Trust me, I've been there, I've looked, I've searched and I know now, that there are no answers to be found in the bottom of a bottle or on the edge of a blade! Fighting Hard, Recovering, Rebuilding, REBORN. Moving on from addiction to a new life.
Who are we to turn Our backs to all That just do not know The truth that lies in Him Or just what a sacrifice He made upon that cross Are we afraid of the dirt That they carry in their souls For we were once in dirt too As we languished in our sin Yet we have been washed clean Over and over again And we will be again So shed that cloak so proud And offer a hand Regardless of the dirt To lift them from their pit And show them the face of God
I have to say that so far this has been the most awesome Easter Day ever, for me it feels like a day of total redemption.
This coming Tuesday I will be celebrating 4 years sober, which in its self is a massive achievement, that I am both proud of and thankful for the strength of God to make it through this far.
But it was the events that led up to that in the preceding weeks, that are first and foremost in my thoughts following the events of today. Eleven days before that last drink, I found myself wanting to end my own life, to give up on everything, I felt so worthless and was convinced that my family and Victoria would be better off without me. I stood facing the mirror with a knife against my wrist, going through all these thoughts of worthlessness.
Then out of nowhere I heard a voice that said “It’s better that your kids live with who you are now, than what they are going to find!”
I remember seeing a vision of myself dead in a bath of blood and knowing that my six year old daughter would have been the one to come looking and find me. After that I put down the knife.
That started the process of seeking help, praying and discovering God, becoming sober and starting to attend Church.
So today just over four years on from that day I had the amazing experience of Baptising my now 10 year old daughter. Eve asked to be baptised so Victoria asked if I could be in the pool and do the actual baptism, which I am thankful I was able to do.
It was an amazing experience and very emotional, afterwards so many people came up to say that they had shed a tear whilst watching. I am so thankful I got that chance to do this for my daughter, it was an amazing experience for her too. She recorded a testimony video which was shown on the screen, she stated she wanted to be baptised because she wanted to do something that Jesus had done!
Eve – waiting
Eve – baptised
For me this feels like I put aside some of my guilt, my torment of what I did and became, the pain of that day four years ago now seems so distant, as I say, it feels like total redemption. To be able to do this and on Easter Sunday, celebrating Christ’s sacrifice and rising from the dead, is so special.
To top it off, my Mum and Dad attended Church. My Dad is now recovering well from his heart bypass operation, he’s still not able to drive for a few weeks, so my friends from my Connect Group chipped in to collect them and take them home. My Dad stated that he usually only goes to Church for weddings, funerals etc, but I have a feeling that he actually enjoyed it, although I’m not sure he was quite ready for the way we do church, neither of them have ever been to a Church like ours before. Although I’ve got a feeling they will be back, they brought my niece too, who went into Kids Church, she absolutely loved it, so I’ve got a feeling she will want to come back too.
So roll on now Tuesday evening, I have arranged for a number of the guys from Church, who have been amazing supporters on my four year journey to join me for a meal in town to celebrate, it’s going to be a great evening, I can’t wait.
My life may not be perfect, but at the moment it feels amazing.
All because of the sacrifice of the one, the one who conquered death.
MERCY TREE by LACEY STURM On a hill called Calvary Stands an endless mercy tree Every broke and weary soul Find your rest and be made whole
Stripes of blood that stain its frame Shed to wash away our shame From the scars pure love released Salvation brought the mercy tree
In the sky, between two thieves Hung the blameless Prince of Peace Bruised and battered, scarred and scorned Sacred Hands pierced by our thorns
It is finished was his cry The perfect Lamb was crucified The sacrifice, our victory. Our Savior chose the mercy tree
Hope went dark that violent day The whole earth ‘quaked at love’s display Three days silence in the ground This body born for Heaven’s crown
On that bright and glorious day Heaven opened up the grave He’s alive and risen indeed Praise him for the mercy tree
Death has died. Love has won! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Jesus Christ has overcome. He has risen from the dead.
Death has died. Love has won! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Jesus Christ has overcome. He has risen from the dead.
One day soon we’ll see His face And every tear, He’ll wipe a way No more pain or suffering Oh, praise him for the mercy tree
Death has died. Love has won! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Jesus Christ has overcome. He has risen from the dead.
Death has died. Love has won! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Jesus Christ has overcome. He has risen from the dead.
On a hill called Calvary Stands an endless mercy tree
I got back home after karate a few weeks ago to the sound of manic laughter, the whole house was vibrant, that made a change, I usually get back to everybody in separate rooms, with very little interaction.
My partner (so to speak) was in hysterics, waving her phone about in fits of laughter, I couldn’t get a grasp of what was causing the laughter, but I could hear a commotion coming through the kitchen from the back room, then it was all explained.
On the phone was a freshly recorded video of my 11 year old son, trying to eradicate a spider with a balloon, yes you did just read that right a balloon, an inflated rubber balloon!!!
It appears that a spider was spotted by my son walking over the top of the room door, so my son had picked up a balloon in an attempt to squash the spider, he was jumping up swinging the balloon at the spider above the door, as I am only 5 foot 4½ inches tall (yes the half is very important) he is also quite short for his age, so you can image this looks quite a spectacle. He eventually managed to hit the spider with the balloon, which sent the spider into free fall down on to the top of the door architrave, the spider did it’s best to hide there, but my son was still jumping up, still swinging the balloon, still trying to squash the poor spider.
Well as you know my history with spiders (see The Seven Legged Spider), I had to make an amends here, so I stepped in between the frightened, quivering spider and my maniacal son, reached up over the door and this time carefully took hold of the spider, I took it straight to the back door, where I successfully managed to get the spider through the door and into the garden with all eight legs still intact.
I’ve gotta make a stand But I am just a man (I’m not superhuman) My voice will be heard today (Hero by Skillet)
Hopefully, that spider has gone back to the army of seven legged spiders, that have been plotting their revenge over the last few months, proceed to explain how I saved it’s life and all of it’s legs, in turn, gaining me a small amount of redemption and a stay of execution from the impending revenge attack.
