Trust me, I've been there, I've looked, I've searched and I know now, that there are no answers to be found in the bottom of a bottle or on the edge of a blade! Fighting Hard, Recovering, Rebuilding, REBORN. Moving on from addiction to a new life.
It is amazing to know that each fight I face, I never stand alone and it’s by His strength I have victory, not my own.
FOLLOW YOU by LEELAND & BRANDON HEATH You lived among the least of these The weary and the weak And it would be a tragedy for me to turn away.
All my needs you have supplied. When i was dead you gave me life. How could i not give it away so freely?
And i`ll follow you into the homes that are broken. Follow you into the world. Meet the needs for the poor and the needy god. Follow you into the world.
Use my hands use my feet To make your kingdom come Through the corners of the earth Until your work is done `cause faith without works is dead And on the cross your blood was shed So how could i not give it away so freely?
And i`ll follow you into the homes that are broken. Follow you into the world. Meet the needs for the poor and the needy god. Follow you into the world.
And i`ll follow you into the homes that are broken. Follow you into the world. Meet the needs for the poor and the needy god. Follow you into the world.
I give all myself. I give all myself I give all myself.to you.
And i give all myself. Yes i give all myself. And i give all myself.to you.
And i`ll follow you into the homes that are broken Follow you into the world. Meet the needs for the poor and the needy god. Follow you into the world.
And i`ll follow you into the homes that are broken Follow you into the world. Meet the needs for the poor and the needy god. Follow you into the world.
Okay, so Monday was a wash out, I got wet walking to work, it took hours for my trousers to dry out and then a matter of minutes after leaving work, it absolutely chucked it down, I was soaked to the skin!
Thankfully, the weather since has been a lot better and the sun has finally began to show it’s face once more.
Bright Beyond
Breaking Reflection
In Reflection
Soft Morning Glow
Bright Morning
In The Blue
Reflective Moment
Contrast In Reflection
On Surface
Morning Rays
BRIGHTER DAYS by LEELAND Time keeps moving on Through the sunshine and the storm And my dreams are set in stone And someday I’ll be who I want to be For now I’ll wait For the sun to shine again And for now I’ll wait For the rain to pass away
And I’m looking for the brighter days When all my hurts seem to fade away I’m looking for the brighter days to come my way
Faces come and faces go But none seem to look my way And walls have stood and walls have fallen But my heart seems to wait For now I’ll sit at the end of the road And for now I’ll wait At the end of the pathway
I’ll see the sun one day shine upon me I’ll see the sun one day And watch the nighttime turn to morning But for now it all comes back around
I know what the hand of the Lord has done in life and I give thanks for everything that He has done for me.
Two days to go!
CHAINS HIT THE GROUND by LEELAND I’m holding on to You It’s all I know to do When fear has had me bound When enemies surround There’s freedom in this truth My salvation is in You
And I remember the nails that You took for me When You died in my shame and iniquity Jesus, You have set me free The thorns of my pain You wore in a crown When You bowed Your head Your love was poured out And my chains hit the ground
You are the Rock I’ve found Above the shifting ground Amid a raging war You’re the One I’m fighting for For all of my years My banner will be clear
I am Yours And even though the waves, they crash below I’m holding onto love I’m holding onto love I am Yours Forever all my days, I lay before Your holy love I’m holding onto love
Another great Connect Group tonight, I am so thankful they have supported me through so much over the last year.
Three days to go now!
THE GREAT AWAKENING by LEELAND One man wakes, awakens another Second one wakes his next door brother Three awake and rouse a town …And turn the whole place upside down
Many awake, will cause such a fuss It finally awakes all of us One man awakes with dawn in his eyes Surely then it multiplies
One man wakes, awakens another Second one wakes his next door brother Three awake and rouse a town By turning the whole place upside down
Many awake, will cause such a fuss It finally awakes The rest of us One man awakes with dawn in his eyes Surely then it multiplies
Thankful I lifted my eyes and set them on the author and perfecter of our faith.
LIFT YOUR EYES UP by LEELAND It feels like Your world’s crashing down And solid ground is hard to be found It feels like the walls are closing in And night has fallen And the sun is gone Your heart is dry You need some time to find God
Come on, Come on Lift your eyes up Lift your eyes up To the hills
Even in the testing fire God supplies every need in your life And He’ll come like the morning star And wipe away your heart’s fears And the dark will fall and the light will shine It’s all alright with God here
Come on, Come on Lift your eyes up Lift your eyes up To the hills
Come on, Come on Lift your eyes up Lift your eyes up To the hills
And the sun will shine It’s a holy day It’s a brighter day for you
The sun it will shine It’s a holy day It’s a brighter day for you
Come on, Come on Lift your eyes up
Come on, Come on Come on, Come on Come on, Come on … Yeah
Come on, Come on Lift your eyes up Lift your eyes up To the hills
Come on, Come on Lift your eyes up Lift your eyes up To the hills
In times of struggle I had many sleepless nights and cried so many tears, yet with the strength I prayed for I made it through, but how comforting to know that He’s counted all those nights, kept all my tears and God is for me.
I CRY by LEELAND Fear is far from love And I feel scared enough To think You’ve given up on me But I can’t hide my shame You know my deepest pain You are well acquainted with my grief Oh great God of power I have lost my strength This is my desperate hour I’m calling out Your name
I cry Are You out there tonight Or am I all alone This time it’s the fight of my life So I cry I can’t do this on my own I can’t do this on my own I am giving You control
If weakness is a crown Then I kneel before You now And lay it at Your feet as an offering And if You hold everything Then don’t let go of me Hide me in the shadow of Your wings Oh great God of power I have lost my strength This is my desperate hour I’m calling out Your name
Are You out there tonight Are You out there tonight Are You out there tonight So I cry
Are You out there tonight (You said You’d never leave me) Are You out there tonight (You said You’d never leave me) Are You out there tonight (You said You’d never leave me) So I cry
I can’t do this on my own I can’t do this on my own I can’t do this on my own I can’t do this alone I can’t do this
I’m holding on to You I’m holding on to You I’m holding on I’m holding on to You God, I’m holding on to You Lord, I’m holding on
Tonight I am thankful to the Lord for carrying me through so many trying times.
CARRY ME ON YOUR BACK by LEELAND Even heroes fall down And mountains won’t last forever But your promise never fails Mmm When the ocean is raging I find stillness in your presence and I lift my voice to say Jesus take me away
Carry me on your back Through the storm, Lord Carry me on your back Through the storm, Lord Through the storm, Lord
When the furnace is buring I know rescue is coming Your promise never fails Ohhh In the darkness your light shines Breaking over the horizon And I lift my eyes to see Heaven is falling for me
Carry me on Your back Through the storm, Lord Carry me on Your back Through the storm, Lord Through the storm, Lord
Waking up in the arms of love I’ll be singing, singing a new song Waking up in the arms of love I’ll be singing, singing a new song
Oh Carry me on Your back Through the storm, Lord Carry me on Your back Through the storm, Lord Through the storm, Lord Through the storm, Lord
Despite the frosty ground and cold air, the skies were kind this morning, it was a shame I had to leave the lake to get to work, it looked like it was going to get even better. I start work half an hour later tomorrow, hopefully the skies are kind again.
Breaking The Darkness
Sunrise & Street Lights
Breaking Gold
Beyond The Lake
Light Over The Lake
Subtle Reflections
Morning Shades
FOLLOW YOU by LEELAND & BRANDON HEATH You lived among the least of these The weary and the weak And it would be a tragedy for me to turn away.
All my needs you have supplied. When I was dead you gave me life. How could I not give it away so freely?
And i`ll follow you into the homes that are broken. Follow you into the world. Meet the needs for the poor and the needy god. Follow you into the world.
Use my hands use my feet To make your kingdom come Through the corners of the earth Until your work is done `cause faith without works is dead And on the cross your blood was shed So how could I not give it away so freely?
And I`ll follow you into the homes that are broken. Follow you into the world. Meet the needs for the poor and the needy god. Follow you into the world.
And I`ll follow you into the homes that are broken. Follow you into the world. Meet the needs for the poor and the needy god. Follow you into the world.
I give all myself. I give all myself I give all myself.to you.
And I give all myself. Yes I give all myself. And I give all myself.to you.
And I`ll follow you into the homes that are broken Follow you into the world. Meet the needs for the poor and the needy god. Follow you into the world
And I`ll follow you into the homes that are broken Follow you into the world. Meet the needs for the poor and the needy god. Follow you into the world
Everything seemed to be going really well until this evening, a few things just started to go wrong, slowly I found myself getting more and more agitated and eventually becoming very angry. By the time I got home I just wanted to be alone in the dark, I went straight upstairs out of the way without speaking with anyone, I think Victoria could tell something wasn’t right, but she never said anything.
After I while I came back downstairs, had something to eat and laid down on the settee, but I just began to get further and further wound up. My breathing was heavy and I sank back into a dark place.
I began to get similar feelings to those that kept coming to me before Christmas, they came back again tonight, I’ve never mentioned them to anyone before, they went away when Christmas passed quietly, but as I say I had them again tonight. All I wanted to do was to cut something into my left arm, before Christmas I kept wanting to carve “I’ll Never Be Enough”, but tonight it was “I Hate Myself”! I’ve never self harmed and before the end of last year, never contemplated it. At Christmas I kept imagining that I would just find myself in a daze on Christmas day with these words cut into my arms, this evening was very similar.
But then something changed, as I laid there I could feel my heart beating hard and then I remembered the words that kept coming to me on Sunday, the words I posted Sunday evening:
Even though I go through all the anxiety, the worry, the stress, the emptiness, the desolation and despair, I’m never alone, but I should believe that when I go through this and my heart beats in double time, it’s not just my heart that’s beating, but the heart of Christ beating alongside mine.
As soon as I began to think about that everything changed, the emptiness and the dark urges ceased almost immediately and I slowly began to pick up. So less than an hour later I feel much calmer, not as calm and content as last evening, but nowhere near how empty and low I felt earlier this evening.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.’ Joshua 1:9
WHILE WE SING by LEELAND I’ve sat by far too long And I’ve watched the hurting suffer on their own I have chances everyday To live like You, die to myself Give Your love away And I wonder why I feel so empty inside
While I sing la la la la la la la la la As the hungry roam the streets La la la la la la la la la As the broken are on their knees La la la la la la la la la I keep singing
We are frozen, we are still But we’re called to be a city on a hill And as our melodies resound We cannot hear the silent cry This world is screaming out And we wonder why we feel so empty inside
While we sing la la la la la la la la la As the hungry roam the streets La la la la la la la la la As the broken are on their knees La la la la la la la la la We keep singing
Remember salvation’s day When Jesus washed our sins away The lost are crying out to be saved
While we sing la la la la la la la la la As the hungry roam the streets La la la la la la la la la As the broken are on their knees La la la la la la la la la We keep singing But just a song won’t heal The bleeding wound Church wake up We’re sleeping in an empty tomb
Church arise, arise and shine Shake yourself from the dust God is calling us to go
I’m not really sure if it’s just me or if this applies to others who form part of the recovery community, but for me I remember all the crucial dates that form my recovery, from the day it all went wrong big time, to the day I stood with a blade seeking a way out, to the following day when I met with Gareth, then two days later when I first prayed and on to 29th March 2012, when I last took a drink.
So that makes it exactly 18 months of sobriety so far and I promise you, that is just the start. I count every day, I count every week and obviously I count the months too, that’s because as long as I can write that date at the top of every journal page, at the end of every single day, then I know that whatever is going on in my life, whatever ups and downs, whatever the crisis or the victory it’s been a fantastic day, because I will know I’m still walking on this journey with God and I still carry this testimony for Him.
The memories of those two whirlwind weeks are still so, so vivid, those two weeks that went from total destruction to early stages of reconstruction, they really where poles apart, but the beginnings of the most amazing journey. On that journey I’ve met some amazing people along the way, through Church, where despite my early fears of being judged, I can say I’ve haven’t met anybody that has judged me, they have all encouraged and helped on my journey, strengthening me and they’ve held me when I’ve need it too.
But also on this blog, I’ve made friends from all over the world and I’ve received so much positive feedback and encouragement, it’s been an unbelievable experience, in fact I never received a comment which I would consider negative, only support, praise and advice.
On this day last year, I started to put my testimony into words, this time last year I started writing articles that would end up being among the first posts on this blog.
That night I began preparing a number of articles, which would eventually become:
It took another week to take the plunge and actually start this blog, in that week in between the first drafts of other articles appeared and edits were made of those early drafts, but I still sat on them a little while longer.
So next Sunday this blog officially becomes one year old, I’m not sure what I’m going to do to celebrate that, but I’ll find a way, somehow.
THE GREAT AWAKENING by LEELAND One man wakes, awakens another Second one wakes his next door brother Three awake can rouse a town And turn the whole place upside down Many awake will cause such a fuss It finally awakes all of us One man wakes with dawn in his eyes Surely then it multiplies Surely then it multiplies
One man wakes, awakens another Second one wakes his next door brother Three awake can rouse a town And turn the whole place upside down Many awake will cause such a fuss It finally awakes all of us One man wakes with dawn in his eyes Surely then it multiplies Surely then it multiplies
