Tag Archives: Recovery

Verse of the Day – John 10:10

John 10:10

John 10:10

For years I let the alcohol steal my life, it took everything I had and did it’s best to take my life, but when I opened the door to Christ, I found life.

WHEN YOU WALK INTO THE ROOM by BRYAN AND KATIE TORWALT
When You walk into the room
Everything changes
Darkness starts to tremble
At the light that you bring
When You walk into the room
Every heart starts burning
Than just to sit here at your feet
And worship you
We worship you

We Love You, and we’ll never stop
We can’t live without You, Jesus
We Love You, We can’t get enough
All this is for You, Jesus

When You walk into the room
Sickness starts to vanish
Every hopeless situation
Ceases to exist
When You walk into the room
The dead begin to rise
Cause there is resurrection life
In all You do

We Love You, and we’ll never stop
We can’t live without You, Jesus
We Love You, We can’t get enough
All this is for You, Jesus

Come and consume God
All we are
We give You permission
Our hearts are Yours
We want You
We want You

Come and consume God
All we are
We give You permission
Our hearts are Yours
We want You
We want You

Come and consume God
All we are
We give You permission
Our hearts are Yours
We want You
We want You

Come and consume God
All we are
We give You permission
Our hearts are Yours
We want You
We want You

We Love You, and we’ll never stop
We can’t live without You, Jesus
We Love You, We can’t get enough
All this is for You, Jesus

Oh how we love You
Oh how we love You

 

Verse of the Day – Psalm 32:5

Psalm 32:5

Psalm 32:5

From my first meeting with my Pastor I began to confess to all my sins and the control my addiction had over my actions, from that night I stopped hiding, more importantly I stopped hiding the truth from myself, by being open, I found out more about myself and who I had become that I ever realised.  I confessed this all to God and asked for help and strength to overcome, He forgave my sins and answered my prayers.

So five years on I can still speak my testimony of God’s great works.

ECHO THE SON by RED ROCKS CHURCH WORSHIP
House this heart so prone to leave
Yield my pride oh Lord to Thee
May my prayer echo the Son
Not my will but Yours be done

’cause Lord You are worthy
You raise me up mighty and strong
Let my testimony, be all for Your glory
Be all for Your Kingdom to come

Oh-ohhhhhhhhh-ohhh
Oh-ohhhhhh oh-ohh-ohhhh

For God alone my soul will wait
My trust and hope in You I place
Evermore my prayer shall be-eeeee-oh-ohh
Oh let Your will be done in me
Oh-ohhhh-ohh

’cause Lord You are worthy
You raise me up mighty and strong
Let my testimony, be all for Your glory
Be all for Your Kingdom to come

’cause Lord You are worthy
You raise me up mighty and strong
Let my testimony, be all for Your glory
Be all for Your Kingdom to come

Oh-ohhhhhhhhh-ohhh
Oh-ohhhhhh oh-ohh-ohhhh

I will trust in You
For You are in control
Falling on my knees
Oh I surrender all

Oh I will trust in You
For You are in control
Falling on my knees
Oh I surrender all

Oh I will trust in You
For You are in control
Falling on my knees
Oh I surrender all

Oh I will trust in You
For You are in control
Falling on my knees
Oh I surrender all

Oh I will trust in You
Oh I will trust in You (Oh-ohh-ohhh)
Yes I will trust in You
Oh I will trust in You
Oh-ohh Lord

Lord You are worthy
You raise me up mighty and strong
Let my testimony, be all for Your glory
Be all for Your Kingdom to come

’cause Lord You are worthy
You raise me up mighty and strong
Let my testimony, be all for Your glory
Be all for Your Kingdom to come

’cause Lord You are worthy
You raise me up mighty and strong

Verse of the Day – Micah 7:18

Micah 7:18

Micah 7:18

There is no other like God, there is simply no other God.  I am thankful that five years ago He forgave my sins, He lifted the burden of addiction from my hands and led to a Church and His people, where the healing process could truly begin.

His mercy set this life free, I owe my all to our God.

GOD OF ALL MY DAYS by CASTING CROWNS
I came to You with my heart in pieces
And found the God with healing in His hands
I turned to You, put everything behind me
And found the God who makes all things new
I looked to You, drowning in my questions
And found the God who holds all wisdom
And I trusted You and stepped out on the ocean
You caught my hand among the waves
‘Cause You’re the God of all my days

Each step I take
You make a way
And I will give You all my praise
My seasons change, You stay the same
You’re the God of all my days

I ran from You, I wandered in the shadows
And found a God who relentlessly pursues
I hid from You, haunted by my failure
And found the God whose grace still covers me
I fell on You when I was at my weakest
And found the God, the lifter of my head
And I’ve worshiped You
And felt You right beside me
You’re the reason that I sing
‘Cause You’re the God of all my days

Each step I take
You make a way
And I will give You all my praise
My seasons change, You stay the same
You’re the God of all my days

In my worry, God You are my stillness
In my searching, God You are my answers
In my blindness, God You are my vision
In my bondage, God You are my freedom
In my weakness, God You are my power
You’re the reason that I sing
‘Cause You’re the God of all my days

Each step I take
You make a way
And I will give You all my praise
My seasons change, You stay the same
You’re the God of all my days

In my blindness, God You are my vision
In my bondage, God You are my freedom
All my days

 

Home

Home

Time spent wandering aimlessly
Knocking upon doors
That never received me
The only place that with open arms
Would ever receive me
Was deep at the bottom of the bottle
I was blind
And my ears distorted
I could hear the words
But always turned my face

It took the edge of death
To bring me to life
My eyes were opened
I could see the door
The door wide open
That I had ran from so many times
Where the Father stood with open arms
Waiting
Waiting for me to come home
To release me from my chains

In open arms my heart fell
Clothed in the love of the beloved Son
The One who gave His life for my soul
Now held me same within arms
I came home to the Father’s heart
Felt the love which I’d searched so hard
All my addiction just fell away
I rose again
Now I could see
The Son who for died for me

Where You Found me – Mark 11:24

Where You Found me – Mark 11:24

Where You found me
Was at my own end
There was nothing left to live
Yet there You placed within
A fire to rise again

I called to You
I spoke to You
I asked for the strength to overcome

You heard my call
You listened to my prayer
You gave me the strength to be free

By the grace of Your voice
I found something more
All my chains fell to the ground
From my addiction I walked
By Your side into a new life

Mark 11:24

Mark 11:24

Leaving The Past Behind

Sometimes we have to put aside that which holds us down, that which keeps us trapped, that which is the destroyer of our souls.

Five years ago life was changing rapidly, I was now finding a way through that I had never dreamed off, only a week before I was torn between life and death, between holding on and simply giving up on life and everything that goes with it.

But that voice, the voice I later found to be God’s stopped me in my tracks, made me see I had some worth to someone, even if I had none to myself. From that moment chains were snapping, things were changing, a mind set for despair began to see life. That morning after I made a phone call that changed everything for good, last week I described how that single call to my Pastor tore the veil that was shrouding me, the world began to see my pain and more importantly I began to see God.

Two nights later, I prayed for the first time. It had been a long hard day at work, after a nine and half hour shift, I went straight to the architects to do what I thought would only be about an hours work, then home. But they had more work for me than I anticipated and the more I rushed, the more mistakes and the longer it took, I was getting stressed, I had not had much more than three hours sleep over the preceding two nights and I wanted to go home and have a drink, the desperation was returning. I remember thinking to myself it would be fine, on the way home pick up two bottles of wine, drink them both and relax!

After about two hours I finally left, it was gone 7.30pm, over twelve hours since I left home that morning for work, I was tired, irritable and desperate.

I went home, had something to eat, watched some TV and then decided I was bored, so time for bed.

What I didn’t realise was that was almost 11.30pm, but not only that I hadn’t had a drink, I hadn’t stopped off at the shop in the way home, I had gone straight home and what’s more, I don’t remember any of the anguish or desperation that had been there in the preceding weeks. At no point had I paced the house, scratching at the skin on my arms, whilst I tried to resist a drink, there was none of that, but a sense of peace was there.

I turned everything off, laid down, closed my eyes and prayed, I thanked God for that strength to get through without drinking and I asked for the strength to get through each day like that, then I closed my eyes and slept.

Having not really being able to sleep at anytime without a drink over the last few years, in particular the previous two nights, when I woke with my alarm, I realised I had just experienced the most peaceful sleep of my whole life, at that moment I cried as I realised God had heard and answered my prayer, He had brought a peace that is hard to describe, other that absolutely amazing.

By the time Sunday came around, I had only had six pints since the previous weekend, a fraction of what I drank on the previous Sunday and since my phone call, I had brought nothing into my house and had drunk nothing in my house either.

From the previous weekend there was about a third of a bottle of wine left, I had placed it on the top of the fridge. All week I had walked past that bottle, but eventually I began to speak out to it, I told this bottle that it couldn’t have me, it had no power over me, I had a plan for it and as Sunday came around, it was time to action that plan. It was time to say goodbye to some of my past.

I didn’t feel I was ready for Church yet, although I knew that was to be my destiny, but I knew certain things had to be dealt with before I could walk into Church. So I set off into town, I needed the largest plastic container that I could find, yet still carry home.

I brought the container home and began to fill it. Firstly I took all my bedding and put it at the bottom of the box, it all stank of the alcohol I had spilt on it over the years, I had become quite good at falling asleep with an open bottle of wine in my hand, eventually I didn’t spill much, I would wake in the morning with this open bottle, drink the rest and then go to work, that was who I had become, so the smell of sweat and alcohol mixed had to go, I had purchased new bedding, so this was to go.

On top of that I placed the clothes I had been sleeping in, just a tatty tracksuit, a couple of t-shirts and all my worn out underwear and socks, these were the clothes I would lounge about the house in and drink in, like my bedding they had that stale smell of sweat and alcohol mixed, they had to go too. On top of those I added my watch, the fabric strap had the same smell, that had to go with the rest of it.

Then with the box almost full there was one thing left to go in, the last bottle of wine that I had ever purchased, is was only a third full, but it wasn’t going to be drank, this was the plan I had for it all week, to be put in this box and put it away with the rest of my past. I placed it carefully on top of everything else and closed the box. On the box in marker pen, I wrote the date and “This Is Where The Healing Begins”. Then I took the box down into the cellar and placed it with all the other forgotten rubbish we had collected over the years.

The box remains there, five years on.

The Forgotten Box

The Forgotten Box

I honestly don’t remember what prompted me to do this, I cannot remember that actual point that I came up with the idea, it just became a plan that I thought of and put into action. In a way I had to make a symbolic gesture of packing away a part of my life that I didn’t need or want anymore, to make a positive action to say goodbye to the part of me that would lounge around the house drinking, the new me was rising and there was no space in my life anymore for this version of me,it had to be packed away.

I do recall reading a story of a girl in America who gave away a razor blade that she had used to cut herself with to the band Tenth Avenue North, one of their songs had inspired her to quit self harming, so when she met the band she made that gesture, maybe this was what inspired me, I can’t honestly remember, but I knew it was something I had to do.

Four days later, 29th March 2012, I took my last drink, the next morning I woke free, knowing I had made the choice to never drink again, I knew I had the strength now to resist and that I would never have to wake feeling fuzzy ever again, then just a few days later I would walk into the Everyday Champions Church and knew I had found my home.

God had lead me home!

BORN AGAIN by THIRD DAY ft LACEY STURM
Today I found myself
After searching all these years
And the man that I saw, he wasn’t at all who I thought he’d be
I was lost when you found me here
And I was broken beyond repair
Then you came along and you sang your song over me

It feels like I’m born again
It feels like I’m living
For the very first time
For the very first time
In my life

Make a promise to me now
Reassure my heart somehow
That the love that I feel is so much more real than anything
I’ve a feeling in my soul
And I pray that I’m not wrong
That the life I have now, it is only the beginning

It feels like I’m born again
It feels like I’m living
For the very first time
For the very first time
It feels like I’m breathing
It feels like I’m moving
For the very first time
For the very first time

I wasn’t looking for something that was more
Than what I had yesterday
Then you came to me and you gave to me
Life and a love that I’ve never known
That I’ve never felt before

It feels like I’m born again
It feels like I’m living
For the very first time
I’m living for the first time
It feels like I’m breathing
It feels like I’m moving
For the very first time
I’m living for the first time
In my life

Verse of the Day – Psalm 98:1

Psalm 98:1

Psalm 98:1

It’s just over five years since my first prayers to the Lord and almost five years since He gave me the strength to quit drinking, He is my salvation and I am ever thankful for this second chance at life.

WAR IS OVER by KALLEY HEILIGENTHAL & BETHEL MUSIC
The war is over, turn around
Lay your weapons on the ground
The smoke is fading before the light
The dead are coming back to life

He has made a way for us
Born for glory, out of dust
Children held within the arms of peace
He has made a way for all
Mercy waits where sinners falls
He is our victory

The war is over
His love has call
To call us daughetrs and sons
No longer orphans
Whithout a home
We have found where we belong

He has made a way for us
Born for glory, out of dust
Children held within the arms of peace
He has made a way for all
Mercy waits where sinners falls
He is our victory

He has made a way for us
Born for glory, out of dust
Children held within the arms of peace
He has made a way for all
Mercy waits where sinners falls
He is our victory

It is finished
It is done
The blood of Jesus overcomes
It is finished
He has won
He has won