Return to the Weird & Wonderful World of Search Engines

Back in December I wrote the post “Weird & Wonderful World of Search Engines” with a humorous look at some of the search engine terms that found my Blog, some terms are quite obvious and others are just a little disturbing, I know I have issues and write about many things, but I’m still not sure I have a problem with breastfeeding and a Bladder issue!

Still my post “Say Goodbye To Otto” seems to garner the most attention, over 23 different search terms and 98 hits have found this page, on one day alone 39 hits for the same term “airplane otto” found the page alone, they must have really loved my writing about their most beloved page to come back 39 times in one hour!

One of the more interest was the word “крещение”, I didn’t have a clue what it meant, so I put it in Google Translate, it turns out it is Russian for baptism, so you lean something new every day, but I still do know how to pronounce it!

So I have picked another handful to have a little fun with.

“serach eng”
I know sometimes my spelling is atrocious, I was dragged up after all, but I mainly type my posts into Microsoft Word, run spell check and then check it again in the dashboard, so I’m sure it’s not my mistake, so there.

“angry bird pointing left”
I have posted about my once long running battle with a particularly aggressive Guinea Fowl, but I don’t play Angry Birds, I think my Son may do, but why it’s pointing left, to be honest I haven’t got a clue.

“bricked sensei”
I like this one, even though I don’t really know what it means, I’ve written a little about my karate and Sensei means in simple terms teacher, but a bricked sensei, not sure I’ve mentioned an instructor who has actually bricked themselves, although I was in a class once when I was young where a young boy pooed on the floor!

“beer bottom recovery”
Err, ok I kind of get this one, yes when I was drinking everyday, I was quite regular, but I wouldn’t class it a “beer bottom”, I also know I had a beer belly or Beer Shelf as I preferred to call it, but a beer bottom, a) what is it? and b) how do you recover from it?

“bottom de superman”
Right, so it means bottom of Superman, well I have written about my superman suit, but Superman’s bottom, ern no thanks, I am in no way interested in the Buns Of Steel, thank you very much.

“naked ladies botoms”
Now OK I will admit I am more interested in ladies bottoms than Superman’s, but a) I have never posted a naked bottom on my blog and b) I can spell bottom.

So over the past six weeks, or so since my original look at my search terms, it would seem that I am becoming the key site for lovers of Airplane! The Movie, a popular place for bottom lovers and the place for spell checking challenged, well at least the bed wetting community have started to look elsewhere!

I’ve decided as these search engine terms are completely random, then a random song choice will go with the post, so here is a song I love, but haven’t listen to for a long time, No News Is Bad News by Dashboard Confessional.

Weird & Wonderful World of Search Engines

I am sure many of you fellow bloggers regularly check the stats for your site, I do and very often check how people reach my site from search engines, most seem quite normal, many reach it by searching on various sober phrases, which is a given as this Blog is primarily about my sobriety.

But then you get the strange ones, I’ve tried some of them and I can’t find myself, which makes them even odder in my opinion.

I have had 28 hits from various search phrases related to Otto the Autopilot and Airplane! The Movie, thanks to my post Say Goodbye to Otto. I get this one, if you have found your way here by that reference, I hope you have enjoyed what you have found, even if you were looking for a superb article on a classic comedy film, but instead get the drawn out ramblings of a recovering drunk, sorry for the confusion and please don’t call me Shirley!

I have had a couple of refers from searches for Fun Bobby from Friends, this time due to my post Meet “Fun Bobby”, again I can understand that, because when I was looking for suitable pictures there wasn’t that much on the web, which was surprising given the popularity of Friends. Once again I am sorry if you have just searched on Fun Bobby and got this page.

Then there are the real odd ones, if you are searching for one of these, I am sorry but I can not help you, you are definitely barking up the wrong tree (or at the moon)!

“Why do wine bottles have dimples on bottom?”

I haven’t really got a clue and to be honest I don’t given a monkeys, obviously someone did they searched on it twice and got my Blog!

“Simple sober front room”

Not really sure what a “Simple Sober Front Room” is, never mind why anyone would be searching for one!

“John Carpenter is only 5 feet, 2 inches tall”

What has this got to do with my Blog, the only John Carpenter that I’m aware anyone would search on is the film director, my inquisitiveness lead me to look this up (it all adds to my pub quiz knowledge, you never know when you are going to get a question like “How tall is John Carpenter”), but my searches lead to the fact he is 6ft 1inch tall, so I haven’t got a clue who this John Carpenter is or why he is shorter than I am (that does take some doing, to be honest) or indeed why anyone is searching for this information, other than a master pub quizzer like myself.

“Stupid & guinea fowl” & “Guinea fowl aggression”

These were two separate searches on different days and obviously relate to my post A Left Eye & The Guinea Fowl. I hope these people found the information they needed, basically yes, Guinea Fowl are aggressive, yes they are stupid, yes it is stupid to let one stand on a gate next to you because they are aggressive and will try to take your eye out, if you do stand next to one on a gate wear eye protection. I hope if you search again you have the answers you are looking for, otherwise you are in the wrong place mate!

“What happens if you turn the wind up torch the other way?”

What is this one on, does it matter, is there a way to hold a wind up torch? Which ever way you point it the light will shine, why waste time asking, just go and buy one and find out!

“Dads giving first breastmilk bottle”

Okay, now I am getting a little freaked out, err I know there is obviously a strong reference to Bottle here, the site is called “The Bottom of a Bottle”, but breastmilk, I’m not sure I’ve talked about breastmilk on here. I can honestly say (apart from maybe when I was like one year old) that I categorically do not have an addiction to breastmilk, therefore I have nothing to discuss on the topic, thank you!

And finally…….

“Constant feeling of having something press on my bladder and I am a man”

Err, I don’t even know where to start with this one, if you have just found this page by searching on this, I am so sorry for your infliction, but I am not sure your are in the right place, a Doctors maybe the first place to start. I must say I haven’t tried this one in the search engine, hang on I’ll have a go………..

………..Err okay, I just tried that in Google, I’ve been through the first ten pages and this blog does not appear on there, so how that got in there I don’t know, but this one did come on page seven, if it is of any help: Bed Wetting Adults

If you have used any of the above searches and your are an avid follower of my blog, I am so sorry for any offence through my light hearted look at the weird and wonderful, please do not unfollow, I am truly sorry, honest.

If you have stumbled on this page by accident from any of these searches then please try this site: Help Is At Hand

Or just seek some therapy!

“Cause this is my therapy
Cause you’re the only one that’s listening to me
This is my therapy
Let’s call it what it is not what we were
With a death-grip on this life that’s in transition
This is my therapy
Cause you won’t hear me out and that makes
God the only one who’s left here listening”
 (Therapy? By Relient K)

P.S.  Oh heck, I’ve just realised I’ve made my blog a haven for bed wetting adults, oh well, everyone is welcome!

Say Goodbye to Otto

I love movies, it doesn’t matter what, I like a good film and screwball comedies, done well, with something a little different can be a great escape.

Most of you following this Blog will be of an age to remember Airplane!, maybe you aren’t as old as me, but may have been introduced to it by your parents.  The best character in the whole film is Otto, the Autopilot, a fantastic piece of imagination by the writers to create a character, made of plastic and air, who sole purpose is to fly the plane, with a fixed grin and stare over his plastic face.  They even created a persona for him, he played himself and was last seen flying off in the airplane, at the end of the film, with a female autopilot beside, classic movie moment.

Otto the Autopilot, Airplane!

Well, I am guilty, guilty of living my life on autopilot, just going through life without any real purpose, just doing things without thinking, without putting myself into the process, just carrying out my daily life on AUTOPILOT.  I see the same from those around me, just following instructions, doing the minimum to get through the task involved, just doing what has been requested and no more, somtimes not even that.  Some people’s autopilot may carryout tasks better than others, but mine was set to do the minimum required to make my way through life.

Once I had made the decision to change my life for good, I came to the realisation, that if I am to grow and succeed in life, I need to put myself into all that I do, not just my boby and the air in my head, I need my heart, my mind, my soul, my everything to do the job at hand, to the best of my ability and take some pride in my actions.

So one night I changed my profile picture on Facebook to Otto, the Autopilot, I vowed that the picture of Otto would represent me, until I have finally de-activated the autopilot system within me.  That picture remains still, although I am trying, I still find myself coasting from time to time, carrying out my daily life without giving my all.  I am really trying, but it’s so easy to fall into the autopilot trap, that same trap that allowed me to get so complacent in life that I nearly let myself slip off the earth.

Finally I’m worth it, though I’m not perfect
It still feels right
And I keep on givin’, try’n to make a difference
In my life
(Best Of Me by The Letter Black)

I am sure that I am not the only person who can say they are guilty of living life on autopilot, many will never admit it, but few live their entire life giving their heart, their mind, their soul, their everything to all that they do.

Are you Otto?

Does he represent part of you?

If so, I challenge you now to do something about it, today!