Tag Archives: Relationships

Did I

Did I

Did I steel the screams
From your voice
All the words you wished to say
As another bottle was drained away

Did I take the parts of you
That held me dear
To the places in my deep darkness
Replacing them with hopelessness

Did I put and end to this
Forever behind the stone
Is there One that can roll it away
So love resurrected will be here to stay

Goodbye Too Soon

Goodbye Too Soon

Have we said goodbye too soon
As the twilight hour approaches
Can we not see another sun rise
Because come the morning sun
This world could be so different
What was sleeping
Could surely come alive
Here I hope it can all be rebuilt
Brick by brick upon His foundation
And I will hold to the promise He made
But what ever the new day brings
Whether we are near or far
It’s this I know and I say to you
The Father’s Son says hang on

River’s Flow

River’s Flow

Our rivers have all dried up
Just dust where water flowed
Even tears couldn’t fill the landscape
All we touched is left to die
Nothing grows
Only desolation
Hope is swallowed by endless sands
Alone we walk across the plains
In separate directions from where we began
With every step in endless plains
We walk on
We walk on
No waters flow between us now
No rivers to cross
To meet upon His waters
Not while we look the other way
Still He promises great waters
To wash us both clean
Waters from heaven
That together we may swim
Across the waters we could walk
But here we stand in desolate sands
Our rivers have all dried up
And still we turn our heads
From the One who could end this all
The One who could make rivers flow

Something New

Something New

We could kiss the start of something new
Meet it together under a new moonlight
A light of the stars could illuminate our souls
Together a love beyond this world
This we could do if we see each other’s eyes
Instead of hiding our gaze under pride’s cloak
Is this dead or just in slumber
Are these His wishes for these two hearts
To be torn apart by the poison’s hold
We could try again me and you
And kiss the start of something new

The Bridge

The Bridge

It was me who ran away
And it was me who found themselves lost
Call me home
I long for your comfort
Please call me home

Yet the more I try to make my way home
The more I seem to get lost

It was me that closed the pages
And it was me that turned dry eyes to seas of pain
Call me home
I long for your arms
Please call me home

It was me who split this world in two
And it was me who created the chasm between us

But I’ll build the bridge with all I have
If you will meet me upon it

I dream of a day
We cross together the bridge I make
I pray for a day we are found as one
Upon this bridge of broken souls

Maybe I am finally ready
To give you the best of who I am

Poetry Dump & Prayer Visions

I know that’s not a particularly polite title, but it’s the one I kept coming back too, I tried for something different, but I just returned to “Poetry Dump”, I added the Prayer Vision after I decided to share something I would normally hide!

Yesterday the exhaustion of last week and the lack of sleep at the weekend, after receiving the news of my Nanna’s passing, well it caught up with me and took a big swipe at me.  During the morning, whilst at work, my energy just disappeared, I was spent,  I ached and felt I just had to get out of there.  My Boss gave me the rest of the week off and I return home, a quick salad for dinner and then much needed sleep!!!!

On awaking I picked up my phone and instantly went for the notepad feature, I don’t know why?  I often prepare early drafts of posts or poems on my phone, just as I am now whilst in the bath (sorry if you are now suffering from disturbing visions!), but on there I found a number of poems drafted between mid February and March this year.  I honestly don’t remember writing two of these and vaguely remember writing the third one, which was incidentally the oldest of the three.

I’m not sure without reading my journals from the days they were written where my head was, why or what inspired me to write them, either good or bad, I just don’t know why I wrote them and then abandoned them.

Quite often I don’t connect with the poems I’m trying to write, so I just leave them, if it doesn’t for the most part write itself, it’s not for writing!  Sometimes I return to them and find the words needed to complete them, but these were fairly complete, I added on a verse to “Because You Promise”, the last verse just to finish it, I rearranged or edited the other two, albeit only minor changes, then uploaded them one by one, in other words instead of leaving them abandoned for no one to see, I dumped them on my blog.

Some of my poetry, as I have said before, I don’t really like or connect with, when reading them back I just can’t reconnect with where I was at the time I wrote it.  Others grow on me, especially when my faithful followers find something within the words I fail to see myself, others I love from the beginning, they maybe don’t get the responses some of my other work does, but I feel those words every time I read them back.

I have written a number of poems that haven’t appeared on here, personal words of thank you to friends who have been there for me on my journey over this last year, they are personal and directly written for the recipient, it is theirs now to do with what they wish.

There is one other that remains complete in my rough note book of poems, read only by me, but not for me, for Victoria, will I ever find the courage to pass it on to it’s intended owner, who knows? Maybe?

I prayed for us again last night, I saw a vision of her upside down, I asked God what that meant, why was she upside down, after a brief pause, the image of rotated around slowly until she was upright again.

If I’ve read this vision correctly, I see her world as being upside right now, messed up somewhat, but to wait and God will turn it around, He will stand her back up the right way again, I just have to endure and be patient, hold on to his promise.

I very often write something like this, then erase it, but not today, I’m going to share it with you all.

And all you are you cannot fall
You move the world, you have it  all
You cannot fall, you cannot  fall
Now here we are, going  down, down, down
We can turn this around, it’s who we are
And now  here we are, going down, down, down
Will  we turn this around or fall apart?
And  now here we are, looking down, down, down
We  can turn this around, it’s who we are?
(Who We Are by Evans Blue)

 

Dry Bones

After my hard walk this morning, “Walking Into The Wind” and my cold shower, I felt good and ready for Church, I was refreshed and fully alive.

I got to Church after another mile plus walk, a steady one this time, no mad rush, I met Alex for a chat on the way in, then a chat with a others, including James before taking my seat, yes you know the one, right at the back in the corner.

I was ready to worship, I was ready sing out loud, I was feeling good, well so I thought anyway, the current calm of my life didn’t last for long, I was about to be brought down once again.

I wrote on Friday in my post “Keeping My Head High Amid The Turmoil” about my current issues, the lack of current finances and my relationship status, the money is a problem that is starting to rear it’s head again and is causing a few problems at home to deal with, then the relationship or lack of it is obviously on going and gets to me quite often, both are issues I have prayed continuously about for the last week and indeed before, I had these bases covered, I knew I needed help to address these situations and therefore handed them over to God for his help.

That’s what I thought anyway, until Justin got up and began to talk about Ezekiel 37, 11-14 and how he had felt recently his bones had become dry and he needed God’s help to breathe life back into him.

Ezekiel 37, 11-14
“Then He said to me, “Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. They indeed say, ‘Our bones are dry, our hope is lost, and we ourselves are cut off!’  Therefore prophesy and say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord God: “Behold, O My people, I will open your graves and cause you to come up from your graves, and bring you into the land of Israel.  Then you shall know that I am the Lord, when I have opened your graves, O My people, and brought you up from your graves.  I will put My Spirit in you, and you shall live, and I will place you in your own land. Then you shall know that I, the Lord, have spoken it and performed it,” says the Lord.”

He told us all that God could breathe life into our situations and his first two examples smacked me right in the face, relationships and finances, so okay I thought, this is meant for me, I need to listen.

As his talk on Ezekiel 37 went on I felt like I just wanted to stand up or raise my arm, I needed God to breathe life into my situation, the more it went on the more my insides began to freeze and my body go numb, this has happened many times before, usually when I feel God is telling me to do something, this was no different, maybe just more intense than usual.

When Justin finally asked anyone who felt God had spoken to them today about their situations to stand as he prayed, I jumped up, I certainly had been spoken to and I had been ready to stand for a while.  I knew I had to stand, I knew I had to make that declaration, but as I stood I couldn’t stop the wave of emotion that came over me, once again I found myself crying, I couldn’t control it, I couldn’t keep it all in anymore.

He then asked anyone who needed God to breathe life into their situations to come to the front so everyone could pray for them, again I jumped up and walked to the front and once again I couldn’t control the emotion, the wave upon wave of tears just kept coming as the members of the front row laid their hands on me and the others that had made their way along with me.

I thought I had all this under control, I had been  praying for both issues, I had realised I couldn’t do this alone anymore, I needed help from God to find my way through it all, I was more than willing to admit in front of everyone I needed help, I’ve even written that on here the other day, but why the emotion, why all the uncontrollable tears, I don’t know where they came from, I didn’t feel down at all this morning, I was awake and alive, I was feeling really positive despite it all, I knew there would be breakthrough in time as I trusted in God to come through for me, I still do, what I can’t tell is whether the tears were of joy or sorrow or just simply relief at the feeling that God was moving in my situation, I could feel it inside.

The funny thing was also, I couldn’t stop shaking, as I stood there at the front, trying to sing along with the worship song at the end of the service, my knees felt like they were going to give way, my hands and arms were shaking, I just felt like slumping down to the floor, it took a while for the shaking and numbness to subside.

I had wanted to get away as quick a possible, I had a bit of work to do before I went to Karate, but the service was already running late and I got taking to a number of people, then I got speak with James again, he is a member of the front row at Church as service co-ordinator, so he knew I had been at there, so we discussed my issues in length once again, ironically ending up stood against the same radiator, in the entrance, that we stood at during our first lengthy discussion on my first trip into Church just over a year ago, we had a laugh about that!

I honestly can’t quite put my finger on what was happening today, why the not so much a breakdown, but such an outpouring of emotion, I’ve said many times how emotional I can get, today was not an exception, but usually I can pinpoint why, today I can’t it was just simply raw emotion.

I felt good after my walk and cold shower this morning, I felt positive and I still do, I will pray tonight as usual, similar prayers to what I have said over the last few weeks, that will not change, but my hope has been renewed now, I will certainly pray now in hope rather than despair, what do I have to despair about, God is moving inside, he is there with me, I’m not alone!

I share this song with you today, this song our worship team played whilst I stood there at the front of our Church, the song I sung with everything I had through all the tears and emotion.

I stand to sing Your praises
I stand to testify
For i was dead in my sin
But now I rise
I will rise
As Christ was raised to life
Now in Him
Now in Him
I live
(Beneath The Waters (I Will Rise) by Hillsong Live)