Tag Archives: New Year

It’s A Slow Process!

For the first time in days I managed to get a full night’s sleep last night, it was the first night since before Christmas Eve that I don’t actually remember waking up at any point in a coughing fit, yet I still feel absolutely shattered.

By the time I had walked to Church and set up the camera’s I really was starting to flag and it wasn’t even 10am.  Most days that I’ve been off work over the Christmas/New Year period I caught up on lost sleep at night by napping in the day, when I was at work I napped when I got home, but today even though I was shattered this morning I didn’t sleep this afternoon.  Hopefully that means I will get a good night’s sleep again tonight, before I’m back at work tomorrow morning.

Although my eyes are no longer bloodshot, they are still weeping slightly at night and do still feel very dry, despite the fact that I have drank plenty of fluids.  The haze at Church really didn’t help my eyes this morning, after completing my camera work, my eyes really were smarting, the first thing I did when I got home was put eyes drops in both eyes.

The coughing is certainly not so intense has been, when I have coughing fit they are still pretty intense, but they are getting less and less frequent as each day passes, so hopefully over the next week it will have gradually faded away.

My plan to get back into my walking on New Year’s day has completely gone out of the window, I had hoped to be back out walking each morning, but given the circumstances that hasn’t really been an option.  My plan now is to hopefully be shut of this virus by the end of this week and start the daily walking again next weekend, fingers crossed it all goes to plan.

It has been pretty much a Christmas to forget, but that is now gone and pretty much forgotten, so it’s onwards into the New Year and those new year plans, I didn’t make any specific New Year’s Resolutions, other than to start walking, get fit again and lose a few pounds, all with the view to competing again in the summer, yes it’s true I plan to come out of retirement at this Year’s National Championships and attempt to win my title back, I felt I needed a few goals and targets and that was one of them.

GOLDEN BELL by BRADY TOOPS
There’s a land beyond the river that we call the sweet forever
And we only reach that shore by faith’s decree
One by one we all will get there passing thru the door of despair
When they ring that golden bell for you and me

Don’t you hear the bells now ringing, don’t you hear the angels singing out their tune
Tis’ the glory hallelujah, the light of heaven shining thru ya so very soon
Just beyond that shining river when they ring that golden bell for me and you

We shall know no sin nor sorrow in the harbor of tomorrow
When our ships all sail beyond the earth beneath
We shall only know the blessings, no more doubt and no more guessing
When they ring that golden bell for you and me

Don’t you hear the bells now ringing, don’t you hear the angels singing out their tune
Tis’ the glory hallelujah, the light of heaven shining thru ya so very soon
Just beyond that shining river when they ring that golden bell for me and you

Oooooooooooooooh

And when our days shall know their number, when in death we sweetly slumber
When the King commands our spirits to be free
Nevermore with anguish laden, we shall reach our final haven
When they ring that golden bell for you and me

Don’t you hear the bells now ringing, don’t you hear the angels singing out their tune
Tis’ the glory hallelujah, the light of heaven shining thru ya so very soon
Just beyond that shining river when they ring that golden bell for me and you

Back In The Gi Again!

It’s been another one of those days whereby I’ve been picking up on old routines.  It was my first class back at my karate club since November, although I have been doing my classes on a Friday afternoon for the Sports Centre, I’ve not been teaching at the club since the Grading last November.

That Grading was the week before I ended up at the Doctor’s and on antidepressants, I had already decided that once the grading was out of the way, I would take a few weeks off, but when it became obvious that I was struggling, it was decided between myself and Steve, my assistant, that I would take the rest of the year off, he was happy to cover all the classes.  As the year ended my Mum and Dad retired from helping run the club, but Steve has agreed to take over their duties and also all the administration duties that I was doing, which takes a considerable amount of pressure from me, I can just concentrate on teaching and know the rest is in very good hands.

Sometimes it’s hard to let things go, I’ve put so much into keeping that club going over the years, that to hand over things to someone else isn’t easy, but if there is anyone I can trust, then it’s Steve, plus he has an eye for detail, he will make sure everything runs smoothly.

So it was my first class since last November, which in some ways I wasn’t really looking forward to, the hip pain from walking the other morning has subsided, I haven’t walked for the last two mornings (although it was chucking it down this morning), so it’s settled down quite nicely.  At the end of last year everything felt very tight, I couldn’t stretch and move as well as I usually can, but today things seemed so much better, despite the fact I’ve done very little since November, so on the whole I really enjoyed being back, much more than I thought I would.

So the New Year has started to move along quite nicely, I’ve had my hours reshuffled at work, which mean I’ll be working every Saturday morning, but in return I get every Friday afternoon off in lieu, which actually works in my favour and leaves it less of a rush to get to karate and be ready for Amplified when that kicks off again.

I’ve got a feeling this year is going to be so much better than 2013!

After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. 
1 Peter 5:10

YOU BELONG TO ME by GREY HOLIDAY
You run, you hide
As tears fall from your eyes
They fall like snow
From a wounded soul
You hold inside
The hurt of great divide
The hole is starting to get old

So come back to the light
To the love, you will find
It’s been here all along
So come back to the start
And you’ll find in your heart
That you always belonged
To me

Just take the rope
I won’t let it go
Give in
We can start again
I’m life, I’m hope
And I’m ready to explode
With how bad I want you back home

You’re my daughter, you’re my son
You’re the one I long to love
And you’ve heard I chose to die
Do you know you’re the reason why?

Another One Of Those Odd Sort Of Days

So today was a return to the regular work day, back to work, with a bang so to speak.

For the second day running I was up with the alarm, no snooze button, up, changed and pounding the pavement just after 5.15.  My hip still ached after yesterday and a few blisters got a little worse, but I enjoyed it once again.  It’s nice to get back into my old routine, walking again, spending time thinking things through, rather than stewing on them in my quiet times.  Plus as I’ve said before, I need that little bit of routine and when I walked before, I felt my days were far better balanced.

It was when I got to work, things took a strange turn, quiet often the front shutters aren’t open when I get there, today was no exception, when I went to open them, I notice it looked as though the frame of the shutters had been damaged, I certainly didn’t remember them being that way when I locked up Tuesday lunchtime.  When I got inside, the first thing I asked my Boss was have we been broken into?  His immediate answer was, Yes, then proceeded to show me the rest of the damaged he found in the early hours of the morning.

They had tried and failed to get through every door, before managing to get through a barred window.  But the strange thing was after checking all the stock, it looks as though nothing was taken?  So it’s been one of those odd days, police coming in and out, forensics and alarm engineer’s, a real strange return to work for the New Year, I suppose the damage could have been a lot worse, one of the neighbouring companies was ram raided a few weeks before Christmas!

 ‘I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.’

John 16:33

So the New Year and renewed routines have started well, even if some things have been a little strange, but at least this year seems to be starting better than the last ended, I feel pretty content at the moment and quiet positive for the future!

LEARNING TO FALL by THIS BEAUTIFUL REPUBLIC
I’ve heard it said a million times
That I should hold on tight to Jesus
But I took this road 
So far from home
And distance came between us
When I walked away 
I knew one day I’d need your grace

So now You’ll find me on my knees
Surrendering ’cause I know that 
I’m really not so strong
And now I’m done fighting for control
Lord You can have this life
That I’ve been holding for so long
I’m learning to fall
(I’m learning to fall)
Let my world crumble

You ran so fast 
To rescue me
While I was barely breathing
You picked me up 
You touched my face and
I began to see more clearly
Though I’m such a disgrace
You still forgave and 
And your love remains

So now You’ll find me on my knees
Surrendering ’cause I know that 
I’m really not so strong
And now I’m done fighting for control
Lord You can have this life
That I’ve been holding for so long
I’m learning to fall
(I’m learning to fall)
Let my world crumble

Take me as an offering
I surrender everything
No more living without You

Take me as an offering
I surrender everything
No more living without You

Take me as an offering
I surrender everything
No more living without You

Take me as an offering
I surrender everything
No more living without You

So now You’ll find me on my knees
Surrendering ’cause I know that 
I’m really not so strong
And now I’m done fighting for control
Lord You can have this life
That I’ve been holding for so long
I’m learning to fall
(I’m learning to fall)
Let my world crumble

25 Verses For 25 Bottles

The day after my last morning walk, way back in September, I encountered something I never thought would bother me, nothing sinister, just a simple bottle of fruit juice, it sat right in front on me on the table all night, the problem was it resembled the wine bottles I used to drink from and when I say drink from, I mean I never bothered with glasses, it was straight out of the bottle, straight to the source, I didn’t need a glass.  That night I couldn’t take my eyes of the innocent bottle, it haunted me and I couldn’t get a handle on why I should, but it did.  The next morning I remembered I had recently come across a bag full of empty wine bottles which had been dumped in my cellar, I fetched them out, wrote out 12 bible verses, put one in each bottle and took them down to the recycle bins, I was rid of the ghost.

Or so I thought!!!!

When I went down in the cellar again earlier this month to fetch the Christmas tree, I came across another bag of bottles, at the time I wasn’t in a position to deal with them, so I left them and resolved that one day I would deal with them also.

So a few days ago I decided that New Year’s Day would be the perfect day to get rid of these once and for all, so this morning after my walk and a bath, I went down there to fetch the bag out, but to my surprise there wasn’t just one bag, there were three of them, I’m not sure how I didn’t find them before, they were right where I found the last lot, just buried slightly deeper amongst the rest of the old rubbish down there, in all I fetched out 25 empty glass bottles.

Because among them were also some empty beer bottles, I would say these are from Christmas two years ago, I never brought beer in bottles, I only ever received them as Christmas presents, so this last stash would be from around Christmas and New Year 2011, just three months before I quit drinking.

So I spent a couple of hours finding 25 verses and writing out two copies of each, my daughter Eve wanted to help, so she grabbed her bible and suggested a few verses, she helped write out a few of the verses too, in her best hand writing considering she’s only seven.  She helped until she got bored with writing.

The verses:

May he give you the desire of your heart and make your plans succeed.
Psalm 20:4

The Lord your God is with you, The Mighty Warrior who saves.  He will take great
delight in you; in His Love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)

Look at the Nations and watch – and be utterly amazed.  For I am going to do
something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.

Habakkuk 1:5

Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always. Remember the
wonders he has done, His miracles and the judgements he pronounced,

1 Chronicles 16:11-12

Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth.  Sing to the Lord,
praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day.
Declare His glory among the Nations, His marvellous deeds among all peoples.

Psalm 96: 1-3

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
Psalm 119:105

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your
heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
 
And I will put my Spirit in you and
move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.

Ezekiel 36:26-27

A blessing for you, because the Lord your God loves you.
Deuteronomy 23:5

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Ecclesiastes 3:11

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself,
“The
 Lord 
is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.
Lamentations 3:22-24

Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.
Hebrews 12:1

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord establishes his steps.
Proverbs 16:9

Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.
Proverbs 23:18

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare
and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,
for those who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places
and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden,
like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.

Isaiah 58:11

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:18-19

Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you.
For behold, darkness shall cover the earth,
and thick darkness the peoples;
but the
 Lord will arise upon you, 
and his glory will be seen upon you.
Isaiah 60:1-2

And though your beginning was small, your latter days will be very great.
Job 8:7

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-14

Do not work for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life,
which the Son of Man will give to you. For on him God the Father has set his seal.

John 6:27

And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,”
when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.

Isaiah 30:21

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.
Zephaniah 3:17 (ESV)

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
Isaiah 43:2

25 Verses

25 Verses

Last time I only put a verse inside the bottles, this time I stuck one on the outside, over the label and put a different verse inside each of the bottles.

25 Bottles

25 Bottles

Verses & Bottles

Verses & Bottles

I put them all back in the bags and took them down to the recycle bins this afternoon, mission accomplished.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Proverbs 3:5-6

Ezekiel 36:26-27

Ezekiel 36:26-27

I pretty confident that this is the last of the empties stashed down there, the last remnants of an old habit, they can’t haunt me any more, those ghosts that were hiding in the shadows are now gone.

PURSUIT by JESUS CULTURE & MARTIN SMITH
Strip everything away till all I have is You
Undo the veils till all I see is You

Strip everything away till all I have is You
Undo the veils till all I see is You

I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence 
I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence 

I’m pressing in to You so do not pass me by
I’m breaking through the boundaries
I will not be denied

I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence 
I will pursue You, I will pursue Your presence 

Open my eyes, search me inside
I cant live without Your presence
I can’t live without Your presence

Plans For 2014

I’m not one for New Year’s Resolutions, for me they tend fail before February arrives, but for 2014 I aim for only one thing, simply to strive to become what God has planned for me.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,
plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.
Proverbs 23:18

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,
for those who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places
and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden,
like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.
Isaiah 58:11

I wish you all a happy New Year.

NOTHING HOLDING ME BACK by BRYAN & KATIE TORWALT
Thank You for the cross that You have carried
Thank You for Your blood that was shed
You took the weight of sin upon Your shoulders
And Sacrificed Your life so I could live

Now nothing is holding me back from You
Redeemer of my soul
Now nothing can hold me back from You
Your Love will never let me go

Thank You for Your death and resurrection
Thank You for the power of Your blood
I am overwhelmed by Your affection
The Kindness and the Greatness of Your Love
The Kindness and the Greatness of Your Love

Now nothing is holding me back from You
Redeemer of my soul

Now nothing can hold me back from You
Your Love will never let me go

Jesus, You make all things new
Jesus, You make all things new
Jesus, You make all things new
Jesus, You make all things new

Thank You that we’re living in Your Kingdom
Jesus You’re the King upon the throne
Thank You for the way You always love me
Now I get to love You in return
Now I get to love You in return

A Wonderful Week in the World of Wayne

It’s been a long first week back in the World of Wayne (I wrote it this way, because if I had a pound for every time I had heard it the other way I would be a little richer than I am now), after the lazy Christmas break I really was ready to get back into the swing of things, it just hit me like a ton of bricks to be brutally honest.

The break over Christmas was both good and bad, Christmas went better than I could ever have hoped, I expected to spend most of Christmas and New Year alone, fighting the urge to drink and all the other stupid things I would do to make myself feel better, just like the previous years when I was my own company and that was ok, as long as the beast was with me, I was ok I didn’t really need anybody else, a sad existence, but I couldn’t help it back then, I was trapped within a habit and addiction, just simply losing the will to live as each day went by, but this year was so different.

But as long as the break went on, then the more the old parts of my character, that I thought I had walked away from, started to resurface, not the drinking, I kept that under control, I really didn’t have the urge to drink at all, surprising but I didn’t, it was just the more I stayed within these four walls, the more I got trapped by them and the lazier I seemed to get, days with no purpose aren’t great for me, I have to have routine and purpose to function correctly.

At least the Blogging was there for me, I so enjoyed all the writing and reading all your wonderful Blogs, all the comments and the responses, it was great to share that time with some people who I may never meet, but have become some of my most treasured friends, I thank you all for being there with me, through a testing time.

The early part of this week was very busy, I work from 7.30am to 5pm, then after that I went to do some work for my old employer, by the time I got back and had my tea on Monday, that was it I was fast a sleep by 8.30pm, I was gone, I woke for a short time to respond to some comments, then back to sleep before waking at 5.20am the next morning to go for my walk and start again.  That evening I went again to my former employers, came home had tea, got changed and went to karate to teach for 2½ hours, it was gone 11pm when I got back home and then went pretty much straight to sleep.

Wednesday night had a similar pattern, work, more work after that, tea and then I went out to meet my friend Alex for a chat.  Alex you may remember came with Gareth that day when my life changed, that morning I made that phone call and the evening they both sat with me as I broke down was 300 hundred days ago today, so it was fitting I guess that I met with Alex this week to discuss my progress since then, I enjoyed our meeting and look forward to doing it again.

As you all know I managed a quick post on Thursday just to let everyone know I was OK, that was followed by an hour at Church with the A.V. Team and the 1½ hours of karate, before bed and a little more sleep.

On Friday nights I teach karate straight after work, this class I actually get paid to teach, all the other four times a week I teach for the love of it, not money, but to just pass on what I have learnt.  But Fridays classes can be stressful, I have two classes with my assistant Steve, the first class may only be 45 minutes, but it has four to seven year olds, most of them are okay as long as you keep their attention, but there are a couple that just push the boundaries, they have no intention of learning and just create havoc, so 26 young kids and a couple of tearaways after a long tiring week can test the patients just a little.  The second class is for seven to fifteen year olds, who thankfully are very eager to learn, that class balances the first and brings me back down to normality.

Needless to say I was so tired last night, but I managed a quick poem about being tired of all things and today I am getting back into the swing of things, work this morning only until twelve and then karate this afternoon, so now I can rest, write something, catch up on some of your blogs and then crash for the evening, ready for a three hour walk at 5am tomorrow morning, ain’t life great!

Oh and I managed to take a few more photos of the sun rise over Blue Lake this morning, so different to ones from Sunday, although I took these on my iPhone, so they are quite as good quality as the others.

Distant Sun Rise Over Blue Lake 1

Distant Sun Rise Over Blue Lake 1

 

Distance Sun Rise Over Blue Lake 2

Distance Sun Rise Over Blue Lake 2

 

Distance Sun Rise Over Blue Lake 3

Distance Sun Rise Over Blue Lake 3

 

Distance Sun Rise Over Blue Lake 4

Distance Sun Rise Over Blue Lake 4

 

Distance Sun Rise Over Blue Lake 5

Distance Sun Rise Over Blue Lake 5

I will have my camera with me tomorrow morning to capture a sun rise if it is visible, the weather men say it may snow, which will be fun if it does, I can’t wait!

On the altar of our praise
Let there be no higher name
Jesus Son of God
You laid down Your perfect life
You are the sacrifice
Jesus Son of God
You are Jesus Son of God
(Jesus, Son of God by Chris Tomlin & Christy Nockels)

Finally Resolved – Daily Prompt: Resolved

Finally Resolved – Daily Prompt: Resolved
Have you ever made a New Year’s Resolution that you kept.

Another nightmare year slowly comes to a close, the desolation of my life seems to expand beyond the horizon visible to my tired eyes, the landscape of scorched earth I’ve created.

I’m falling slowly apart, I’m sinking gradually further, I don’t want to but I can’t help myself, this endless cycle just keeps rolling onwards, gathering momentum, eventually it will come to a halt in catastrophic consequences, unless I wake, unless I do something, unless I put up a fight, I want to I really do, but I am weak, I am taken, I am owned by a beast within, the one I’ve lost control to.

The only one I love has reached the horizon, I try to shout out, but my voice has abandoned me, I want to say I love you, but my fear silences me, I heard those words once before, they broke me in two back then, we made it through together that time, but this time is different, I don’t want to hear them again, my heart is fragile it doesn’t want to hear those ten painful words;

“I love you, but I’m not IN love with you!”

I need to sort myself out, I know I have to change, I know I need get a grip, before she finally takes that step beyond my horizon, time is slowly running out, the longer I wait the harder the consequences will be.

What is it I need to do? Why I am in this hole? Why is my world dark? Why are my thoughts trapped by my need to be me?

How can I change? What can I change?

I know I must do something, it has to start sooner rather than later, the New Year creeps slowly into this lone soul’s view, I need a resolution, to wake up tomorrow a new man, to rid myself of the depressive existence I’ve fallen into.

It’s time to cut down my drinking, trim the fat of this tired old body, become who I used to be, the man that was once loved. That’s my resolution, that’s what I’m going to do, I can do it, I’m going to fight, it’s time to give chase.

I’ll finish this night with a drink, after all tomorrow will be a new start, a new chance for me to get things back on track.

New Year’s day rises with a winter sun, the first morning of the New Year passes and slowly the beast within rises, it’s thirsty and it needs to be tamed. Now it’s time to fight, I made that resolution as the bells rang out, it’s time to put the beast back into it’s cage, time to throw away the twisted key and get on with my life.

It’s a test of strength, a time to shine, with just twelve hours of this resolution elapsed, it’s time to prove my worth, time to fight the beast and rescue the fair maiden.

I stand my ground, I fight with all my will, but I am weak, I need help, fast. I turn to find the tools with which to fight, I look around the confines of this tiny life, please I need help, I need armour, I need a weapon, I reach out, I grasp for all I can find, it doesn’t matter what, anything will do, anything.

Anything but that, anything but what I find, the beast changes the game plan, sabotage, I look to my hands, their grasping tightly, I don’t want it, but I can’t fight it anymore, the thirteenth hour approaches, I’m dead already!

My weakness has won out, the beast has triumphantly risen, I reached out in my solitude and found only one thing that would tame the beast within, I wouldn’t last long, it’s just a temporary measure, before the beast is thirsty and it rises once again.

This medication I can’t escape, the life source of the beast within, I can’t control it, I’m still lost, the beast has me pinned down and my love closes in on the horizon ahead, she’ll be gone soon, with her will go the sunlight and the darkness will consume me, it won’t be long, it will be over.

How long now before it’s over, hours, days maybe months but time is running out, soon my life will come crashing to a halt, the beast will have won and I will have lost everything I once loved and cherished.

Just thirteen hours the resolution held, the fight is over. I will crawl slowly towards the horizon, I will give chase with all I have left, but my heart is turning black, the shadow of the beast hangs over it, consumed, dying.

I hold out for ten more weeks until she takes that last step, then she finally disappears over the horizon and out of my view, I hear her call back to me, the echo of those ten words hitting my heart like a poisoned dagger.

“I love you, but I’m not IN love with you!”

It’s all over now, I don’t want to keep fighting anymore, I want to end it all in darkness, I’ve done with life. But the poison dagger has infused the blood, the beast rises, celebrating victory with reckless abandon, until I look for the way out, to pick up a blade to put an end to us both forever.

But a light flickers, I feel a new presence, the game is changing, I’m no longer alone, someone I can’t see is tenderly holding my wrists and whispered words on a divine breeze float into my heart, these words are strong from a source I don’t understand, they meet the beast head on, take up the fight on my behalf.

My eyes are seeing that which no one can see, my heart reaching for a new life within the light, the light ceases to flicker, it floods all I am, bringing with it a new strength. With this light as my strength I start to fight back, the beast has to be silenced, with a new will and hope I put up one final battle.

With the light in my heart the beast is defeated, it is finally locked deep within. I see a long journey ahead of me now, a long path I must walk, I may be too far behind to recapture the love I’ve let slip away, but I’ll keep walking towards the horizon, no matter what I find, I will trust in the light.

Brokenness has brought me to my knees
Face to face with all that’s dark in me
I can barely see You through my shame
Jesus come and wash me white again
Flood me with Your healing light
Help me choose what’s true and right
(Undivided Heart by Vicky Beeching)