on, if you’re tired take a step outside
You might find you can forget about yourself tonight
Yeah, come if you’re tired of your failed attempts to try
Freedom is waiting when  you look outside

Well come on, come on
Let’s throw our mirrors down
Yeah come on, come on
Let’s shatter the glass on the ground
Freedom’s waiting for you now
So come on, come on and throw your mirrors down

Transmission Frequencies

I very often feel that I can be talking in an unknown language, a language that only I can comprehend and communicate in, but which is completely useless as communication is futile if no one can understand the message.

I’ve spent many a year with my transmitter set to FM, Friendly Mode, yet never truly believing I was understood, as I was expecting a response in FM, only to receive replies in AM, Asshole Mode!

But since my great awakening and the time I’ve had to reflect on my lost years, I now realise I got it wrong, it was me who was transmitting in Asshole Mode only to receive in the wrong frequency.

I often think back to my school years, in all honesty I was a bright kid, not the brightest, but I had the potential to do well, but as the years passed I wasted much of that potential. I did well in some subjects but not so good in others. I’ve tried to work out why on many occasions and the simple answer is due to two things, firstly my interest in the subject and secondly the teachers ability to put across their message in a way I wanted to receive.

Naturally if you have interest in the subject matter you are more likely to absorb the information being transmitted, your receiver will be set to receive on various frequencies. If I wasn’t interested then it would take a teacher with the ability to find out what frequency I was receiving and transmit directly to me, for me to embrace and retain any of their teachings.

I had a few teachers that took the time to get to know me, find out my interests and work out how best to appeal to me, but there were others that had no interest in any of their pupils, they just stood at the front, told us to copy the information down off the board, then sit back and disengaged from their class. These teacher’s messages never reached me, they were never deciphered, they went from my eyes to pen then to paper, never reaching my memory as there was nothing there memorable, just monotony.

One classic teacher was our Maths teacher for my last two years at school, Mr Bell or Gringo as we called him, he couldn’t pronounce the number three, always thwee, bit of a problem for a Maths teacher. His method of teaching was through intimidation and humiliation, many students brighter than me chose to move to lower set classes, rather than put up with his methods, I clashed with him on my first week in his class, good start, I had never clashed with a teacher before and never clashed with another after this day, but he definitely wasn’t transmitting on my or to be honest anybody else’s wavelength.

I’ve come to the conclusion that you can only teach someone a lesson if they actually understand the message, transmission in Asshole Mode really achieves nothing.

So what mode have I been transmitting in, well for the best part of the last few years I’ve only given out in Asshole Mode, my head was definitely set to Asshole, but any message received in Friendly Mode was so badly translated into A.M. that I never fully understood the message. Just like the comments about my drinking, I wasn’t tuned in to receive these, my receiver was screwed, I was screwed, there was no way I could comprehend these comments and as I didn’t actually want to receive in Asshole Mode, when I did I reject them, the Asshole was in full mode.

I have no right to expect Friendly Mode when all I give out is Asshole Mode and neither does anyone else.

Respect is a two-way door, to truly command respect we have to give out respect. Through my upbringing and my Martial Arts training I have been taught to respect my elders and my seniors.

It’s just a shame that some of those that are senior or older than me, fail to command respect, they simply demand it. They demand we show them the correct etiquette and respect whilst treating those below them with incredible disdain, simply they transmit in Asshole Mode and demand a response in Friendly Mode, a respond they have not earned. If they show the same respect to those around them they will command respect be their actions, transmission in FM and response in FM, the perfect combination.

Matthew 7:12
“In everything, treat others as you would want them to treat you, for this fulfills the law and the prophets.”

So the Bible tells the very same, essentially treat others how we ourselves expect to be treated, if we go about our daily lives transmitting in Asshole Mode, then we should expect to receive in Asshole Mode, we then shouldn’t complain about our treatment, because we reap only what we sow.

“Come on, if you’re tired take a step outside
You might find that you can forget about yourself tonight
Oh, come on if you’re tired of failed attempts to try
Freedom’s waiting when you look outside”
(House of Mirrors by Tenth Avenue North)

So now what, I have been awakened, I have been reborn, have I changed my ways, I hope so, do I always transmit in Friendly Mode, I think not, not yet anyway, there are times when I find myself back in my old ways, when I recognise the moments when the Asshole rises, I write about it in my journal, I make a mental note. I am sure there are times when I don’t recognise it, then I fully deserve what ever it is I receive in return.

I am doing my best to be an F.M. only transmitter and receiver, it’s not always easy but I am doing my best.