Trust me, I've been there, I've looked, I've searched and I know now, that there are no answers to be found in the bottom of a bottle or on the edge of a blade! Fighting Hard, Recovering, Rebuilding, REBORN. Moving on from addiction to a new life.
Jonah has been dragged to the depths within the whale, but still He called out to the Lord and praised Him, the Lord responded by bringing Jonah to dry land.
How often when we feel we are being dragged down, do we complain to the Lord, rather than praised Him?
PRAISED (BE LIFTED HIGH) by BETHEL MUSIC I sing praises to Your name Praise to Your name The name that’s so much higher than all names
All honor to Your name All honor to Your name The name that’s so much greater than all names
Be lifted up Be lifted higher Be lifted up Be lifted higher
I sing praises to Your name Praise to Your name The name that’s so much higher than all names
All honor to Your name All honor to Your name The name that’s so much greater than all names
Be lifted up Be lifted higher Be lifted up Be lifted higher
Your name is life Your name is hope inside me, hope inside me Your name is love A love that always finds me, always finds me
Be lifted up Be lifted higher Be lifted up Be lifted higher
His name should be put higher than any other, maybe sometimes I place others before Him, yet still He has compassion for me, despite my failings.
PRAISES (BE LIFTED UP) by KALLEY HEILIGENTHAL & WILLIAM MATTHEWS I sing praises to Your name Praise to Your name The name that’s so much higher than all names
All honor to Your name All honor to Your name The name that’s so much greater than all names
Be lifted up Be lifted higher Be lifted up Be lifted higher
I sing praises to Your name Praise to Your name The name that’s so much higher than all names
All honor to Your name All honor to Your name The name that’s so much greater than all names
Be lifted up Be lifted higher Be lifted up Be lifted higher
Your name is life Your name is hope inside me, hope inside me Your name is love A love that always finds me, always finds me
Be lifted up Be lifted higher Be lifted up Be lifted higher
It’s hard to believe this journey, hard to believe that this evening I’ve had 1500 reasons to praise and thank God. From those dark days of mid March 2012, when everything around me was collapsing in on itself and I finally realised that I had no control anymore, the alcohol had control over me.
I couldn’t say no anymore, even if I tried, to some it may seem like a cowards way to give in, but when you’re there in the middle of the fight, trying to resist, but just not able to, you know that it’s not being a coward, it’s being a prisoner of addiction. I still remember crying out I’m sorry as the tears fell, each time I left the house to go buy more alcohol, I tried not to, but I just couldn’t hold back the tide of addiction, I was useless to resist.
By that time I wasn’t even eating, I couldn’t eat, everything tasted like cardboard, I just survived by drinking, I was heading for oblivion. Darkness and the bottle were my only friends.
As that dark week dragged on I found myself on the edge, I wanted to end it all, but couldn’t.
Come Monday 19th March 2012, things began to change, there was a conscious choice to start fighting back, I rang Gareth, the Pastor at our local Church, met with him and made the choice to change everything. In the ten days between that meeting and that last drink on Thursday 29th March 2012, I began praying for the first time in my life, reduced my drinking, stopped bringing alcohol into the house and started to sort myself out.
On that evening of 29th March, I made the declaration that I would never drink again if I didn’t like the taste of my first drink that night, it tasted awful, the worst drink I’ve ever had, I finished it, but since that night I have never drunk a single drop of alcohol again.
I’m in the happy place now that drinking is the furthest from my thoughts. Now it makes my angry when I see relentless alcohol adverts on TV, the though of being in a pub is hard to deal with, though with the right people I can go into a pub and enjoy a Pepsi, at times when I’m in a shop and see all the alcohol close to the checkout, I often feel like smashing every bottle.
This ride isn’t easy, life still has it’s good days and some really bad days, but each night I can be thankful to God that I am still sober and still free from those chains.
Life may not be perfect or the way I want it, but I’m still alive, deep inside I still believe that had God not saved me from myself, I would not have lived beyond 2012, for that I am truly thankful.
I can’t thank everyone enough for the support I have received in those 1500, to everyone I have met at Everyday Champions Church, who have been by my side all the way through and also everyone who has took the time to read this blog, to comment and encourage or have simply liked one of my posts, I thank you all.
PRAISES BE LIFTED UP by KALLEY HEILIGENTHAL I sing praises to Your name Praises to Your name The name that’s so much higher than all names
All honor to Your name All honor to Your name The name that’s so much greater than all names
Chorus: Be lifted up Be lifted higher Be lifted up Be lifted higher
Bridge: Your name is life Your name is Hope inside me Hope inside me Your name is love A love that always finds me always finds me
Tonight I celebrate 134 weeks sober, I praise The Lord as He has been so good to me.
YOUR PRAISE WILL EVER BE ON MY LIPS by KALLEY HEILIGENTHAL Your love is devoted Like a ring of solid gold Like a vow that is tested Like a covenant of old
Your love is enduring Through the winter rain Beyond the Horizon With mercy for today
Faithful, You have been Faithful, You will be You pledge Yourself to me and it’s why I sing
Your praise will ever be on my lips, Ever be on my lips Your praise will ever be on my lips, Ever be on my lips
You father the orphan Your kindness made us whole You shoulder our weakness As grace restores the soul
You’re making me like You Clothing me in white Bringing beauty from ashes For you will have Your bride
Faithful, You have been Faithful, You will be You pledge Yourself to me and it’s why I sing
Your praise will ever be on my lips, Ever be on my lips Your praise will ever be on my lips, Ever be on my lips
And You will be praised And You will be praised With angels and saints We sing worthy are You, Lord
Your praise will ever be on my lips, Ever be on my lips Your praise will ever be on my lips, Ever be on my lips
I may have what I feel are good days and bad days, but if I’m honest everyday is a good day since He answered my prayers, now that I no longer live in the darkness of an alcohol fueled life.
PRAISES BE LIFTED UP by KALLEY HEILIGENTHAL I sing praises to Your name Praises to Your name The name that’s so much higher than all names
All honor to Your name All honor to Your name The name that’s so much greater than all names
Chorus: Be lifted up Be lifted higher Be lifted up Be lifted higher
Bridge: Your name is life Your name is Hope inside me Hope inside me Your name is love A love that always finds me always finds me
I have to be honest and say that after yesterday’s end to my working day, I did not want to get up and go to work this morning. Through my mind kept running thoughts of how I was going to approach the day, would I say something, would I withdraw and stay away from everyone or would I just get on with it?
The more I thought about it, the more anxious about the situation I got. I walked to work, I visited my Nan’s grave as I walked through the cemetery, there I prayed for guidance and grace, to get through the day and act in dignified manner.
I will admit I was very subdued in the first few hours of work, but as the day wore on I brightened up. I never mentioned anything to anyone, I got on with the job. i will admit that I was ready to in a way blank the person in question, just communicate with them when the job needed it, but other than that I was prepared to keep out the way.
But that’s not me, it’s not the way I work and never has been, even if I don’t like someone or have an issue with someone, I will always be polite and courteous, it’s the way I have been brought up. So I got on with life, put what was said behind me, buried it and got on with it, I may still be smarting from the comments, but I am determined to be bigger than the small minded and rise above it.
It was noticed by one of my co workers that I had chirped up as the day went on, he noticed I was looking down in the morning, I intimated there was a reason, but left it at that. We get on very well and when the time is I right I may discuss it with him, but other than that, no one else said anything.
There were a couple of moments throughout the day when drinking was mentioned in discussions, which included the colleague in question, at those times I made myself scarce, kept my head down and avoided being involved in the conversations.
Later this evening I am out at Ally’s again, the World Cup starts this evening and as most true Englishmen, we don’t miss the football (soccer to everyone else), a number of us will be there watching avidly.
PRAISES BE LIFTED UP by KALLEY HEILIGENTHAL I sing praises to Your name Praises to Your name The name that’s so much higher than all names
All honor to Your name All honor to Your name The name that’s so much greater than all names
Chorus: Be lifted up Be lifted higher Be lifted up Be lifted higher
Bridge: Your name is life Your name is Hope inside me Hope inside me Your name is love A love that always finds me always finds me
The Bottom of a Bottle 