New Beginnings

Thirteen years ago at the age of only 26 I was diagnosed with Chronic Hypertension, my blood pressure was extremely high, close to 200 over 112, further tests found evidence of a heart strain, I was shattered by the diagnosis and then referred to a heart specialist for further diagnosis and treatment.  I was started on a series of different tablets before it the combination of tablets was settled upon, I was to take three a day for the rest of my life, if I missed my tablets for a more than a few weeks the blood pressure would rise back to where it was, I was on these for life and that was that.

Then back in March last year I returned to my Doctor and just days before I quit drinking I found my blood pressure was back to where it was way back in 2000, even though I was on my tablets and hadn’t missed any for more that the odd day every now and again, it was dangerously high, I admitted my problem with alcohol and as the weeks passed and I ceased drinking and looked to be getting back on track the blood pressure returned to satisfactory levels, not perfect but an acceptable level.

But my last lot of tablets ran out before the end of July and I’ve gone over five weeks without any, I tested my blood pressure a few weeks ago and it was creeping back up.  I’ve been so busy with work, I just hadn’t had time to go to the Doctor to have my prescription renewed and the weeks were passing and I wasn’t getting on top of things.

Then last week I wrote about it on this blog, I did that purposely because I knew I couldn’t keep hiding any more, the next day I got on the phone and made an appointment for this morning.

After I wrote my journal last night it dawned on me about my appointment this morning and I could immediately feel the pressure rising, I became nervous and worried about what I was going to hear, I was dreading the results.  I prayed and felt an almost instance relaxation, I was calmed and fell asleep quite quickly.

But then I woke this morning at 4.30, I was wide awake staring at the ceiling, the worry was returning.  So I got up and got out walking, I have to say it was the most amazing walk I’ve had in a long time, it wasn’t hard to forget about the worry when the sunrise was so spectacular, so amazingly beautiful that my attention was taken by my surroundings, I almost forgot about my appointment.

As I got ready to set off for my appointment I could feel the tension return, so I took myself to my quiet place and prayed, again I felt calm and set off for my 7.30am appointment.

It was an understatement to say I was expecting the worst, I was sure my blood pressure would be returning to where it was back in March last year or back in 2000, I was ready for a dressing down and I deserved it.

I explained my situation and the Doctor took my blood pressure, but then came something that I just wasn’t expecting, yes my blood pressure was high, but not as high as expected, in fact it was lower than when I tested it myself a few weeks ago.

The thing was my Doctor wasn’t concerned by that, he was actually pleased at the level considering I had missed an amount of tablets, so pleased that he decided that we could try reducing my medication!

So after thirteen years of taking three tablets a day, I am now on two tablets a day, the strongest of the two tablets I take for my blood pressure has been removed, it’s a trial for the next month to see how it goes, but it’s an improvement and something that in my wildest dreams I never ever thought would happen, I expected my medication to increase over time not decrease.

To say I was over the moon was another understatement, this morning as I walked from the Doctor’s Surgery to work I felt like I was on top of the world, my prayers had been answered and I’m getting my life back.

As I approach 75 weeks of sobriety this coming Thursday, I have to say this is the best present I could ever wish to receive, God has come through for me and I feel so blessed by what He has been done in my life since that day back in March 2012 when I just wanted to make it all stop.

HEALING OIL by KIM WALKER-SMITH
I can feel Your healing oil
Running down my brow
I wouldn’t trade another lifetime
For how I feel right now

Excuses

Okay, so while I’m being honest, there is one thing I’ve been avoiding for a while, partially because I’ve been so busy and partly because I’ve just been avoiding it.

It something I know I can’t keep leaving, even if I’ve been so busy I can’t just put it aside, I’ve done that before and it doesn’t help at all.

One of my earlier posts “My Broken Heart” detailed my health problems that predated my drinking and certainly weren’t helped by it.  I have suffered from my late teens with an hereditary high blood pressure problem, as a teenager I was told it was high than normal, but following a chest problem in early 2000, a check up showed that my blood pressure was extremely high, somewhere around  180 over 118, after many check ups over the following weeks and months, then an ECG that highlighted a heart strain, the Doctor referred me to a Heart Specialist, I was 26, i remember the Doctor saying, if I was 56 this would be fairly normal and he would simply treat it, but as I was 26 and there was no obvious course (I wasn’t drinking heavy then, at that point I was a casual drinker), I was devastated.

But the Specialist could shed no further light on it, I came do simply to a generic issue in my family I had to live with, the experimented with different medications until a combination of tablets brought it back down to a high normal average and he referred back to my Doctor.  Since then at least once a year I have to go back for a series of tests, I’m actually supposed to go back every six months, but in reality I go once a year.

Over the years as my drinking slowly increased, I lied about how much I was drinking, I never told the truth, I would tell them something just very slightly over the considered normal amounts for an adult to drink, but never the real amount.

When I quit drinking last year, I had been on my tablets, I had hardly missed a day in months, but my blood pressure was sky high again, almost back to those recordings of twelve years earlier, on top of that my liver results were abnormal as well.  I spent three months go backwards and forwards to the Doctors every few weeks for different tests.  Over those months my blood pressure came back down to a high normal and my liver results righted themselves.  So over a year ago I was told to come back in six months, I didn’t, I got a letter a few months ago requesting I attend, I haven’t.  Then over a month ago my tablets ran out and without seeing the Doctor my prescription can’t be renewed.  My pharmacists are quite good, they will issue me tablets until I can get a renewal, but I’ve not had chance to go and request that.  So for the best part of months I’ve not taken my Blood Pressure medication and having checked it myself, it is rising again.

One problem is my Doctor’s have a very restrictive booking system, getting an appointment is not easy, having been so busy at work I’ve just not been able to a) find time to make a call, if you not on the phone to them as soon as they open you’ve no chance and that’s our busiest time at work, and b) you can only book for that day or exactly a week in advance, most of the days bookings are gone anyway and getting time off the same day is not easy either. So I’ve just left it, but I know I need to do something about it and soon.

I guess I’m posting this so I actually then have to do something about it, again if I hide it, I could go on without anyone else knowing, until it’s too late, so in a way I’m issuing myself a challenge here.

EXCUSES by DEAS VAIL
Bring yourself and no one else
You come alone or don’t come at all
This is your chance to believe in
Something more than walls and ceilings
Your saving face to be on your way

Come on, come on,
don’t wait until the damage is done
It’s gone when it’s gone—
Don’t you want to know
What we could become?
On and on we run and we run from life
It’s time we chased the smoke of our guns
and made this right

Save yourself, now don’t be scared
I’ll do my part and be right there
I will probably come out running,
With exploding buildings right behind me.

Come on, come on,
don’t wait until the damage is done
It’s gone when it’s gone—
Don’t you want to know
What we could become?
On and on we run and we run from life
It’s time we chased the smoke of our guns
and made this right

My Broken Heart

Relationships aside, I consider my heart broken in a physical sense, a medical issue I will never escape and was always destined to carry for the whole of my life.

Ever since I was a teenager, whenever I’ve had my blood pressure taken, it was always slightly higher than the considered normal levels of approx. 110 over 70. But, having said that, these measurements were generally always taken after a period of exercise, where naturally the heart is working that little bit harder.

Back in March 2000, one night I developed a problem where I suddenly became so short of breath, I could only take very small breaths and found the problem got worse the next day, so I booked into the Doctors and was diagnosed as having the possibility of my first asthma attack, in short my lung capacity at the time was half that of a normal adult, I was prescribed steroids and instructed to return in a week. The next week, my lung capacity had improved but not greatly, so another week of steroids.

Believe me, if you are ever put on these things, when they say take first thing in the morning, please make sure you do, one Sunday I forgot, took them at tea time and I could not get to sleep that night. I remember watching the Oscar Ceremony at 1am UK time, I watched the whole thing, then watched a film, before finally going to sleep at around 8am, I didn’t make that mistake again.

After two weeks of steroids, my lung capacity was on it’s way back to normal, so the Doctor decided I could come off the steroids, fantastic, no more sleepless nights. But he also decided to give me a check up, including Blood Pressure, the levels were seriously high, around 180 over 118 if I remember correctly, levels considered as Hypertensive Crisis. The Doctor at the time considered that the steroids may have a factor in that, so I was asked to return a month later for another test.

I returned as asked, but the levels remained the same, each time I went back it was still high, never coming back down to anything approaching normal, so I was sent for an ECG test, an ECG is used to measure the rate and regularity of heartbeats, as well the presence of any damage to the heart. I went back to the Doctors again to find that my blood pressure was still extremely high, despite taking a few different tablets to try to reduce it, the ECG results weren’t good either, they showed signs of a heart strain.

It was never explained to me why or how I had suffered a strain, I often put it down to two years earlier in September 1998, when I suffered bad chest infection, I couldn’t eat anything for two weeks, this coming only a matter of days after being made redundant from my first job.

But the words the Doctor used that day have stuck with me, he said if I was a 56 years old man, this would be quite normal and not a great concern, but at 26 years old, relatively fit and active, this should not be happening, he refered me a heart specialist.

I spent six months with the specialist, returning once a month for further tests and changes to my medication, during that time he started to get the blood pressure down through a combination of tablets, but he couldn’t get to the bottom of the cause, he tried every test, but there was no underlying medical reason.

Both my parents have high blood pressure, not as high as me, but it’s high. My grandfather died following a heart attack in his fifties, my Uncle suffered a heart attack in his early forties, the Specialist conceded that this Hypertension (chronic high blood pressure) was hereditary, it ran in the family, it was just there, he said if I take the three tablets he prescribed each day, then hopefully I would never meet him again.

So for the last twelve years, I’ve taken these three tablets a day. I had a period where I couldn’t afford to buy the tablets for a few months, the blood pressure went from the high normal levels that the Doctors were happy with, all the way back towards the severely high levels, so taking these tablets was imperative to my long term health. I had been given a warning, as a good friend once told me, many people go through their life without being diagnosed as having high blood pressure before they suffer a heart attack, at least I have the chance to avoid that possibility.

Over the years as my drinking got worse, I never admitted it to the Doctors each time my prescription was due for renewal, as long as I was on the tablets, the blood pressure always seemed to stay at high normal levels, the Doctors were happy, I told them blatant lies about how much I was drinking, I could never admit it, the blood pressure was OK, so what was the problem?

But back in March this year, when my life was falling apart, at a time when I was rock bottom, my prescription was back up for renewal, I knew this time I had to tell the Doctor everything.

I entered the consultancy room sat down and let it all out. Before he took my blood pressure, I told the Doctor everything that had been happening over the last few months, even years, I told him I was expecting it to be high, even though I had not missed more than a days tablets for a long time.

Well it was high, higher than even I expected, 160 over 112, I had set myself back twelve whole years, twelve years of taking tablets, I was back at square one. The Doctor offered help in my attempt to go sober, which I declined, I wanted to do it on my own, but I had to return almost weekly over then next few months for further tests, I dreaded the worst here, that I would be seeing that Specialist again.

One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart
(Hold My Heart by Tenth Avenue North)

Very slowly over the coming months, the blood pressure came back down, not anywhere near the levels they been had before, but close to that high normal level the Doctors were happy with. I was mad at myself, extremely mad, after all that I had set myself back all the way to the start again.

I consider that I’ve now had two warnings, the first back in 2000 when I was first diagnosed, a warning to sort my life out or head for a heart attack, then this second warning, sort it out or else. I don’t think there will be a third warning as such, if I don’t learn from this, then the next time it will be third strike and out, heart attack time.

At least now, I never have to lie to the Doctor again, I never have to withhold information which may have helped with my treatment, I still haven’t had a drink since 29^th March 2012 and I don’t intend to, I’ve had my two strikes, I don’t want the third strike, I don’t want to be struck out, I chose to live.

High Blood Pressure or Hypertension, is known widely as the “silent killer”, left undiagnosed or untreated it can lead to fatal heart attacks, if you have never been tested or maybe you have, but like me you hide any possible reason for it being high, I urge you to go to your Doctor, get it checked, be truthful, don’t hide anything, especially your drinking or smoking or whatever tension that is happening in your life, don’t leave it, you may never live to regret it.