Tag Archives: I See Heaven

Friday’s Addiction Feeding

I love teaching karate, especially kids, about three years ago, in the period where I had no work and nothing to do, I was doing just that one Friday morning, lounging around, doing nothing!  When the phone rang, it was the Sports Centre where I teach karate, they needed a favour and I would get paid as well, they were running a Tae Kwon Do class for kids on a Friday afternoon as part of a package of courses they offered to kids on the swimming course, but their instructor couldn’t make it, could I cover the class?

Okay, I have never done Tae Kwon Do, but the principles were similar, I had nothing to do and the money was good, so I said yes.  When I got there they asked if I could cover for the next two weeks, well that was okay with me, the age group was 7-15, the class was quite small and although I taught them karate and in a slightly watered down way to what I would normally teach, I enjoyed it.  After the three weeks I was asked if I wanted to take the course on full time, as the other guy could no longer commit to it, so I agreed a fee and said yes.

After a number of months the manager called me in, they wanted to expand the class, to include a younger age group, was I okay with the extra class and the four to six year old age group, again I had nothing better to do, so I agreed to it.

After a slow start the younger group gradually increased in numbers, until I was teaching about 20 of the little guys on my own, which wasn’t easy to control (I had agreed to 15 max), but I got through it and actually enjoyed it, even though it could at times fry my brains!!!

Obviously at this time I was falling deeper and deeper into my alcohol addiction, although I never drank before any class, except maybe for one pint with a meal at lunch at the weekends, but never anything more, I stayed sober and in control for my classes, which is more than can be said for everything else in my life.

So Friday evening’s were no different, actually these became my worst nights for drinking alone, I would walk home at six o’clock, when both classes had finished, on the way home I would stop at the shop around the corner, I would get two bottles of wine, two bottles of Jaques cider and probably four cans of normal cider, I would get home, nobody would be in and I would start drinking, the Jaque’s first and then both bottles of wine, the cans maybe one if I actually finished the rest before I fell asleep or if not I would keep them for the next day, where I would follow a similar routine after karate, but the weekends included a stop at the pub and a number of pints there.

Gradually the classes on a Friday went beyond the number of kids I had agreed to and the Sports Centre asked if one of my assistants would like to help, they would be paid the same as me, I asked Steve and he agreed and joined the class.  I’m not sure why, but I let Steve take the classes and I assisted, I guess it was nice for once to be the assistant rather the leader as would be our normal roles in the club situation.  It relieved the pressure and stress, but that didn’t relieve the drinking issue, I would still go home, stock up and drink it all, it was rare that I left too much to drink for the next night, pretty much if it was in the house I had to drink it, leaving it was not really an option, although I usually brought a few extra cans for emergencies!

Obviously that was then, I stopped drinking, after that I just went home after karate and did what I could do to stay on the wagon, not an easy journey, but one I am managing to accomplish so far, there have been thoughts, but that’s all they have been I am pleased to say, I pray for the strength to overcome everyday and am thankful that my prayer is answered every time.

Tonight though was one of those rare occasions, where Steve was away and I was on my own, the classes the last few weeks have been quite low, so I was hoping for a similar turn out, but ended up on my own with fourteen 4/5 year olds, oh great!

One of the mothers asked me just before we started if it was just me, when I said yes, she jokingly asked if I had got a can of beer in my bag, err awkward!!!

It wasn’t really the time and place to go into my history or admit I was an alcoholic, I simply said I didn’t drink anymore, but jokingly said you never known I might think about it after this class!  I didn’t really know what to say, she never meant anything by it and I understood what she was saying, something to calm the nerves after the class, but in a situation like that in a hall full of other parents, how do you react, I just laughed it off, it wasn’t a problem, I wasn’t offended, but it did bring back memories of those Friday nights where I would indulge in a life destroying habit.

The kids I can safely say where raving, they were definitely on one, not in a bad way, more in a crazy over enthusiast way.  Although when we had races at the end, I got my own back by thoroughly confusing them, I always line up the teams, tell them I have one rule, “to go when I say go!”

Well it gets them all the time, no matter how many times I repeat it they just look at me nodding, the parents laugh and many are telling them to go too, but they just don’t get it, cruel I know, but I like to have the last laugh!!

All in all it was a good class, I really enjoyed it, although it was a bit on the crazy side, but the great thing is I can come straight home and relax, I don’t need anything to take the edge of things, to calm the nerves or put me to sleep so I can forget the problems in my life.

I have my moments, my low spots, just like I did last Sunday, at times I want to be alone, at times I quite happy to share my problems with friends and work through them.

I am so thankful to God for answering my prayers and setting me free, I am also so thankful for everyone at Everyday Champions Church who have been alongside me all the way, that have propped me up when I felt like falling, who have just been there when I needed them.

I SEE HEAVEN by BRYAN & KATIE TORWALT
I see heaven invading this place
I see angels praising your holy name
I sing praises, I sing praises
I give you honor worthy Jesus

I see Glory falling in this place
I see hope restored, the healing of all disease

I sing praises, I sing praises
I give you honor worthy Jesus

We give you praise and all of the honor
You are our God, the one we live for
We give you praise and all of the Glory God

We give you praise and all of the honor
You are our God, the one we live for
We give you praise and all of the Glory

I see Glory falling in this place
I see hope restored, the healing of all disease

I sing praises, I sing praises
I give you honor worthy Jesus

We give you praise and all of the honor
You are our God, the one we live for
We give you praise and all of the Glory God

We give you praise and all of the honor
You are our God, the one we live for
We give you praise and all of the Glory

All of the glory
All of the glory, Jesus

Let your Presence fill this place
Let heaven come

Let your angels be released
Let heaven come

We will worship at your feet
Let heaven come

Face to face we want to meet
Let heaven come

We give you praise and all of the honor
You are our God, the one we live for
We give you praise and all of the Glory God

We give you praise and all of the honor
You are our God, the one we live for
We give you praise and all of the Glory

All of the glory
All of the glory
All of the glory
All of the glory

All of the glory
All of the glory
All of the glory
All of the glory

Verse of the Day – Psalm 91:14-15

Psalm 91:14-15

Psalm 91:14-15

It’s easy to try and get through everything alone, but it’s a tough path to walk sometimes, being strong enough to hand it all over in prayer, that’s not so easy.

I SEE HEAVEN by BRIAN & KATIE TORWALT
I see heaven, invading this place, I see angels, Praising Your Holy Name
And I sing praises, I sing praises, I give You honor, Worthy Jesus

I see Glory, Falling in this place
I see hope restored, healing of all disease
And I sing praises, I sing praises, I give You honor, Worthy Jesus

We give You Praise, and all of the Honor
You are our God, the one we live for
We give You Praise, and all of the Glory God

Let Your Presence fill this place, Let heaven come
Let Your angels be released, Let Heaven come
We will worship at Your feet, Let Heaven come
Face to face we want to meet, Let Heaven come

Lazy Saturdays

For the first time in absolute ages I’m having one of those days where I actually have nowhere to be and nothing I really need to do, so forgive me but I’m having a really lazy day, catching up on a bit a rest after a testing number of weeks.

On the plus side the side effects from the medication seems to be subsiding, the spaced out feelings and the feeling sick seem to have passed, I feel almost normal today.

Within myself I feel okay too, but so far this week there hasn’t been anything too testing to deal with, which has been a bit of a relief.

I’m still not sleeping very well, I still wake after around 4/5 hours sleep, like this morning I woke at just before 4am, I ended up watching “The Christmas Card” before getting back to sleep for a few hours somewhere around 6.

I think at first I was a little worried about the stigma I attached to taking antidepressants, I never thought for a moment it could happen to me, but then you realise once you start speaking to people, just how many seemingly normal people have taken them at some point in their lives, it removes that stigma altogether.

Hopefully this is the start of another recovery process, with things getting easier and in deed better as each day passes.  My journey continues and this is just a new obstacle to overcome, but with the strength granted me by God I have overcome so much, I’m not going to let this beat me, I’ll keep praying and I will get through this.

I SEE HEAVEN by BRIAN & KATIE TORWALT
I see heaven, invading this place, I see angels, Praising Your Holy Name
And I sing praises, I sing praises, I give You honor, Worthy Jesus

I see Glory, Falling in this place
I see hope restored, healing of all disease
And I sing praises, I sing praises, I give You honor, Worthy Jesus

We give You Praise, and all of the Honor
You are our God, the one we live for
We give You Praise, and all of the Glory God

Let Your Presence fill this place, Let heaven come
Let Your angels be released, Let Heaven come
We will worship at Your feet, Let Heaven come
Face to face we want to meet, Let Heaven come