Children – Psalm 127:3
In my darkest moments
I needed them
But still they needed me more
His words upon that day
Reassured me so
A great gift
A heritage from the Lord
My children who I love
Thanks to the Father
I live for
Forevermore
Psalm 127:3
Family – Isaiah 54:13
Lord You blessed us with their life
As we watched them come into this world
Their tiny little hearts entrusted to our hands
Now we watch them face life’s troubles
As they grow up in this world
We help them in our own way
Trying to let them know how much we care
Now I lift my prayer to You my Lord
And ask You guide them in their way
Let them feel You in their hearts
So they know You’re at their side
Let them dwell in the love of the Father
To bring them peace in the face of their trials
Lord let this family rise
From the ruins in which it lies
To triumph over it’s battles
And live a life that glorifies You
Isaiah 54:13
In Your Word (Isaiah 54:13)
Lord, You lead my way
Leading me from darkness
To Your glorious light
On Your words I set my life
In my heart I let them grow
Lord, I am so blessed
With a glorious gift
My children I live for
In the dark a reason to live
Two blessed souls that I watch grow
Lord, let me lead them
Through life in Your word
On a path we walk together
In Your ways we will learn
And together in Your love we will grow
Isaiah 54:13
PRECIOUS
Precious are they
That have held my hand
That I’ve watch grow
From the time they came
And said hello to this world
Precious are the moments
I spend with them
As together we danced
Between the waves
And across the shifting sands
Precious are they
That the Lord has bless me with
The hearts I shower love upon
Under the protection
And guidance of our Lord
Precious are they
The lives the Lord has blessed us with
My Son turned thirteen a couple of weeks ago, he’s growing up fast, even if he isn’t growing that tall, unfortunately it looks like he got the short ass gene just like his Dad.
But I do have to smile when I walk to work at this time of year, my route through the cemetery is lined with Horse Chestnut trees, so the pathways are littered with conkers.
When I was young we spent hours here collecting the biggest conker to take to school, with an old shoe lace tied through it or indeed a new shoe lace, just don’t tell my Dad!
These days the Great British game of conkers is banned in most schools, too dangerous!! The only tears I remember from school during a game of conkers, was when someone’s beloved unbeaten conker was suddenly smashed into dozens of pieces.
But not only remembering my school days makes me smile, but my Son had his own special word for conkers when he was little. We don’t know why but he called them….
Jelly Peppers
We never knew why or where he got the words from. We always called them conkers, but he insisted they were Jelly Peppers, he wouldn’t call them anything else.
He doesn’t remember calling them that anymore, we remind him, but he “claims” he doesn’t remember it.
He also doesn’t remember calling aliens “meppels”, again no idea where that came from, but he insisted that they were called meppels and not aliens.
It’s funny how kids pick these odd words up for various different things, I can understand if they sound like the actual name or they had trouble saying the word, but these two names were just straight out if a child’s mouth and still make me smile.
I guess if you have kids too, they probably had a few of these names also, ones which still produce a smile.
BINARY by BRAVE SAINT SATURN
Blessed is the man who does prevail
Doomed are the peacemakers when they fail
If hope springs eternal, it never get here
I guess I lost all my hope last year
I tried to steal the moon from the sky
I am lost and lonely, I drift in space
My dreams are haunted by her face
Blessed are the drifters, the stars that die
Whose light expires, before goodbyes
Goodbye, goodbye
Binary star, you’re the brightest blue by far
And up against the starry sea
I thought that you were meant for me
Blessed are the meek who shall inherit
The throes of death for all their merit
The right to stumble, to wear and perish
Doomed are those who hold and cherish
I tried to steal the moon from the sky
You hide behind your broken wings
Your dreams are all for better things
And in the dark we climb this slope
‘Cause the bravest thing is always, always hope
Goodbye, goodbye
Binary star, you’re the brightest blue by far
And up against the starry sea
I thought that you were meant for me
Binary star, you’re the brightest blue by far
And up against the starry sea
I thought that you were meant for me
And up against the starry sea
I thought that you were meant for me
I thought that you were meant for me
Acts 2:39
For today my fear of the last few weeks seems to have subsided, it’s been a day with my kids and my Church family, for now I hold on once more to God’s promises.
THE FATHER’S SONG by JAKE HAMILTON
I hear Your voice
Like a whisper on the breeze
I feel Your presence
As You’re dancing over me
So I run through the meadows of Your love
Just to find You
Just to find You
And I just want to hear the Father’s song
And I just want to hear the Father’s song
Singing over me
Singing over me
Here I am
Just a child on the earth
I feel so small
But You remind me what I’m worth
In a moment I would lay my whole life down
Just to know you
Just to know you
Cuz I just want to hear the Father’s song
And I just want to hear the Father’s song
Singing over me
Singing over me
Heaven’s melody
Open up in me
Set my heart to sing
Holy, Holy
Heaven’s melody
Open up in me
Set my heart to sing
Holy, Holy
Heaven’s melody
Open up in me
Heaven’s melody
Open up, open up, open up
Heaven’s melody
Open up in me
Set my heart to sing
Holy, Holy
Heaven’s melody
Open up in me
Set my heart to sing
Holy, Holy
And I just want to hear the Father’s song
And I just want to hear the Father’s song
Singing over me
Singing over me
Singing over me
I’ve been teaching karate now for the past 25 years, with no more than a few weeks break in that time. I took over the club, along with a colleague back in 1989, I was a mere 15 years old and my club mate just 17, he was the main instructor and I was the assistant, but that still meant that I had more teaching duties than training opportunities. By the mid nineties, I had taken over the majority of the teaching, before eventually taking over the club on my own almost 10 years ago.
I’ve had good times and bad during those years, it’s not been plain sailing, it’s been hard work and a lot of time, indeed a lot of my life has been given over to it, at one point I was teaching everyday of the week, at the club, at schools and at a University, but on average it’s been five times a week that I’ve been out of the house teaching classes.
Many times, I considered why do I do it, many times I questioned do I want to keep doing it. I spent many years doubting myself and my credibility, I was such a young instructor, I never saw myself as being taken seriously or whether I would get the respect I deserved, but over the years my reputation in competition and the results of my students, proved what I was about and I got beyond that doubt.
There have been times when I’ve been worn out and just needed a spark to reignite the fire inside, usually something happens to breathe new life into the club and into me. For a long while karate was the only place I felt the good side of me came out, when I went through my real dark years of drinking and hardly working, karate was the only thing I had my head on straight for and only time I would never drink was before teaching, it was simply the only place I felt normal and of some worth, somewhere I still had something to give.
Over the last year I have scaled down my involvement, I have an able assistant who is more than capable of handling classes without me. Back in November I took a step back when I was struggling, Steve took over teaching for a few months and gave me some time to get my head straight. Since the New Year I have been back teaching, but I’ve not had a real fire for it for some time, I enjoy it still, but I can’t say I’ve been giving my all, it needed a spark to reignite the fire.
So last night, when I got home from work, out of the blue my daughter came to me and asked if she could come to karate! She did a few class a few years ago, but only because her friend tried it, but since then she’s not really been interested. My son trained for a few years, but after a while decided he didn’t want to do it any more, I was disappointed, but I would never force him to do it if he didn’t want to.
So Eve shocked me when she asked out the blue and tonight she was so excited. It was her first class this evening, we walked there together (well I walked, she jogged along side), she joined in the class, the class was split between me and Steve, she was in Steve’s class, but she was okay with that. When we walked home, I got a full run down of her class, what she did, what she got wrong and also everyone else got wrong too.
And when we got home she was quick to show me what she had learnt, she’s ready for the next class on Saturday now.
Maybe, this is the spark I need, I don’t want to go back to the five times a week I was doing before, I don’t need to, but I do want to get back a little of the old hunger, I guess retiring from competition last year hasn’t helped, but just maybe, I’ve got a second wind.
SET A FIRE by JESUS CULTURE
Set a fire down in my soul
That I can’t contain and I can’t control
I want more of You God, I want more of You God.
There’s no place I’d rather be
There’s no place I’d rather be
There’s no place I’d rather be
Than here in your love, here in your love
Set a fire down in my soul
That I can’t contain and I can’t control
I want more of You God, I want more of You God.
Love of God overflow
Permeate all my soul
Philippians 2:15
I hope and pray that my children will shine like stars among their generation.
ALWAYS by SWITCHFOOT
This is the start
this is your heart
this is the day you were born
this is the sun
these are your lungs
this is the day you were born
And I am always yours
These are the scars
deep in your heart
this is the place you were born
this is the hole
where most of your soul
comes ripping out
from the places you’ve been torn
And it is always yours
but I am always yours
Hallelujah!
I’m caving in
hallelujah!
I’m in love again
hallelujah!
I’m a wretched man
hallelujah!
every breath is a second chance
And it is always yours
and I am always yours
It’s safe to say there have been times when I couldn’t really deal with my kids, times when I was drinking that I was happy to have them around and times when I was drinking because I couldn’t deal with being around them. I guess it depended what mood I was drinking in, the happy mood just embracing the habit or the mood where I was mad with the world and drinking to escape everything and everyone, drinking to ease that anger.
These days though, it’s rare that I can’t deal with my kids, they are typical kids, they can mess up and they can be unbearable, the throw paddies (I used to) and they get a monk on every now and then (monk on: our Newark work for being mardy or being in a mood), but I can deal with it now, not run away or lose my rag or walk around the house mutter and scratching at my arms, not any more.
Last night though I had a great conversation with both of them, which certainly put a big smile on my face. My daughter Eve came home and said she had asked her mum if she could get Baptised at our next Baptism service, she’s only eight, but she had watched the Baptisms at Church earlier in the day and decided she wanted to do that too.
She told me that Jesus had been Baptised and as she wanted to be like Jesus, then she wanted to be Baptised too. She was already planning her testimony speech for the service. She was deadly serious, plus even though Ben isn’t as into going to Church as Eve, he showed an interest too, so you never know.
Then I mentioned my Baptism, neither my kids or Victoria were present at my Baptism, they were at their Cousin’s birthday party and seeing as I hadn’t planned to be Baptised, it was one of those on the day callings, they weren’t really missing it, but what I hadn’t realised is that I had never discussed this with them and they weren’t actually aware of the fact I had been Baptised.
So we had a great conversation about being Baptised, what it meant to me on the day and that feeling of being called by God, we also had a laugh at the fact I didn’t have a change of clothes (no planning) but although I had been found a set of clothes, I didn’t have a change of underwear, so the water eventually soaked through into the trousers and it looked very much like I had wet myself, but at the moment, on that day, nothing was going to steel the elation from me, what’s a little water after all!
I can’t wait to see my kids Baptised, that day the will make me smile, the biggest smile ever.
CHILDREN OF GOD by THIRD DAY
Praise to the Father of our Lord, Jesus Christ
Our God and our King, to Him we will sing
In His great mercy, He has given us life
Now we can be called the children of God
Great is the Love that the Father has given us
He has delivered us
He has delivered us
Children of God, sing your song and rejoice
For the love that He has given us all
Children of God, by the blood of His Son
We have been redeemed and we can be called
Children of God
Children of God
A mystery is revealed to the universe
The Father above has proven His love
Now we are free from the judgment that we deserve
And so we are called the children of God
Great is the Love that the Father has given us
He has delivered us
He has delivered us
Children of God, sing your song and rejoice
For the love that He has given us all
Children of God, by the blood of His Son
We have been redeemed and we can be called
Children of God
Children of God
We are the saints
We are the children
We’ve been redeemed
We’ve been forgiven
We are the sons and the daughters of our God
So the hours are running down now until the magical moment when I can celebrate another year of sobriety, when that clock ticks over to 10.30pm, even though the rest of the house maybe asleep, I will be having my own quiet celebration with a bottle of Pepsi Max (shameless product placement)!
When I made that conscious decision two years ago, as I walked to the Pub with a friend, that declaration that if I didn’t like the taste of that first pint that would be, did I really think it would stick?
Did I really expect to make it a year, let alone two years?
Quite honestly I don’t think I did. Since the age of sixteen the most I have gone without a drink at that point was a couple of months. I know I made that declaration with the best of intentions, but I am actually surprised that I’ve made it through these two years without relapse, without failing and returning to the bottle.
I’ve been close, I honestly have, within a few weeks of quitting I was tested, then last March, when my Nan died, I was struggling and it felt like it would be easier to give in, but I prayed and I fought it and I made it through the urges.
When my second Nan died just two months later I didn’t really have the same urges, but a strange thing happened when I came home from her funeral. A few years ago my kids brought me a keyring of Barney Gumble from the Simpsons, complete with beer in his hand, the keyring had been on my keys ever since. When I came home and locked the gate behind me, that keyring broke and fell from my keys, I threw it away.
I believe was the breaking point of the habit, because after that I haven’t been tempted again. Even last November when I slipped into a depression, I never actually contemplated it, completely the opposite, when I went into shops where wine bottles were I had to stop myself from smashing them, not drinking them!
I’ve celebrated with the kids today, Eve, Ben and myself went to Lincoln after I finished work. It was a bit of a belated treat for Eve, I didn’t have the money to get her much for her birthday a few weeks ago, I promised her when I did I would treat her in Lincoln, I managed to get some money in this week, so I kept my promise and off we went.
Amongst another of things she chose, she brought herself a pair of pink headphones, on the way home on the train she couldn’t wait to try them out, so we plugged them into my iPhone and she was away. She insisted I play one song over and over for her and then she started singing along.
Eve Singing The Reason
We got a few strange looks!
The song she was singing along with was The Reason by Lacey Sturm, I had actually chosen that song to go with this post. I can relate to every lyric of the song, it echoes my feelings and my journey, but I have finally found the reason and without that reason I would not have made it this far.
THE REASON by LACEY STURM
All my life I’ve searched for something
To satisfy the longing in my heart
But every time I’ve come away
Emptier than before
And now I finally see the reason
Cuz I was made to be Yours alone
You formed my heart with Your own hands
But I just could not understand
If I gave You my life I’d be healed by Your grace
I was made for Your love and gave others Your place
I spent my days giving my heart away
To anything new
Only to ache from the poison
Of my temporary muse
There were times I cried myself
To sleep at night
Only to wake up
Wishing that I didn’t
And now I finally see the reason
Cuz I was made to be Yours alone
You formed my heart with Your own hands
But I just could not understand
If I gave You my life I’d be healed by Your grace
I was made for Your love and gave others Your place
Thank You for never giving up on me
When I looked to everything else and lived so selfishly
You bled, You died to be with me
Why would You do something like that for someone like me?
And now I finally see the reason
Cuz I was made to be Yours alone
You formed my heart with Your own hands
And now I finally understand
And I gave You my life and I’m healed by Your grace
I was made for Your love that no one can replace
This is it, I won’t miss everything I am made for
To be Yours
All Yours
The Bottom of a Bottle 